So, how is it actually possible for our adult kids to ever move out of home?

[cateringday]

I’m imagining it’s the same for a lot of people.
two kids 20 and 18, they both actually have £10000 in the bank as an inheritance but can’t see how they would ever get enough for a deposit or pay a mortgage. If they rent then all that money will be gone anyway.

how old are kids leaving home these days

we live in the south east

Usually these days by being in a couple. dinkies they used to be called and work full time

I think your children have different needs and possibly different job trajectories. It is not going to be possible to work part-time in Macdonalds and move out to a nice place, or get a mortgage, in fact, they might struggle even to rent a houseshare, so I think realistically that child will probably be based at home longer and take more time to launch. Your other child is off to uni, and who knows where they will be in three or four years time?

I don't think you are about to be an imminent empty-nester and perhaps you are a bit sad about that. One of my children stayed two years extra at home when everyone else went to uni and it was hard for them, disappointing, but I did try to get them in good routines of sleeping,eating, exercise and applying for jobs so that when any opportunity opened up they could take it.

I think you are worrying about a stage (how will they afford a mortgage) which you have not yet reached and probably is a few years away- I wouldn't be worried about how they will move out yet as they are not adults or at least they are still in the education stage (up til 21/22 ish).

I am all for adult children leaving home, mine won't be living with me in their mid-twenties unless they are ill in some way or need a deposit quickly, I don't want them to be as infantilized as I've seen happen in a lot of families- I know there are some who do a great job of setting their kids up for deposits and the next steps, but I know of several families with adult children now in their late thirties or early forties at home, who have issues with launching which have never been fully addressed because they weren't made to- either financially or seeking medical help or giving them an aspiration for an independent successful life. I am enjoying my semi empty nest already with them away at university and I don't intend to have them living here indefinitely throughout their twenties, even if rents are high.

I'm from the south east originally and rented after graduating, either with a partner or on my own in a house share. I was 30 before I managed to save a suitable deposit but I don't see the renting years as a waste as I got to live more central to London and as nice as my parents are I wanted to live with my partner as a couple. I don't think these days you can afford to buy in the SE without two incomes and two people saving the deposit. Or parental help.

I don’t know a single person who moved into a house share. Why do people on this thread think we all did it?

Your post is ridiculous how do adult children move out? Everyone: They work full time, save and move out. Op: oh my adult kids don't work 🙈

In the past, most people moved out and rented for some time, I'm not sure why they're now expected to buy their own place at 18.

Is your frustration that you feel your mum should cut the cruises and help your children buy a home ?

Okay yes sorry

I’m not expecting that

Everyone I know did. Even the rich kids. And this wasn’t ancient times, it was 2005 onwards.

Sounds like she has a lot of challenges but she's also still so young. Our nextdoor neighbours still have 3 of their kids living at home but those kids are my age. At that point these men with jobs are just enjoying being pampered and their mum looks knackered.

At 18 and with supportive parents and a work ethic this won't be forever. Can she apply for call centers? Look on all the job sites and apply for things further away? Pay for travel.if necessary? I don't know what's around local to you but over time she's going to be ok and find her way. She has you on her corner and you clearly care a lot. But you have to realize she has massive advantages and over the next few years things are going to change.

Is it worth her trying a course that's more 'taughy' and towards a profession? Accounting maybe? Perimenopause is stopping me accessing the word for a course directly to a profession. Nursing, occupational therapy. Optometry, orthopedic etc etc

Just that she has had a pretty easy life

I will put my hand up here. I am just 50 DS is nearly 22 DD is 19. DS is living with his GF in his last year of a masters and is doing a ( funded) PHD next year. DD is 19 on a gap year with a job and a place at University. I feel quite free....

I work with a 24 year old who has severe ADHD and she works part time, shares a house with a friend and gets UC top up. This is SW so not as expensive as the SE but it's not Sunderland or Stoke on Trent prices either. It is doable to move out this way - but not to buy a home with a mortgage.

