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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have said this to my cleaner?

343 replies

wellwatnow · 22/02/2026 19:25

NC for this. I've had this last cleaner for almost a year, I've had several over the years and although this one isn't all that great she's one of the best at cleaning and I will say is by far the most reliable. She comes every other Monday and sometimes I have to text her on a Sunday afternoon to tell her I won't be in as she has to use the key safe (usually I am home).

I wasn't home last time she came, and I won't be home tomorrow either. As always I thanked her for doing a good job, she's always said I must let her know if anything is missed out with her cleaning, so I asked her if she could make sure my laundry room gets a good clean as she forgot to do it last time.

Anyway, a while later she replied and said no problem, sorry if you thought the laundry room hadn't been cleaned, she said she had cleaned it but would give it a good clean. I replied to thank her and said I'd noticed that one of the wall cupboard doors had definitely not been cleaned which made me think she'd forgotten the room. Well she replied quite quickly by saying she knows which door I mean, and that she hadn't cleaned it because it looked like it was covered in dried cat sick (my cat often sleeps on the top of the wall cupboards in the laundry room) and that she didn't want to clean it, and that I must have known about it because otherwise how did I know it hadn't happened after she left? She said she left it as she didn't want to clean it up and thought it could be the thing we never spoke about, whatever that means. She then said she can't make tomorrow but would be in touch when she's free.

I suspect now that she won't be coming back, which is infuriating as it's impossible to get people to clean, all my friends that have cleaners tell me they are too busy and won't give me their numbers. I only found this one as she was cleaning for a neighbour one day. I had to wait ages for her to find a space to fit me in. But I can't help think she's taking this way too personally.

OP posts:
KnewYearKnewMe · 22/02/2026 19:27

Well was it cat sick? And did you leave it for her to do?

Hiptothisjive · 22/02/2026 19:28

First- no way I have this much communtwith my cleaner. Too detailed and too much.

Second - you want them to come back the next day!?!!!

Third you sound like hard work and I can see why she isn’t coming back.

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 22/02/2026 19:30

It tickles me somewhat that people pussy foot around with cleaners when they pay them a fortune and are so grateful. I used to clean donkeys years ago and was paid five pound an hour! I wish the people I’d cleaned for had been so delicate with me.

You don’t say if you did leave dried cat sick for her but youve obviously pissed her off with how you have communicated and yes it sounds like you will be cleaning your own cat sick off your own cupboard in future.

ParrotsAndLions · 22/02/2026 19:32

I suspect now that she won't be coming back, which is infuriating as it's impossible to get people to clean, all my friends that have cleaners tell me they are too busy and won't give me their numbers. I only found this one as she was cleaning for a neighbour one day. I had to wait ages for her to find a space to fit me in. But I can't help think she's taking this way too personally.

Yes, well, OP. Now you are going to discover that you need her more than she needs you.

wellwatnow · 22/02/2026 19:33

KnewYearKnewMe · 22/02/2026 19:27

Well was it cat sick? And did you leave it for her to do?

It may have been, and no I didn't leave it for her as such, I just noticed on the way out (I was rushing) that the cupboard door was dirty. When I got back it was still dirty, so I just cleaned it off. TBH it looked like the room hadn't been cleaned, and I didn't think about it until today.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 22/02/2026 19:37

You've insulted her and she thinks you left cat sick for her to clean up deliberately. Before hand it would have been the thing you just didn't speak about because it's universal that you clean up after your own animals emissions.

Then you had the nerve to pull her about it.

Now you need to find someone else.

Arlanymor · 22/02/2026 19:37

I wouldn’t be asking someone to clean a room with cat sick in it until I had sorted out the cat sick myself.

gamerchick · 22/02/2026 19:38

Now you're the ex customer who had a go, for not cleaning up your cats puke.

RosesAndHellebores · 22/02/2026 19:40

@wellwatnow your comment that you have had this cleaner for a year and prior to that had several says it all.

I've had six cleaners since 1982. The longest stayed 12 years, none less than 5.

If I thought a room hadn't been cleaned, I'd say something like: "Hope you are well and sorry to have missed you lately, I've some stuff to do in the utility this week, please could you give it an extra super clean on Monday". Thanks as ever, see you soon."

You are coming across as hyper critical in your messaging.

wellwatnow · 22/02/2026 19:41

gamerchick · 22/02/2026 19:37

You've insulted her and she thinks you left cat sick for her to clean up deliberately. Before hand it would have been the thing you just didn't speak about because it's universal that you clean up after your own animals emissions.

Then you had the nerve to pull her about it.

Now you need to find someone else.

