Page 32 | DH hid betting windfall

Sarahji · 2026-02-21T17:39:12+00:00

DH and some of his mates have a weekly betting group where they pick football teams and put them in one big bet where the potential returns are high. He has always said they never win and that the most they’ve ever got back was £120 each. I have become close with one of his friends partners in the past year or so as our youngest is in the same school year. I saw her at soft play this afternoon, we were discussing our half term weeks and she said they’d gone away as a family. I said we looked and that the prices were really high so we couldn’t find a suitable deal. She said they only managed it as they (the men) had the ‘win the other week’ and this covered it. I blurted out something which obviously showed I was surprised, as she immediately tried to move the subject on. I spoke to DH when I got home who confirmed this win. He said he didn’t want to feel he had to spend it on ‘us’ so kept it to himself. He knew how much the kids and I would have loved a few days away and could have easily put some towards it. I’ve had the odd unexpected windfall during our relationship and some of it has always been used for his benefit too. AIBU to feel a bit upset by this?

Pheebs87 · 27/02/2026 09:27

scottishgirl69 · 27/02/2026 09:22

He's moved out and she has no idea where he is

Show quote history

Surely he's got to come back at some stage though? When he does surely she can do the same and go and take some time for herself. I thought he said he was staying with a friend? But then did she know he wasnt there either? Sorry it's all getting a bit muddled goodness knows how OP is feeling.

I personally think he decided the marriage was over the minute he spent that money on whatever he did as he clearly doesn't want to tell his wife.

Holding him accountable shouldn't end in him storming out and the fact he has is wild! Just upped and left the family home and kids without a backward glance because he refuses to say what happened that night......

Thechaseison71 · 27/02/2026 09:58

scottishgirl69 · 27/02/2026 09:23

It wasn't shared with a random person. The OPs wife saw how much money her partner spent and told the OP

Show quote history

Well the OP is a random person. She's nothing to do with the other man. Would you be happy if your husband discussed with his mate the amounts you'd spent on things

scottishgirl69 · 27/02/2026 10:01

Thechaseison71 · 27/02/2026 09:58

Well the OP is a random person. She's nothing to do with the other man. Would you be happy if your husband discussed with his mate the amounts you'd spent on things

Show quote history

The OPs friends husband was part of the group that went out with the OPs husband. The OPs friend asked how much her husband spent and he told her 150 pounds

I don't have a husband.

Thechaseison71 · 27/02/2026 10:03

scottishgirl69 · 27/02/2026 10:01

The OPs friends husband was part of the group that went out with the OPs husband. The OPs friend asked how much her husband spent and he told her 150 pounds

I don't have a husband.

Show quote history

And proof of that it where?

Id still not be happy at someone telling others what id spent.

scottishgirl69 · 27/02/2026 10:07

Thechaseison71 · 27/02/2026 10:03

And proof of that it where?

Id still not be happy at someone telling others what id spent.

Show quote history

As I said previously - the OP stated that her friend asked her husband what he spent on the day and he said 150 pounds. Maybe read the full thread?

That family went on a break with the winnings.

HK04 · 27/02/2026 10:23

Not really winnings as such in so far as it being new money/windfall. The DH spent his own money and usually lost which he covered so was just getting some or all of his own cash back. If he’d spent it weekly instead there would have been no lump sum.

scottishgirl69 · 27/02/2026 10:35

HK04 · 27/02/2026 10:23

Not really winnings as such in so far as it being new money/windfall. The DH spent his own money and usually lost which he covered so was just getting some or all of his own cash back. If he’d spent it weekly instead there would have been no lump sum.

Edited

Which is quite normal for people who gamble - to have losses as well as wins. He clearly has enough money to absorb the losses given how much he spent of their winnings/windfall whatever people want to call it

Thechaseison71 · 27/02/2026 10:57

scottishgirl69 · 27/02/2026 10:07

As I said previously - the OP stated that her friend asked her husband what he spent on the day and he said 150 pounds. Maybe read the full thread?

That family went on a break with the winnings.

Show quote history

But it's not on the other man's wife to be gossiping about what her husband spent to the OP.

And I have read the thread thanks

scottishgirl69 · 27/02/2026 10:59

Thechaseison71 · 27/02/2026 10:57

But it's not on the other man's wife to be gossiping about what her husband spent to the OP.

And I have read the thread thanks

Show quote history

Why isn't it? The OP wanted to know what other people spent - because her husband spent 500 quid. She didn't even know about these winnings until her friend told her they had been away on a break. They can discuss what they like.

