Have you ever had a friend that you just never heard from again?

[BeBusyBird]

No big fallout. No dramatic ending. Just one day they stopped reaching out, didn’t respond to your calls/texts and that was it. Did you ever find out why? Did you try to reconnect or did you let it go?

I’m the one who usually stops replying and agree it’s not usually personal

I’m just not good at staying in touch there’s nothing deep to it.
Can think of a few
one very good friend from school turned into using therapy speak everyone I saw her in our 40s and I found it a bit draining

one friend I just felt we had nothing in common anymore and didn’t enjoy meeting up anymore

others I’m just busy or our life stages become different

no big falling out I just don’t prioritise meeting up or replying quickly and thus it fizzles out

I was very friendly with a girl in college. She was always asking me for help, which I was happy to give. As soon as we left college she cut me off. I found out later that she used to laugh at me behind my back. A lot of my former college friends still have their own little clique. I saw her recently and avoided her. She's not worth it.

There were 5 of us in a grp chat. One stopped responding to messages and to meet ups so we removed him from the chat. Not heard from him since. This was at least 15 yrs ago. We endured this for at least a year.

Yeah fair enough.

See also: friends who do that when they have babies. Only to reappear at burnout and/or when kids are older.

Also no thanks.

Yes, 3 of us, best mates all through school. Despite 3, never an issue even if one pair went out without the other one. We were, as adults, all at different stages of relationships.

Never fell out, regularly saw each other but got really close in 2010s again as we all got married within a couple of years of each other. Bridesmaids etc. We didn’t like our one friends’ husband, he takes drugs and was/is really mean to her. She and we moaned about him but had for years but she was or friend and we supported her. it prevented them having kids and they were refused IVF due to her weight and his drug use and we carried on to have kids. We think that was it really.

All was good with my first, then third friend and I were pregnant together and I think that ended things. She never said, never replied to messages, never text when our parents’ died.

We saw her at a mutual friends’ funeral and she was devastated at her behaviour, nothing negative exchanged and said she wanted back in our lives. We welcomed with open arms, gave her a lift home & same thing…ignored. We think she just wanted a lift.

Funniest thing ever though, friend 3 moved house and 2 years later who moves in as her next door neighbour! They’re still both next door neighbours. Sometimes say ‘hi’ but that’s it! I can’t get my breath that someone was my best friend for 20 odd years and then lives next door to my other best friend and I go for drinks and cuppas and literally ignore the fact she lives there. Well I don’t ignore it, I express loudly every time.

She also posts a beautiful picture of us on FB every year on my birthday - just odd when you can’t even text me.

My wife removed herself without a word from a friendship recently because her friends husband was sexist, misogynistic and eyed her up all the time in a way that made her uncomfortable. My wife decided that no woman could be completely oblivious to his looks and comments, and so she'd remove herself because saying something probably wouldn't have had any benefit. It really upset my wife because creepy husband aside, she likes the friend, and they share a language whist living in a foreign country. The creepy man accused my wife of "ruining his wife" because she was out with my wife rather than having dinner ready when he got home one evening. That was the straw that broke the camel's back. I was annoyed that effectively the creepy bloke "won". We as a family definitely had a sense that by hanging out with them, we were turning a blind eye, if not to abuse, to a unfair and sexists marriage with a bullying man. I don't know how we could've handled it better.

Yes, my best friend from uni. Lived with her for three years, went on holiday with her family, went on another holiday together the summer after finishing uni, then contact just stopped. I eventually got a reply from her when I told her I'd had a baby and she came to visit. On that visit she spoke about making plans for x y z, I messaged her after about those plans and never heard from her again, that was 7 years ago . We only live about an hour from each other now

I have noticed this trait in some people though where their friends seem to be the people that are convenient at the time, like they spend time with because that is who is there. After me her best friend seemed to be someone she worked with, don't see her mentioned on social media anymore now it's different people.

I have another friend who has a similar attitude. Spent years supporting her as a single mum with health issues, babysat multiple times, took her kid to clubs alongside my dd etc. her DD is in the year above mine at school and now they've moved to the junior part of the school I don't see or hear from her at all, she's now friends with those mums 🤷

I find it a bizarre attitude because it doesn't have to be either or

I did, just short of two years after the last unanswered text. They weren't a prolific user, but I decided that they should have no access to my life at all after the decision they had made to cut me out of theirs. I barely post myself, but they're not seeing it!

I've considered ending a friendship for a similar reason but it's not my friend's fault so it's hard. Her husband's sister had a massive go at my DS at a party for something he didn't do (her son slapped mine and then said it was the other way round, he has done this to DS before due to jealousy) and my friend's husband joined in. I am still really angry - he is only 7 and I wasn't there to defend him so I would have expected my friend to step in.

