DH hid betting windfall

[Sarahji]

DH and some of his mates have a weekly betting group where they pick football teams and put them in one big bet where the potential returns are high. He has always said they never win and that the most they’ve ever got back was £120 each.

I have become close with one of his friends partners in the past year or so as our youngest is in the same school year. I saw her at soft play this afternoon, we were discussing our half term weeks and she said they’d gone away as a family. I said we looked and that the prices were really high so we couldn’t find a suitable deal.

She said they only managed it as they (the men) had the ‘win the other week’ and this covered it. I blurted out something which obviously showed I was surprised, as she immediately tried to move the subject on.

I spoke to DH when I got home who confirmed this win. He said he didn’t want to feel he had to spend it on ‘us’ so kept it to himself.

He knew how much the kids and I would have loved a few days away and could have easily put some towards it.

I’ve had the odd unexpected windfall during our relationship and some of it has always been used for his benefit too.

AIBU to feel a bit upset by this?

The way he spoke about his friends wife too, when she innocently mentioned it thinking you knew, shows aggression and misogyny.
Let him go to a hotel and sulk I say. You'll probably enjoy having one less child in the house.
Next stage he might turn on the tears so be prepared for that!

Don’t get distracted by his foul mood and misogyny. He repeatedly lied about the casino. Why? He spent £500. How? If he wants to leave rather than answer, then you already have your answer.

He seems to know a great deal about sex workers, what they charge, their nationality and physiques. Sounds like he had a specific “leggy Russian” in mind. Your husband is using prostitutes and he is letting you know this. He’s hiding in plain sight. I’m not sure rolling your eyes is the response you need here.

I won’t drop it until I’ve an explanation, this is so out of character for him so something must be untoward.

He’s said no more interrogation… OP has said nope, not going to let it lie and so we have immovable object v irresistible force.

Not likely to end well.

OP take a minute to regroup. Egged on by MN isn’t ideal. It’s reasonable to want answers…(to an extent) he’s told you to let it drop (says it’s an interrogation).

It’s £800 at end of day. If you feel strongly enough by all means keep pushing but likely be beginning of the end for your marriage (if his conduct isn’t already).

Well in so far as thats evident… the speculation on this thread has been quite wild and over the top at times.

From what you’ve said he’s been to a see sex workers and this isn’t his first time either, sorry OP. From all his other words to you he has little respect for women. Imagine his phone will be full of porn and messages to S-workers…

Just to say, it’s a really valid thing for you to want to know where his money went given that he’s lied about it and now won’t tell you. This isn’t about nagging and don’t let him make you feel like it is.

I can’t think of any good reason where it’s gone or why he won’t say so, regardless of what it is, it’s clearly something he doesn’t want you to know about and knows will cause a problem. Painful as it is, you need to know.

Yes the thread is wild but I don't think it's unreasonable to question where the money has gone, especially as he is being shifty about it, but actually it's more the way he is now acting that is more worrying, as if he's been caught out.

Is this attitude to women a new thing? Has he previously spoken about 'brass' and 'leggy Russian's or called your friends/other women c**nts?

Sadly this. This is much more about how he’s responding and behaving as a person… 🙁

Oh dear…

I think there are probably other telling signs that he’s a massive bellend that were overlooked at the time.

Sorry, OP, I’m not sure the future with this one is looking good.

I believe this is exactly where the money went.

I don;t think it's wild to suggest the money was spent on something untoward. 500 on drinks and a meal - for one person?? If that was really the case, why lie and say they were at a casino.

He's told her to let it drop because he knows he's been caught out. He deliberately withdrew the money so there was no trace on his bank statement.

Instead of understanding this all looks dodgy, he has doubled down and threatened to leave the house. He blamed an innocent women for his lying by omission that he won a good amount, then called her names.

Do you honestly think he spent that amount in cash just having a meal and drinks?

Do you know how much it costs to see a sex worker? Don't you wonder how he knows? Especially now you know he won hundreds of pounds, kept it a secret from you, and spent it somewhere separate from his mates that he doesn't want you to know about?

Please open your eyes.

Omg how on earth did this thread go from ....

He hid his win .... to

Hes a cheat, he's been with a prostitute to a lapdancer to owing someone money!!! And best of all ... leave him!!!!

This lady knows her hubby better than ANY OF US and for us to sit and judge him and berate him for 'paying for lapdance etc' when no one knows for a fact ...

With happened to innocent till proven gulity ... I wudnt want half of these posters to be on a jury if I was up for summit I didnt do ...

Because her husband made a comment saying he might as well have paid for a prostitute when she was asking him where he went at the weekend.

If you were in court and given every chance to explain why you had lied but had a go at the prosecution for even asking then yeah, you probably would get sent down.

He's got absolutely no right to tell his mate to reign his wife in. That's completely out of order

You have every right to be told the truth about where he was at the weekend without him threatening to go to a hotel.

Op how do you cope with his lack of respect he is so disrespectful to you and most women am guessing, its not about the win op , he has lied still is, but the utter lack of respect is shocking op ,
Who does he think he is 😡

Oh god well, just my opinion, but I dont think secracy in any capacity is ok.
Why on earth would there be need to keep it from you?
I wouldnt have any issue with my partner spending his money on anything he likes..he absolutley doesnt have to tell me or consult with me...we also have separate finances and a "pot" for housing stuff. Its all open.

However I don't ask him if its ok to spend from my wages etc...however..crucially, we share and DO tell eachother stuff because we dont have secrets especially about money.
We both have had little windfalls from various bits n bobs and our FIRST thought is eachother.
Even a free drink on a voucher or something small like that..he would be my first thought!
Recently I won a little bit and we had a night away.

Is he in debt?

I initially thought the OPs husband had gone out for a ridiculous dinner and whiskey type night, which I thought was stupid, but fine, as he was spending it all with his mates in some big jolly blow out and it’s not like gambling winnings are in the budget…

But now it all sounds very dodgy and seedy. What has he spent the money on? Why is he so angry about it? Why would he rather leave home than tell you?
Im so sorry OP, it’s all very unsettling and I would be losing trust in him. Don’t stop pulling the thread until the whole shady story is unravelled.
I really hope it’s something embarrassing and stupid, rather than prostitution.

Cashino ? Not many gamblers would wanna admit to losing £500 there

He's lied about the money and he's lied about where he was. I think she's got every right to ask where he was with his friends.

It’s the lack of decency, respect and concern for the relationship and his family that is truly showing now. The fact he would rather storm out like a child and stay in a hotel, instead of having an adult conversation with his wife. It lacks total responsibility, accountability, maturity and totally stinks of guilt.

Ah, the casino (that closed in 2020) was his cover story so whatever it is is worse.