Ninerainbows · 27/02/2026 11:02

Whether random Mumsnet posters would resent being asked about the money or not, most happily married men or women would not stand on principle on this so hard that they would leave the family home. Especially when they are caught lying and have admitted it, which loses them a good chunk of the moral high ground.

HK04 · 27/02/2026 11:30

Ninerainbows · 27/02/2026 11:02

Whether random Mumsnet posters would resent being asked about the money or not, most happily married men or women would not stand on principle on this so hard that they would leave the family home. Especially when they are caught lying and have admitted it, which loses them a good chunk of the moral high ground.

@Ninerainbows not so sure… it all depends on perspective.

Here’s a reverse:

My DH has found out I won £800 on the bingo. Friend told her DH. He’s p’d off as wanted me to spend it taking him and the kids away. Asking what I spent it on.

We each have our own ‘fun’ money. He spends his, I spend mine. I usually lose but as we share bills don’t want to share.

Took out £500 in cash. Had great day with girls. Spent rest on X (or still have Y left in my purse).

Told him (stupidly and it was a lie) that I spent it in X Bingo hall. He put me on the spot so that’s on me as he’s found out it closed down.

Told him I’ve a few hundred left and I am deciding what to do with it.

Also told him if I was questioning him there would be an uproar.

He’s not going to let it lie. Told him I shouldn’t have to give a blow by blow account and that he doesn’t share my losses so shouldn’t expect a share of my winnings.

Not really winnings in a way as I’ve lost way more.

He started up again when kids were in bed. Now saying I may have another bloke/gone to a sex worker. Told him, again defensively and in anger at him asking all night that I may as well have.

At one stage I went to bed he says in a huff.

Today after work I came home in a foul mood. Said if he’s going to ask me Qs all night again that I’m going to a hotel. That I’m not coming back until he stops.

Also angry at my friends DH. Called him the C word and said she needs to reign him in. Shouldn’t of. It was androgynous and I was annoyed.

Thing is he thinks I’ve something to hide but for me it’s the him going on, expecting me to share and so have had enough.

Told him that this was the last straw, and that I think I want a divorce. I’ve left for a few days and don’t want him to know where I am as don’t think I want to be in a marriage with someone so controlling…I could tell him, but don’t see why I should.

scottishgirl69 · 27/02/2026 11:38

HK04 · 27/02/2026 11:30

@Ninerainbows not so sure… it all depends on perspective.

Here’s a reverse:

My DH has found out I won £800 on the bingo. Friend told her DH. He’s p’d off as wanted me to spend it taking him and the kids away. Asking what I spent it on.

We each have our own ‘fun’ money. He spends his, I spend mine. I usually lose but as we share bills don’t want to share.

Took out £500 in cash. Had great day with girls. Spent rest on X (or still have Y left in my purse).

Told him (stupidly and it was a lie) that I spent it in X Bingo hall. He put me on the spot so that’s on me as he’s found out it closed down.

Told him I’ve a few hundred left and I am deciding what to do with it.

Also told him if I was questioning him there would be an uproar.

He’s not going to let it lie. Told him I shouldn’t have to give a blow by blow account and that he doesn’t share my losses so shouldn’t expect a share of my winnings.

Not really winnings in a way as I’ve lost way more.

He started up again when kids were in bed. Now saying I may have another bloke/gone to a sex worker. Told him, again defensively and in anger at him asking all night that I may as well have.

At one stage I went to bed he says in a huff.

Today after work I came home in a foul mood. Said if he’s going to ask me Qs all night again that I’m going to a hotel. That I’m not coming back until he stops.

Also angry at my friends DH. Called him the C word and said she needs to reign him in. Shouldn’t of. It was androgynous and I was annoyed.

Thing is he thinks I’ve something to hide but for me it’s the him going on, expecting me to share and so have had enough.

Told him that this was the last straw, and that I think I want a divorce. I’ve left for a few days and don’t want him to know where I am as don’t think I want to be in a marriage with someone so controlling…I could tell him, but don’t see why I should.

Edited

Show quote history

Reverses don't help anyone. You seem to be falling over yourself to paint the OP as the villain in this scenario along with other people on the boards

And of course - women need to go to Bingo don't they? We aren't talking about this man going to Bingo. He's lied about going to a casino that doesn't exist anymore. He's spent hundreds more pounds than other people who went on the same day out

I think it's a reasonable question to ask someone where they went - and not be lied to - and that's before you get to the amount of money spent

scottishgirl69 · 27/02/2026 11:43

Ninerainbows · 27/02/2026 11:02

Whether random Mumsnet posters would resent being asked about the money or not, most happily married men or women would not stand on principle on this so hard that they would leave the family home. Especially when they are caught lying and have admitted it, which loses them a good chunk of the moral high ground.