If they save £200 a week so £800 a month that just under £10k in a year. Do that for 4/5trs and have a £50k deposit

they need to get used to paying /losing most of salary as they will once live on own and pay rent /mortgage and bills

all the time they are with you and either paying lo rent to you or no rent - then the save save save

that’s how I got my deposit - my parents said to pay £60 rent (this was 30yrs ago) and I saved and put away money each week an had a £15k deposit

my then bf (an eventually dh) and I didn’t live together for think 7yrs - met at almost 19 and we brought our home at 26

obv prices are higher but so was wages. I earn more a day now then i earnt in a week when we bought our house

Thank you for your kindness. I’m actually getting a bit upset reading these for some reason.
yes I think your idea is good and that we should start encouraging perhaps a vocational degree or training.

I also don't know anyone who was working and did it in the mid-2000s. Didn't need to. I rented a flat in Bath in 2008 for £475 a month. You could still get 100% and even 110% mortgages in 2006/2007.
(As we all know these were not the brightest idea...)

So youre happy for them to rent, but they can't because one is at uni and the other doesn't have a job? I don't understand what you think their struggle is, no one can rent if they dont have an income, irrelevant of age.

I have a theory about the April 2027 private pension rules. From then on, your pension will count as part of your estate for calculating inheritance tax, which is 40%. The levels at which IHT comes into effect are not being increased.

There is one particular loophole that is notably being left alone - the monthly income you provide to your kids, even if they’re adults.

I think the government is anticipating a flood of ageing parents liquidating their previously tax-free nest eggs to give their offspring ongoing financial support.

First post??? Talking about what happened 30 year ago

Totally irrelevant

I appreciate your situation OP is nuanced, and lots of people will have different situations.
however I do think that on average, a 22-25 year old , should really be looking to move out of their parental home. Full time minimum wage is £25000 per annum, which after Tax and NI is £21500 take home, which is £1700/month rounding down to take into account pension contributions. Looking on SpareRoom, you can get a nice central room in a flat in Edinburgh (not a cheap city!) for between £600-£800/month which in many cases includes bills. Which leaves approximately £1000/month for living costs. I am sure that you could save a reasonable amount of that if you really wanted to. Or you can blow it all on partying and drink like I did at 22 :)

Kids now expect to work less and have more.

I am 38 and when I worked from age 13 when I got my first paper round. Most of my friends worked too, and everyone had a job or even 2-3 through uni.

The amount of people at uni who don’t have a job now is just staggering.

Then we lived in grotty house shares. I lived in a caravan for 2 years whilst saving for a house. And no one expected to move out of mum and dads into a similar standard house age 23.

I think some people are getting frustrated with this post and I apologise. Perhaps I wasn’t really clear about my worries . I do worry for the autistic one, I was wondering about other people’s adult kids and how they managed.

I think the first step is to try to get your child that dropped out of uni some work, life skills, volunteering and so forth whilst they are still in your house- so working towards independence rather than achieving it all in one fell swoop. The more they are equipped to be independent, in terms of managing their budget, knowing how much food costs, keeping to a schedule for work and so on, the more likely it is they will succeed when they finally get a chance to fly the nest.

I think the extremes on here- so either throw them out at 18 as they are an adult, or keep them at home with you for ever and as long as they want are strange- in real life, I see people scaffolding their children towards independence, some go quicker than others, some have more health or MH challenges and that takes work, but people do live independently even with issues (e.g. are on UC) and getting someone to start believing in themselves, their abilities and that they will be able to cope (as dropping out of uni makes them feel bad about themselves and like a failure). Your child needs some 'wins' somewhere, either in managing the household, or getting a part-time or voluntary job, building a CV and generally being perceived as a successful young person who is going places even if they aren't there yet. You can do a lot of this work now, don't despair- start working with them on cooking skills in anticipation where they might be in a couple of years time or help them get an internship somewhere with a friend, or work doing gardening and setitng them up on NextDoor- you need small wins before big wins in these situations.

Agree. DEgrees now are often not worth the cost if it's mainly about employment. It's not always the case, but you have to have a clear sense of what your goal is.

In IT, it's very common for people to not have a related, or sometimes any, degree.

There are other certifications you can get, some free or inexpensive, that can be a good addition to a resume. Learning new commonly used software can also be a good plan.

For someone who likes working with computers there are areas that are not so easy to move to AI or offshore. The physical repairing, laying wires, etc. Maybe cybersecurity.

Actually, OP - what about the military, for cyber security?