So, how is it actually possible for our adult kids to ever move out of home?

[cateringday]

I’m imagining it’s the same for a lot of people.
two kids 20 and 18, they both actually have £10000 in the bank as an inheritance but can’t see how they would ever get enough for a deposit or pay a mortgage. If they rent then all that money will be gone anyway.

how old are kids leaving home these days

we live in the south east

I'm 46, and not a single person I know in my home country left their parents' house to live in a place they bought.
We all rented for years. As soon as we had a permanent job, we were out of there, to live in a studio flat, what mattered was to be OUT and independant.

I don't know why leaving your parents is so contingent on buying a house in the UK (I'm not British) but my god I'm so happy I chose to remain childfree.

There is always a way.

My dniece has just bought a 2 up 2 down with her fiance. £10,000 each deposit.
It needs redecorating throughout, having belonged to an old lady, and it will need a new kitchen & bathroom at some point but it's warm and perfectly habitable.
They plan to do it up gradually together. In west Hampshire

Your job as their parent is to encourage them to take on adult responsibilities. Don't catastrophe for them.

It's interesting because I always had a portfolio for interviews - I was quite shy but the portfolio spoke for itself and started talking points, plus you were standing side-by-side with the interviewer so not as intimidating. I never really thought about this until (as an older person going back to MW jobs) I felt really nervous - you're so exposed opposite an interviewer!

Neither my son or daughter came back to live at home after university, they both got jobs near where they had studied. My daughter first lived in a room in a shared house then moved to a small rented house nearer to her office. In order to afford the rent and bills she let out the second bedroom. She moved a few times for various reasons but always sharing until she decided at age 28 that she wanted to save for a mortgage so she moved to a one bedroom flat in a rather run down area which was very cheap. By this time she was earning a good salary and after two years she bought her first house, a small terraced house on a main road, again in a cheap area. She lived there on her own until she met her partner and they bought a decent size family house together. This was all done with no financial help from family although I did pay for a new kitchen in the terraced house.

My son followed a similar pattern, rented cheap properties, lived in house shares etc until he saved enough to buy an ex council house. He lived there while doing some renovations until he moved into his partners house and let out the one he bought.

They both left university about 8 years ago so I know that house prices are dearer than now but then salaries were lower in general. They saved the deposits by renting cheap properties in cheap areas and making sacrifices such as no exotic holidays, old cards, second hand furniture etc. Don’t get me wrong, they still had great social lives and hobbies, my daughter bought her first horse immediately after university and had had one or even two ever since.

Im very proud of their efforts and admire them both for achieving what they have. It’s a contrast to my nephew who at age 22 earns a good salary ( well I think over £45k is good at his age) with no student debts as he did not got to university but did a graduate apprenticeship instead. He lives at home and has only just started paying a token rent to his parents.He pays no household bills, all food is provided but he seems to spend most of his salary on clothes, holidays and a leased flash car! He is a delightful boy and I love him to bits but I can’t see him being able to buy anywhere without help from his parents unless he changes his lifestyle choices.

So I think some youngsters in decent jobs could strive to buy a house and move away from their parents if they really want to and are willing to make some sacrifices for a few years. Obviously it’s easier to achieve this if they have a partner to live with but still possible as a single person. Living in an area with cheaper housing will help, my son had to move from a nice flat with a concierge overlooking the Manchester Ship Canal to a rather grotty little flat near a business part in a Lancashire town! He would have loved to live in London where he would have the pick of jobs in his field but knew that he could not afford to do that so the NW became his home.

I bought a 2 bed maisonette by myself three years after I graduated.
But, it had no heating. It had the original plywood, bright yellow 1950s kitchen, and 1970s swirly brown carpet. An aerosoled gold bedroom ceiling. On the plus side it had double glazing.

I slept on a second hand sofa the first two months Bought a bed in month 3. Milk lived on the outside window sill until I bought a fridge in month 4. By the end of the year I had bed, sofa, fridge, microwave, tv, a gas fire and a cd player.
Year two I bought a drill & a jig saw and installed my own kitchen 😁

for your child with autism who is good at programming I highly recommend applying to GCHQ. They are fantastic at interviewing, employing and nurturing neurodivergent talent. They do a software engineering apprenticeship role, among others.

Ds 25 bought a house last year with his fiancée. They lived with her mum for 9 months and saved like mad. They both also had the first time buyer isa thing that they put bits into. Ds opened his with his government child trust money. They did have to take a 40 year mortgage though but they hope to change that when they remortgage. They bought in a cheap area of Suffolk.

They have a good start with £10000 each towards a deposit. I think the only way young adults can add to that these days is to save more while living cheaply/for nothing at home if parents can afford this. For me though I would want a clear agreement that they were actually saving. If poor with money I would take 'board' off them and save it or half if it for them. If this is not affordable it is very hard for young people these days.

You're confusing 'being able to buy their own home' and 'being able to move out'.

Most people I know moved out at 18 (or at least didn't go back after graduation, for those who went to uni), and did so by living in house shares or choosing cheap areas or taking a second job. Your children are presumably capable of doing all these things, so they can move out.

Yes, if they rent and use their savings to pay for it then that money would already be gone, but then.... don't do that? Most people don't have that option at 18 anyway.

