Forgot to take my friend to her hospital appointment- how do I fix this!?

[MamaBee22]

First time posting so please bare with me..

I forgot to take my best friend of 20 years to her colosopy appt. We'd arranged for me to take her and stay with her/bring her back, but the date changed to half term. No childcare and hubby at work so I still offered to drop her off and pick her up. She mentioned a few days prior and I said yeah no problem still good to go.

Fast forward to the day of appt. My DC has a chest infection so had to get her a drs appointment and being completely truthful it just slipped my mind. I didn't realise until it was too late and she text me saying have you forgot?

Obviously I went into panic mode and no deflection, I own my mistake and there's no excuse I shouldn't have forgot. I'm only human and it just slipped my mind. I apologised and said I understand why she'd be cross but let me know how it went.

I'm am a dependable friend 99% of the time. I am the most constant person in her life (she's single) and have never let her down before.

She ignored me for a couple of days and then sent a text saying how pissed off she was, people always let her down and its a difficult thing to forget and she doesn't want to talk about it.

Apart from giving her space, is there anything I can do to fix this? I feel sad to loose my friend over a stupid mistake.

Sadly she can be known to use silence as a form of punishment and has definitely tried to make me feel as guilty as possible. Obviously I can take that on the chin, it is my fault, but I have a horrible feeling she will continue to bring this up long term.

Thank you

I've recently had a colonoscopy, the preparation was by far worse than the procedure, but of course the whole day was pretty stressful. My daughter took me and took me home, which was lovely of her, but I would have been ok about getting g myself there.
You are obviously very upset about forgetting your friend, it would have been stressful for her, but we can forget,get distracted etc, and it's done now, so time to move forward.I hope your friend is OK.

She's a rubbish friend who needs to focus on her family. Simple as that. You don't play games with people's health. When you're responsible for a child and one who has a chronic illness that can be fatal if not treated properly and timely, accept that helping others may not be possible and making promises to help may not be realistic. That saves letting other people down and goes them the opportunity to get reliable help.

It's not rocket science. It's called foresight. Get some.

Christ imagine being as perfect as you!

You must be insufferable!

The friend strangely enough is let down by a lot of people….

The OP tried her best and cocked up, if you spoke to me like that about a mistake when my child was sick, you wouldn’t need to worry about responding to my message, you wouldn’t have one.

If you’ve never made a mistake, here’s a medal 🏅

You are human. Everyone does or has done things like this and if they say they never have they're lying/editing!! - and people who really care about each other understand that life is busy and mistakes happen. Send really good flowers, with a message spelling out that you have been an oaf and feel terrible and massively owe her one. Then go on as normal. (But setting alarms for important things! I'm so guilty of neglecting to do this too.)

Although there are reasons you are in the wrong here. This will have been a huge deal for her, the prep is awful, it is scary to experience and the results can be pretty bad news. You left her alone for all this and if she asked you to do it you must have been someone she really trusted. Try to put aside all your reasons (even though they are valid) and just think what this was like from her side. Its hugely likely this had a possible cancer diagnosis and she went alone, flustered and un prepared. Sit with her side for a day or two then consider what you might hope for from a friend who did it to you. It was awful you didn't mean to hurt her but you did. I wouldn't go chocolate gift to simple like you forgot a birthday card. Try to create a space to acknowledge - maybe a day out together visiting somewhere that is calm and beautiful. Hold your tounge dont defend or deflect and let her say all the things that are inside. All day no excuses just listen and accept.

Good luck I am sure you are not a bad person but this was a really bad thing to happen to your friend when she was already vulnerable.

‘Sadly she can be known to use silence as a form of punishment and has definitely tried to make me feel as guilty as possible.’
Please don’t reference her behaviour in that passive aggressive manner. You have hurt her and she needs time-she may/may not forgive you, time will tell.

Perhaps the friend shouldn’t be accepting favours from mothers of children with chronic illnesses? Maybe she should’ve said “no, you’ve got enough going on, supposing your DC suddenly gets ill”, because after all that’s a true friend! And a rubbish friend would accept the offer, then start being shitty when it went wrong….. oh hang on 🤔

There was no prep, read the updates.

