So, how is it actually possible for our adult kids to ever move out of home?

[cateringday]

I’m imagining it’s the same for a lot of people.
two kids 20 and 18, they both actually have £10000 in the bank as an inheritance but can’t see how they would ever get enough for a deposit or pay a mortgage. If they rent then all that money will be gone anyway.

how old are kids leaving home these days

we live in the south east

They get a job, any job and they put their back into it. None of this “I only work my contracted hours” crap. They work hard and get noticed. And as an employer, we absolutely DO notice who gives a damn and who doesn’t. And no, that does not mean hours and hours of unpaid labour, it means if the shit hits the fan, they put their hand up to help. It matters.
They get a small bump in pay and that enables them to rent a shitty room. They continue to work hard, get a bigger pay rise, rent a slightly less shitty flat. Start saving. Change jobs but keep working hard….and so it goes. Eventually they buy the house, probably reduce their hours, have dc of their own and the cycle starts again.

We have one adult son living at home and tbh, we're all quite happy, even though he could easily afford to move. What's more, I know others in the same situation. Are we becoming more continental in our approach, where its quite normal for adult children to live with their parents until they find a partner?

My nieces are 18 and 20 and they live at home. But they both have full time jobs, after working part time from 16 at the local supermarket. One has two jobs, she's a TA and has a part time nannying job for a family with SEN children. The other will start her full time job with a budget airline as ground crew later this year. She only applied with one airline, and a couple from her course did the same and have also got jobs.

It'll take them a bit of time but they'll have deposits saved up in a few years and I think will have both moved out with a mortgage by 25. One has a boyfriend on a management scheme at another local supermarket, which will help as they'll have two incomes. I know this is anecdotal, but my experience of my nieces and their friendship groups is that those who are driven can find the jobs. If your children can't get any jobs, then they need to ensure they are competently filling out applications and help them get the skills to do this if they want. DH works in a large retailer and is struggling to get decent applicants for roles and struggling even more to find existing employees who want to step up into management roles and progress their careers, and often has to externally hire for management even though their strong preference is to promote. He'd happily hire or at least interview an 18 or 20 year old who was keen and showed an interest and excitement for the role (admittedly it pays just above minimum wage, but there are bonus, commission and progression opportunities once you're in).

We are in the North though, but I stayed in my uni town after graduating as that's where the jobs were, so I live a couple of hours from my parents and I bought my flat there in 2012 at 22. Ironically, that flat is now worth less than I bought it for and so is actually more affordable to current 22 year olds than it was to me - albeit no one will buy it so it's currently let.

👏👏👏👏

You have my sympathies, OP. I don't know how you've had the patience to stick with this thread, frankly. Page after page of abysmally clueless, out of touch responses.

It’s no longer that simple in the SE (or South generally.) If rental agents eg spareroom.com think your child is a risk because their salary is a
bit borderline or not completely PAYE (for example a zero hours contract) they will ask for a guarantor. This will be you, the parent. They aren’t very interested in how much your child has in savings. It’s all about guaranteed salary. They use credit rating companies and call the shots. But with property values in the SE
flatlining or falling, buying a property isn’t that attractive either.

While rent is through the roof (pun intended) in many areas, it's difficult. However it's also about expectations. Flats and rooms in houses I rented when younger were quite basic and rough but lived happily in them. It seems now young people aren't willing to rough it and will only settle for the expensive ones?

Just a thought, as there are places to move out to but not desirable.

This. It happens slowly and in stages with perseverance.

Dd went to uni at 18. Moved in with her fiancé she 23, at 24 they bought their first flat after renting as they had saved a deposit.

I moved out at 18 - necessary due to a volatile home environment. I could barely afford food or electricity (the electricity was on a pound meter and often ran out.) I lived in the same town, but my parents never asked how I was, if I was ok financially or gave me any advice. I spent 20 years renting, with often insecure housing, having to move quite often. I finally managed to buy a house at 38, a few years ago.

The very fact your children each have £10k each in the bank and you are concerned about them means they will no doubt be fine. I would suggest they save another £10k each asap living at home, get a £20k job (if possible), get a mortgage for £80k + £20k deposit and buy a house/ apartment somewhere cheap in the UK where houses are £100k (doable.) They can then rent it out and already have an asset by early 20s.

If they move out, perhaps they can rent somewhere as cheap as possible, i.e. a house boat/ or cheaper area. Give them financial advice, lend them a bit of money if needed, (that they repay,) and help them to build assets. They will be well on their way! I wish I had had this kind of advice and support.

Do they? I’m 30 and everyone I know has rented a flat share first… including friends in their 20s still. I don’t know anyone who stayed home and then bought

Or on my friends case both. She didn't stick around I think it depends on living situation. If an adult child is still sharing a bedroom with younger sibling they tend to make more effort to move out. Same with those whose parents/s maybe be ilon benefits and the govt expects them to contribute and removes a certain amount of the parents benefits

They get a job and rent

Mine are 37 & 30 & still live at home. Renting or buying on their own is impossible

