DH hid betting windfall

[Sarahji]

DH and some of his mates have a weekly betting group where they pick football teams and put them in one big bet where the potential returns are high. He has always said they never win and that the most they’ve ever got back was £120 each.

I have become close with one of his friends partners in the past year or so as our youngest is in the same school year. I saw her at soft play this afternoon, we were discussing our half term weeks and she said they’d gone away as a family. I said we looked and that the prices were really high so we couldn’t find a suitable deal.

She said they only managed it as they (the men) had the ‘win the other week’ and this covered it. I blurted out something which obviously showed I was surprised, as she immediately tried to move the subject on.

I spoke to DH when I got home who confirmed this win. He said he didn’t want to feel he had to spend it on ‘us’ so kept it to himself.

He knew how much the kids and I would have loved a few days away and could have easily put some towards it.

I’ve had the odd unexpected windfall during our relationship and some of it has always been used for his benefit too.

AIBU to feel a bit upset by this?

500 pounds. Lying about where he went. Saying he might as well get a prostitute. Threatening to go to a hotel and then walking out and not telling his wife where he is. Poor him. Also calling his pals wife a c**t and saying she needed to be told.

The OP making a massive issue over a few hundred pounds won by DH using his own money is the one who is over reacting. She sounds very controlling and then feigns shock when he reacts badly to her.

I don’t know about you but I wouldn’t want to be anywhere near someone like that.

If a man displayed such controlling behaviour towards a woman everyone would be screaming LTB.

800 pounds. He blew 500 of it in an afternoon and is refusing to say what he spent it on. Or where he was. And now he's stomped off. I wouldn't want a partner like that - walked out on his kids too. Bell end

Rubbish. Utter rubbish.

You don't know what controlling behaviour is if you think the OP is controlling

Ah, of course, hysterical women would be "screaming".
And how very unreasonable of women on here to provide the OP solid proof that her husband is lying and encouraging her to act on evidence rather than emotion.
A terrible spanish inquisition, pitchfork, witchy vipers attack if ever there was one.

Of course the OP has the right to be concerned that he blew 500 quid in cash in the space of an afternoon and is refusing to say on what.

Would people who think she's controlling have the same view if he told her he did drugs or paid for sex?

If there's an innocent explanation all he has to do is say so - a very expensive meal, wine etc. It's the fact that he's refusing to say where the money went that's the issue - no more than that - and the fact that he's reacted by wanting a divorce - guilty as hell as far as I'm concerned. Smokescreen

No one would be screaming. It’s written down and there are very few full caps. But it’s a delicious misogynistic word. Mmmmmmmm screaming.

I think you’re wasting your time on people who haven’t been bothered to read past the first post x

Sorry, what ‘extreme’ reaction did OP have to her dh actually spending around a grand on a night out 🤷‍♀️

@MsSomebodyNow

Not sure where the £1k came from, OP said he won over £800, then withdrew in cash £500… of that win.

DH has a gambling group. Almost never win…’.

DH initial response: His counter argument was that I don’t offer to part fund his stakes on the weeks they lose so why do I think I should get a share of the winnings.

he didn’t want to feel he had to spend it on ‘us’ so kept it to himself.

It was over £800. He used/uses his own money for this.

He says he has a few hundred left which he hasn’t decided what to do with yet

They had celebratory day: I know what he spent on that Saturday as he showed me the cash withdrawal for £500.

Anyways no need for the pile on @AmberDreams . MN not an echo chamber.

End of day OP now dealing with the fall out of the escalation going from AIBU to this.

I did for my own sanity! My ex kept coming back at random times and causing trouble. Then when I decided to go back home with the kids to try and sort my head out. So I had the the locks changed. My ex was a police officer and when he couldn't get in the house he apparently tried to get a 'Place of safety order' against me but his colleagues at work just laughed at him. He was a very controlling person too. Incidentally the best advice I got was from my brother. He said to devoid myself of all emotion and do what's right form my kids. I came home and started divorce proceedings. It was the best thing I ever did. I often see threads on this site about controlling and coercive men and I look back and think OMG that was me in that situation. The trouble is you don't realise it at the time.

Strange How many people go round sharing their husbands banking apps with friends? I'm not sure id be over happy if someone shared my personal banking stuff with a random person

Yeah safety is the only exception I believe.

Not being pissed off with your spouse but in no danger

To be clear. The ONLY person responsible for this escalating is the OPs husband and his lies/behaviour.

If my DP asks me a question about where ive been (although he knows anyway) I answer it honestly. Because im not hiding anything.
People only lie when they are hiding something/done something wrong.
Regular human beings dont answer a question with a lie just for the sake of it

I cant imagine being in a relationship where winnings are hidden and you don't want to share them with your loved ones/children. There was enough there to treat himself and treat his family.

I cant imagine being in a relationship where my partner tells me hes gone somewhere to then discover this place is closed.

I cant imagine being in a relationship where my partner tells me he wishes hed paid for a prostitute with the money

I cant imagine being in a relationship where my man talks about "reigning" women in.

But yeah, you do you!

I’d be willing to bet that the ‘friend’ he’s staying with is the same person he was with when he splashed his winnings. And I suspect this friend is not just a friend.

What a shitty situation @Sarahji, I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this.

So sorry you're going through this but what strikes me is that he is now talking about ending the marriage. That says to me that telling you the truth would end it anyway and this way he gets to control the narrative as to why the relationship has broken down.

Personally I agree with another poster that you should leave him with the kids for a few days and take some time. It absolutely boils my piss that men get to just walk away and leave all the household management and childcare to the woman. Why should he get to just walk away without any responsibility? No. Absolutely not. He can have the kids and household management for the same amount of time whilst you go and do whatever you want.

There were apparently a group of men out that day. No one knows what he spent the cash on

He's been out using prostitutes. That much is clear.

He's moved out and she has no idea where he is

Anyway op..you'd be better off with a divorce. He sounds awful. Untruthful/dishonest, gaslighting you, vile, mysoginist

Did he have any good points?

It wasn't shared with a random person. The OPs wife saw how much money her partner spent and told the OP

Should she just have kept her mouth closed and accepted that he blew 500 pounds in an afternoon and refused to tell her where he was to boot?