Page 30 | DH hid betting windfall

scottishgirl69 · 26/02/2026 14:00

Slightyamusedandsilly · 26/02/2026 13:46

Happy to agree to disagree about your first paragraph. And in complete agreement with the second. As I dropped his bin-bagged stuff off on his mum's doorstep I'd yell, 'I've changed the locks so don't bother coming back' through the letter box.

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That's illegal if they own the home together

PlanBFertility26 · 26/02/2026 14:00

scottishgirl69 · 26/02/2026 13:59

He spent 500 quid in an afternoon and is lying about where he went and how he spent it

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I know. Serves me right for skipping all the messages 🤦🏼‍♀️

Eatdrinkbemerry · 26/02/2026 14:12

@Sarahji so sorry to read how this has all unravelled. Do you have friends or family you are reaching out to support? I know you can get viewpoints and ideas from here but nobody will know you like family and friends and at a time like this I hope you are not alone and are supported and loved.

MsSomebodyNow · 26/02/2026 14:59

HK04 · 26/02/2026 06:13

Know i’ll get roasted, but I can a wee bit see his point as I’d be the same. Wouldn’t want to be in a marriage either where I was pressed to justify my expenditure.

+There is still a chance that he blew his own £s without doing anything untoward. That the issue is he frittered it and his reaction is due to being what he perceives as controlled/forensically scrutinised.

The escalation/speculation on this thread has regardless been wild. He shouldn’t of lied, or said the things he said. He did act/react badly. No question.

OP also entitled to ask and justified also in feeling aggrieved.

Sad situation overall though.

MN egging on the Spanish Inquisition… unfortunately could see this coming. In a scenario of immovable object v irresistible force something has to give.

To go from kids/I would have liked few days away to divorce on one post is quite an escalation.

Edited

I think the OP is more concerned about where here dh was and what he was up to, don’t you. Asking those questions is not a ‘Spanish inquisition’. His attitude and ultimate response and actions to being asked is staggering though

HK04 · 26/02/2026 15:17

MsSomebodyNow · 26/02/2026 14:59

I think the OP is more concerned about where here dh was and what he was up to, don’t you. Asking those questions is not a ‘Spanish inquisition’. His attitude and ultimate response and actions to being asked is staggering though

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Asking the Qs is and was reasonable. His responses were extremely poor and inadequate. Not so reasonable to continue pressing when he wasn’t willing to disclose. None of us can force someone to answer is the point however much we are or feel entitled to that explanation.

OP had the option to leave it for a bit and try later, try a different way (not what but the way your acting and reacting affects me X and Y) and/or to ultimately decide he was and is not trustworthy and it was over. Only OP will know too how she approached it and if that was proportionate or if it contributed to the escalation.

There is evidence though overall of a dynamic rightly or wrong of irresistible force meets immovable object:

He’s sick of me asking about it now anyway.

Having presented him with the above evidence he has now admitted he didn’t go to a casino. But he says it’s none of my business what he did with his own money and he doesn’t need to give a blow by blow account.

…said if the shoe was on the other foot (him asking me what I’d spent money on) there’d be uproar.

I will speak to him again when he has calmed down a bit.

DH said if he knew he was going to get this amount of ‘stick’ off me then he’d may as well have ‘got a brass’ so at least the earful would have been worth it.

DH got home in a foul mood…He then said that if I am going to be spend another evening questioning him he is going to book a hotel and he won’t come back until I leave him alone about it.

I won’t drop it until I’ve an explanation…

Things escalated yesterday so I have been dealing with the fall out.

He told me he ‘thinks’ he wants a divorce. When pressed, he said this has been the final straw and he never thought he’d be in a marriage where he has to justify his every expense and movement and he feels he can’t be in a ‘controlling’ marriage any more.

So stand by the Spanish Inquisition analogy - seems more than quick what did you spend it on…(another evening questioning) not that my opinion or view matters, main consideration is it’s an incredibly sad situation overall and OP is now having to deal with the fallout.

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/02/2026 15:22

So stand by the Spanish Inquisition analogy - seems more than quick what did you spend it on…(another evening questioning) not that my opinion or view matters, main consideration is it’s an incredibly sad situation overall and OP is now having to deal with the fallout.

