Have you ever had a friend that you just never heard from again?

[BeBusyBird]

No big fallout. No dramatic ending. Just one day they stopped reaching out, didn’t respond to your calls/texts and that was it. Did you ever find out why? Did you try to reconnect or did you let it go?

Yes, my oldest friend did this. Friends since high school and now early 50s. She stopped replying just before Covid, she’d done this for a few periods over the years but this time seems permanent. I messaged her son to ask to say Hi and he said he would. Nothing. No row or anything but 40 years friendship just gone.

Got to be honest, I was wondering about this. Unfriending on FB might be sensible but it would also mean unfriending her husband and mum (who is elderly) - I wonder if this might look a bit childish. I have moved the WhatsApp chat to archive but blocking seems a bit extreme.

Yes my best friend of 25+ years. She could be a bit draining sometimes, always had dramas going on but I generally enjoyed her company.

we were both going though life issues so I didn’t have the mental capacity to be there for her as much as I used to be, was probably the same for her also. Came to feel like it was always me making an effort to see her and make arrangements and as soon as I didn’t respond as often as I used to or go to see her we just stopped talking less and less and then nothing. I think the things that happened to her changed her and probably I changed aswell.

Still friends on social media but no interaction. I do think of her and I miss her company and the laughs we used to have but it’s too far gone to reach out now.

Yes. Life moves on sometimes.
communication becomes less and less until eventually nothing. Kids, work etc. Often still friends on fb but don’t communicate past the odd like here and there, often not even that.
i don’t see an issue really, my life has always moved through phases and i do have contact with the odd friend from my past, but it is hard to keep that contact when they’re not in my every day life. It’s an effort, if that makes sense. And so there are friends where one or either of us have stopped making that effort slowly.

A few for me, 1 v old friend from childhood (deprived area) and whom I stood up to her bullies on her behalf. Had some brilliant nights out as we got older. She invited me to the wedding then to see her new big house in a nice area then never spoke to me again! Going on almost 20 years now - so hurtful. Honestly think she didn’t want any reminders of her past.
Another ‘friend’ I’ve known since age 11 couldn’t even be bothered to pick up the phone when my mum passed away just over a year ago. Sent a card weeks later to pass on condolences. I’d known her for over 40 years and considered her one of my best mates.
I just give the energy now to people they give me and my defences always seem up which is sad as I just don’t trust many people’s intentions anymore.
I'm incredibly lucky that I have 2 amazing sisters and 2 amazing friends who have been there through thick and thin

I am a remover, people are either my friends or they aren’t.

I’ve done this twice. Both people I’d been really close with who I outgrew. One expressed that I was ‘settling’ for my boyfriend (now husband of 10 years) because he wasn’t ’good looking enough’ and the other said my life was about to become boring when I told her I was pregnant. I knew I didn’t want or need their toxic views in my life so ghosted both. I didn’t see the point in explaining why as I didn’t intend to continue with the friendship regardless. They would probably both say they had no idea what had gone wrong.

I have ADHD and time blindness myself, but I'm still harbouring a grudge against a friend who (also likely has time blindness) was late to our mutual friend's funeral. Our mutual friend died by suicide, and there are some things that you are just damn well not late for, so I imagine that your friend might well have been upset about that. x

yes w were very close when i was about 21 coinfuded n each other then she met the husband from hell i did try and tell her not to marry him mayb that was it-did speak to her once after they divorced but she ghostd me after a few months-ive tried to get back in contact over the years shs on fb but dosnt reply-i think i would spak to her again but i doubt it would be the same

Yes, a good friend a few years ago. Then out of the blue she msgd me saying happy birthday (on my birthday)! We met for coffee, chatted and said we’d meet up, date arranged. She then cancelled and I’ve not heard from her since.

Yes sometimes. I did reconnect with an old friend from school. She stopped talking to me when I got married and had dc. She didn’t do either then lost her job and didn’t work for years. So I think she just felt different to me. I contacted her again after many years. We had a good meet up then she started being flakey again. I left it then about a year later and got a card from her saying we must meet up. I won’t try again, it just feels pointless. I suspect it’s about her own mental health but it starts to impact on mine after a while. I also had a mum friend who just dropped me cold. I think I can kind of work out why. But I don’t think it was fair of her. You just have to move on.

yes it has happened to me only recently aswell and reading these has made me cry again. haven't heard from her in nearly 2 years now. friends nearly 20 years supported each other through things she was there when my fil died changed jobs etc. also came to everything with my wedding including my dress and shoe shopping. we loved shopping and would often meet up for lunch and a browse. I have actually moved even closer to her but still no word. sent her flowers for her birthday as I always did and Xmas card. this year gone 1st time ever no flowers sent she never commented. she still likes my posts on insta etc but now I just ignore. she was loved by my family too and they always ask about her. lucky my job keeps me busy aswell as we have horses and pets to look after. also was diagnosed with a long term chronic pain illness
I am a childless women in my 40s it's hard to make friends nowadays but sure that's life

School mum friends - three of them! Even went on holiday together! Started to see on FB they were out together without me (and the other girl in the group) and then they just completely dropped off the radar. Hurt at the time but their loss

I had a friend who id known since I was about 12

Wed been through it all-births,deaths,marriage,divorce,her house getting flooded,life in general

Our kids where close in age and great friends

We saw each other a few times a week and texted every single day

I then thought about going back to college when i turned 34 and she was very supportive

I started and saw a bit less of her but all was good

Halfway through the second year,I went through an awful experience and ended up having a nervous breakdown

