To have said I won't be having grandson anymore?

[Fireplays]

My ds is 16 and teen years have been really difficult tbh with his behaviour and school attendance and just general attitude to everyone. He smokes weed and vapes and went completely off the rails, he was brought home by police a few times etc and as you can imagine it was an extremely stressful time.

He failed all his GCSEs, did he care? Nope. He currently goes to college but is on his last warning for attendance as he just wont get up in the morning.

He has a gf and she gave birth to their baby in June last year so he's now 8 months, considering she was heavily pregnant she did do well in her GCSEs and started a apprenticeship in January this year. I don't know what she sees in him tbh.

Before her apprenticeship started she asked me if I would have grandson 2 days a week and her mum has him the other days. I agreed and I usually pick him up at about 8:30 and have him all day I give him a bath here and get him ready for bed and usually drop him off at about 6. I also have him the odd afternoon if I can if her mum has somewhere to be as she also has younger children so it could be an appointment or whatever for them.

My son is at college (or supposed to be) during this time but even when he's home he doesn't do much for baby as “his gf asked me to babysit not him”.

The other day he came home from wherever and went to work on his motorbike.
I've told him today that if he gets kicked off his course then I won't be having grandson anymore and it'll be up to him to care for him and he flipped it back on me and accused me of not wanting to spend time with dgs and called me cruel etc and told his gf so now she's messaging me too

Was I really in the wrong?

Don’t you love your grandson? Why punish him and his mum just because you’re annoyed with your son.

Being realistic the chances are your son and this girl will not live happily ever after.

Being a father at 16 is ridiculous really. He's a child. as he 15 when she conceived? He's very immature and one slip up has changed his life forever.

You need to find out where he gets his money.

I can't get my head around how you don't ask and don't seem concerned.

If you're not giving him money how is he running a moped (he isn't old enough for a motorbike) and buying drugs?

Can you not join the dots?
Or are you ignoring the obvious?

why are you guilt tripping OP for her son's errors and behaviour? She's not punishing her grandson! He's a baby. How can he be punished?

Exactly. Well said.

Well by forcing the mum to spend all of her money on nursery, or drop out of her apprentice, because she’s withdrawing childcare because she doesn’t like how she raised her son isn’t exactly good?

Don’t weaponise your DGD. Obviously if you don’t want to have him, that’s fine. But don’t stop because you’re sick of your DS. He’ll not change and it will put pressure on your son’s girlfriend and then mum of your DGC. To be honest, I’d be seriously considering asking your son to leave, whilst continuing to support his GF and DGS. Also, I think your OP said your DH bought him a bike. I’d be having a very serious conversation with your husband about how you support your son. Not like that would be a starting point.

You make it sound like it's all his fault that she got pregnant.

Cruel remark about the OPs parenting.

I would continue to help out with your grandson if you are able, in order to give him the best life chances possible. A mum who has finished her course and a positive relationship with an involved grandparent will help him a lot in the long run. As others have said, helping also ensures you maintain a position relationship with his mum so that you can hopefully maintain contact with your grandson regardless of what happens with your son.

I am sorry to hear about the problems with your son, but I don’t think you should try to punish his through his child. It won’t work and will only hurt your grandson in the end.

Your son needs to feel the consequences of his selfish, spoilt brat behaviour...not the baby or babys mother. Keep helping if u can.
You are very tolerant of your son. Id be giving him a mahoosive boot up his lazy backside if I were you.

I think it’s more the tough truth.

She says a lot about how her son is now, but not how he ended up this way. He didn’t wake up one day lazy, entitled and spoiled, did he?

But these are the dilemmas many parents face. My parents or in laws provided no childcare at all, my child goes to nursery so that I can work, using funded hours. She works 3 days a week and is caring for her grandchild the other 2 work days, that is a lot to expect of grandparent regardless of the age of the parent. She is also housing all 3 of them. It is OK for her to say this isn't sustainable or fair. However I personally would not withdraw this for the reasons given, he clearly isn't going to step up so I would continue to support the mother and child if I felt able to do so and it wasn't impacting my health. I just think it should not be expected or demanded

No, not really wrong, although maybe you have approached it better.

By the way, this would be easier you wrote it out completely, including articles and clarification. For instance, I'm wondering what "having" means.

Please carry on looking after your grandson and helping the girlfriend, as she will see sense, the more educated she becomes and dump your son and you may not get to see your grandson if you have alienated yourself from her. You both seem nice, decent people who both love the baby, just separate her from your son and carry on supporting her.
Your son is very young still and seems young for his age, he could very well do a big turnaround and start a job and work his way up.
Good luck, life can be hard at times

The other mother does three days of childcare.

I just think OP has quite a large role in this, which she wants to overlook.

Just echoing the responses - you are doing this for dgc and his mum.... and you. Your DS is unable/unwilling to step up
Id let the gf know that you will always support her and dgc, even if/when she splits from your son. Two days is a lot but will mean the world to everyone (even your own son, one day). Enjoy these precious early years.

We don't know the OP or her son.

You can't decide something just by what you read on here.

Some children/teens have minds of their own and it's not to do with how they are bought up.
It takes two to make a baby too.

Yes, she’s the parent. She chose to have a child as a teenager.

I don't allow ds to do drugs in the house and he doesn't, he usually just comes back smelling of weed (his clothes etc) and we make him go have a shower and get changed straight away. He doesn't really disappear randomly, he does go out during the day when bed meant to be at college but he doesn't at night or weekends, he only goes out at weekends if he's with his gf or us and only at night if his gf asks him to go and get sweets/nappies/something from the shop.

He's not seen a gp for his tiredness, I fully believe he won't go but he also doesn't seem to eat a lot during the day really, he just drinks energy drinks (his gf usually gets them one each).

Did she force the woman to get pregnant? Have the baby? No. She also didn't force her to have a baby with a useless boy. She made her choices. Op didn't. Not OP's responsibility unless she asked them to give her a grandchild.

Some people are very short on personal responsibility.

Then surely OP isn't a suitable caregiver of another young boy? /s

Precisely.
OP has already done loads for all of them - girlfriend, son and grandson. As much as she loves her grandson, we can all agree that looking after a baby is hard work. OP works 3 days, looks after a baby 2 full days and the rest of the time- probably after the house, shopping, cleaning and cooking for everyone. It's a lot. Her son definitely needs to feel some consequences but agreed, he is not fit or safe to care for a baby, so OP I would continue doing it with your husband's help. You are in an impossible position and I feel for you. I hope the GF at least appreciates you.

He goes out where, instead of college?

He comes back from where, smelling of weed?

He gets money from where?

I'm astonished at your passivity.

"Oh no I can't take the motorbike away because he has access to the keys" well then just... take the fucking keys as well?? This is not difficult

I couldn't help thinking, reading this thread, was I that delinquent teenager? 😁I guees I was smoking weed hash when I was 16. A very long time ago. But I had a job and paid for it with my own money. And fortunately, I've always thought, I didn't get into motorbikes until I was 25.

Ignore the nay-sayers, OP, you've done much already.

You might want to tell your son it's not babysitting when it's your own child, it's called parenting, perhaps he should try it sometime.

I can tell why you're at your witts end with him, but you're a good person, and you should continue to look after your grandson those two days a week, as his father is not a capable parent sadly.