Have you ever had a friend that you just never heard from again?

[BeBusyBird]

No big fallout. No dramatic ending. Just one day they stopped reaching out, didn’t respond to your calls/texts and that was it. Did you ever find out why? Did you try to reconnect or did you let it go?

Yes, various friends over the years and ive ditched a few too if I'm honest.

A few people I considered extremely close friends ditched me after my husband left. That was very hurtful. Only one was 'his' friend, so two were not down to divided loyalties.

Throughout most of my life to date, I feel like ive made more effort with friends in general than vice versa. Now in mid life I have a little less energy for it and have stepped back a bit.

I try to take nothing for granted these days as I never thought my marriage would end and also for me, my best friends are for life, but this is apparently not reciprocated!

My best friend of about 16 years suddenly stopped talking to me after I relocated to another county. She did come and visit once or twice and I also travelled back to see her a couple of times too. Then suddenly all changed. She split with her fella and I reached out asking her if she wanted to come and stay with me or did she want me to go and stay with her, just so I could support her. She ignored me every time I reached out to her. Eventually she sent me a very long text message telling me what a rubbish friend I was! Then that was that, I never heard from her again. It hurt me a lot, she was more like a sister. I just hope she is happy now, its been many years since it happened, I still miss her.

It's been about 18 months. She just faded away, still Facebook "friends" but I think she's restricted a lot of her posts.

We'd been close friends for 10+ years, I'd been there for her through everything(parent illnesses and deaths, kids and relationship trouble) but I didn't notice her pulling back at first and when it became obvious I stopped reaching out. From what i can guess; Her marriage had ended and she hadn't told me, casually mentioned a boyfriend and i think she realised what she'd done or rather hadn't done and that started the fade. I had the "haha sorry I'm shit, you're not the only 1 I've forgotten to reply to!" crappy message. I sent 1 more message after that and it's been radio silence since.

It still hurts.

Yes. My best friend just stopped talking to me one day. We are of opposite sex (but completely platonic) and it was around the time he got a new girlfriend. I miss him a lot and never got closure as to why he dropped me the way he did 8 years ago.

There will often be a reason, even if you can't see what it is.

I had a friend. One day she told me she was having an affair. She was single but the man was not. Worse still, he was the dad of her adult childs best friend! I couldn't believe that she would put her child in that position, let alone the morality of seeing a married man in the first place.

It was clear from when she first told me, that she wanted me to be her confidant throughout and that wasn't a role I wanted. I didn't approve and I didn't want to be involved in any way. So I just let it drift, became very busy etc. She would probably say she had no idea why I stopped speaking to her.

I have had friends like that and I have been that friend. The currents of our lives converge for a while, then flow apart.

I reconnected with an old school friend from back in 1994. We met by chance on the street and organised to go to an event in town. We met up, went to the event and had a great time, all seemed well. So I booked tickets to a gig for a tribute band that we both liked. Kept in touch by text. When the gig came around.. crickets. Never heard or saw her again. I went to the gig anyway, it was amazing, but i didn't know whether i should feel bad for being stood up or sorry for her bc something bad had happened. Whatever her reason was, it's not my problem.

If i see her again i'll still say hi, you never know what's really going on with other people and what they might be going through.

Name change for this one. Yes, a friend of over 30 years. Daily contact, equal initiation. Then a few 'reactions' (absolute pet hate) and then...nothing. About five chit chat messages went unanswered. I thought I'd leave her to it (she was prone to needing to 'decompress') and two years later, never heard from her again. My milestone birthday was first, ignored. We live in the same town and I've actually never bumped into her. I originally wanted to know why, but now just appreciate that it's actually been really positive and it was actually many years since the friendship brought anything positive to me - and I can only presume that was mutual. I suppose I'm grateful for a decisive move on her part, I would have just carried on (because for me, there wasn't enough negative to be cruel) and it is sad occasionally when I see people or things only she would know from 'the old days'. But I would never be interested in rekindling with someone who could just cut me off.

Yep.One of my best friends. Happened about 20 years ago. We were in each others weddings. Her husband unexpectedly died. I was the first person she called and I spent the next several days at her house helping with her small kids, etc. Shortly after the funeral she stopped returning calls, I sent her notes and no response. We did exchange christmas cards for several years and then that stopped. I have no idea what happened. Maybe I should have gone to her house when it first happened and tried to find out what happened, but I didn't. I have missed her all these years. She lives in a suburb about 1/2 hour out of the city where I live and I was certain we would run into each other at some point, but it has never happened. It will be one of my regrets when I die, not knowing what happened.