But I didn't "leave it for her"! It just happened to be there on the day she was coming to clean any way. It wasn't there the night before, if had I would have cleaned it up.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 22/02/2026 19:43

wellwatnow · 22/02/2026 19:41

But I didn't "leave it for her"! It just happened to be there on the day she was coming to clean any way. It wasn't there the night before, if had I would have cleaned it up.

So why mention it to her at all then?

dadtoateen · 22/02/2026 19:43

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 22/02/2026 19:30

It tickles me somewhat that people pussy foot around with cleaners when they pay them a fortune and are so grateful. I used to clean donkeys years ago and was paid five pound an hour! I wish the people I’d cleaned for had been so delicate with me.

You don’t say if you did leave dried cat sick for her but youve obviously pissed her off with how you have communicated and yes it sounds like you will be cleaning your own cat sick off your own cupboard in future.

Edited

Pay them a fortune? How do you work that out?

five pound an hour donkeys years ago you say? Times move on you know…

cleaners are on what £20ph? Using their own products, paying for insurance, travelling costs, paying tax etc….

to the op, sounds like you need to look for another cleaner

Vallmo47 · 22/02/2026 19:43

It does sound like you’ve lost a cleaner OP. Good luck finding a suitable replacement - lesson learned. 🙂

sprigatito · 22/02/2026 19:45

I think you need to learn how to communicate respectfully with people, if you don’t want this to keep happening. This isn’t 1826, you can’t treat people like inferior beings just because you are paying them to perform a service for you.

iamtryingtobecivil · 22/02/2026 19:46

This is why I am so over cleaners

reclaim the money
treat the cleaning like exercise

win win

no one will clean your house exactly how you like it

just give it up and treat yourself

Isit2026yet · 22/02/2026 19:47

@wellwatnow we have a cleaner in 3 days a week with 2 large dogs, the comms seem a bit much you could have just said the laundry room needs a good going over. And cleaners shouldn't be expected to clean up animal sick, pee or poo.

wellwatnow · 22/02/2026 19:48

gamerchick · 22/02/2026 19:43

So why mention it to her at all then?

Because I thought the room had been forgotten and I didn't want her to forget to clean it this time.

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 22/02/2026 19:48

all my friends that have cleaners tell me they are too busy and won't give me their numbers

That’s rather telling. Do you think you might have a bad reputation?

Jan24680 · 22/02/2026 19:49

Oh that's grim. Why did the other cleaners leave?

PlacidPenelope · 22/02/2026 19:50

wellwatnow · 22/02/2026 19:41

But I didn't "leave it for her"! It just happened to be there on the day she was coming to clean any way. It wasn't there the night before, if had I would have cleaned it up.

But you admit you saw it on your way out, you knew it was there and you left it for her to clean.

Come on, OP, you must have known or had a damn good idea it was cat sick, what else could it have been? What else could have splashed up or down the door in your laundry room?

Newname29 · 22/02/2026 19:50

Sounds like you were micromanaging her. I wouldn't be back either!

popcornandpotatoes · 22/02/2026 19:50

Yes I think YABU with your communication, you could've just said can you spend a bit more time in there this week. I would've probably stopped at the point she replied saying sorry you thought it hadn't been cleaned. Going in to detail about a dirty cupboard door was unnecessary

Pollyanna87 · 22/02/2026 19:52

You say she’s not all that great, but one of the best at cleaning and reliable? What else do you want from a cleaner?

wellwatnow · 22/02/2026 19:52

Jan24680 · 22/02/2026 19:49

Oh that's grim. Why did the other cleaners leave?

They didn't, I got rid of them in most cases. I think I've had about five or six regular cleaners in the last 10 or so years. Most were really unreliable, some others I tried just didn't come back after the first one or two cleans. This is why I never give them keys as it's been difficult to get keys back.

OP posts:
Scottishbychoice · 22/02/2026 19:53

I find the MN attitude to cleaners extremely weird. Posters seen to simultaneously be frightened of them and yet be totally disdainful of them.

I worked as a cleaner for a time after I was left very unexpectedly widowed - i'd been a SAHM for many years. But I did in the past have a professional qualifications ,and I did have O levels and A levels and I am a member of Mensa. I worked as a cleaner in various settings including a shop, in an office, an educational institution and in a person's home. The woman whose home is worked was brilliant and treated me as an equal and as a friend. The others treated me as subhuman and stupid.

I don't know the ins and outs of Op's relationship with her cleaner but actually speaking to her as am equal human being would help . And if her cleaner can't reciprocate and have an open discussion about the problem then perhaps OP would be better doing her own cleaning until such time as she can find someone else who she can negotiate a satisfactory arrangement with.
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