Have you ever had a friend that you just never heard from again?

[BeBusyBird]

No big fallout. No dramatic ending. Just one day they stopped reaching out, didn’t respond to your calls/texts and that was it. Did you ever find out why? Did you try to reconnect or did you let it go?

My best friend from secondary school cut herself off from everyone shortly after turning 21. We had been really close, part of a close group of school friends, and kept in touch after going to university. One day she just stopped answering texts, postcards etc.

I used to have vivid dreams about bumping into her in random places, and wondered what happened - it bothered me because it had been so sudden and I worried about her. About five years ago (20 years after losing contact) a mutual friend found our missing friend's staff profile completely by chance (they now work in adjacent fields). We discussed whether to contact her and decided not to. Haven't had the dream since. Still wonder a little.

I don't think you necessarily did anything wrong. Some people just behave very strangely sometimes for whatever reason. I know it does make you feel like it's your fault, but it's definitely not always the case.

I’m dealing with this now. It’s absolutely heartbreaking l. I’ve done so much self reflection and tried to figure out what it was I’ve done so wrong. I just can’t figure it out. We were in each others pockets for ten years. I made an attempt to meet up and give her the opportunity to have it out, but she pretended there wasn’t an issue when we met.

its been over a month since our last contact and it hurts and consumes me every day. The only way I can get through it is by reminding myself that someone who loves you wouldn’t desert you like that. And she knew what this would do to me but she still did it. So if she reached out now, I’m not even sure I would give in

Yes, for a year my oldest friend ignored me (I had a thread on it). Upset me enormously at the time. Eventually we met up, she gave me a character assassination for things that I still think were minor. After that she made an effort to reconnect. We messaged pretty normally (largely instigated by her) all of last year. I was in no hurry to rush back and still feel i need to keep my distance in every sense.

Met up last week actually, a whole year after the character assassination meet up, and I was v wary but it was lovely. Just like it always used to be! People are fucking weird but I will always keep some distance now.

Yes, a group of us were friends through uni, stayed good mates into our 20s and 30s, bridesmaids at each other's weddings etc. Then one friend just ghosted the entire group of us. I know she was feeling a bit down about the rest of us being with partners/kids, plus she wasn't happy in her job. We wondered if she just wanted a fresh start with a bunch of single friends - none of us have heard from her in over a decade now.

I mean I have gradually drifted due to geographical distance from a few of my old friends, but yes - a local mum friend in a group of 3 of us. She didn't bring her child to the other mum's child's party or respond to texts from either of us. The other mum ran into her about a year later and she blamed her mental health but I had seen her out with other mums from a distance in the park so it must have been personal!

Quite a few once I stopped providing a free holiday
When I first moved away we kept in contact alot but most people didn't want to see me when I would go back home they only wanted to come see me with their families and stay at mine, always during the school holidays.

Once I put my foot down they all disappeared

Yep, a male friend of 7 years suddenly stopped replying to my texts and totally ghosted me. He was going through a lot supporting his GF with a serious family issue but I wouldn’t have minded if he’d just said he needed space or needed to dip out for a bit or whatever. I’d also happily have supported him through the tough time and thought we were good friends. It was pre pandemic, I bumped into him during pandemic and we had a brief awkward chat where he said he hadn’t had the ‘bandwidth’ at the time and we had a quick hug but I didn’t really understand and after that meeting I never saw him again. It’s been 6 years since it happened and it still really hurts. I miss him loads. I still don’t really understand why I got dropped. I think probably he doesn’t understand either.
His sense of humour was incredible and that is the thing I miss the most. He was so funny. I’d be so happy to hear from him again, but suspect I never will.

Yes. A friend I was at uni with. She chose not to do her PGCE post-graduation and I did. After I completed my PGCE I got onto a very prestigious leadership development course and was placed in a London School as acting Deputy Head. I texted to tell her, as you do. She ghosted me.

I have a similar story, again my best friend from school but this was in the 1970s. We both moved away to study and kept in touch by letter for many years until she just didn't reply, for no reason that I could fathom. I sent a couple more letters, nothing. I then wrote to her parents and again, no reply. With the advent of the Internet I went on Friends Reunited but nobody from our old school had any news of her. I still think of her decades later, I'd love to know what happened even if it's something awful.

Op its hard. Found people weird after covid. Solid with cousin then nothing no meetups. Did say well done on your daughters college place. Im done with flakes
Have a feeling she mixs in elite circles now so Im not in hers. Lol. Its painful. I dont really trust people since this.

No but I have had to do this myself with a friendship once. She relied on me all of the time for emotional support, even when it was petty issues and I’d always try my best to be there for her. I didn’t ask much in return but then when I went through a tough time, she wasn’t able or willing to return the favour. She’d blank me or send delayed one line responses. I thought that was horribly unfair so I blocked her.

Yep. A couple of them got married and I never heard from them again. One clearly decided I’d outlived my usefulness. One disappeared in the middle of a visit to a tourist attraction without a word then got in touch three months later. You could say I dropped her because I didn’t reply.

