DH hid betting windfall

[Sarahji]

DH and some of his mates have a weekly betting group where they pick football teams and put them in one big bet where the potential returns are high. He has always said they never win and that the most they’ve ever got back was £120 each.

I have become close with one of his friends partners in the past year or so as our youngest is in the same school year. I saw her at soft play this afternoon, we were discussing our half term weeks and she said they’d gone away as a family. I said we looked and that the prices were really high so we couldn’t find a suitable deal.

She said they only managed it as they (the men) had the ‘win the other week’ and this covered it. I blurted out something which obviously showed I was surprised, as she immediately tried to move the subject on.

I spoke to DH when I got home who confirmed this win. He said he didn’t want to feel he had to spend it on ‘us’ so kept it to himself.

He knew how much the kids and I would have loved a few days away and could have easily put some towards it.

I’ve had the odd unexpected windfall during our relationship and some of it has always been used for his benefit too.

AIBU to feel a bit upset by this?

Have you bothered to read any of the thread?
Your post was absurd, so my response was perfectly suitable 👍

I can only imagine the comments of a man said anything about training a woman.

These double standards are something else.

Ffs, that's childishly embarrassing.

I was replying to another poster. I think I'm making the same point as you are.

Anyway this thread has got silly now.

It started off as "I wanted a holiday and he kept the money and it's not fair".

Big difference to "he used the money to have sex with another woman!" Yes that would be LTB territory but is very different!

Well yes if he cheats on her the relationship is probably over ..... Wtf are you even trying to say?

Does he also say he ‘may as well have got a brass’ when you have arguments, because it would be worth the hassle if he got to have sex with a prostitute. I assume not, so your relationship is unlikely to be similar to OP’s!

That wasn’t the original post! It was about not mentioning a win. Nothing about prostitutes. I think the money and a few days away are the least of her worries.

Saying it and doing it are two different things.

OP said he was getting peeved at being questioned. So it’s possible he made a dickhead comment in retaliation…

Yes I know, I was agreeing.

Sorry thought you weren't 🙈

Quite possibly. I remember once my ex was accusing me of flirting with someone, I got fed up of it and said well I might as well shag them if I'm going to get hassle anyway

One day a woman She buys a £1,000 pair of Jimmy Choo shoes but told hubby they cost £100 in sale ...

Or

One day a woman bought herself an outfit that she didnt need, but really just 'wanted' as a treat ... Hubby asks ... oh where did u get that from .... 'oh this old thing, its been in the wardrobe for months...'

Is this not the same?

All us ladies have been here .. we have ALL lied about what something cost or hid something from hubby.
Many a time ive left 'stuff' in the boot of my car if i get home & hubby is home b4 me, then i retrieve it once he's out again lol ...

Doesn't this have the same principle.

I think her DH is being slayed here because ...

1. she said it was money won from gambling (when this actually was his money (this is actually making him sound like he has a problem with gambling) but she knows he uses this money each week for time with his friends)
2. She's pissed off because other friends partner told his wife they had won & they had a sneaky wkend away with kids
3. he didnt tell her (back to, do u always tell ur other half when u purchase something u shouldn't have)
4. he has his money, she has hers ..
5. Anyone been to bingo with their friends and won ... but not told ur partner?

I do understand shes pissed off, he didnt tell her ... he SHOULD probably have done in hindsight, but, she should NOT expect it to be shared with her, or the children .. his gamble ' his win.

(Waits for but .... replies) .....

DH got home in a foul mood, luckily I was going out shortly after to youngest’s football training.

He has turned on my friend who mentioned about the win originally, called her a ‘busy c*’and said he will tell his mate to reign her in, as it’s not the first time she has pissed one of the group off.

He then said that if I am going to be spend another evening questioning him he is going to book a hotel and he won’t come back until I leave him alone about it.

Feeling very upset now and something definitely feels off.

Do you want to hear the truth from him? Will you push the point until he cracks? He's doubling down, even when his whereabouts that night has been called out for not being true.

Instead of him being in control and being the one to go to a hotel if you push on, flip it. Tell him you'll be going to the hotel as you'll be questioning his true whereabouts if he goes (also, why are you the one to have to have the kids - he can deal with them).

This is definitely not good, sorry OP.

But also even if he’d done absolutely nothing wrong with the money he sounds awful, is there really a reason to stay?

I won’t drop it until I’ve an explanation, this is so out of character for him so something must be untoward.

Sounds like my ex husband. Luckily we didn't have kids. Don't know how to advise you, but just wanted to let you know that I understand exactly how you feel. I drove myself mad trying to unravel the lies. Leaving him was the best thing I ever did, but like I say, there were no children to consider. Sending big hugs

Sounds like my ex husband. Luckily we didn't have kids. Don't know how to advise you, but just wanted to let you know that I understand exactly how you feel. I drove myself mad trying to unravel the lies. Leaving him was the best thing I ever did, but like I say, there were no children to consider. Sending big hugs

I find his defensiveness totally over the top. Why the anger? Has he perhaps won a lot more previously, and kept that quiet too?

There little white lies…and then there’s great big whopping ones. Only OP can tell.

You have surely got to leave him?! He has called
his friends wife a “busy c£&?” and told his
friend to reign her in? That in itself would have me walking out the door - he sounds like a misogynistic pig! Go to a hotel yourself. Don’t let him do what he clearly wants to do. Threatening and controlling

Not once have I bought a big purchase and lied about it, or hidden a large some of money.

Who would even do that, especially when it could have provided your children with a lovely break? Or were they expected to chip into the stake as well?

So there is no 'but'.

Yea ive just read the posters other posts ... he is definitely lying about something.

Casino... no casino ...

Red flag for me! Why did he feel the need to lie?

Him stomping off, threatening to go to a hotel unless she stops asking questions..

Im team wife.. something isnt right

Sorry - someone who speaks about a woman in the way he’s spoken about his friends wife and being so threatening and controlling has me thinking he’s used it for sex workers

Oh come on ... I dont mean like a new house, but i mean expensive shoes ir an expensive outfit!

Or maybe thats just me ... my bad 🤷‍♀️🤣