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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH hid betting windfall

951 replies

Sarahji · 21/02/2026 17:39

DH and some of his mates have a weekly betting group where they pick football teams and put them in one big bet where the potential returns are high. He has always said they never win and that the most they’ve ever got back was £120 each.

I have become close with one of his friends partners in the past year or so as our youngest is in the same school year. I saw her at soft play this afternoon, we were discussing our half term weeks and she said they’d gone away as a family. I said we looked and that the prices were really high so we couldn’t find a suitable deal.

She said they only managed it as they (the men) had the ‘win the other week’ and this covered it. I blurted out something which obviously showed I was surprised, as she immediately tried to move the subject on.

I spoke to DH when I got home who confirmed this win. He said he didn’t want to feel he had to spend it on ‘us’ so kept it to himself.

He knew how much the kids and I would have loved a few days away and could have easily put some towards it.

I’ve had the odd unexpected windfall during our relationship and some of it has always been used for his benefit too.

AIBU to feel a bit upset by this?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
TheCryingTheBitchAndTheFloordrobe · 22/02/2026 21:09

Ninerainbows · 22/02/2026 20:57

Yeah this isn't about the money, it's about mysterious large amounts of money disappearing on a night out. There's only two ways that happens if they all have hundreds and hundreds in winnings, and it's sex or drugs.

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Agree. He told you he spent the money gambling in a casino because he thought that would be acceptable to you. Therefore the fact that he lied means he’s actually spent the money on something he thinks or knows you would NOT find acceptable.

StripedTee · 22/02/2026 21:12

I think it's fair enough that his designated 'fun money' generated more 'fun money' which he considered as his. However, the fact he hid it and has lied about how it was spent, seems very shady indeed.

intheknow1 · 22/02/2026 21:14

Sarahji · 22/02/2026 20:30

Having presented him with the above evidence he has now admitted he didn’t go to a casino. But he says it’s none of my business what he did with his own money and he doesn’t need to give a blow by blow account. He then went upstairs in a huff and said if the shoe was on the other foot (him asking me what I’d spent money on) there’d be uproar.

I’m sorry he lied to you multiple times OP and glad he finally admitted it. If it was innocuous he wouldn’t have lied.

I may be wrong on this one, but if it helps I’m pretty sure there are no strip clubs in Bath. In the 10 years of living here I’ve never heard of or seen any, whereas I’ve heard of ones on Bristol etc.

Woodfiresareamazing · 22/02/2026 21:18

Noodles1234 · 22/02/2026 20:58

I’m annoyed for you!
I admit it’s not £10,000+. But £800 would have nicely covered something as a family, he could have had around £50-80 for a boys night out for a curry.

A few days away, an annual pass to somewhere you could use again and again.

He does not respect his luck having a family like he should. He comes across immature and selfish.

OP doesn't actually know how much money he won - he said it was £800, but it wouldn't surprise me at all to find that it was more than that. He's shown that he can't be trusted so 🤷

TheMimsy · 22/02/2026 21:23

@Sarahji would the other partners be interested in knowing that their chaps may have lied about what they got up to? I wonder if they’ve all told their wives/girlfriends the casino story?

He’s not going to tell the truth and has now initiated DARVO to make you the person in the wrong.

honestly if a casino was the best ‘worst case’ scenario then the truth is no doubt much more seedy. Back street strip club, happy endings etc.

Original poster
Sarahji · 22/02/2026 21:28

TheMimsy · 22/02/2026 21:23

@Sarahji would the other partners be interested in knowing that their chaps may have lied about what they got up to? I wonder if they’ve all told their wives/girlfriends the casino story?

He’s not going to tell the truth and has now initiated DARVO to make you the person in the wrong.

honestly if a casino was the best ‘worst case’ scenario then the truth is no doubt much more seedy. Back street strip club, happy endings etc.

I don’t know all of them , so no idea what they have all said (if anything). DH said if he knew he was going to get this amount of ‘stick’ off me then he’d may as well have ‘got a brass’ so at least the earful would have been worth it.