Lying about the win. Lying about where he went. Being evasive about how much he spent

All he had to do was tell the OP where he went. I think it's pretty normal to tell your wife or your husband if you are going to be going out all day with a group of friends where you are actually going.

There was a pre arranged day out somewhere that turned into a piss up and now he wants a divorce because she's asked him where he went and what he spent 500 quid on - that's not normal behaviour after a row - to immediately go to divorce as the first option

HK04 · 27/02/2026 11:57

scottishgirl69 · 27/02/2026 11:38

Reverses don't help anyone. You seem to be falling over yourself to paint the OP as the villain in this scenario along with other people on the boards

And of course - women need to go to Bingo don't they? We aren't talking about this man going to Bingo. He's lied about going to a casino that doesn't exist anymore. He's spent hundreds more pounds than other people who went on the same day out

I think it's a reasonable question to ask someone where they went - and not be lied to - and that's before you get to the amount of money spent

Show quote history

@scottishgirl69 Don’t think OP was a villain at all. Feel really bad for her and situation. Think we all do. It is reasonable to ask, said that before too. Lying not on.

It may he is as you say, not ruling it out but just trying to show there might be another side/explanation at least to some extent.

It would do OP no favours getting an echo chamber only as end of day she may still love this man, and once she/he’s calmed down if that’s what she wants, they could still yet find a way to work it out.

All escalated really quickly and often folk defensively and in anger many act/react in unacceptable ways.

Just hope OP ok.

scottishgirl69 · 27/02/2026 12:56

HK04 · 27/02/2026 11:57

@scottishgirl69 Don’t think OP was a villain at all. Feel really bad for her and situation. Think we all do. It is reasonable to ask, said that before too. Lying not on.

It may he is as you say, not ruling it out but just trying to show there might be another side/explanation at least to some extent.

It would do OP no favours getting an echo chamber only as end of day she may still love this man, and once she/he’s calmed down if that’s what she wants, they could still yet find a way to work it out.

All escalated really quickly and often folk defensively and in anger many act/react in unacceptable ways.

Just hope OP ok.

Show quote history

Of course. I hope he at least phones her and tells her where he is. She must be out of her mind with worry

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/02/2026 14:07

Told him (stupidly and it was a lie) that I spent it in X Bingo hall. He put me on the spot so that’s on me as he’s found out it closed down.

Why did you lie? Were you taking cocaine or at the DreamBoys?

MsSomebodyNow · 27/02/2026 14:35

HK04 · 27/02/2026 07:30

@MsSomebodyNow

Not sure where the £1k came from, OP said he won over £800, then withdrew in cash £500… of that win.

DH has a gambling group. Almost never win…’.

DH initial response: His counter argument was that I don’t offer to part fund his stakes on the weeks they lose so why do I think I should get a share of the winnings.

he didn’t want to feel he had to spend it on ‘us’ so kept it to himself.

It was over £800. He used/uses his own money for this.

He says he has a few hundred left which he hasn’t decided what to do with yet

They had celebratory day: I know what he spent on that Saturday as he showed me the cash withdrawal for £500.

Anyways no need for the pile on @AmberDreams . MN not an echo chamber.

End of day OP now dealing with the fall out of the escalation going from AIBU to this.

Edited

Apologies, yes, I have reread the opening post and realise the money spent was from his original £800 winnings. (or I assume from what he’s admitted to?)

tbf, the OP was initially asking was she BU to feel a bit upset. When in reality, she wasn’t being unreasonable at all, it’s ok to feel upset about anything. Their your feelings, no one has the right to tell you your wrong to feel them.

Yes, it is ok for people to spend their own money how they choose to. However, he hid this from her, hiding things in a marriage is not a good sign. It escalated due to the fact that the OP was made aware of other facts that her dh had lied about to her. Again, not good in a marriage. What was the OP meant to do about all this? Act like a ‘good litttle wife?’ Smile and carry on as usual as if nothing had happened? Allow her dh to carry on believing she had no knowledge of his lies and deceit for a peaceful marriage? Just so dh didn’t get upset about being questioned about his whereabouts and why he’d lied?