Yes, after I had a baby.
Thought we were bff's but she stop responding to my messages. Hurts like hell but equally I'm guessing she's not kind of friend I want to have in my life that ditches a friendship with no explanation

I've had this happen. It was my best friend of 30 years.
But I know why she stopped talking to me.

In all honesty, if people don't keep in touch, thats fine.

I've lost touch with loads of people over the years.
I don't take it personally, life changes and so do friendships.

I only once purposely stopped one friendship but I bet the lady thinks like many of the posters on this thread.

She kept inviting me to stuff, I had absolutely no interest in. Or were really difficult to get to. Or meant megoving lifts to 3 or 4 people...
I was polite and declined her invites but she couldn't 'read the room' and got very offended.

Yeah, I have a friend who will randomly text me suggesting we go out for drinks, we arrange something and she always cancels on me. It's really weird. I have no expectation it will ever happen. I've never been given a reason why.

A friend who just stopped replying whilst we were at different universities. It later transpired she had gotten into a relationship with a guy I had warned her against (he cheated with her during freshers week, even though he had a long-term girlfriend at the same uni on the same course).

I was pretty critical of him and said he was only after her for her parents money as they had both died pre-university. So perhaps I deserved it (from her Pov). Anyway, she ended up marrying him.

Two years after they finished their Vet Med course and had jobs, he filed for divorced and took her for 50% of her inheritance (several million). That was about five years ago. She tried to reach out after the divorce and I ignored her.

Now I think of it I have a friend who keeps arranging a meetup, so we meet, then she ignores me for three months afterwards (even when I suggest a date myself). Then I get "Ooh I am a crap friend, so sorry" etc. I am sometimes tempted not to reply to her for 3 months and see how she likes it.

Yes. Twice where is has been upsetting.

One of my closest friends replied “congratulations” when I told her DH had proposed and then I never heard from her again, even when I reached out a few times.
I found out a few months later that she didn’t think people who’d been widowed and had children (the position DH was in) should remarry as it’s disloyal to their late spouse.

Another one was a woman from my NCT group who is become close to during our pregnancies and when our babies were tiny. We lived close to each other and met up once or twice a week. I’ve never heard a single word from her since my daughter nearly died when she was five months old. She messaged a couple of times while DD was in hospital (heart surgery, icu and a debating diagnosis) and then said “I know your family are looking after you and you’ve got loads on so I’ll leave you in peace and message in a week or two. Let me know how DD gets on.” I messaged her when we were leaving hospital, she read it but never replied. I’ve never heard from her since and had a upsetting at the time, but funny how, encounter when she crossed a road to avoid me and nearly got knocked over by a children’s entertainer (full face paint and yellow wig).

Yes loads. Mostly just through social drift, as opposed to as a result of some big falling out.

I'm pretty sanguine about it tbh. Friendship is (in the vast majority of cases) for a reason and a season. People put far too much pressure on friends in my opinion. It's an opportunity for shared experience and solidarity, not a blood pact. Only a tiny percentage of the people you meet will go on to become lifelong 3am phonecall friends.

Sometimes people drift out of your life for a bit because they are going through stuff or just busy and then drift back when they're ready. And that's fine. You can be someone's friend without having to commit to seeing them once a week.

People massively overthink this in my view. Life is much easier if you accept that friendships wax and wane and stop trying to control everyone into remaining permanently in your inner circle.

Friend from uni dropped us all, like every single one of us as soon as she left. She sofa surfed on our couches (including my boyfriends) when doing her masters. It was really random as she never got lodgings. In Retrospect we didn't realise how unusual she was because she was so quiet. We were all sad.

I bumped into her after uni once and she was perfectly pleasant but I think she'd just decided that she was Friends with us only during uni.

I’m going through it at the moment. Have had a difficult few years personally, baby loss, premature babies, divorce, abusive relationship , being a single parent.

For years I broke my back to still be the “dependable fun friend”, never putting onto anyone when I needed anything and just ploughing through. Never missing anyone’s birthdays and always trying to support them when they were having a tough time.

About a year ago, things got worse for me, I think the impact of what I’ve been through (and still carrying) has hit home a bit. So I’ve been less inclined to be the one who arranges meet ups and have been more honest about the fact I’m struggling.

I’ve had silence in return and haven’t seen my best friend in 6 months. She frequently takes 2 weeks to even reply to a text, so I’m just letting it fade.

It was me who did that to my friends. I was distracted and caught up in an abusive relationship, I moved around a lot and I just lost touch with them. I would like to make new friends again one day. I said to myself that this would be the year I sorted my life out and I think I will do it

Yep a girl I did my training/education with for a year. Sent a voice note to her one day which she just never responded to. I was too embarrassed to ever reach out to her again, and she never spoke to me again!!

But they weren't really good friends anyway. I don't think they valued me that much. If there was someone "more important" with us they would sort of just ignore me. They didn't often invite me if they were going out. Things like that. I don't think I've had a really good friend since school