About this time,she'd mentioned becoming friends with a woman who lived over the road,who was a bully at school and hadn't grown out of it when she grew up-she bullied me into the ground at school (which friend knew)

I started to get better and realised I hadn't heard from her in a while (she knew everything) so messaged her

Nothing-id been ghosted

I left it as I really wasn't strong enough to deal with it and to cut a long story short,I met dp not long after and we moved away

We went back to my hometown about a year later and I saw her with her youngest dd in a cafe

She clocked me and put her head down,refusing to make eye contact/speak to me so we left

Im convinced the bully had been dripping poison in her ear/partly my fault as I had been very ill at the time

We are still FB friends but dont interact with each other at all-it does hurt seeing the pictures and statuses of her and bully but not much I can do

Yep because she was upset that I couldn’t go to her birthday after my husband had died and I had young children to care for. That’s my assumption anyway, I haven’t heard from her for years. I do however see her around (and hide) and she looks miserable as ever so probably a bullet dodged.

I've changed my name for this reply.

I had just turned 18. I was sexually assaulted on my way home after leaving my friends. I screamed, and he ran off, so wasn't actually raped. He was a popular attractive 18 year old. I lost my best friend. Her mother said I must have done something, that doesn't happen to nice girls. She blanked me when she saw me after I given my statement. I chased after her. She said she didn't want to be associated with me. She never spoke to me again. Local gossips had a field day. Much later, its a blur how long later, he pleaded guilty to sexual assault, he said he thought I encouraged him (he followed me home, grabbed me from behind, and dragged me into a driveway with his hands around my mouth) he was a young male of good character, he was given a fine. Taught me how males and females are treated differently.

It hurt. It still hurts.

Yes in 2003, somebody I believed was a really good friend and had been for 3 years. I lent him some money and never heard from him again. Found out years later he’d moved to the South Coast

My sister in law

When she met my brother,we became firm friends-she was the sister i never had and an amazing aunt to my dc

She was desperate to get married but he wasn't bothered

She nagged and nagged and they finally got engaged (I was so happy for them)

7 years later,he finally says 'let's set a date' and they did

As soon as the wedding was booked,she just stopped talking to me-it went from her phoning me 3/4 times a day/meeting up weekly to nothing

I found myself firmly blocked on everything and it got back to me that she'd been bad mouthing me

My crime?

I was single at the time and have never wanted to get married-she just wanted to hang out with her married friends and as I didnt have a ring,I wasn't worth bothering with anymore

Yes. Often it's not your but something else going on. For example My best friend from 11 until 28 suddenly dropped contact....over 20 years later she reconnected. . without going into too much detail sometimes external to me happened in my home town so she moved overnight from the area...we back in touch now as I've left the area of our childhood. It was something that she needed to hid from so totally understand now why she disappeared like she did.

I've been on both sides of this. I do know why and have no problem with that. These things often happen, in the absence of conflict, following a significant change in the life of one of the friends.

When I've fallen away, sometimes it's just part of a big life re-evaluation, sometimes it's because there's a reason I don't want to take the person forward with me for good reason.

I wouldn't over think it. Friends are not always for life.

I'm sure I have ADHD and I was nearly late to a funeral a couple of weeks ago. I got to the crematorium waiting room about two minutes before everyone was asked to file into the chapel. I've been to many funerals and that was the latest I've ever been. I did feel ashamed of myself.

However during the service, the celebrant joked about the deceased's notoriously poor time-keeping and how her husband always said she'd be late for her own funeral and would be running after the hearse shouting "wait for me!" So I think she would have forgiven me.

Why are you baffled when the explanation is right there in your post?

Twice and both still confuse me many years later.

1 . Good friend from primary school. The type of friend where your friend’s parents are friends with your parents and you do lots together. We remained really close all the way through secondary school and then ended up at the same university.

While we were in university, she got engaged and asked me to be a bridesmaid. All good. We met at one point for me to try on the bridesmaids dress to see if it needed altering, again all good. We had been messaging back-and-forth about shoes and bachelorette plans.

Then one day I was at home at my parents place and my dad said something along the lines of “too bad friends’s wedding got called off “. I had no idea. Her dad had told my dad but she didn’t ever let me know. I obviously messaged her, reached out multiple times - called, emailed, Facebook messaged. She never replied, never told me herself the wedding was cancelled. So so strange. I would guess something traumatic happened, but we were really good friends, why couldn’t she tell me? How did other people find out the wedding was cancelled? Was it only me she didn’t tell, but I was a bridesmaid?

2 . Less dramatic but still very strange. My closest friend from university, we did everything together.

After we graduated I moved overseas for one year but we were still in contact constantly. I moved back home and things went back to normal. I spent a ton of time with her, she did Easter dinner with my family, I helped her paint her house, etc

Then I tried to arrange something we had planned together as a day out, and she just ghosted me. No replies, nothing. It isn’t like we slowly drifted apart, we were actively planning things and she just disappeared. She’d still post on social media etc but didn’t reply to my messages. Neither of us had a new partner, not like we applied for the same job. Nothing that I could tell was a reason to stop talking to me.

A couple years later she messaged me to ask me something work related and acted like everything was normal and I answered politely but did engage more.

Yes. I understand the ones where we no longer live nearby to a certain extent. But there was a whole group who seemed to drop me when I had my first child. I’ve since been told by another friend that they said I ‘pulled away from them’. Not sure I see it that way! But I suppose there’s always two sides to every story (even if the other side is very mistaken 🤣)

Yes. A friend met in College. Spent 3 years seeing each other regularly. Just before final exams, she disappeared off the face of the earth, never to be heard from again. That was over 20 years ago now. I don't think she ended up graduating.