I rarely ever comment on here but felt compelled to on your post. You sound so genuinely remorseful for what happened and as annoying/inconvenient it was for your friend, life happens & sometimes mistakes happen. It sounds like you already had your hands full and committed to this before you knew how your week would unfold. While I understand your friends annoyance, I find it immature to give you the silent treatment. I get that she’s probably fuming and maybe doesn’t have anything nice to respond with right now, but you sound so sad. Just give her time and if your friendship is strong it’ll ride the wave. Maybe take her some flowers to say sorry in person….here’s some for you too 💐

There's nothing in my posts that suggests I am perfect. I realise my limitations. When I say I will help a friend I will do it. I have never forgotten important appointments and if I can't do it I will say I can't. You can't go through winging it then let people down and expect them to be ok about it. Sometimes you have to say no and prioritise. My household is a priority over anyone else.

If anything the OP is trying to be Little Miss Perfect and doing everything. In the process she has let her friend down. Cause and effect. This was a preventable situation if the OP prioritise her child instead of involving her friend and making a promise she couldn't keep.

It sounds to me like you’re usually a very supportive friend but you had a lot going on with a pretty sick child, which is likely to have been fairly scary. I think you made a genuine, one off mistake, which of course impacted on your friend but what else could you do. Your friend made her appt - it wasn’t an ideal situation but she got there. You’ve apologised. I think she’s behaving badly now at giving you the silent treatment when you’re usually a good friend. If she dumps you as a friend based on this one mistake then it doesn’t sound like she’s very pleasant or forgiving. You have apologised. I don’t know what else you can do.

You made a mistake, has she never made a mistake before? I don’t like the dig about people letting her down. Personally I’d of text the morning of asking if you were still alright to take me. She still got there on time so what’s the problem? You had an unwell child so that takes preference. It’s very easy to forget if you’ve a lot going on . Give yourself a break.

I tell you what, learn how to tag people in posts!

So do I remember appointments etc, but am I sure I’ll never fail? No of course I’m not!

Anyway you carry on with your spiteful attack on OP, calling her little miss perfect, it’ll boost your own ego of
perfectness even more.

100% this!

She sounds pretty moody.
maybe this is why she has so little support in her life.
you apologised, you have kids and commitments, is she always so high maintenance.
i had this procedure once; got myself there and back on my own. It’s not open heart surgery.

I disagree, I think there is some responsibility on her part. She should have called or messaged in the morning to confirm, see you at x o’clock especially as you usually do that. The silent treatment would pee me off, she made the appointment, you accidentally forgot, there’s no need for her to ignore you.

😆😆😆😆😆

Of course if you say I am, I simply must be!

Your posting barely legible posts, I presume due to your rage.

Chill!

Oh stop it. Of course busy people forget things sometimes.

Child illnesses aren't planned in advance, like hospital appointments. At the time she committed to take her friend I'm sure her child was not ill. Common sense kind of kicks in here. Or it should.
As OP states this is the first time she has ever let her friend down so I dont know where you are coming from stating that she need to "stop" doing this. It was clearly a one off.
Said friend sounds very entitled and very much a taker of good will. A taxi there would have sufficed with a bit of understanding for a sick child and a concerned mother who had then offered to collect her after the procedure.
Has to be give and take. Not just one sided.

I really hope Op has left this utterly insane thread now 😂

Reading your updates, I would let your friend process her disappointment and upset in her own time/way.
Re coming home on bus or taxi, sometimes the hospital weirdly won’t allow that.

OP I would have thought silly me for asking when you had enough on. A helpful friend is allowed to be forgetful - friendship involves a bit of give and take. I would have more of a problem with her sulking than your forgetting and apologising.

They absolutely do for a colposcopy. The actual procedure is fairly minor.

Totally agree with you. Also @TheZanyScroller must be able to predict child illnesses before they happen and make doctors appointments a day or two before they are actually needed. Go you! More perfection headed your way 😘