DH hid betting windfall

[Sarahji]

DH and some of his mates have a weekly betting group where they pick football teams and put them in one big bet where the potential returns are high. He has always said they never win and that the most they’ve ever got back was £120 each.

I have become close with one of his friends partners in the past year or so as our youngest is in the same school year. I saw her at soft play this afternoon, we were discussing our half term weeks and she said they’d gone away as a family. I said we looked and that the prices were really high so we couldn’t find a suitable deal.

She said they only managed it as they (the men) had the ‘win the other week’ and this covered it. I blurted out something which obviously showed I was surprised, as she immediately tried to move the subject on.

I spoke to DH when I got home who confirmed this win. He said he didn’t want to feel he had to spend it on ‘us’ so kept it to himself.

He knew how much the kids and I would have loved a few days away and could have easily put some towards it.

I’ve had the odd unexpected windfall during our relationship and some of it has always been used for his benefit too.

AIBU to feel a bit upset by this?

Having different opinions doesn't make it bat shit

Just caught up, I think these where the most common questions:

-We have shared finances but allocate the same ‘fun’ money which sits in our own personal accounts to do as we please. This is what he will have funded the bet from.

-I know what he spent on that Saturday as he showed me the cash withdrawal for £500. They always have a cash kitty for big days out. It went on drinks (Bath is expensive), the meal and he said they popped into the big casino there.

He's done absolutely nothing wrong and I understand why he hid it from you because you'd immediately be there with your hand out expecting him to give it to you.

How is it a double standard when mn supports women hiding money to support themselves and the children, while not supporting men hiding money to go gambling and drinking? Please do explain how this is a double standard, and not two completely different scenarios.

She states that she's shared windfalls with him in the past

While both my son and husband wondered what all the drama was about. They wouldn't have shared, either. And as I said above, I wouldn't expect them to.

Inheritances are different and both my DH and I have used our respective inheritances to benefit the family eg paying for a new kitchen and buying a new(er) car.

As for the gambling issue, I don't like gambling but a small stake every week isn't damaging if it stays like that. At least the OP's DH spent some of the money on a blowout takeaway and didn't put it back into more bets.

I’d be interested to know how much he loses …

Does he expect her to share them?

DH and I do finances same as OP. We have the same fun money each month. I use some of mine to play the postcode lottery. I've never won huge amounts, mostly £15s or gift voucher level. But if I won a huge amount it would be in my account to do what I want with. I'd probably use some of it on something fun for family but for less than a grand I'd probably not. I would tell DH cos I am shit at secrets but he would be pleased for me and tell me to enjoy my winnings.

That’s not an awful lot of money. Let him have his fun, assuming he is otherwise a good guy.

Just FYI the only Casino in Bath closed in 2020! And £500 is a lot for a night out, even in Bath....

Wow a takeaway he’s really spoiling you. Can you order anything you like?

Your friend has a better husband.

If he had put it away for family emergency money that would be one thing. But to not even want to spend any on his family, even when it meant you could have a family holiday - that says everything about his character.

Selfish bastard.

This was one of the arguments for getting more women into work in overly patriarchal societies - women spend money on the whole family, men spend money on themselves (not always true, all the time, of course!)

Is money quite tight, I can see why if it is and fun money is low, there could be a temptation to keep and not share it out. Doesn’t make it right and I’d not do it, but I can see why someone would do it.

What a dick.

I just put this to him re. casino and he insists they went to one (can’t remember the name)

Oh dear. The plot thickens....

That's called financial infidelity.

So you were £300- £400 short for a family holiday, and he blew £500 on a day out in Bath. And a trip to a nonexistent casino.
Keep an eye on this one, OP.

Mmm I don’t know. I’m probably not agreeing with most people here but it’s only a few hundred pounds and he’s won it, he’s thinking he’ll have it to do what he wants with it. It would be different if you were struggling for food and bills but I don’t think it’s that bad otherwise

Just done a quick Google and there is a Casino in Bath, right near the Theatre Royal. Not siding with him, just don't want this to turn into something it's not. He's still defo in the wrong imo x

Yes, he says that’s where it was and it was called Century.

It's still on Google, but permanently closed. Now an bowling / shuffleboard / darts space called Lane 7.

It went into liquidation after Covid - https://www.somersetlive.co.uk/news/somerset-news/company-runs-casino-bath-goes-4284872

It closed ages ago. Literally years. I live a couple of towns over.

How much ? Is it a small win because the amount makes a lot of difference.