Have you ever had a friend that you just never heard from again?

[BeBusyBird]

No big fallout. No dramatic ending. Just one day they stopped reaching out, didn’t respond to your calls/texts and that was it. Did you ever find out why? Did you try to reconnect or did you let it go?

Yes, only once with no explanation.

We were very close for about 10 years (met at uni), we lived quite near each other so spent our 20s seeing each other every couple of months, she knew some of my home friends and vice versa.

I got married, but she was with a serious partner too (ended up marrying him).

One day she just stopped replying to texts or calls - no idea why. Weirdly I bumped in to her a couple of years later (as we lived in same vague area) and it was like I’d seen her the previous week. Wasn’t really the time/place to talk about what happened, but it still makes me sad sometimes that this happened as we got on so well.

We are FB friends but she rarely posts but I do know she married her then partner and had two children.

I’ve never ghosted anyone - have lost touch but that’s different.

Yes, about 5 years ago. We only 'knew' eachother online (interest/hobby group) but definitely felt like friends. She said she needed a social media break then blocked me and a couple of others - no arguments, no one had fallen out with her in a private chat, she just suddenly ditched us all! I can only assume that as we'd been vaguely saying how it would be nice to meet up in person post-covid she wasn't keen on that idea but it would have been absolutely fine if she'd just said she'd rather not. She never asked for any money, personal info etc. so I don't think it was a case of her not being who/what she seemed. It was strange!

A friend from university. She was going to come to visit me, then texted to say that the date clashed with her cousin's performance so she'd let me know. That was 2 years ago.

More recently a local friend of 12 years. She hasn't replied to my last message on 30th January suggesting we do something. I'm waiting to see if she pops up when it's time to plan the sort of together family holiday we've booked (2 families staying in different accounts nearby due to personal preferences. Ours is nicer).

Yes, we were sixth form friends in the early 90s so when we went to uni we kept in touch by letters, neither of us had mobiles then or exchanged mobile numbers or email addresses. I’ve never known her “digitally” so wouldn’t know where to start. She had a very common name - think Jane Smith, so I’ve never found her on Facebook and she wasn’t on Friends Reunited as was back then.
One day she just never wrote back again. I think about her from time to time, she was a really lovely friend.
She had a lot going on (self harm, abusive step dad) and I wonder if she just moved on and cut off all of her old life, or if the worst happened to her. No idea.

Yes 😢 from the 1990’s. We went to rock concerts together and always had a good time when we met up. I still don’t know to this day why she ghosted me.

I realised a few years ago she must’ve had a landline phone showing who was calling and screened my calls.

Once about ten years ago. We met for dinner and theatre as we frequently did. Made plans for me to come on her birthday (I lived in a different city at the time). A couple of days before her birthday I messaged to say I was still up for it and should we make a firmer plan, she never got back to me and hasn't spoken to me since.
No idea what happened but I just let it go because I am not really in a habit of chasing people who can't even go as far as to communicate their issues with me.

Yes, friend of 30yrs. Just stopped replying or answering the phone. I know she’s okay as we have mutual friends but I would like to know what happened, but I’ll be damned if I'm going to ask!

Yup! We were friends since high school, went through college together, went on a few holidays together also, we didn’t have much contact for a couple of years in our 20s, then I realised she had deleted me off Facebook. I actually cried as thought despite not seeing each other a lot, we
were still friends and I cared about her. I realised she clearly didn’t give a shit about me and left it
at that.

Yes, for 40 years.
We often joked about why can’t people take the hint that you don’t want to see them.
I respect and accept her decision.

I was the friend in this situation. We were always crap at staying in touch, then she texted me at a point where I was going through something very traumatic. It had been a while since we’d spoken and I just couldn’t bring myself to reply to her breezy message and explain what was going on. Then time passed and it got more and more awkward, so we just never spoke again. Not her fault, entirely mine, and I still feel bad.

I was that friend. I'd had a birthday bash which my friend had ruined due to drunken drama (this was quite typical). I then had a baby and she behaved quite oddly about it. And I just thought "I can no longer be arsed with any of this" and stopped replying. She even sent a last ditch email saying that she wouldn't contact me again unless I contacted her first, and I ignored that as well.

Looking back, I wish I had been clearer. I also sometimes think about getting back in touch with her- no idea whether she would want to hear from me, maybe not- because she was a good friend when she wasn't getting pissed all the time. This was all 20 years ago though so I suspect that ship has sailed.