Coldiron · 27/02/2026 15:47

The next thing that will happen is the DH will decide to “forgive” OP and come back as long as she doesn't mention it again

Ninerainbows · 27/02/2026 16:56

HK04 · 27/02/2026 11:30

@Ninerainbows not so sure… it all depends on perspective.

Here’s a reverse:

My DH has found out I won £800 on the bingo. Friend told her DH. He’s p’d off as wanted me to spend it taking him and the kids away. Asking what I spent it on.

We each have our own ‘fun’ money. He spends his, I spend mine. I usually lose but as we share bills don’t want to share.

Took out £500 in cash. Had great day with girls. Spent rest on X (or still have Y left in my purse).

Told him (stupidly and it was a lie) that I spent it in X Bingo hall. He put me on the spot so that’s on me as he’s found out it closed down.

Told him I’ve a few hundred left and I am deciding what to do with it.

Also told him if I was questioning him there would be an uproar.

He’s not going to let it lie. Told him I shouldn’t have to give a blow by blow account and that he doesn’t share my losses so shouldn’t expect a share of my winnings.

Not really winnings in a way as I’ve lost way more.

He started up again when kids were in bed. Now saying I may have another bloke/gone to a sex worker. Told him, again defensively and in anger at him asking all night that I may as well have.

At one stage I went to bed he says in a huff.

Today after work I came home in a foul mood. Said if he’s going to ask me Qs all night again that I’m going to a hotel. That I’m not coming back until he stops.

Also angry at my friends DH. Called him the C word and said she needs to reign him in. Shouldn’t of. It was androgynous and I was annoyed.

Thing is he thinks I’ve something to hide but for me it’s the him going on, expecting me to share and so have had enough.

Told him that this was the last straw, and that I think I want a divorce. I’ve left for a few days and don’t want him to know where I am as don’t think I want to be in a marriage with someone so controlling…I could tell him, but don’t see why I should.

Edited

Show quote history

Took out £500 in cash. Had great day with girls. Spent rest on X (or still have Y left in my purse).

Yes, and if "X" was drugs (illegal) or a sex worker (possible STDs) the man is entitled to know.

Women don't leave the kids for several days just so they don't have to tell their husband they bought some bottles of Dom for everyone in a club.

Ninerainbows · 27/02/2026 17:05

Coldiron · 27/02/2026 15:47

The next thing that will happen is the DH will decide to “forgive” OP and come back as long as she doesn't mention it again

Yep. He won't ever tell.

Original poster

Sarahji · 27/02/2026 19:06

I woke up to a string of (seemingly drunken) messages this morning and it was obvious he was with a friend. There was messages his friend had clearly sent as they referred to ‘he’ and they later got deleted today with my H apologising and saying it was a friend (named) who had this phone.

One of the messages was really inappropriate, and was obvious H had told him what happened. As it said something like ‘come on, he was home by midnight so why do you think he was up to no good. He wasn’t out until the early hours and tongue punching some randoms fart box’ 🙄vile.

Thats his one single friend and I’ve never been a fan of him, immature and their friendship doesn’t extend beyond drinking.

He’s called after work today and said his friend can’t host him this weekend so he’ll be back later after visiting his Dad and he ‘looks forward to putting everything behind us’

OP posts:

MummyJ36 · 27/02/2026 19:11

Yeah…no.

DidIJustHearWhatIThinkYouSaid · 27/02/2026 19:12

What she said!!!

gamerchick · 27/02/2026 19:15

Sarahji · 27/02/2026 19:06

I woke up to a string of (seemingly drunken) messages this morning and it was obvious he was with a friend. There was messages his friend had clearly sent as they referred to ‘he’ and they later got deleted today with my H apologising and saying it was a friend (named) who had this phone.

One of the messages was really inappropriate, and was obvious H had told him what happened. As it said something like ‘come on, he was home by midnight so why do you think he was up to no good. He wasn’t out until the early hours and tongue punching some randoms fart box’ 🙄vile.

Thats his one single friend and I’ve never been a fan of him, immature and their friendship doesn’t extend beyond drinking.

He’s called after work today and said his friend can’t host him this weekend so he’ll be back later after visiting his Dad and he ‘looks forward to putting everything behind us’

He'll be expecting you to welcome him back with open arms. Tell him to fuck off.

glowfrog · 27/02/2026 19:15

He can’t possibly think you can both just put it all behind you. Whoever may or may not be at fault, this really isn’t how to manage conflict in a relationship in a healthy way.