to think I've hit an age of looking back not forward?

[Setsquares]

I'll be 50 years old next week.
Youngest DC will be leaving for university in September.
I'm in a full-time, stressful job, which will see me through to retirement in 14/15 years time. Will never be a high earner (teacher).
DH and I bumble along well enough together. Certainly not exciting, but not awful.
Elderly parents.

My looks have faded - frown lines, greying hair, tired eyes, bit of extra weight on the hips.

Becoming more cynical about the world and humanity in general.

AIBU to think that my life now is about looking back on the good times (I had a great time in my 20s, in a big city and did lots of travelling, and then the kids' pre-school years were probably the happiest of my life), rather than expecting the same level of 'adventure' ahead?

To add to this. Had fun in my 20s. Met DH at 29. Spent 30s trying and failing to have children. 40s coming to terms with that. 50’s caring for elderly parents. Retired at 58 after some physical and mental health issues. The past 7 years have been the best of my life so far. DH and I are extremely happy together. We’ve done some amazing travel and hopefully more to come.

Goodness op you could be me. I am 50 next year. I watched the film kneecap last night. To begin with it was fun and I enjoyed it.. but then the nostalgia set it and got worse and worse through the film and i was depressed by the end.

Looking back is great as it helps you remember what you enjoy and what you might have missed during the years of raising a family

but it’s only part of the story. You have only one life - do you really want to spend it looking back at half of it? Rather than living the next half/quarter ?

this is a time of transition and it’s up to you to shape the direction but usually thinking about ….

volunteering - helping others
getting outside and exercise
learning something new

all help with the rediscovering of YOU

and now’s a good time to do a big spreadsheet to look at pensions and what you will be able to do on retirement. If your health stays with you.

You describe that feeling very well. It is an odd stage in life, you are free to please yourself but have lost a role. Looking after elderly parents is more stressful than children. You are still working without an end In immediate sight. You need time to transition to a different stage.
It will change again over the next few years, and bring some positives, once you have no students left but are still working you will hopefully be better off financially and able to spend on yourselves.
Take some time to really think about what you want, how to spend time and money doing things you find rewarding, talk to your husband, could you afford to reduce your hours in three or four years? Volunteer, explore new interests?
Small steps but worth at least taking a bit of control.

OP sorry for your losses, that sounds really tough to lose so many people whatever their ages, but of a similar age it understandably gives a sense of your own mortality.

With kindness, I don't think how you feel is typical for other people your age, and is likely a reflection of the difficult experiences you have had and grief. Could you get some support for your emotions?

I changed career at 50 and never looked back! It was the defining moment of my life and gave me new purpose.

It involved some financial risk and loss of pension, but you only live once!

Soon you will be free of child care. Grasp this opportunity!

And don't think about body changes ... they are what they are, and you can either embrace them and be happy or fight them and be miserable ... your choice.

And in case my post sounded a bit too gung ho I should also say that when I retired I found myself tied up with a husband with a chronic neurological illness who died after a long and miserable time involving me in a stressful caring role. All the more reason to be glad that I had grasped the opportunities of a new life when I did.

Hey, I turned 50 this week! A few weeks ago, I went through a couple of weeks where I felt mild grief at the idea of turning 50, but I allowed myself to feel it, which helped. It is a fact of life that we all get old, or we do the alternative, and I prefer the former! And yes it sucks about losing your looks, but you can still find a look or style that makes you feel good whether it be colour or funky sillouhettes. We are Gen X!

One thing I have done this year is start a '50 new things at 50' spreadsheet where I have listed a variety of small to large things I have never done, which I'd like to do, many of which are fun to do with friends or family. Its been really uplifing as I have shared my list and friends have 'signed up' to things - tbh I may now do this every year. Small things are mix a new cocktail or make a new recipe, larger things are seeing new shows, travelling new places, or weird and wacky like seeing a medium or going on a new course!

I've included several things to do with my health as I want to ensure I stay alive and healthy for as long as possible - so going on new walks, starting up tai chi for balance and toning, starting to make fermented foods and kombucha and so on.

I really feel like this too. I also have a strong sense of time running out, which might be a positive things in some ways, as I’ve written a list of all the things I want to do, and I’m taking the steps to do them. A bucket list.