OP posts:
Dumpspirospero · 22/02/2026 21:45

He feels absolutely no remorse. He is annoyed you’ve caught him in a lie (multiple lies) but he’s not remotely ashamed of his behaviour or the lies. This might suggest he regularly lies to you and is innured to it.
He knows you were £300 to £400 short of a family trip for half-term. He had the funds to sort that but he kept quiet and chose to spend £500 on a night out with the boys instead.
Does he normally treat you this badly? How much agency do you have in this marriage?

FrothyCothy · 22/02/2026 21:47

“Got a brass” would give me such extreme ick I think I’d be packing his bags.

BuckChuckets · 22/02/2026 21:48

Sarahji · 22/02/2026 21:28

I don’t know all of them , so no idea what they have all said (if anything). DH said if he knew he was going to get this amount of ‘stick’ off me then he’d may as well have ‘got a brass’ so at least the earful would have been worth it.

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This tells you all you need to know, surely. And the only people I've ever know refer to sex workers as 'brasses' are men who use them.

DollydaydreamTheThird · 22/02/2026 21:50

FrothyCothy · 22/02/2026 21:47

“Got a brass” would give me such extreme ick I think I’d be packing his bags.

I'm with you on that @FrothyCothy
OP I would definitely be checking with the other wife what she's been told as well.

Original poster
Sarahji · 22/02/2026 21:52

DollydaydreamTheThird · 22/02/2026 21:50

I'm with you on that @FrothyCothy
OP I would definitely be checking with the other wife what she's been told as well.

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I messaged her earlier, she’s the one I am friends with out of them all. So will see what she says about it.

OP posts:
ItsThatWayNotThisWay · 22/02/2026 21:54

Sarahji · 22/02/2026 21:28

I don’t know all of them , so no idea what they have all said (if anything). DH said if he knew he was going to get this amount of ‘stick’ off me then he’d may as well have ‘got a brass’ so at least the earful would have been worth it.

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Not sure about this, you may have just jumped the shark there OP.

IF it’s real, you need to leave him as he is a misogynistic man, who lies, and thinks cheating and buying women to use for sex is ok.

The windfall isn’t the issue, his character is.

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 22/02/2026 21:58

Sarahji · 22/02/2026 20:47

I will speak to him again when he has calmed down a bit. Something does seem off.

I know you can never be sure but I’m as confident as can be he doesn’t really gamble other than the weekly bet with his mates.

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Something does seem off!?!?

Yeah he lied about going to a casino, and he’s now angry at you for questioning him. Where could he have gone I wonder that is so bad he didn’t want to tell you??

Wheres your anger OP?

He lied to you about the money. He didnt want to spend any of it on his family. He lied to you about where he went and what he did.

Fucking hell.

Mudflaps · 22/02/2026 21:58

Papyrophile · 22/02/2026 19:49

I don't disagree with his logic here. You can't really expect to share the winnings if you don't put up part of the stake.

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So by this measure if she bought a lotto ticket from 'her' money and won a few million she needn't tell him or share it with him? I think once married that all income is shared particularly when children are involved.

FairKoala · 22/02/2026 21:58

Not all of the men went on this £500 night out.
At least one used the money to take his wife and dc away for the week.

I wonder how many actually went and what type of relationship they have with their partners/wives

Any extra windfalls even exh and I had we would share. It wasn’t something that would cross our minds not to.

The mention of a brass is something I would be very suspicious of.

It all seems like too many uncalled for lies, too many secrets and won’t tell the truth.

Nothing7 · 22/02/2026 22:03

intheknow1 · 22/02/2026 21:14

I’m sorry he lied to you multiple times OP and glad he finally admitted it. If it was innocuous he wouldn’t have lied.

I may be wrong on this one, but if it helps I’m pretty sure there are no strip clubs in Bath. In the 10 years of living here I’ve never heard of or seen any, whereas I’ve heard of ones on Bristol etc.

Show quote history

I agree I’ve not heard of them in Bath but definitely in Bristol. But it’s not difficult to get in the train to Bristol though won’t run all night.
Something seems amiss though - concealing the windfall, lying about the casino, making out it’s such an expensive city that he could go through £500 ish in a night? Getting shitty when found out about the casino.
Something doesn’t add up. Whilst we know Bath well it’s possible we don’t know the seedy sides as it’s not our thing??