Yes. A best friend from school. She moved to another country and we used to arrange meet ups when she would come back home to visit her family. We started noticing she would visit home and not tell us, as if she didn’t really fancy meeting up with us. She stopped answering texts.

The reasoning is because she was at uni for 8 years doing a specialist course and we were all getting married, having babies. I noticed when I told her about my baby being born she didn’t even respond.

It wasn’t because she hated us but I think just “different paths” and living away.

Yes happened to me it always seems odd but then I think maybe they’re going through something as we were always close, always had a laugh, very sarcastic together and it was all fun no negativity whatsoever. I on the other hand withdraw from people but my reasonings are because of the toxic drama and b*tching about others.. I don’t like people bad mouthing their so called friends. It just proves they’re not very nice people and never have a good word to say about anyone.
The first one I mentioned if she reached out I’d be there in a heartbeat for her. I miss her but I don’t want to reach out in fear of being ignored and also the fact it’s been nearly 4 years since we last spoke.

Yes, I let it slide thinking we would find our way back to eachother. She now has stage 4 cancer and I’m not sure I will see her alive again. And not sure it’s appropriate to reach out as feel it would make it about us rather than about her getting better. Have to send love silently every night and just hope she cherishes the memories as much as I do.

I did a few years ago. We’d been friends since school…we’re talking decades. We shared a flat when we first left home. We went through some major life events together - they are a Godparent to my DD. And then they just ghosted me. No response to my messages or texts. No calls answered. And have never reached out to me at all. I deduced that for whatever reason they no longer want to be my friend … and as the years have passed I realised it was all very one sided anyway. I was always the person keeping the relationship alive … perhaps they never wanted to be my friend 🤷🏼‍♀️ who knows. I probably never will … but I’ve made peace with it.

I’m sorry to say I’ve done it a couple of times.

Once to a former work colleague who only wanted to talk about herself, always, and use me as a sort of therapist. Then when I got a better, professional job wasn’t pleased for me, and just bemoaned not having an equivalent job herself

Then later on with a pair of “friends” who just wanted to put me down all the time.

Both times, something in me just “shut down” and I couldn’t communicate with them at all any more. Just couldn’t.

Have a friend who is a former colleague. Every time we met for coffee I have been the one instigating it. She'd also take days or weeks to reply to the suggestion. Last time I saw her she said "we must do this on a monthly basis" and I agreed. That was over 10 months ago. She was always genuinely happy to see me but I don't know if I can be bothered chasing her anymore.

Yes I’ve had a few, I did reach out to one a couple of years ago and all the right things were said but then I thought why am I bothering. Lost a few this way through divorce they just didn’t want me part of their group anymore even though I was there friend. Bumped in to one in lift a year ago and she went to talk to me but I turned my back. She let me down and just disappeared when I needed her the most

This happened to me with two very close friends. Never found out why. Still hurts. I’m 54!

Yes happened to me. My best friend. Through school. My best friend who we were inseparable. 14 years of memories. We both dropped everything to be there for one another and then one day she just stopped texting, ignored my calls, ignored my messages. Blanked me in the street, ran into her dad 3 years on and he didn't even know we had stopped talking. Broke me and hurt so much . 10 years and I still don't know what I did wrong. And it still hurts. And I've never ever ever allowed myself to make friends with a deep connection like that ever again. I have a few ideas as to why but never got any closure. If she can do that she clearly didn't care then so definitely doesn't now. So why should I so I pushed all the feelings into a box and that's where it stays.

I’ve ghosted friends a couple of times. They used me as their therapist and were very emotional over minor things, it was very draining. I knew anything I said would be taken badly so I made an excuse that I was really busy and didn’t contact them again. Years later, more mature, I “broke up” with a similar friend and got a load of abuse back. So can’t win really, but at least I knew that time I’d been open, given closure, and made the right decision.

There are probably a couple more who could say I ghosted them. But they were very flaky, unreliable and not particularly interested in my life, so I just gave up on the friendship. They never reached out either so I assume it was mutual

Family can abandon you too

Mine haven't and wont. So grateful for them.

I stopped bothered with a good friend as she was always flakey and I was the one that always kept in contact. She moved abroad and I thought I would wait for her to reach out. She never did! Friendship felt pretty one sided so I let it go.

Yes people busy but has be equal efforts. I def let a few flakes go this year/cut back contact. The non comittal ones

I've been that friend recently, stopped talking to two people.

1. I used to meet someone regularly for a catchup video call once a month who lives far away. For the past six months she was joining later and later and I just got fed up and didn't renew the calendar invite when it expired in December.
2. Another friend with anxiety issues and treated me, and others, badly. She texted me last week after 4 months (used to see her weekly, it was draining on me) to say hope I'm ok and I replied to say sorry I stepped back but I was upset and needed some space as her anxiety got too much for me. Got a tirade of responses back about how I'm the one that treated her badly so I didn't reply and blocked her. You can't argue with people who don't see logic.