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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think I've hit an age of looking back not forward?

153 replies

Setsquares · 21/02/2026 00:12

I'll be 50 years old next week.
Youngest DC will be leaving for university in September.
I'm in a full-time, stressful job, which will see me through to retirement in 14/15 years time. Will never be a high earner (teacher).
DH and I bumble along well enough together. Certainly not exciting, but not awful.
Elderly parents.

My looks have faded - frown lines, greying hair, tired eyes, bit of extra weight on the hips.

Becoming more cynical about the world and humanity in general.

AIBU to think that my life now is about looking back on the good times (I had a great time in my 20s, in a big city and did lots of travelling, and then the kids' pre-school years were probably the happiest of my life), rather than expecting the same level of 'adventure' ahead?

OP posts:

Smidge001 · 21/02/2026 00:16

I think it comes to a lot of us. You'll get loads of smug people coming to tell you how they've never felt better, got freedoms and life experience and loads of stuff to look forward to, but i swear there are more of us who had a great time in their 20s and 30s and now at a stage where everything's just 'fine'.

AplineDaisies · 21/02/2026 00:17

I only can say you need to get out of the mindset you are in because it's not positive and it's not going to help you. Surely with your youngest at uni,though you will have an empty nest, there will be more opportunities to explore without thinking about what dc are needing for tea etc?
You are only 50!
Take some time to write out dreams 💕

CatherinedeBourgh · 21/02/2026 00:20

I'm 54 and I feel I have loads to look forward to! I work with my dc which I absolutely love doing, and am looking forward to seeing them develop professionally, looking forward to meeting their long-term partners when they have them and hopefully their children one day. And looking forward to more time with dh when we are less busy.

Smidge001 · 21/02/2026 00:22

AplineDaisies · 21/02/2026 00:17

I know what you're saying, but i think i just feel like i've done and achieved pretty much everything i wanted to already. I enjoy looking back at what i did in the past, places i've been etc. I just don't really have much interest in doing them again!

nagnagnag · 21/02/2026 00:22

I’m feeling the same way. It seems to me like all the fun bits are in the past. I don’t want to feel this way but I can’t think what I could do to change it.

pastaish · 21/02/2026 00:24

I'm a similar age and just live in the present. Not forward or backward specifically. In some ways the adventures are bigger now and life is still exciting. Don't miss out on all the coming years can bring. It's different, not better or worse.

I'm definitely more cynical about the world but just focus on my own corner.

SeashellHouse · 21/02/2026 00:24

Well, you know yourself best, but I’m three years older than you, and while it’s been a rocky few years, I’ve never been so excited about the immediate future.

pastaandpesto · 21/02/2026 00:25

Hello OP, are you me?! I am turning 50 in a couple of weeks and could have written your post. Especially the weight on the hips (where the fuck did that come from?!) and the inescapable background worry about what is going to happen in the world over the next decade. For me it is compounded by worry over one of our DC who is very unwell and who faces and even more uncertain future. Like you, I found the preschool years utterly joyful. They truly were the halcyon days and although I am generally OK day to day I cannot imagine that I will ever recapture the blissful contentment of those years.

Original poster

Setsquares · 21/02/2026 00:29

I feel that I have 15 more years of hard work ahead - despite already feeling so tired, and will enjoy watching the DCs' lives, but from a different, less involved perspective. I won't have half of the impact on their lives that I had before they moved away from home. Of course, this is testament to the fact that they are successfully independent people (and it would a shame if they were reliant on me into adulthood), but it does mean that I'll be an observer more than a full-blown participant.

I'm realising that the best is behind me. Maybe that's ok. It's sad though.

OP posts:

canklesmctacotits · 21/02/2026 00:30

I do both: look back with fondness and relish all the fun and joy of discovery, but also relish not giving as much of a fuck about things now, not having the angst of my 20s, and having greater wisdom and experience with which to understand the world around me. I have different interests and different goals now. It’s just a different phase, and I intend to stack all my phases until there are none left! You can choose your attitude to life. Nobody can stop you.

catonthebeds · 21/02/2026 00:34

God I'm five years younger and I feel this so much. Since the start of this year I've been somehow really aware that my life is half over, that I'm feeling and looking older, that my kids won't need me on the same way for much longer. that my elderly parents are living good but diminishing lives and before long I'll be saying goodbye to them. And I look at them and see myself in my 80s and Im filled with dread honestly, at what lies ahead even of I managed to stay reasonably well, as they are.

My youngest is still youngish but agree the pre school years were just so vibrant and now it feels much more grey. I recall my parents and MIL waxing lyrical about the joys of grandchildren so hope there is that ahead and ofc I'm trying to focus on adventures ahead and what I can achieve now my kids are older. But it still hits me sometimes, this dread and grey

pastaish · 21/02/2026 00:37

I think one of the happiest times in my life is when I had three preschoolers. It was magical. I loved the child raising stage but it was just that, a life stage. I now embrace the next stage and am loving that too. It would be sad to feel like the best is over at 50. There are so many years ahead of you to enjoy.

