DH hid betting windfall

[Sarahji]

DH and some of his mates have a weekly betting group where they pick football teams and put them in one big bet where the potential returns are high. He has always said they never win and that the most they’ve ever got back was £120 each.

I have become close with one of his friends partners in the past year or so as our youngest is in the same school year. I saw her at soft play this afternoon, we were discussing our half term weeks and she said they’d gone away as a family. I said we looked and that the prices were really high so we couldn’t find a suitable deal.

She said they only managed it as they (the men) had the ‘win the other week’ and this covered it. I blurted out something which obviously showed I was surprised, as she immediately tried to move the subject on.

I spoke to DH when I got home who confirmed this win. He said he didn’t want to feel he had to spend it on ‘us’ so kept it to himself.

He knew how much the kids and I would have loved a few days away and could have easily put some towards it.

I’ve had the odd unexpected windfall during our relationship and some of it has always been used for his benefit too.

AIBU to feel a bit upset by this?

When he comes back ... tell him to fuck right off, u go to a hotel with ur friend.

Are u sure it was his mate texting with his phone ..... or a girl?

How old is this man?!

You deserve better.

Good God op, how old are these men, 😡
Why would friend even think that was ok to msg you on h phone, and were the hell was h while his friend had he's phone,

Oh op how are you feeling about all this and now he may well be back home, what are you going to do op,

Oh no. He doesn't get putting everything behind him without giving you an honest explanation. You've been sitting for two days not knowing where he is? Completely unacceptable on every level

So your husbands friend was texting you from your husbands phone? Drunk texting telling you your feelings are invalid - that's not on on any level

He’s got to be fucking kidding, surely?!

No of course his single friend can't host him this weekend ! but maybe his Dad could ? or even should !

Yes, given how immature said friend is I absolutely believe it. It’s the sort of thing he’d do. And why he has been forever single!

Please tell us you’re not letting him back in after work tonight? You’ve sort of avoided that question here.

She can't legally prevent him from returning to a property he co-owns.

I don’t have a choice, he owns the house and I’ve no right to not let him in. Plus I don’t want there to be a scene in front of our DC

@Sarahjiare you saying your name is not on the deeds?

Can you and the children go to family for a few days?

Fair enough I suppose, but hopefully at least the “putting it behind you” bit is totally fanciful and you’re looking at ways to remove yourself and your children from this vile man!

Maybe now it’s the cold light of day OP you can say I want you to understand and see it from my point of view. I’ll try and see it from yours…we need to communicate before we put it behind us…
When you didn’t tell me, then didn’t tell me the truth I felt X etc. Tell him the devastating impact from an I felt or thought… No one can argue with your feelings/thoughts.
Say I’d like you to xxx (whatever it is.).
If you don’t want to then I can’t make you so that’s a deal breaker for me so I will need to reconsider xxx as yyy is important to me. Tell him you would/wouldn’t like to put it behind you but in order to do that you need him to xxx.

Surely because you are married you have rights to the house as well. I'm not suggesting kicking him out but it is not on that he's treated you like this - he's just to start again like nothing has happened?

I would pack up some things and kids things and go and stay with family

Sarahji have you had time to figure out what you want to happen from this going forward ?

it’s all very well for us to say (and I include myself in this) you should do this or that, but it’s your life and I hope you’ve have time to get to know what outcome you need to move forward.

I have a feeling you’re just going to let this go and allow him to run roughshod over you with all this 😬

He walked out and left you and your child for nothing

I would really struggle to be with someone who left the house and couldn't even be arsed to tell you where he was - that's cruel

He's a greedy knob and there would be no place in my home for a human like that. Think carefully.

He really is a controlling arsehole that is blatantly telling you not to question him and is turning this all on you. He’s a complete headfuck.

But it’s your marriage not ours.

Personally, I would call his bluff and say you’ve also been thinking about divorce, and think it’s a good idea.

OP , your husband is right up there with his friend when it comes to maturity.
Won’t tell you where he’s staying , his friend messaging you , what the fuck age is he ! 15 !.
He has zero notion of leaving you , went to give you a fright 🙄.
I just couldn’t cope with him now being honest .
If you’re able to , I’d be off to my mother’s/ sisters/ friends, wherever, anywhere, rather than having to look at him around the place for the weekend .
Tell him to F off for himself, you need a break .
And no way , high up or low down would be get to not tell me where the fuck he was with his friends & what all that money on .

He's also sitting getting drunk with his stupid mate while youre sitting with your kid not knowing where he was..

That would be the last straw for me I'm afraid. That and handing over his phone to his idiot mate so he can text you and berate you.

Fart box - who the fuck talks like that over the age of 12. His mate thinks it's ok what he did to you - fuck him too

I am so angry on your behalf. I'm not married and I don't have kids but trust me - I have been with my share of immature idiots. You can only take so much before you get to a point where you think fuck this I deserve so much better

Is this "immature friend" someone who was on that day/night out?