And as for mortgages - well, yes. It's fucked and harder than ever for young people. The avergae first time buyer in the UK is in their 30s though, so they're actually well ahead of others their age with a big chunk towards a deposit already in the bank. They'll have to do like everyone else otherwise, though - compromise on where they live to save money (either at home, if an option, or cheap house share if not), save hard, utilise lifetime ISAs, etc.

They can move to somewhere they can afford, probably in the north. Or get really high paying jobs in the south.

That is not true. The ambitious may leave for new opportunities but the average person has lost the work ethic.

The system is terribly flawed but we need to return to a time where effort is rewarded. It is a two way street between employee and employer.

DD is 27 and has been saving since forever and has a decent house deposit - however not enough actual salary to buy a house solo here, she could relocate and easily do this but prefers not to. Her younger siblings also opt to save rather than spend, but being younger obviously have less. We do live in an expensive area so I'm not expecting them to buy locally unless they have a partner to help afford, but if push came to shove I'm sure they would.

My grandchildren did it by working, having a working partner, and a bit of help from the bank of Nan. 😉

But, this is in a London suburb so homes are expensive.

I would be actively planning with your older dd what types of jobs she's interested in and how to get there. It's good she has the work ethic and get up and go to volunteer, but that's unlikely to take her too many places long-term. I'd be looking at taking temp work in the NHS, admin, things like that to get a foot in the door, same with universities, it's hard to get in but once in you often do get opportunities that are not visible from outside. Would she be ok in an office? Working semi on her own? Try to think about what type of work she would be good at and look at apprenticeships or internships in those fields. If she just applies for local retail jobs it's too competitive and she doesn't have much experience, plus where's it going to lead her. She almost needs mentoring at this stage to find a pathway through.

yeah and I can tell you there's even less studio flats on the market than there are 1 beds for £150k!!
Borrowing 4.5 times your salary on a single income is a very bold/foolish move IMO.

I'm in the South-East and can't afford to move out as I'm single. I earn £35k but with my student loans my take-home salary doesn't pass the affordability checks for private renting or shared ownership. Every one of my friends who has moved out is both in a relationship AND has/their partner has received thousands of pounds in help from parents/grandparents. I'm just building my deposit up in the meantime and enjoying the quality time with my parents (they're more than happy for me to be at home thankfully and I'd rather pay them rent then pay off a landlord's mortgage - not that I can afford the price of private rent).

In which case, they should be able to add plenty to their 10k house deposit once they're working.

Also if she's into coding I'd suggest looking for unpaid internships. It's no different from the volunteering in that both add skills to cv and neither earn them money. At least with an internship she'd be making use of and building on her skills and making professional contacts, as well as potentially getting her foot in the door should a paid role become available in future - it's often about who you know.

4.5 times is pretty standard and deemed a safe estimate for affordability. It's not foolish.

Both my DC had PT jobs and were earning at 15 while still at school, DC2 in hospitality, DC1 with a family member.

Neither wanted to go to uni at the time of leaving school feeling it wasn't for them.

DC1 went on to work for a large company and progressed quickly in their chosen career, picking up more qualifications via them doing day release at uni leading to a good wage and purchased a house at 26.

DC2 was offered a full time job a started at the bottom working their way up ro a good wage and purchased their first property at 25.

Its natural to worry about lot about a neurodivese teenager. I believe its about 2 years below the age that you are if autistic..ie my 11 year old is a bit more like a 9 year old.

So try not to panic now. In a few yesrs your daughter will find her way. Volunteering is great and impressive she is doing it when she struggles socially

DS now 28 bought his own home 3 years ago, he didn't have inheritance and we only gave him £10k towards deposit, the house does need some work but he/we are in the trade so that wasn't an issue BUT he had saved and worked from 16, his moto was/is spend 20% save the rest, he did live at home and wasn't charged rent.
He does have AuDHD, didn't go to uni ( he didn't want to) and is very fixed view almost like he's on a mission when he wants something.
We are in the SW, not cheap.

Not really. Live in the SE etc and stamp duty is a real factor, hitting you each time you move. It makes much more sense to try to save enough to buy a place that you can live in for a good few years.

I’m in the south east and my son who is 23 is managing to put a big chunk of savings away each month towards a deposit.
He got an apprenticeship at 17 and qualified last year as an electrician, he brings home around £4000/£5000 per month.
I am pleased he went down that route because he has friends that graduated from university last year that are still working in Tesco while applying for the jobs they want.
He put out an advertisement looking for a school leaver to be his apprentice last week and hundreds of people applied.

I really don't think that is true.

If I look at a lot of my friends' children who are the age of the OP's child or a bit older, they work really hard. They are very aware that it's a tough old world out there and they push themselves. Recently I was working with young lads who had not got much by way of academic ability or qualifications (often autistic, but by the sound of it less able than the OP's child), and they were very aware they needed to put in a lot of effort because there were few jobs going.

I don't think it's that people have lost a work ethic. But companies can afford to be choosy - no one in their right mind is going to look at a woman in her 40s who's got ten years of experience cleaning houses and say 'ooh, let's take on the 19-year-old who is really looking to get into coding, shall we?' For the same reason your local Tesco probably prefers a nice middle-aged woman who's worked on the tills before, to your university-graduate child who is hoping to move on in six months time.

It is genuinely hard at the moment.