There was a 'what did you spend it on' and he lied. If DH did that I wouldn't say, "oh well you do what you like with hundreds of quid and lie about it tralala".

Blondeshavemorefun · 26/02/2026 15:41

Bring on a divorce then - should be your reply tho sorry it came to that

I’m halfway though a divorce and it’s not easy but needs must

but you obv can’t trust him. He’s done something dodgy with the £500 an do you wan to be with someone like that

get your ducks in a row

Talk to a solicestor

scottishgirl69 · 26/02/2026 15:43

HK04 · 26/02/2026 15:17

Asking the Qs is and was reasonable. His responses were extremely poor and inadequate. Not so reasonable to continue pressing when he wasn’t willing to disclose. None of us can force someone to answer is the point however much we are or feel entitled to that explanation.

OP had the option to leave it for a bit and try later, try a different way (not what but the way your acting and reacting affects me X and Y) and/or to ultimately decide he was and is not trustworthy and it was over. Only OP will know too how she approached it and if that was proportionate or if it contributed to the escalation.

There is evidence though overall of a dynamic rightly or wrong of irresistible force meets immovable object:

He’s sick of me asking about it now anyway.

Having presented him with the above evidence he has now admitted he didn’t go to a casino. But he says it’s none of my business what he did with his own money and he doesn’t need to give a blow by blow account.

…said if the shoe was on the other foot (him asking me what I’d spent money on) there’d be uproar.

I will speak to him again when he has calmed down a bit.

DH said if he knew he was going to get this amount of ‘stick’ off me then he’d may as well have ‘got a brass’ so at least the earful would have been worth it.

DH got home in a foul mood…He then said that if I am going to be spend another evening questioning him he is going to book a hotel and he won’t come back until I leave him alone about it.

I won’t drop it until I’ve an explanation…

Things escalated yesterday so I have been dealing with the fall out.

He told me he ‘thinks’ he wants a divorce. When pressed, he said this has been the final straw and he never thought he’d be in a marriage where he has to justify his every expense and movement and he feels he can’t be in a ‘controlling’ marriage any more.

So stand by the Spanish Inquisition analogy - seems more than quick what did you spend it on…(another evening questioning) not that my opinion or view matters, main consideration is it’s an incredibly sad situation overall and OP is now having to deal with the fallout.

Edited

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Being questioned on what you did with 500 quid and lying about what you spent it on shouldn't have led to someone walking out and wanting a divorce. You don't sound supportive of the Op in the slightest

HK04 · 26/02/2026 17:14

scottishgirl69 · 26/02/2026 15:43

Being questioned on what you did with 500 quid and lying about what you spent it on shouldn't have led to someone walking out and wanting a divorce. You don't sound supportive of the Op in the slightest

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@scottishgirl69 You weren’t there. None of us were. You were one of the ones egging on the OP though. Mob mentality and wild speculation hasn’t helped. Situation snowballed from AIBU to feel upset to this. It’s OPs real life and make no apologies for trying to be more measured and give wider view…I am supportive of OP but cue roasting for not joining herd/grabbing pitchfork.

scottishgirl69 · 26/02/2026 17:22

HK04 · 26/02/2026 17:14

@scottishgirl69 You weren’t there. None of us were. You were one of the ones egging on the OP though. Mob mentality and wild speculation hasn’t helped. Situation snowballed from AIBU to feel upset to this. It’s OPs real life and make no apologies for trying to be more measured and give wider view…I am supportive of OP but cue roasting for not joining herd/grabbing pitchfork.

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I didn't egg her on. I suggest you wind your neck in if that's all you have to say. I gave my opinion the same way you have yours. God who cares. Maybe get over yourself. It's not about you

Slightyamusedandsilly · 26/02/2026 18:00

Thechaseison71 · 26/02/2026 13:48

Which you would have no right to do as still his home and you'd be breaking the law

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Silly, it's an idle statement. I wouldn't ACTUALLY change them. I'd fuck him around like he'd fucked me around.

