To be concerned about a really girl heavy school class?

[MsFrumble]

My son’s in Reception and has had a decent start. We’re mostly happy with the school, except one thing: his class has six boys and sixteen girls. The other two classes are also girl-heavy, though less extreme. The head acknowledges it’s unusual but won’t mix classes unless big problems arise.

He does play with girls outside school—but realistically as kids get older, friendships often become more single-sex and the pool of potential male friends is small. If there’s a falling out, or if the boys all focus on one thing he’s not into, it could be tricky.

I’m wondering: would other parents be concerned about a big gender imbalance? Has anyone had experience with very girl- or boy-heavy classes, and how did it affect their child?

Most schools have spaces this year, so would it make sense to move him now in case problems crop up later? There’s another nearby school with a great ethos and a more balanced year group, but at the moment he is broadly okay where he is

Typically, the presence of girls has a calming and stabilising influence on boys so there's less likely to be toxicity. They are also usually less disruptive than boys so the classroom environment is likely to be calmer. As a former teacher most teachers will say that a boy-heavy class is much more likely to be a "problem", although there can be a bit of drama in Y5-6.

Take heart, the boys were lovely supporting my DD. I've had all my kids in mixed schools, had the boys in single sex but never ever would I go for a girls school.

My boys all did well academically as did their friends.

DS was in a class of 9 girls and 21 boys in reception. With families moving away and into the area by the time he was in year 6 it had evened out.

My son's class has been majority girls all through primary (class of 30, number of boys has been between 8 and 12). It's been great! No idea if it's specifically due to lots of girls but they're a lovely group and I feel very lucky by how good his primary school experience has been. He's year 6 now and I'm a bit sad to be leaving that bubble.

This is really not the case anymore. Both my DC play with boys and girls I have a DD age 13 and I have an DS age 10. They went/go on play dates etc with both boys and girls.
FWIW my DD I was in a class of only nine, five girls and four boys. They were mixed in with another year group. She never had friendship issues.

My daughter is in high school and her class is 6 girls and 24 boys. It's a massive issue for her. We are in Scotland so you don't just move schools but I have raised this several times as a concern. They mix them up for half the day so it's just a few hours a day of it, but PE has been pretty bad. The flip side is that it's made her VERY, VERY focussed as she hates losing to the boys.

I think it's hugely different to a bunch of 5 year olds though - it will probably smooth out a bit as the years go on and littler kids are easier.

I found at primary the cohort really changes with people moving/leaving. I would wait and see what happens. My child was at a small school with an equal girl/boy split but not many friends to choose from. There were tough times when they annoy each other. Some of them are still great friends a few years on.

I wonder how objective that is? The teacher my DD had in year five and six would tell me how great the girls were DD was being sensitive misunderstanding. It wasn't till a parent governor witnessed their behaviour that the Head backed us in a meeting with the teacher.

My DS was one of four boys in his entire year. No issues what so ever.

In the playground they played with the girls and/or boys from the other year groups to make up a football match (or whatever it was that day).

If you're going to move school for this reason, you are never going to be happy. Trust me, there will be much bigger things to worry about than the split between the sexes as he goes through school! You can't keep moving him for reasons like this. Madness!

Ffs Mumsnet is wild. My child was in a group of one of 3 boys and about 12 girls. Did it affect him? No. Did he fall out with his friends - all kids do - he just played with others - he saw no difference between a girl and a boy - still plays with both now he’s older - can’t believe you would move your child for such a non-reason - talk about upheaval for no reason!!

My youngest DD was in a small village school from Yr 3 - Yr 6.

50 kids across the whole school - she was in a mixed year 3, 4, 5 and 6 class which had a total of 25 children. She was the only girl in her year.

Her main friend was in the year above and she found the younger girls too immature, so when she was in year 6 she was mostly on her own in a year group with five boys. She was absolutely fine.

If there are six boys in his class and others across the year group, he'll have plenty of boys to play with, so if that is your only concern and he is happy there, I wouldn't worry about it!

Really surprised you even know this. I’m amazed how much time people have to be quite this heavily invested in non-issues. Genuinely have zero idea what the gender divide is in my DC’s classes and I’m also not remotely bothered.

How do you propose to change the number of girls vs boys born 5 years ago?!

@whoTFismadelaine He’s got two mums and a little sister, I don’t think he’ll have trouble relating to women on a basic human level.

The whole point of my post is that ideally I’d like him to be in a group with a more even split of boys and girls, precisely so that he can see with his own eyes that there are plenty of different, valid ways to be a boy / man.

With so many girls in his class (and at home) he’s not going to lack in examples of the many and varied ways to be a girl / woman.

My youngest is in year 6; there are 8 boys and 22 girls in his class. He has complained about the imbalance incessantly for years but it has done him no harm that I can see.

Agree to an extent as DS1 is in a boy-heavy year group that has been a nightmare from a behaviour perspective. I really feel for the girls in the class.
However as an individual he is luckily bright and focused so doesn't spend his time staring at the ceiling 🙄

That's actually an interesting consideration. If his life is very girl/women centric I might think twice about this setup. BUT honestly - if you just do scouts or football or other typically boy dominated after school activities you can balance it out yourself. And he'll see more adult men around too (as statistically his teachers are likely to also be women. Not all teachers, I know that! But most)

Well that circumstance does explain why you are keen for him to have more male input. Maybe explaining that this is the only time he gets male rode models/peers would have been useful at the start?

I'm generalising of course- some girls will be very disruptive and some boys will be very calm and focused.

With regards to Y5 and 6, it can be a complicated time for girl friendships. Women's social structures are very complex and Y5/6 is where those structures start to evolve from simple playground relationships, and you start to see girls falling out with each other a lot and sometimes being unkind to one another.

Well yes, my boys (men!) are fine. Academically successful. Relationships are fine with both males and females.
I’m just disheartened.
Boys can’t concentrate.
Boys are less able.
Boys muck around.
Maybe the system that expects children of 4 to sit quietly and focus and learn to write needs changing.

You might find that all the boys out of the three classes play more together than they otherwise would, or you might find that the social dynamic remains more mixed for some of those kids for longer (or always). If there are any boys in one of the other classes they become particularly close to you could potentially ask to move later on but I definitely wouldn't move schools over this. No bad thing for boys to remain on friendly terms with girls as they move towards high school or have crossovers in interests

I'd make sure he's doing some kind of hobby / sport where he has different groups of friends. Then it won't really be an issue. It's important for kids to have different friendship circles anyway. Plus the classes may change as the years go on. It's not something I'd worry about or change if my son was happy at school.

This!! What a drip feed!

You know boys can be friends with girls too, right?

I completely agree with you OP. Girls often stop wanting to play with boys in the later primary years. Which would leave your son with few options, especially if the other classes don’t mix and he hasn’t gelled with his few male classmates.

My son doesn’t even really know the other class in his primary school - everything is segregated by class, it is very odd.

You may be able to request to move to another class next year, I would definitely ask HT what circumstances would permit it. I’d also ask how much boys mix as they move up the school and ask HT if he/she actively considered the social impact on smaller classes of having such a big gender imbalance at age 9-11.

Also bearing in mind your ds may stay put, but his best friend might ask to move class.

My nephew was in this situation in secondary school and he was deeply unhappy for a few years because he had liked being in “a pack of boys” at primary. He still hangs out with his primary friends more than the few boys in his classes at school.