Not necessarily. Not everyone has family.

Yeah…. I went to text her one day and realised we weren’t friends anymore and she’d phased me out

By sheer coincidence I’ve ended up living not far from her and when I do see her, she desperately tries to avoid me and it’s like watching a cartoon.

I believe she thought I was jealous of her partner and kids and kept me around for the ego boost but she found out my real views when they split and that was that

Yes, one. We were neighbours and socialised quite a bit for about 8 years. Suddenly became very off when suggesting meeting up, visiting or going out somewhere.

Wasted no time really wondering why as I remembered how many friends, neighbours and work colleagues she had upset in the time I knew her. She played the victim each time but she was very tactless and quite often, very insulting to or about people.

No loss.

Happened to me and turned out she was shagging my ex husband and couldn’t bear to see me with him. Found out years after it ended.

Yeh, I’m going through this at the moment, actually. My childhood best friend. We remained friends into adulthood. She would lose contact, or reduce contact, whenever she was in a new relationship, but I’d always hear back at some point. But it’s been 18 months now since I had a reply to a message. I have sent a couple during that time with a happy birthday, asking how she is, when I saw she’d posted on social media about having a difficult time, I reached out again offering support, thinking maybe that’s why I hadn’t heard anything. But still, nothing back. I haven’t been overbearing, 6-7 messages in those 18 months. But now I’ve put a close to it in my head. I feel like I am grieving the loss of someone who is still very much alive.

I’d love to know the reasoning for it, but doubt I’ll ever know.

Totally agree, it's not necessarily anything you did wrong. It's the way they are.

Yes, a really good friend and I drifted apart after I had children. I felt she wasn't interested and I could see she was treating me differently to before. I probably also was doing things differently at that time.
She sent me a message during my 2nd pregnancy asking if I knew what I was having. I told her I was having a girl and she never responded. It's been about 3 years and I think about her most days and miss her terribly. But I'm sure if I reached out I would be ignored and I don't think I could handle that.

I have been that friend a number of times. The main intentional one was an old school friend who had become an emotional vampire. Would phone me for hours on end talking about her issues, would momentarily ask me something then turn it back to her again. In my early 30s decided I was done and basically ghosted her.

The big shift for me though was having a traumatic bereavement just before COVID hit. I was in shock for maybe a year and just with the social disruption and upheaval in the way I viewed the world I stopped making an effort with a number of people. I feel bad about one or two - if I had more energy/less things to fill my time - I would be more likely to see them. I don't think they imagine they did something wrong. I hope they know it's a "me" problem, not them. If they ever asked I hope I'd be able to explain.

Yep. They were godparents to one of my kids. Our kids were same age and spent 7 years living up the road, from birth through to mid-primary (different schools to be fair), weekends walking and seeing each other. They moved to Spain for a couple of yeas for work - and they never picked up a phone call or responded to a text or email, shared/commented on Facebook since. Just proper silence from the day they landed. The "kids" are now 20.

I had a best friend 15 years ago, friends for a decade and very close. She fell out with me because she said my 40th birthday celebrations were boring and didn’t want to come.

She literally never spoke to me again.

Yes. Years ago. We went to uni together, and she was the only bridesmaid at my wedding. After my second child was born I never saw her again. Graduated 2003, wedding 2007 and second child born 2011. I have just accepted (but it took a while) after texting that she wasn't interested in meeting again. She never responded to any messages I sent.

I thought more of her than she thought of me is the only conclusion I came to. Life moves on though and I feel no bitterness now. I am too busy to care.

I’ve done this a couple of times in my teens and 20s. Had a Facebook purge, changed my number, ditched ‘friends’ I no longer wanted in my life.

I believe everyone has the right to curate their social circle and only surround themselves with people who are a net positive in their life.

At least you got a reason why though. Some of us never get any closure we were after.

Horrible way for anyone to treat you. I'm sorry 😞

Yes, occasionally.

The most notable one was someone I lived, confided in and socialised with for 3 years. We left the shared house at a similar time to move to different parts of the country and never saw or spoke to each other again after that. No acrimony, just a perfectly normal goodbye, and then not a single text, email, phone call or contact since. That’s fine too - they’ve made zero effort but likewise I’ve not made any either.

If she got in touch now, I’d be prepared to meet up and chat about old times but have no burning motivation to contact her myself - and it was 21 years ago.