I don’t feel this at all. I absolutely loved the young children stage, but now I’m happy to have my life back, while also having a great relationship with my young adult kids and seeing them grow and change. DH and I have a great social life, we can do/go where we want without having to worry about babysitters etc. We also have more time and money to travel and experience things than we ever had in our 20s, I’ve done more travelling in the last 3 years than I probably did the whole of my 20s.

Life isn’t perfect, I have an elderly parent I care for, but having lost friends along the way far too young I want to enjoy this time of my life while I can. I often feel nostalgic for my youth, but would I want to be back there? Not a chance in hell!

OP, your youngest is only going to uni - not Mars! She will be back in the long holidays and probably after she graduates too.

Yes, 50 is a transition, you aren't wrong. But when you're 80, you'll look back at this time and think, "Wtf was I worrying about.?"

If you don't like your grey hair - you can dye it? If you don't like the extra weight you're carrying - you can diet or go in MJ for a few months. These are minor things really, in the scheme of life.

Sounds like you may have menopausal depression perhaps? It happens. But the fact is, the rest of your life can be whatever you make it. Make some plans. Go somewhere sunny and rejuvenate yourself. Be grateful and happy about what you have achieved so far - you may well have grandchildren to come and your DC's partners will become part of your family. There is su much ahead! Nothing stays the same and life will always evolve - but try to embrace it. I wish you all the best. If you think you may be depressed, please see your GP.

I’m 69 and love my life, there is always something fun going on and many things to look forward to.

I’m enjoying my 50s. I’m looking after myself more than I ever have done. In my 20s I didn’t need to and in my 30s and 40s I didn’t have time. But with teens and young adults I have time.

i have my roots done on a schedule so I’m only aware of the grey for a couple of days. I have a simple skin care routine that I never miss. I iron my clothes for the first time in decades which stops me feeling scruffy. I always take the active/doing something option so I don’t slide into premature elderly habits! Spend time with friends and look for things to do with DH like we did in our 20s (theatre, cinema etc).

its not all plain sailing. One child will take a very long time to reach independence, I worry the others will not have a straightforward time finding work and settling into adult life due to the economy and we both have again parents.

Similar age. Feel I look behind more, but I think making plans for the future ie a good idea. We’re lucky to have a dependent free 50s ahead.

I love running so exercising and keeping fit is great for me. Need to ensure I have regular hair cuts, that gets more important.

Currently studying, will always be learning. I don’t think the adventures will ever be the same as our 20s but there are new experiences to find, new friends to make. Imagine when you’re 80 🤞🏻 it would feel ridiculous of a 50 year old to think in this way

I'm at exactly the same stage as you, OP. Four years older, but I'm also a stressed-out teacher with elderly parents and youngest dc about to go to uni in September. Also did big-city living in my 20s and had a whale of a time. I'm trying to look forward, but feel a mixture of pride, mild envy and vicarious enjoyment of my dc's university time (I had the time of my life at uni.

One little future project is that dh and I are planning to get a campervan and try to travel around more. We won't be very well-off. I'm about to start paying for extra pension (I'm ft now, but was pt for 16 years!).

I have just lost my beautiful mum she was 87, I am 55 I am going to make the most of whatever time I have left on this earth. Time goes by so fast .

So sorry for your losses 💐

I'm 54, and I'm having a great time. I'm definitely not ready to be sitting around in my slippers reminiscing about the good old days, I'm still creating them!

But that's not to say you are wrong. My life is mine alone. I don't expect yours to match it. If that's what you want from your life now, great!

But it doesn't have to be that way unless you choose it to be.

I think that's really sad. 50 is hardly ancient and there is so much to still do and look forward to.

I feel like this now and I’m only 38

This makes me so sad to hear. I’m 55 kids are 25 & 20. Now is our time!! I can spend more time & money on myself, gym, beauty treatments. Holidays with my friends are a priority too. Just gone from a mundane career to a new job in travel. We have only a limited amount of time here. Please make the most of any years you have left.

Goodness me no, we’re in our 60’s retired and having a great time. Think it can depend on your social circle luckily ours is a good one and we all enjoy getting together every so often for a drink, meal, break away. Look at what you can do, pop down the pub when a bands on, go to a gig in town if one of your favourite bands be it modern or from your youth. There’s definitely life out there to be lived.

My 50s have been my best decade. But you've got to think what you want from life now and just start doing it. It won't happen by itself.

I feel the exact opposite of this. Kids becoming more independent out of the drudgy parenting years. You sound depressed.

It’s very easy to feel this way, but I try to look at it as entering another phase of life.