DH hid betting windfall

[Sarahji]

DH and some of his mates have a weekly betting group where they pick football teams and put them in one big bet where the potential returns are high. He has always said they never win and that the most they’ve ever got back was £120 each.

I have become close with one of his friends partners in the past year or so as our youngest is in the same school year. I saw her at soft play this afternoon, we were discussing our half term weeks and she said they’d gone away as a family. I said we looked and that the prices were really high so we couldn’t find a suitable deal.

She said they only managed it as they (the men) had the ‘win the other week’ and this covered it. I blurted out something which obviously showed I was surprised, as she immediately tried to move the subject on.

I spoke to DH when I got home who confirmed this win. He said he didn’t want to feel he had to spend it on ‘us’ so kept it to himself.

He knew how much the kids and I would have loved a few days away and could have easily put some towards it.

I’ve had the odd unexpected windfall during our relationship and some of it has always been used for his benefit too.

AIBU to feel a bit upset by this?

Depends on whose money really.
My EX had an unexpected inheritance and blew the lot on a stupid 4x4, not a penny came my or the children’s way. What can you do with them. 🤷‍♀️

Having presented him with the above evidence he has now admitted he didn’t go to a casino. But he says it’s none of my business what he did with his own money and he doesn’t need to give a blow by blow account. He then went upstairs in a huff and said if the shoe was on the other foot (him asking me what I’d spent money on) there’d be uproar.

Then this is the bigger issue. Not the win itself.

The world some people live in where 500 quid on headphones and 30k on a car is normal family living is probably different to one who is 400 quid short for a family break

He was definitely up to no good if he can't admit what he spent it on. Strip club has been mentioned a few times already.......

I hide ALL my wins... I'm female.... this thread has given me a new perspective. My partner however, to put it quite blunt is an abusive twat, most of the reason I hide them. He always benefits from them however, but on my terms. Guess I'm a twat!

The premise of separate money is still there though i suppose

Yes. It's really not about the money at this point.

I’ve googled and can’t seem to find any, but that’s just a quick search. Not that he’d own up anyway.

He sounds like a horrible twat to me

In my experience the first whiff of a man saying that something is none of your business - especially anything to do with money or fidelity - is a cue to leave

He has gambled the majority.

I know several women who were financially ruined by men who were secretly (or blatantly) addicted to gambling, or who had otherwise racked up lots of mysterious debts that couldn't be discussed

I’d go mad 😡

I would want to know why he lied, and where did he actually go...
There used to be a brothel very near to my old house in Bath, but it closed down a few years back.
I think there used to be a strip/'gentleman's' club in Bristol, but I'm not sure if it's still open.

Did these friends definitely all go on this night out that happened?
Do you trust the woman who told you about the win? Was her husband on the night out and can vouch for where they went?

Even if there isn't a strip club there will be a brothel...sorry OP. It could still be gambling though. He could have put it all in fruit machines etc. My ex used to do that. He was a fecking waste of oxygen. What is your plan now?

I will speak to him again when he has calmed down a bit. Something does seem off.

I know you can never be sure but I’m as confident as can be he doesn’t really gamble other than the weekly bet with his mates.

Woah, that puts a whole new spin on things 🤨 I think you have far bigger issues going on.
when everything came to a head in my marriage I gave my ex one final ultimation. I asked if I was crazy and he wasn’t hiding anything from me would he allow me to look at his phone. He never ever left his phone alone or out of sight for years. Wouldn’t allow me to know any of his passwords for anything and constantly told me things were none of my business whenever I asked. We’d been together over 30 years.
he refused to give me the phone, played holy hell that I even asked and stormed out. That told me everything I needed to know and was the nail in the coffin. The things I discovered later rocked me, but I’m so much stronger, healthier and happier now.
please don’t let him manipulate you into accepting his dreadful behaviour. I put up with it for years, and it kills you inside x

I think he should have told you about it, but then I always say that on these threads. There was one not long ago where the vast majority thought it was fine for the woman not to tell her husband about her windfall.

We share all money though, always have.

Yes, I dropped him off at the train station that day and some of them were already there stood outside, so no doubt that it happened. Yes that husband was supposed to be going, not that I could really find out from him what happened.

What time was he home after night out ?

Yeah this isn't about the money, it's about mysterious large amounts of money disappearing on a night out. There's only two ways that happens if they all have hundreds and hundreds in winnings, and it's sex or drugs.

I’m annoyed for you!
I admit it’s not £10,000+. But £800 would have nicely covered something as a family, he could have had around £50-80 for a boys night out for a curry.

A few days away, an annual pass to somewhere you could use again and again.

He does not respect his luck having a family like he should. He comes across immature and selfish.

More lies.
Im so sorry OP.
If this was me, id be out the door.
My ex gambled, hid it, and it ended up he emptied our daughters savings account when he got desperate. Thats how I uncovered what was going on.

Alongside the lying and secrecy, I cant say id have much attraction for a man who doesnt put his family first and is drinking and gambling all the while