SargeMarge · 22/02/2026 22:04

He said he put £500 into a kitty for the day, so all the other men put £500 in as well, did they?
No way they did. And he wasn’t at a casino. And he sat there knowing he had the money when you were both trying to take the kids away for a few days but he kept quiet and said you couldn’t afford it.

Nah, he’s a bad one. He was up to something at the weekend and it wasn’t a £500 per lad drinks kitty.

Purplecatshopaholic · 22/02/2026 22:07

This is shitty behaviour. Are you generally happy, and do you trust him? I think this has exposed an unpleasant side to him. The selfishness and lying are bigger issues than the money. I’d defo want to know what he’s been up to, because he’s been up to something he doesn’t want you to know about.

throwawayimplantchat · 22/02/2026 22:13

“May as well have got a brass” would honestly be a relationship ender for me.

Would be worth you being angry he lied if he got to have sex with a (likely trafficked) prostitute?

Jesus. What an absolute cunt he is OP. Not someone I would want to share a home with, let alone a bed.

Has he spoken about women like that before? Decent men don’t. Ever.

MummyJ36 · 22/02/2026 22:20

definitely giving strip club vibes.

Swiftie1878 · 22/02/2026 22:25

Sarahji · 22/02/2026 21:28

I don’t know all of them , so no idea what they have all said (if anything). DH said if he knew he was going to get this amount of ‘stick’ off me then he’d may as well have ‘got a brass’ so at least the earful would have been worth it.

Show quote history

Oh wow. You’re in trouble here, OP.

☹️☹️☹️☹️

SouthLondonMum22 · 22/02/2026 22:37

Mudflaps · 22/02/2026 21:58

So by this measure if she bought a lotto ticket from 'her' money and won a few million she needn't tell him or share it with him? I think once married that all income is shared particularly when children are involved.

Show quote history

I think the vast majority of people have said that keeping it from OP was wrong and I imagine especially if we are talking about a much larger amount such as millions in your example. Though this now seems to be far from the main issue in OP's case.

But yes, if DH won millions in the lottery using his money. It would be his win and his choice what to do with it. We don't share all income and it works for us.

Bittersweetsymphony1 · 22/02/2026 22:44

I’m really sorry OP, the ‘got a brass’ comment is really telling to me. I think that’s exactly what he’s done. What decent man would even make a comment like that? I’m speaking from experience unfortunately as this is something my ex husband did. I know it’s wrong, but I think you need to get a look at his phone. You need to find out what happened on this night out. He lied to you about where the £500 went, and sulked when you caught him. He’s never going to tell you the truth.

Emonade · 22/02/2026 22:53

Sarahji · 21/02/2026 17:39

DH and some of his mates have a weekly betting group where they pick football teams and put them in one big bet where the potential returns are high. He has always said they never win and that the most they’ve ever got back was £120 each.

I have become close with one of his friends partners in the past year or so as our youngest is in the same school year. I saw her at soft play this afternoon, we were discussing our half term weeks and she said they’d gone away as a family. I said we looked and that the prices were really high so we couldn’t find a suitable deal.

She said they only managed it as they (the men) had the ‘win the other week’ and this covered it. I blurted out something which obviously showed I was surprised, as she immediately tried to move the subject on.

I spoke to DH when I got home who confirmed this win. He said he didn’t want to feel he had to spend it on ‘us’ so kept it to himself.

He knew how much the kids and I would have loved a few days away and could have easily put some towards it.

I’ve had the odd unexpected windfall during our relationship and some of it has always been used for his benefit too.

AIBU to feel a bit upset by this?

It has to be drugs or paying for sex? I hate that women have to put up with this infantile chauvinistic twatty behaviour from men. Has he lied before about things? You would be so much better without him but I know that is a lot easier said than done

Oobalooba · 22/02/2026 22:57

Whatever it is he needed cash for it rather than paying by card...