DH hid betting windfall

[Sarahji]

DH and some of his mates have a weekly betting group where they pick football teams and put them in one big bet where the potential returns are high. He has always said they never win and that the most they’ve ever got back was £120 each.

I have become close with one of his friends partners in the past year or so as our youngest is in the same school year. I saw her at soft play this afternoon, we were discussing our half term weeks and she said they’d gone away as a family. I said we looked and that the prices were really high so we couldn’t find a suitable deal.

She said they only managed it as they (the men) had the ‘win the other week’ and this covered it. I blurted out something which obviously showed I was surprised, as she immediately tried to move the subject on.

I spoke to DH when I got home who confirmed this win. He said he didn’t want to feel he had to spend it on ‘us’ so kept it to himself.

He knew how much the kids and I would have loved a few days away and could have easily put some towards it.

I’ve had the odd unexpected windfall during our relationship and some of it has always been used for his benefit too.

AIBU to feel a bit upset by this?

What a knob. I received a decent bonus at work last summer and thought nothing of putting it towards a week away for the family at the coast. It’s more the fact he hid it aswell that would piss me off!

If something came up and for whatever reason, we didn't have the savings to cover it then I'd expect us to both use our own money to cover the expense and not just one of us.

Does it matter where he went? He's selfish and lying so it's obviously bad. Sounds like a total twat.

I think how much he's spending on gambling is pretty relevant tbh

I’ve heard back from my friend, I asked her in a way not to arise suspicion. Anyway, she thinks her husband spent about £150 as she remembers he was tallying it up from his online banking the next day. So he didn’t take cash out, which I know DH did.

Uh-oh.

So you know he's lied about something else too (that they all put in £500).

That's a lot of lies ...

I think it's amazing to spend that kind of money on one night, even more amazing to be unable to explain how and then to double down and say you wished you got a prostitute as this was all too much effort is pretty extraordinary (I also had to google the saying!)

My husband was in a city about an hour away for the entire day on Saturday meeting up with a couple friends. I could see every single charge coming through on my banking app - he spent maybe £200 on a very beer themed day, followed by sushi and a train home. He had a great time, splurged a bit as this is a lot of money for us and was home with us by 11pm. Everything was fine. And obviously I wasn't tracking him or anything - we just share a bank account so we both get all the notifications.

Appreciate plenty of fun gambling or drinking loads of cocktails or shopping or any number of other things that are fine to do if you enjoy them and have the money (never been a gambler so don't really get it, but I don't get football either!), but this is a whole series of lies and a really concerning lack of interest in participating in family life. It's really sad or troubling or both.

There’s a leap…so a man who has wee win with his mates and is grumpy/cagey when he’s found out now deemed not to not care about his wife and children… obviously that must be true as a stranger on the internet says so. He’s being a bit of an a**e - but shoulda told OP, he won it, blew it, maybe someone blew him, who knows… but FBI level enquiries going OTT.
Personally I wouldn’t tolerate that level of having to justify what I did or didn’t do with my own money and wouldn’t expect DH to either.

His saying “I might as well have got a prostitute for all the trouble I’m getting” makes me think that he did in fact get a prostitute. Or at best - went to a strip bar and got some lapdancing.

Either way his attitude is very poor and it’s unfortunate that he doesn’t seem able to see how his response is the biggest problem of all.

I think it’s gambling, I don’t think it was a sex worker at all .
If he wanted to do that , it’s not out with a load of others he would be doing it infront of .
That’s a worry , you’ll have to sit down & chat to him about it OP .

Awful behaviour. I'm no cuck, and of course I'd have a few to celebrate the win with the boys, but I'd use the majority of it on something for the Mrs and kids.

It doesn’t sound like he’s being very honest - I’m trying to think of a reason he may conceal - what’s he normally like as a character? What if he’s planning a surprise? Is there a big birthday coming up or anniversary? Does he do gestures like this?

The fact of whether the money was his or what he spent it on is a bit of a distraction. The fact that he said he should have spent it on a "brass" is enough to tell you what sort of person he is.

Have I heard him right .... so he's just openly said he would have cheated on you with a SW? Gross. I assume you are leaving after this huge amount of disrespect?

The lies upon lies, tricked truths and total lack of thought for you or our children? What's left to stay for? He's shown you who he is. Believe him.

A bit of an arse? Lying about where he went and how much he spent and saying he might as well have gone with a prostitute?

He's refusing to say where he and his mates were

Cocaine and lies go hand in hand

It means nothing of the sort, ffs.

Oh man. £150 sounds reasonable for drinks on a night out if splurging. £500 cash? That's being spent on drugs or women or both.

Genuinely I hope you see how abhorrent this behaviour is and get your ducks in a row. Surely this isn't how you want your children to see how a man behaves in a relationship? The lies, trickle truths and spunking money up the wall that could have been used to do nice things with the family? Keeping a bit of cash back to splurge on yourself is absolutely fine but lying about the win then spending it all on yourself is selfish AF.

Yup, deffo arse territory… OP the irresistible force on this one. Unlikely to be a sex worker after that crass uncalled for comment but she does seem to be on his case to (and just my opinion) an unreasonable extent.

That's my viewpoint too. I shall be sticking with it when I win the £124m on the Euromillions this week as I'm the only one who ever buys a ticket.

I think he was mean not to share it, at least partly. He won £800 he could have bought himself something nice. And treated the children.

Anyway sounds like he is up to something he knows he shouldn't be.

Ok , but to think that each man there was of the same mindset , “ let’s go off with a sex worker “ is unrealistic I think .
I’ll be honest, at this stage I’d 💯 be asking her friend to ask her husband how they spent their evening.
See how he answers his wife .
If he also says casino , well then Obviously they were all up to no good .

Personally I'd be devastated by my bloke hiding something like that from me. I'd feel like I could never trust him again. Good luck with it all.