Had a friend for around 20 years. Went to University with them. Stopped hearing from them in 2009. Haven't heard from them since. Had a phone conversation with them that year; that was the last time we spoke. He did split up with his wife around that time and I presume that had something to do with it. But there was no massive falling out between us.

yes, it happened to me. It was hard because we had been very close for a time, since school.

I saw her and everything was fine, then I got ghosted. I do think she might be in a controlling relationship, so she might reach out one day, but who knows. Still FB friends but she never posts anything.

I did bump into her last year after 9 years and it felt like I was talking to a stranger. It was very awkward although she was friendly enough. We talked basic pleasantries for about 5 minutes and went on our way.

It hurt me a lot initially but I would be there for her if she ever reached out.

I’ve had a couple of friends disappear and have also done it to people. I wouldn’t say it’s ever to the point where I or they would refuse to answer a message or a question if repeatedly asked but sometimes friendships just fade out. For me I often let it go if we little in common and I don’t enjoy their company anymore or if they are very flaky and unreliable. I find people who often cancel, take very long to respond or are frequently late very disrespectful so I usually keep my distance. Most recently I had a friend who always says I’m one of her closest just disappear for months then pop back up again and again. I just don’t have the energy for friendships like that and have therefore stopped making any effort to see her.

@UnhappyHobbit I wonder if that was me?! I had a friend I saw regularly who was great, we got on really well. She moved to a city in the North and met her future DH. I was still living in London.

I set off for her city early on the morning of the wedding and broke down on the M1. This was the days before mobiles. Hours later I finally found a phone box and spent hours calling directory enquiries and calling the venue. It wasn’t until well into the evening I raised someone at the venue who I suspect didn’t pass on the message. I wrote to her when I got home and sent her present but had no phone number. She never responded and once social media was available I tried that but I’ve never been able to find her and apologise. We didn’t have any mutual friends who I could call. I still feel awful about it even though it was 32 years ago!

It's happened to me twice. One was a very good friend from schooldays. We'd kept in touch until we were both in our 40s, then she moved house, left no forwarding address, and stopped replying to emails. I have no idea where she is now - or even if she's still alive.

The other was a more recent friend whom I met through work. We were very close for a number of years, then she suddenly disappeared. The last I heard was that she'd been diagnosed with early-onset dementia and was living in a nursing home. I've tried contacting the home, but never got a response.

I'm perfectly happy to respect their privacy, but I'd love to know if they're ok.

Creepy coincidence: both friends were born on exactly the same day in the same year. Spooky or what?

Yes. It happened almost 3 years ago and I still feel very sad when I think about it. I guess I must’ve done or said something to offend, but I try not to dwell on it now as it gets me down.

As far as I’m aware I don't think anyone has cut me off before, but, I have cut a friend off, not too long ago actually.

We were friends for around 8 years, having met in our early 20s. We had a few small disagreements over time, but nothing major for a while. I usually backed down or apologised just to keep the peace.

She would often make these snarky comments, pretending they were helpful and supportive. If I ever mentioned it, she'd just say I was being too sensitive. I know I can be sensitive sometimes, but she never owned up to anything. She never took a moment to think about her own actions or consider things from another perspective. It was always my fault for misinterpreting her words. Everything was someone else's fault, even the fact that she had 4 kids - she acted like she had no choice in the matter. I think she looked down on me too because I don’t have kids, and she thought she knew everything because she was a mum.

Another thing she’d do was disagree with everything I said or did. I honestly don’t mind this, but it often felt intentional. Whenever I proved her wrong, she’d get angry that I caught her out, and she had to admit she was wrong. It wasn’t that she disagreed with me on everything, it was that she didn’t agree with me on anything. Not even 5% of the time. If it had been genuine and that’s how she really felt, then fine, but a lot of the time, she’d shift her opinion to fit the situation (something was okay for her but not for me). Eventually, I just stopped sharing things with her because it felt pointless.

Everything was a competition too, and always a race to the bottom. If my life was shit, then hers had to be worse. Her childhood was worse, her parents were worse, her health was worse, blah blah blah.

She also treated me like a taxi service because she couldn’t be bothered to learn how to drive. So, every time we did something, I had to pick her up and drop her off at home. It’s fine if you don’t want to drive, but don’t expect to be ferried around like a queen then! Even when we were meeting in her town, she never suggested meeting me at the cafe or activity. I always had to pick her up because she didn’t want to walk or get the bus. She never offered to come see me, even though she passed my house on her way to work every day. Last year, she texted me 3 times saying she missed me and wanted to catch up, but she never suggested coming to see me. It was always, "We need to catch up, why don’t you come over to mine?" So, it was always me making the effort. And she never offered to chip in for petrol either! Not once in 8 years!

