DH hid betting windfall

[Sarahji]

DH and some of his mates have a weekly betting group where they pick football teams and put them in one big bet where the potential returns are high. He has always said they never win and that the most they’ve ever got back was £120 each.

I have become close with one of his friends partners in the past year or so as our youngest is in the same school year. I saw her at soft play this afternoon, we were discussing our half term weeks and she said they’d gone away as a family. I said we looked and that the prices were really high so we couldn’t find a suitable deal.

She said they only managed it as they (the men) had the ‘win the other week’ and this covered it. I blurted out something which obviously showed I was surprised, as she immediately tried to move the subject on.

I spoke to DH when I got home who confirmed this win. He said he didn’t want to feel he had to spend it on ‘us’ so kept it to himself.

He knew how much the kids and I would have loved a few days away and could have easily put some towards it.

I’ve had the odd unexpected windfall during our relationship and some of it has always been used for his benefit too.

AIBU to feel a bit upset by this?

So you'd actually looked at holidays & were a few hundred short?

I'd be quite upset if he didn't say that a holiday could be afforded afterall.

If it hadn't seriously been looked into, I'm not sure it would occur to me that £800 was much use towards a holiday.

I'd have thought about a day out or just a meal to treat everyone though.

Oh dear.... well, if they weren't having a thrilling evening of shuffleboard, he has some (more) explaining to do.

🤣🤣

Separate finances my arse.
The man is a complete and utter, selfish shit bag.

And a bit of a piss pot by the sounds of it. A real man child

You sound very upset and rightly so.

I don't think he is a good bet long term.
You need to rethink your relationship.

Good Luck
💐X

Uh oh..he's lying even more. Just perchance, are there any strip clubs in Bath?

That's much more likely re the strip club.....

A few weeks ago, someone was on MN, and she said she’d got some money (can’t remember how, Lotto?). Almost everyone (me included) said to keep it for herself & say nothing at home!

When he bets everytime prior to this win, were those bets from community (your marriage) funds? Or does the money that he gambles come from a complete and separate account where those funds have never been co-mingled with any community money going in or coming out, and have always been fully separate from community funds and never used for family support and maintenance? Do the two of you, either by practice or by agreement, give over from community funds a set amount of money with which he may use solely for gambling on a regular basis? Who babysits the children while he is gambling?

It is probable those funds are not separate property, ergo the win funds are also not separate property, but are, instead a marital asset. He didn't tell you because he already knew this. His behavior, the secrecy, is likely evidence of his knowledge about which category win money belongs to, i.e. the marital community. Is this him asking to leave the marriage?

Split the win money 3 ways, household, yours, his. If he won't do this, you should ask if this is him prepping to leave the marriage.

BASTARD!!! It was money he wasn't expecting and as a family it would be lovely having a holiday!!! It's as bad as cheating with someone else!!! I would have smacked him in the face!!You're certainly not being unreasonable

It's been linked and quoted upthread.

It's more about his attitude than anything. To be fair, you couldn't go on holiday for that amount but that he didn't mention it at all is odd.

It's not as bad as cheating, that's a real stretch. I'm not excusing it but it's not even in the same ballpark.

Y

The thing that got me on this comment is that he admitted to the 'celebrationary piss up and curry'. So he was so happy he won that he felt the need to celebrate with his makes, but not his family. On the face of it, the winning the money and not telling you isn't a big deal, its shirty behaviour yeah, but its the why has he not told you that would piss me off more. His actions speak volumes. My Husband has the odd flutter and sometimes wins (last one 1600k) he always splits the money with me or gives me a good chunk and tells me to treat myself. I never take it and always put it in our holiday fund, but I love his sentiment. It means more that he has offered it.

Wow! Whoopy-doo! He’s going to get a takeaway for you, which you do anyway…last of the big spenders isn’t he?

What an ar**le, and a miserable one at that.

What’s worrying is that he obviously wouldn’t have told you, if you hadn’t found out, which begs the question - how many times has he won before, and not told you about it?

I live near Bath, was there today! There isn’t an open casino that I am aware of.
I think it’s pretty poor that he did that ? Saying that me and my husband have joint finance so maybe this is normal? But if either of us had a windfall it would absolutely be enjoyed by the family.
what I think is most selfish is that he’s completely self indulged in lieu of a holiday / break with his own family. Not attractive of anyone who has children

Yeh it was shitty he didn’t offer the money to go towards a family trip but I don’t think he’s done anything wrong. He’s used his own ‘fun money’ to do what he wants with. He had a win which resulted in him getting more money to do as he pleases with

Gosh that's so selfish. His kids? I don't think I could forgive my oh if I knew he'd done that. What a shitty thing to do.

According to the website, it's permanently closed. There's an article about it going into administration.
Did he go to another city?

He says it was definitely there and that it must not have an up to date online presence.

As you each have your own 'fun' money i think its fair to be honest. If you had won it and wanted to spend it on something for yourself i am sure people would be supportive of that.

Ok. Strange that it gives that information online then.
It can't be good for business!

My DH won £800 a while back, he spent about two thirds of it on something he had wanted for himself for a long time and put a third into the joint finances. Wasn’t an issue - but he didn’t keep quiet about it either!

What a cunty thing he’s done.
Regardless of whose money is spent, and what people are entitled to do with their own money etc - at the end of the day, if a person wins a significant amount of money and doesn’t want to spend any of it on their spouse or children, and even keeps it a secret from their spouse, I think that makes them a really shitty spouse & parent.

There is a casino in Bristol - he could have hopped on a train as that’s easy enough,
I guess it does depend on the family dynamic. Would OP share a windfall / bonus if she had one?
With us, we’d absolutely share / treat our family. It’s one thing going on a night to celebrate with the guys but spending £500 odd (as it sounds) is excessive and selfish when it easily could have been less than half that which would allow for a family holiday (unless that’s not his thing… ).
Also, bath isn’t that expensive! It’s not London / Dublin prices? Maybe 10% odd more for drinks and probably 20% for food. Hotel rooms vary drastically but if they were in a budget hotel, again this isn’t silly money