DH hid betting windfall

[Sarahji]

DH and some of his mates have a weekly betting group where they pick football teams and put them in one big bet where the potential returns are high. He has always said they never win and that the most they’ve ever got back was £120 each.

I have become close with one of his friends partners in the past year or so as our youngest is in the same school year. I saw her at soft play this afternoon, we were discussing our half term weeks and she said they’d gone away as a family. I said we looked and that the prices were really high so we couldn’t find a suitable deal.

She said they only managed it as they (the men) had the ‘win the other week’ and this covered it. I blurted out something which obviously showed I was surprised, as she immediately tried to move the subject on.

I spoke to DH when I got home who confirmed this win. He said he didn’t want to feel he had to spend it on ‘us’ so kept it to himself.

He knew how much the kids and I would have loved a few days away and could have easily put some towards it.

I’ve had the odd unexpected windfall during our relationship and some of it has always been used for his benefit too.

AIBU to feel a bit upset by this?

She has asked her friend

This. Also, any woman living a life where she can just go out with her mates on a regular basis and win a bet and spend it on a big curry and night out, has already narrowed her chances of needing that fund.

Anyway, back to him. He's selfish, that is a win to be shared, and it's sad that he didn't want to share that with his family.

I thought she only asked about money, & her friend said her husband was looking on his online banking next day & said he spent 150 .
Where did he say they were ?

Oh dear, the old 'if i knew I'd get blamed for it I would have cheated to make it worth it'. Yuck. Surely he should say 'I would never, ever, ever cheat or visit a brothel'. I'm really sorry this happened OP, and I hate to be this person but just in case he did visit a brothel, if you've been intimate since you might need to get checked.

My husband is a gambler, I’m not. I don’t expect any of his winnings and I don’t cover any losses either. When he dosn’t win do you give him half of what he’s lost? If not you’re not entitled to any of it. My husband would have told me about a significant win, but he would know I wouldn’t be holding my hand out.

I'm not sure why there is a suggestion that this man would not have spent money in a strip club/brothel because he was with some friends who would not all do the same thing. It is really not unusual for there to be one or two in a group of blokes who will cross a limit that the others turn a blind eye to. Cash withdrawal, particularly of that amount, is suspicious. Someone said that is going on drugs and/or women and that sounds highly plausible.

Wanting to take your kids out for the day or little trip away is hardly holding your hand out is it?!
The children are missing out because of his gambling.
Would you say the same if your husband won the lottery?!

Yes.
Already commented on how ladies are advised to have an "escape fund".
I'm a happily married woman, for 20 years and I would hide it too, just because I can. (No children, no financial struggles, if relevant).
In fact, I wouldn't think twice about it. X

“If I find out the money on that horse was yours, you know what I’ll do, Basil.”
”You’ll have to sew ‘em back on first!”

Prunella Scales may be dead, but the nest of vipers lives on, on Mumsnet.

"no children" is relevant.
I fact the main point of her OP.

Why are you referring to everyone posting on here as a nest of vipers? Says more about you in my view

Yes. Heaven forfend women have opinions.

Are you her husband?! 😂🐍

Totally irrelevant then without children. You are in a totally different situation.

Congratulations on being happily married for 20 years but hiding things from your husband 👏

😂

Typical DARVO behaviour.

LTB

I get your disappointment in his behaviour.

I got a potential quote on some garden work this morning. Things that my DH knew about 2 years back and has done nothing about. £500 possibly. DH was shocked at this and said he would do the work himself. After not doing it for 2 years. A couple of months back he spent £400 on a pair of shoes. fyi - he has very little income whereas I have much more plus a large inheritance. I'll give him until I get the official quote to start doing something but then I'll mention the shoes and get the work done.

He needs to remember there are no winners when gambling. I am sure you never hear about how much they have lost! It does make you wonder

Is he not allowed anything for himself? He paid the stake therefore the winnings are his.

Massively missing the point. This isn't to do with him spending the money himself as much as blowing £500 in one night and not being honest about what that money has gone on.

If you read the thread he has lied about where he was and what he spent it on. That is the issue. Nevermind the fact that he hid the win from her in the first place and has not even thought to spend it on something nice for his family...... Doesn't strike me as the actions of a devout family man. If I won £800 I'd at least take my partner for a fancy meal if not a night away as a treat. I wouldn't spend the whole lot on myself and lie about it.

It's still his money to do with as he pleases. He places the vet with his own personal money

He probably hid it to stop her getting her claws into it and telling him how it should be spent

"Claws"?
There really are some vile people on here.

So it's reasonable for him to spend that money on strippers or prostitutes?

So much misogyny.

I mean ideally I wouldn't want my husband to spend it on potentially giving me an STD but I guess I'm controlling or something