Sounds like you’ve done a huge shift as a parent and need a little respite. You’re doing amazingly. Your kids are doing well. One has been working since aged 13. One is volunteering three days a week and applying for jobs. We’re at a huge crossroads in society but change, while it means uncertainty, can also mean opportunity.
I’m an employer. Most of my staff are under 25. They are great. One started with us an apprentice and is still with us. One is a graduate. One is a refugee on a 3 year visa. Two are part-time at uni. One is a full stack developer who came from Europe and we’ve just put him through a graduate apprenticeship. So there is hope. However, with the rise in employers’ costs, and the new workers’ rights bill, the risk of employing young, inexperienced workers is much higher now than it was. This government really hasn’t done young people any favours.
I have 3 kids. They all left home aged 18 (one came back for a year). This is how they did it. Oldest went to uni in a city 3 hours drive away. Worked on the fish counter of a supermarket- job nobody else wanted. It got her so many opportunities. She did a fishmongering course, she did a butchery course. She did extracurricular Mandarin at uni -basically took every opportunity that came her way to gain experience. She persuaded her employer (basically badgered HR in central office) to facilitate a summer placement with a partner supermarket in China. It was a very loose arrangement. There was no pay and no visa. She had to organise this. She saved to fund it. It hadn’t been done before so she had to make it up. She was absolutely clueless. But it was the biggest adventure and gave her lots of life skills. She was petrified but it made her feel she could do anything. When she graduated and applied for a graduate training job, she stood out. Got the job. Is thriving and has worked her way into a management position. She bought her little house 5 years ago with a 95% mortgage and a bit of help from us.
Number 2 scraped a science degree at a good uni. Came home. Worked in a dead end job for a year. Lived at home. Saved. Took himself off to Australia. Knew no one. Lived in hostels. Got casual jobs. Now working for a company that gave him one of the casual jobs. Rents with his girlfriend. Is on a good salary. Loves the outdoor lifestyle. He is now sponsored by the company and is going for permanent residency. Again he had to make it up as he went on.
Youngest was a uni in covid. Rubbish time. Hooked up with five girls from school. Worked shifts in a conference centre and then Covid vaccine centre. They all rented together and are v close. They all still support each other and various combinations of friends have lived together in various cities ever since. Youngest DC did a vocational training after her degree. Four years of pretty stressful exams plus long hours in the job but she’s now qualified, in a profession and renting with her boyfriend.
They’ve all been super lucky and I know it’s not the same for everyone but they all worked hard from a young age in multiple low paid jobs that were not glamorous or sought after. That says a lot about motivation to any future employer. They are all paying off student loans. Rent is sometimes more than half their salary. But gradually they are earning more.
It sounds like your youngest will launch from uni. I’d recommend living away from home if s/he can. It will really help with budgeting, sharing, taking responsibility for him/herself. Plus it’s a lot of fun.
I’d persuade the oldest to look at learning how to deploy AI as she’s been coding from a young age. Coding jobs are going. AI is here to stay. There is a lot of rubbish talked about AI but it is a great productivity tool. The more she learns about this, the more employable she will be. Look at some of the free courses online from MIT etc. contact local employers and ask what experience she would need to get paid employment in this area. I’ve taken on employees who have submitted their C.V. on spec and have asked for it to be kept on file. So do that too.
As I’ve said before, AI won’t take your job. Somebody who knows how to deploy AI effectively will take your job.
I’d also suggest looking at the kind of jobs others often resist such as - care home jobs. These can be fulfilling, rewarding and teach great life skills. Plus, unlike volunteering in a charity shop, they pay.
Just hang in there for a couple more years and do everything you can to build their independence. Good luck.

Neither of my two in their 20s live in my home anymore. One lives in an hmo. The other in student digs, after that they will also live in shared rented accommodation (for work reasons, no suitable jobs here)

The additional problem that's probably unique to London is that cheaper rents are in the outer zones and fares from therr to the centre are eye watering. Even if you don’t go into an office in the centre if town every day, a sizeable chunk of your salary is going on just getting to work. And if you get a decent pay rise and are a graduate, your student loan repayments kick in. The cheap, informal rental places that existed when we were young are largely gone and so are the financial breaks. When I was the age my youngest is now we had cheap tube fares and a very cheap rent in a totally awful flat so were able to save quickly for somewhere of our own, which then gained quickly in value.

OMG the thought of my three girls still being at home into their 30' s fills me with horror. Currently they are 18 20 and 23. Ill probably hand over my pension lump sum to the oldest and send her on her way. The youngest is off to Uni in September so Im having her wardrobe. Failing that I'll move out.

Ds1 went to uni and never came back, halls 1st year, house share for the 2nd year and 3rd year til now moved in with his now husband, first they rented their tiny house and eventually they bought it. They will upsize in the next year or so. He is 27

dd did 2 foundation years and never came back, she flat shares in Clapham. She wants to rent a smaller place slightly further out next year by herself. She is 24

ds2 lives at home and i think he will be here for a few years at least. He is 22

they all earn about 29k

1. live in the north
2. open a LISA
3. work hard
4. living rent free with parents fir a while.

That is how mine are doing it. Obviously not possible for everyone.

Have you checked out the real world recently?

This still applies.

The only difference is that most young people now won’t do the following:

• work hard
• live in conditions lower than what their parents do

Thats what holds them back.

My adult DS saved a deposit and I helped him by gifting him money too and he finally moved out at 26 by moving up North where he had friends and found himself a new job and could afford to buy there. He also took a £10k a year pay cut but cost of living was cheaper in North so he could still afford mortgage, bills, food and a little left to socialise too.

This is just ageist nonsense. Where is your evidence that young people don't work hard? Mumsnet is full of people talking about ageism any time anyone mentions boomers. But sure, just slate young people without any grounds for doing so.

@bigboykitty because MNs is not a young forum although god knows why so many posters think so little of their dc & gc!

How many times do you hear the phrase "work life balance". They expect that in their first job.

It was never the case in the past. It wasn't until you were approaching retirement thar it applied.