Have you ever had a friend that you just never heard from again?

[BeBusyBird]

No big fallout. No dramatic ending. Just one day they stopped reaching out, didn’t respond to your calls/texts and that was it. Did you ever find out why? Did you try to reconnect or did you let it go?

I made a friend during lockdown and we would meet up as a bubble, really nice friendship or so I thought and then 2 years ago, she just dumped me. Stopped all contact and deleted me off all social media. It still really hurts and there has been no explanation but I’m aware that they have maintained other mutual friends. It’s bewildering and sad and I think about her every day.

Late 80s. Met a girl at college and we hit it off. She lived slightly out of town so when we went clubbing, she'd stay over at my house (was still living at home at this time). She'd have my bedroom and I stayed downstairs on a sofa bed. This was virtually every weekend - bless my parents!!
She was an interesting character - great fun but thought she was God's gift and that every bloke in the club fancied her!! When she eventually met Mr Right, she dropped me like a stone. Phone calls went unanswered or I was told she was out with her bloke - obvs no social media back then so no texting or Facebook etc. I had other non flaky friends so I got over it! College had finished by this point so I never saw her again....until about 15 years later when I bumped into her in a shop. There was much "Oh my God, how are you, here's my number, we must meet up" stuff from her. I was in my head, nope and her number went in the bin.

Twice I've ghosted people. Once because I was fed up with making all the arrangements for them to turn up and say what a wonderful time they had but never contact me between meet ups. Fine with that one.

I felt I had no choice with the next one. Fantastic friend from uni, friends for over 15 years but, once his girlfriend met me, I could never get any messages to him and concluded that somehow she was stopping us meeting up. Never anything romantic between us (I was married when they met) but I guess she wasn't comfortsble with our friendship. I sent one last message in an attempt to meet up 14 years ago and had no response. He sent cards at Christmas and birthdays for a while but then stopped.

Still miss his friendship to this day so not fine with this one.

Yeah. A girl I've known since childhood. Went through loads together. Suddenly just disappeared. Bumped into her a few years later became really close again and then vanished again. Really traumatised by it but have no idea what happened.

I’ve obviously done something wrong to put these people off, but no one has ever told me what that is.

It's always worth asking yourself the question, but no, not necessarily. I've been thinking about how these days, most people live pretty disconnected lives full of distractions and are a lot flakier than they used to be. Decades ago, before the internet, people lived in smaller, closer communities and it would have been much harder to get away with ghosting a friend or not turning up to her wedding without explanation. People would have talked!

I said before that this hadn't really happened to me, but actually it kind of did.

I noticed an odd tendency in other immigrants/ex-pats when I lived abroad for a couple of years. You could be friendly with someone for ages, then one day, you'd realise that you hadn't seen them around for a bit and ask after them, only to find that they'd moved back to their home country (or to a third country) without explanation. This happened multiple times!

I had two particularly nice friends over there, one from Canada and one from Australia. They used to suggest meeting up outside work (separately, they didn't know each other) and I enjoyed their company. They were kind and generous friends. I can understand that we drifted apart when our temporary contracts ended. Most work friendships don't last long-term. But it still surprises me that when they left the country, they didn't even text me to say goodbye!

I had a partner of 2 years I never heard from again. He just disappeared and ghosted me.
That was pretty awful.

I agree that it can be worse than loosing a boyfriend!
I'm still hurt by a couple friendships breaking down. Again no reason, contact got less and less until nothing..

Yes but it was me who did this. I couldn't take anymore of her negativity about me, my kids, my partner, my house etc all whilst she was bragging about how she effectively beats on her SEN child and how utterly terrified the child is of their father (her partner) i stopped replying to her.

DH did last year. They had been friends for over 45 years, always wished each other the annual pleasantries and were rocks for each other during relationship break ups and allegations (the other party is in a prominent position and an x went to media). Would catch up overseas if rosters allowed etc.

anyhow we invited them for lunch at a central location to us all, and they didn’t show. I saw the partner was online so sent her a message to see if they were stuck in traffic. She read the message but didn’t reply and hasn’t replied to date.

DH called friend from my phone and his response was he had just arrived in from work and partner was ill. When we arrived home after having lunch, there was a message on DH’s mobile 10 minutes to lunch date time saying they weren’t coming and they would reschedule.

DH hasn’t heard from friend since.

in hindsight there were possibly red flags leading up to this point but generally I think we overlook those if our friends give us plausible reasons.