Eventually, I realised she didn’t add anything positive to my life, just stress. Everything felt like a debate, everything was a competition, and the only time we saw each other was when I made the effort to go to her. For years, she made it seem like I was the issue, to the point where I started believing it. But I wasn’t the problem. I think she was just gaslighting me. I’m not perfect by any means, and I have my issues, but I don’t believe I was the issue in our friendship, and I feel so much better now that she’s out of my life.

Yes, last year my supposed best friend from school just stopped reading/replying to my messages. It’s been about 14 months now and I have no idea what happened. I feel sad about it but I try to tell myself it says more about her than about me.

2 male friends from school/6th form. No conversation about it just stopped talking to me. Still friends with other friends of mine, no big faux pas, never dated or anything so wasn’t a holding a torch type scenario. Only time I’ve properly had someone block/actively ignore messages which really upset me, one pretty much blanked me at a mutual friend’s wedding a few years later. Never got any answers 🤷‍♀️

another school friend did the slow drift but at least she did it with our whole group so I knew it was a her thing rather than a me thing!

Unless you have no family, in which case friends are all the more important.

Yes, someone I met through a shared interest and eventually met after chatting loads online. We got along really well, and made each other laugh so, so much. We had lots in common, and our kids were about the same age. She lived a few hours away from me, so we weren't in and out of each other's houses all the time, but we saw each other several times a year to do things unrelated to the shared interest, and we spoke online most days.
I think that gradually she became less involved in the hobby, though she didn't give it up altogether, and I sort of became part of her past by default. I thought there was a friendship beyond that, and it hurts to realise that for her there wasn't, not really. If I message her, she either doesn't reply, or will pick it up weeks or months later, claiming not to have seen it before. There was never any drama or falling out. I'd love to go back to what we had. But it's not happening.

Yes, me and my other friend often ponder what happened. We were meant to meet up one day, they had to cancel them that was it, never heard from again.
Have never even seen them since. Friend bumped into vanished friend's granny and they didn't even realise we haven't seen them in years.

Um, I guess there were some long distance uni friendships that fizzled out because we didn't have social media and they weren't part of a friendship group that would meet up. No big falling out and when friends reunited then facebook came around we'd add each other but we've not fully engaged.

One friend who was booted out of a chat group (not by me!) for upsetting all of us in different ways at different times, the booter-outer has got clearer boundaries than the rest of us I suppose. Before the chat group thing I'd tried to address the issue in person with the ex-friend and tried arranging walks and playdates and so on but she had new friends she prioritised, ghosted me and didn't see that she'd done anything wrong when we actually managed to have a conversation. In the years since I've since found out she's ghosted other friends who I only knew through her and some of her own family members. I don't really get it. Why did I bring it up? Maybe to show that sometimes you might be dumped because the other person is upset and you've not listened but sometimes the other person just finds it easy to flit between new besties.

That's not for me. I have a lot of friends and a lot of different groups of friends, I like people. I'm a pretty tenacious friend I think. Some are more local and I see in person more frequently, other groups are spread around the UK and the world but we still keep in touch via whatsapp and whatever.

I can't stand the childish stuff like "I'm not talking to so-and-so at the moment" - are you 5? Grow up.

Some of the friendships mentioned in this thread I think some of you are well clear of. You don't need that drama or toxicity in your life. Surround yourself with people who lift you up and bring you joy.

@HorrorPudding
I’m so sorry it’s not! I think you did everything right though in that situation if that helps

Yes- over about 20 years ago now. My closest would say best friend through out school until we were in our 20s. We went out one night with some friends. I did drink a bit much but nothing happened. Was just a bit drunk as were most of the people in our group and others around us. We would always go out to bars socialising and drinking it was nothing major and a norm for us. That night though never heard from her again. Tried to reach out but nothing. It really hurt but life goes on and I don’t need any drama or negative vibes in my life

One of my oldest friends.
Her father passed away in October 2023. I was late to his funeral but it was laughable because I have time blindness and I'm generally late to most things.
I saw her NYE 2024. I invited her and her husband over for dinner on numerous occasions and nothing.
Bumped into her hubby and asked about her and again invited them to dinner. Nothing.
Called her. Nothing.

I know when you lose a parent, it's so hard and I think she thinks I'm going to go on about subjects she doesn't like which I absolutely wouldn't.
She has seems me as confrontational in the past but I find out I've been living with ADHD and the confrontation wasn't confrontation at all. It was misunderstanding, miscommunication and Ive worked on that.

It's sad because we've been friends since we were 7 (48 now). But I respect the fact that she doesn't want to see me.
My son misses her though. As do I