E45bathsquirrels · 21/02/2026 00:40

I’m in my fifties too but I’ve had a crappy life so far so I’m looking forward to some good times ahead. Hopefully we have another 30 years of good health so it’s a bit sad to be winding down at this stage.

NeverTeaTea · 21/02/2026 00:58

I’m not far off 50 and certainly have moments of feeling like this, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to let myself settle into a ‘my best years are behind me’ mindset.

If anything, I’m going to make an extra effort to say ‘yes’ to new experiences and keep pushing myself to learn new things, see new places and squeeze as much joy as possible out of life.

ViciousCurrentBun · 21/02/2026 01:04

I feel quite glad it took me to now at 59 to feel like this and it’s only because I have just been diagnosed with a heart condition. I am planning on going through the Eurotunnel and a few other trips before I slip off this mortal coil.

DeftGoldHedgehog · 21/02/2026 01:04

I'm sorry to read that OP and hope that you can find a more positive way forward.

I absolutely love the freedom to be just me again at 50 and the headspace freed up by not thinking about what DDs need for school the next day and all that. And I love the relationship I have with DDs as young adults and seeing how their lives unfold.

DH and I have been enjoying things we used to do before we had kids like go out for dinner, going for drinks after work without needing a plan, catching an exhibition we wanted to see. I've lost both parents now and while I love and miss them, I don't have any time taken up worrying about them any more.

I'm writing a novel and have built up a new local social group because of writing and still see old friends regularly too. My job is going well and I get a lot of satisfaction from it.

I've lost the two stone on mounjaro that I've been trying to lose for 15 years, my periods have completely stopped for over 12 months and for the first time in nearly 20 years it feels like my hormones have just chilled the fuck out.

So for me, I like being 50 just now and feel quietly hopeful, and that menopause is indeed something of a second spring and certainly no wish to be any other age.

MidnightMeltdown · 21/02/2026 01:24

I’m not 50 yet, but if I were you, I’d be looking forward to retirement. Think about all the time you’ll have for hobbies and travel! 14 years might seem like a long time, but it goes by so quickly the older you get.

coolcahuna · 21/02/2026 06:11

I'm similar age to you and do feel a little like this sometimes, quite melancholy about when my kids were little but also super excited to see the adults they are becoming. I've set some goals for myself though, even written them down. Just for this year and it's not some big five year plan. It's hard not to think about 'it's X years until retirement and almost wish your life away

coolcahuna · 21/02/2026 06:14

NeverTeaTea · 21/02/2026 00:58

I’m not far off 50 and certainly have moments of feeling like this, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to let myself settle into a ‘my best years are behind me’ mindset.

If anything, I’m going to make an extra effort to say ‘yes’ to new experiences and keep pushing myself to learn new things, see new places and squeeze as much joy as possible out of life.

This is exactly how I feel! It's liberating really and I've signed up for some classes to learn a new hobby and may go back and get a new qualification. Grab every opportunity.

newornotnew · 21/02/2026 06:21

I'm realising that the best is behind me This is going to be a self-fulfilling prophesy.

Work out what a good 50s would be for you and look forward to that. Don't compare your 50s to other decades in the past, that's pointless.

berlinbaby2025 · 21/02/2026 06:27

I feel similarly and I’m 50. I have things to look forward to but feel my glory days are largely in the past and am hugely concerned and pessimistic about the future - personally (single low income earner still renting) and about this shaky world we live (wars, climate change, AI). It’s all compounded by knowing I have very likely have less years left then those I’ve lived, health issues becoming more frequent, and as I get older I know more and more people who aren’t elderly who’ve had terminal cancer.

NotMeAtAll · 21/02/2026 06:28

I'm 60. My life isn't better by any objective measure, except that I appreciate it more.

Esperanza25 · 21/02/2026 06:57

I am in my mid sixties now and most definitely felt as you did through most of my fifties. I found it a very difficult time to negotiate, working while supporting elderly parents and in laws, genuinely having empty nest syndrome and feeling sad about my looks starting to fade ( vain, I know, but I did)

But remarkably, those feelings have passed and I feel that life has so much to offer again. I don’t want to travel the world and do a million things, I’m just happy again and hugely enjoying spending as much time as I can with my adult children and my grandchildren and doing things that genuinely interest me.
My looks have definitely faded now, but that’s ok. I’m focusing on my health and being the person I want to be. It’s liberating.

I still feel that the early years at home with my little children were absolutely the best and happiest days of my life, but this time feels pretty good as well.

FlatErica · 21/02/2026 07:03

I went through that too, OP (I’m 59). Then suddenly I realised I don’t have much time left. I feel like I’m in my 30s but I’ve only got about 20-30 years left, if I’m lucky, and that’s no time at all. Maybe it will suddenly switch for you too.

camelfinger · 21/02/2026 07:05

I feel similarly OP. Perhaps a way of rethinking it would be to consider yourself lucky to have had such good times and to have enjoyed that period of your life so much.

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