DH hid betting windfall

[Sarahji]

DH and some of his mates have a weekly betting group where they pick football teams and put them in one big bet where the potential returns are high. He has always said they never win and that the most they’ve ever got back was £120 each.

I have become close with one of his friends partners in the past year or so as our youngest is in the same school year. I saw her at soft play this afternoon, we were discussing our half term weeks and she said they’d gone away as a family. I said we looked and that the prices were really high so we couldn’t find a suitable deal.

She said they only managed it as they (the men) had the ‘win the other week’ and this covered it. I blurted out something which obviously showed I was surprised, as she immediately tried to move the subject on.

I spoke to DH when I got home who confirmed this win. He said he didn’t want to feel he had to spend it on ‘us’ so kept it to himself.

He knew how much the kids and I would have loved a few days away and could have easily put some towards it.

I’ve had the odd unexpected windfall during our relationship and some of it has always been used for his benefit too.

AIBU to feel a bit upset by this?

I’m sorry OP but this incident and the fall out from it has shone a harsh torchlight on your husband and your relationship.
At the moment it seems like he had no redeeming qualities and I wonder if he even likes you tbh.
A poor excuse of a man and no woman deserves to be treated this way, but then he’s treating you this way because he knows he can get away with it.

Seriously, you really believe that the six guys spent £3000 on a night out? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Yes, it's stretching credulity, isn't it?

I've never heard of that term before, but that was a truly disgusting thing for him to say.

I'm not sure I would ever want to be touched by him ever again.

He's disgusting. I hope the folk who were giving you a hard time might re evaluate

I didnt know what it meant til another poster explained. My hooha literally shrivelled up when I understood what he meant. Yuck

🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆

Lap dancing club as someone else said. I would bet my last penny on it. You don't spend three grand between six guys on a night out

Wow. Just caught up with your updates @Sarahji

so he’s a total liar as well

said went to a Casino. Actually didn’t but won’t say where he went or what he spent the £500 on

wonder if same story was told to all and yes be interesting to see what other lady’s hubby said they did

or didn’t he go as he spent /shared his with the wife and family with a break

Tbh then he has a point. £800 isn't exactly a life changing amount of money, he has probably spent more than that in total in the "betting club" since he's been in it, so he's pretty much just recouped some of his losses, to keep him with some betting money for the next few months or whatever.

I would be incredibly annoyed if I won some money, that was MY "fun money", nothing to do with the family savings, and got told what I had to spend it on.

Why don't you do something to earn some extra cash if you're that bothered?

What is 'got a brass' ?

It means to go with a prostitute

OP this is awful.

The fact he hid the money in the first place imo is a major red flag.

Then the lying about where it went.

And the prostitute comment.

I am so sorry but he is a fucking dickhead and I think all the evidence is lining up one way.

Even if he wanted his own money to spend on himself secretly, the fact he won't actually tell you what he spent it on is ringing major, major alarm bells.

Exactly. Maybe for once, he just wanted to decide what to do with it without being told!

I’m sure OP said her dh had also spent a fair amount of the £800 he said he won too. That’s one shitload of money he spent on a night out at a non existent casino 😵‍💫

I’d be defending his right to spend his gambling windfalls as his own money.

However.

He let your family go without a holiday knowing he had the money to fund it. Low act.

The other wife said her DH’s winnings went on a holiday for them, so how did this other bloke also spend £500 on a night out? Was he there?

And that is an outrageous amount of money to spend in a night, without gambling and/or strippers.

Are you not more concerned about how much he has lost over all the time he has been gambling? I would almost guarantee that he is net negative.

He also then took his winnings for a piss up and a visit to the casino. Does he have a gambling problem OP?

Edited to add: I have read further and see he didn’t go to a casino but spent the money regardless on something which he won’t reveal.

I don’t know about you OP, but I’m just not into men who gamble, piss it up with the boys and spend money fecklessly. Your call I guess.

I mean… he’s right in that you’ve immediately started spending it in your head. Maybe he wants to save it, put it back towards the league or even invest it? I would expect my husband to tell me but that’s because I wouldn’t then expect him to spend it all on me. You’ve not fostered a partnership where he feels he can tell you everything.

Yes, I agree. Some people on here clearly think it's all fine, but it would be an absolute deal breaker for me.
I couldn't live with a man - the father of my children - who would behave in such a greedy, feckless, selfish and boorish way.
Plenty of people on here defend him, however.
Everyone's different, clearly!
A low bar for men.

Have u read the whole post?! He confessed to spending 500 in a casino drinking and gambling. It then transpired that this was also a lie and he went on to moan at her for asking for the truth in the end he said he wished he'd got a prostitute cos of all the grief hes had from her.
So yeah shame on her for wanting her husband to be honest and share some of the winnings to take his children on a little break or day out in half term. The audacity 😒

It's unbelievable.

Yes and that’s all shit. Doesn’t make my point any less relevant… their marriage isn’t healthy or in a space of happiness and honesty. But yes I’ll admit that seems to be his fault not hers

Sometimes, on MN, the bar for men is so low. They can behave in the most vile, selfish, greedy and disrespectful way, and the woman should just put up and shut up.
OP; don't take this. You and your children deserve better. Carefully think of your next steps.

I cannot believe that there are women on here who are happy for their partners to bet and then selfishly waste even more money drinking and gambling and god knows what else when they have family at home that would have loved a day out/trip away

It's extraordinary.