Thechaseison71 · 26/02/2026 18:01

Slightyamusedandsilly · 26/02/2026 18:00

Silly, it's an idle statement. I wouldn't ACTUALLY change them. I'd fuck him around like he'd fucked me around.

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Lol. Some people might believe you can actually do that and get away with it though

user1493379562 · 26/02/2026 18:19

Oh OP he sounds very much like my ex! Only when he walked out he told me he was going to sleep in the car. When I went to see if he was there the car was gone. Turned out he had gone to his mistresses house although he tried to tell me she was just a friend. He tried to come crawling back when she didn't want him anymore but by that time I did not want him back either! The 1st thing I did was draw some money out of our joint bank account and had our bank account frozen. There was some money in there from an inheritance from my mother. We then had to open separate bank accounts. He cancelled a credit agreement for a PC we had bought.. He told the kids it would have to go back to the shop. (The stupid idiot was treating it like it was Hire purchase). Anyway when a letter came from the credit company saying if the balance wasn't paid at the agreed time the APR would be 40%. So I took the opportunity to inform the company that he no longer lived at my address and forwarded his mistresses and his mother addresses. I also took the opportunity to inform another creditor he had and his credit card company. Just make sure you get your ducks in a row. His family may not necessarily side with you. Blood is thicker than water. It took 3 years to get my divorce because he kept playing silly buggers. It is a long dark tunnel you are venturing in now with many twists and turns but there is light at the end of it! I wish you all the strength and luck in the world!

Oldbird69 · 26/02/2026 19:13

I agree with the reply which said he's trying to scare you that he'll leave/divorce you. If he was going to do it, why would he lie to your children? He'd have to tell them at some point, so why lie now?
I also don't think he's having an affair. It sounds much more like a one off act by what you've posted. I think you'd be looking back and remembering other things he'd done if he was.
Stay strong & don't be bullied by him is my advice. Whether you stay together or not is completely up to you, but make sure he knows that you can't live with a liar xx

Whatsappweirdo · 26/02/2026 19:38

im so sorry. He is beyond words.

Joliefolie · 26/02/2026 19:39

@HK04 You aren't trying to support the OP, you are trying to be 'right' and convince the MN public of that. Just stop. You've made your point.

scottishgirl69 · 26/02/2026 20:22

I also need to say that I do not follow a herd on here. I have my own opinions. I did not egg the OP on to do anything. How absurd. I also am not going to "pitch fork" people for having a different view

However. This man lied. More than once. He's being evasive - but if a woman speaks up about poor treatment she's apparently controlling and Co ercive. That's misogyny by any other name. How dare someone want to know why her husband spent 500 quid in an afternoon or where he really went - how very dare she

She should know her place and just allow him to do what the fuck he likes or he will leave home and threaten divorce

MsSomebodyNow · 26/02/2026 21:42

HK04 · 26/02/2026 15:17

Asking the Qs is and was reasonable. His responses were extremely poor and inadequate. Not so reasonable to continue pressing when he wasn’t willing to disclose. None of us can force someone to answer is the point however much we are or feel entitled to that explanation.

OP had the option to leave it for a bit and try later, try a different way (not what but the way your acting and reacting affects me X and Y) and/or to ultimately decide he was and is not trustworthy and it was over. Only OP will know too how she approached it and if that was proportionate or if it contributed to the escalation.

There is evidence though overall of a dynamic rightly or wrong of irresistible force meets immovable object:

He’s sick of me asking about it now anyway.

Having presented him with the above evidence he has now admitted he didn’t go to a casino. But he says it’s none of my business what he did with his own money and he doesn’t need to give a blow by blow account.

…said if the shoe was on the other foot (him asking me what I’d spent money on) there’d be uproar.

I will speak to him again when he has calmed down a bit.

DH said if he knew he was going to get this amount of ‘stick’ off me then he’d may as well have ‘got a brass’ so at least the earful would have been worth it.

DH got home in a foul mood…He then said that if I am going to be spend another evening questioning him he is going to book a hotel and he won’t come back until I leave him alone about it.

I won’t drop it until I’ve an explanation…

Things escalated yesterday so I have been dealing with the fall out.