Ultimately though if it comes down to others not making a reasonable effort, you just need to let it go and realise relationships do run their course…

She still checks into my social media pages though. I will consider changing our ‘relationship’ level from friend to acquaintance in due course so she no longer sees the updates..

Hi, yes after 30 years of friendship she just stopped answering my texts and voice messages. I then thought I would just leave it to see if she got in touch. I haven’t been blocked from her FB but she hardly ever posts now. I did say Happy Birthday on FB but she didn’t acknowledge it. I don’t even know what I have done. My ex husband says he’d spoken to her and that she’d broken off contact after she and her ex husband split, possibly because I wasn’t there for her??? I don’t know, I don’t think asking her on holiday and going to gigs with the kids etc meant I wasn’t thinking about her. We do live far away from each other now so perhaps she can’t be bothered to keep the friendship going long distance. I don’t know, my daughter has been ill with an eating disorder for 4 years, so I could say she’s not bothered with me. I guess I’ll probably never know. Still it’s a bit off to be ghosted like that. I am autistic so perhaps I said something blunt or laughed inappropriately or something, whatever it is I don’t recollect doing it. I am half angry about it because it hurts and half of me says so be it, I’m not intending to get in touch anytime soon. I would of course like to hear from her. It’s so odd, I think about it most days. Not very nice being left in the dark.

Yes this has happened to me - once someone I used to meet with weekly. Reached out and got a brief reply and then never heard from again and another was school related we still see each other as we live locally but she just stopped contacting me. I wonder if it was me?

Yes, my 2 closest friends from school but I think that was because my mother didn’t pass on anything they wrote to me. She was an odd woman, jealous. I found out later that one of them had married more or less straight from school. I'd been invited b7t my mother didn’t pass the invitation on. She did the same to my sister. A boyfriend of hers left to live abroad and later wrote to her to ask her to marry him. My sister wasn't living with our parents by then and our mother did not pass the letter on. My sister was very upset, understandably. Many years later she got the chance to go and see him. He'd married and was settled ut she discovered that he was extremely,racist so she was glad that she hadn't married him.
Other friends ran away when I developed severe depressive illness more than 30 years ago now. It is still quite disabling. I found a couple I had actually stayed with and rang them and the husband said something like "I see you've tracked us down then." End of story, I didn't try again. I wish that people didn’t run away at any suggestion of mental illness. There almost always is no need to. I suppose that part of the fear is that the ill person may be too needy, they may cause harm (extremely rare) or that contact with them may wake up hidden problems which are triggering and difficult to face.
Another was someone who had become a good friend at work. She moved when my illness was starting and I never heard from her again.

Reaching out like The Four Tops, you mean?
😆

I've recently done this to a 20+ year friendship because for the first time I'm going through something awful with family member and my own health issues and the "friend" refuses to acknowledge it, even when I've said how much I'm struggling. The last time we met I heard all about how marvellous her life is, all her many many friends that she's been out with and her wonderful birthday that made her feel very special. Barely a nod to my situation or any concern for my welfare. I've had enough of being the audience to her self aggrandisement so I just decided enough is enough for my mental health and I won't be contacting or seeing her again. And I feel much better and less stressed without her.

It's debatable if they were a friend if they can do that?

Yes. My closest friend of 25 years seemed to just cut me off last year. We got together every few weeks and then she stopped texting back, things felt a bit off, I kept reaching out but wasn’t getting much back. It got to the point of pretending she’d not seen me when I’d see her out and about. It’s been an emotional journey but I suppose I’ve accepted it now. Just a shame our group of friends seems to have dissolved too.

I’ll be there 🎶

I think this thread shows how hurt people are when they get ghosted and don’t know why.

Honesty can be hard, especially if you don’t like confrontation.

But it really is the best policy imo because otherwise you’re hurting people anyway.

Plus, if you tell them why you don’t want to be their friend anymore, they could learn from it.

Just tell them. I really think it’s unfair not to.

Yes. I was diagnosed with cancer just over two years ago and believe me cancer ghosting really is a thing.

An old friend and I cut ties with another friend after over 40 years just recently in March last year. It was mutual, though.

How come?

Wow 40 yrs. I had a good friend 23yrs. But things bit strained past few years. I feel I cant trust her. She did text I replied to meet say a day then silence. Def people super flaky now. Puts me off new friendships.

Reading a lot of these comments, it suggest many women are likely in relationships where the husband/partner has isolated them.