He told me he ‘thinks’ he wants a divorce. When pressed, he said this has been the final straw and he never thought he’d be in a marriage where he has to justify his every expense and movement and he feels he can’t be in a ‘controlling’ marriage any more.

So stand by the Spanish Inquisition analogy - seems more than quick what did you spend it on…(another evening questioning) not that my opinion or view matters, main consideration is it’s an incredibly sad situation overall and OP is now having to deal with the fallout.

Edited

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Yes it was reasonable to know what her husband had been doing. From my understanding of the thread, he withdrew £500 initially, won £800. Spent the £500 and the majority of the £800 too from what I recall the OP saying. That’s a hell of a lot of money for a night out. So roundabout a grand or more in total 🤷‍♀️

we don’t actually know if the OP was questioning him consistently or questioned him a couple of times about it, and he just reacted OTT to actually being questioned at all.

The way he responded to her was gaslighting and dismissive. He was just changing the narrative to make himself the victim.
The shoe wasn’t on the other foot, because OP wasn’t the one who was lying and avoiding being open and honest with her dh.
No, he doesn’t need to give a blow by blow account, just tell OP the truth about the evening like she’s asking for. As any normal caring loving spouse would.

Tbh, I wouldn’t drop it either, I would want the truth. If I knew I wasn’t going to get it and this was his reaction to me wanting clarity on the situation, the marriage would be over, the trust would be gone.

scottishgirl69 · 26/02/2026 21:59

MsSomebodyNow · 26/02/2026 21:42

Yes it was reasonable to know what her husband had been doing. From my understanding of the thread, he withdrew £500 initially, won £800. Spent the £500 and the majority of the £800 too from what I recall the OP saying. That’s a hell of a lot of money for a night out. So roundabout a grand or more in total 🤷‍♀️

we don’t actually know if the OP was questioning him consistently or questioned him a couple of times about it, and he just reacted OTT to actually being questioned at all.

The way he responded to her was gaslighting and dismissive. He was just changing the narrative to make himself the victim.
The shoe wasn’t on the other foot, because OP wasn’t the one who was lying and avoiding being open and honest with her dh.
No, he doesn’t need to give a blow by blow account, just tell OP the truth about the evening like she’s asking for. As any normal caring loving spouse would.

Tbh, I wouldn’t drop it either, I would want the truth. If I knew I wasn’t going to get it and this was his reaction to me wanting clarity on the situation, the marriage would be over, the trust would be gone.

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This. Particularly as one of the other men who went out for the day spent 150. The fact that he didn't tell her about the winnings in the first place incase he had to spend any of it on his family - kids included is the biggest red flag for me

Thechaseison71 · 26/02/2026 22:50

scottishgirl69 · 26/02/2026 21:59

This. Particularly as one of the other men who went out for the day spent 150. The fact that he didn't tell her about the winnings in the first place incase he had to spend any of it on his family - kids included is the biggest red flag for me

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How does anyone know the other man was telling his wife the truth though?

MsSomebodyNow · 26/02/2026 22:57

Thechaseison71 · 26/02/2026 22:50

How does anyone know the other man was telling his wife the truth though?

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From memory of what’s been said.i think his wife had said she knew how much he had withdrawn. And his winnings went on a family holiday for them.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 26/02/2026 22:58

@Thechaseison71

The other wife said that was how they had afforded their little break away / holiday - ' She said they only managed it as they (the men) had the ‘win the other week’ and this covered it.'
the other wife has no reason to lie.

AmberDreams · 26/02/2026 22:58

How often do you fund his losses? If the answer is never then you are being very unreasonable expecting to have a say in how his winnings are spent.

Regardless of that I feel sorry for him. I can’t imagine being in a relationship where one party has such an extreme reaction to the other spending a few hundred pounds. It must be awful for him.

Joliefolie · 26/02/2026 23:07

Get a grip AmberDreams.The person lying, insulting, flouncing out and threatening divorce is the one having the "extreme reaction."

scottishgirl69 · 26/02/2026 23:08

Thechaseison71 · 26/02/2026 22:50

How does anyone know the other man was telling his wife the truth though?

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She saw his banking app