to think I've hit an age of looking back not forward?

[Setsquares]

I'll be 50 years old next week.
Youngest DC will be leaving for university in September.
I'm in a full-time, stressful job, which will see me through to retirement in 14/15 years time. Will never be a high earner (teacher).
DH and I bumble along well enough together. Certainly not exciting, but not awful.
Elderly parents.

My looks have faded - frown lines, greying hair, tired eyes, bit of extra weight on the hips.

Becoming more cynical about the world and humanity in general.

AIBU to think that my life now is about looking back on the good times (I had a great time in my 20s, in a big city and did lots of travelling, and then the kids' pre-school years were probably the happiest of my life), rather than expecting the same level of 'adventure' ahead?

Similar age to you. Not relishing getting broader and looking older. Teenage children less joyful about holidays & Christmas, naturally pulling away from us.
Looking forward to:
not being tied to school holidays & prices (appreciate as a teacher that won’t change for you)
retirement & moving (poss abroad)
grandchildren
being mortgage free

So I hope & anticipate good things to come!

I’m 70 next month and don’t feel like this. I’m retired now, fitter than I’ve ever been due to having time to exercise. I have travel plans to look forward to and the freedom to arrange my time exactly as I want

Well, I don’t disagree, but if that’s the difference for you between now the horrors of the 80s, it’s up to you to exercise some discipline about exposing yourself to it, surely? Just because you can doomscroll doesn’t mean you have to.

My mum's 86. She's off to New York in a few weeks. Then Rome for Easter. She lucky that she's very healthy and mentally sharp. She knows very well that , at her age, every day is a bonus but she wants to fill those days with lovely things.

I feel like this OP. I'm 45.

I don't know OP, im early 30s and struggling to not feel like this! Need to get a grip, I know. But with the state of the world I think many of us are longing for a simpler time and of course ageing, elderly parents etc is very difficult.

You misunderstand.

The reason for my post was an observation as to why it might seem like society today is worse than society in the 80s.

I was not looking for patronising advice about using the internet. I'm more than capable of making my own decisions regarding it's use.

Which way you choose to look is entirely your choice. Do think about it though......

Did you miss the bit where 4 of her friends died? Life isn't all about being a bundle of joy and hobbies aren't a quick fix for very real grief. She's going through something and it's okay to feel those feelings and maybe sharing how she's feeling is a step towards dealing with them rather than dismissing them.

I've lost two friends in their fifties last year and honestly it's really pulled me up short and made me realise how lucky I am. One of my best friends is in her 60s and living life to the full, she inspires me all the time.

Similar age to you, OP, but I feel very differently. What jumps out from your post is that you've lost a lot of friends in a very short space of time; you are in a job which is exhausting and (I'm guessing at this stage) has nothing really to look forward to; you're about to be empty nesters; and you're at the right age for peri/menopause to be kicking your ass. It really sounds like you're grieving, depressed, potentially being kicked around by hormones, and heading into an unwanted living situation (ie. kids leaving). It is a lot of unhappy change, but your feelings don't have to be stuck here and nor do you.

I love my life. I'm on the other side of some deeply unpleasant things (bad job, abusive relationship, life-changing medical stuff) which I think has given me a sharp perspective on how life can change in an instant, and what choices and agency I have to make change, and how things can be different. Getting out of a rut can be a slow unhappy business but only you can be the agent of your change.

That said, you're in the shock of grieving right now so it's understandable you're feeling shit and low, rather than seeing this as a spur for change. Give yourself time, and counselling if you can. If you haven't already, get to a GP about HRT or other therapies; get to a salon and get a decent haircut. Can you book yourself a weekend away in a nice spa hotel away from where you live, just to have a change of space, rest, and then start to think about what the next year, and then 5 years might look like?

I truly loathe the phrase 'making memories' but I think it would help to have a think about what memories you could make now for your 60, 70, 80-year old self to look back on, rather than being nostalgic for your 20s and 30s.

I turned 50 last month. I’ve spent 20 years raising my children and now it’s time for me to follow my dreams. I’ve bought a sports car, have had track lessons from a professional racing driver and I’m taking my race licence in a few weeks time.
Take this opportunity to do something new- something for yourself. It’s a really exciting time. You only need to look back if you choose too.

Yes grief always makes life seem bleaker.

Have you got something to look forward to lined up OP? I always find if I have something to look forward to (catching up with old friends, or visiting a place I am excited to go to) really helps.

I’m 50 this year. My life is quite difficult (young teens, single) but I have decided I am doing some different stuff. A trek in the Himalayas, abseiling, walking a marathon, and some other smaller bits and pieces. We need to be the driver of our own lives. Thankfully, I don’t give two hoots what I look like I know that isn’t easy for everyone. It’s down to us!

I mean this kindly but you need to try to reset your mindset. Yes getting older is tough, but you may well have 30+ years ahead of you. I am quite a bit older than you and had a year in my 50s when 4 friends died. It was quite a wake up call to live well and make the most of what you have. Now I prioritize health and fitness and try to do things that give me joy. I volunteer to give back and I also get great happiness from watching my DC make their way in the world and helping them when I can. You can choose how you face your older years.

If you start looking backwards you'll miss all the opportunities ahead. Always look forward and try some spontaneity now your kids are "off your hands".

I'm in a similar position OP. I'm 51, youngest DC will be off to uni in a couple of years, busy full time job, ageing parents, perimenopausal. I also had a fab time in my 20s and loved having little DC. I do find myself feeling "older" than I expected to at this age, but I also feel thankful for lots of things and mainly feel positive about the future. I hope you manage to overcome the negative thoughts and regain your mojo.

I don't blame you for looking backwards on the fun parts of your life, but equally it's not over and there is plenty to look forward to.

Once DC have flown the nest, there is less work to do round the house. This in turn frees up time, energy and money to do something for yourself like a hobby, a bit of traveling or enjoying quality time with DH.

I think your 50s can be a very hard decade, children not yet independent but elderly relatives becoming more dependent, all whilst (peri)menopause having an affect on your energy and your moods.

I don’t think you are unreasonable to be feeling like you do at the moment, but I would say that for many people things get better as you get into your later 50s, early 60s. I won’t say it’s for definite as it’s true that for some people there can be health problems, but that aside, as your children become independent, hopefully you can carve out some time for yourself and a bit of extra money to do some fun things, travel if that’s what you want to do.

God no. I am looking forward to the freedom of when my kids are older !!

My parents are much happier in their 70s than they were in their 40s and 50s!

You get a single life to live. Dont wish away or waste half of it looking backwards.

You could have another 50 years left! Get healthy and happy and make the most of them

If you are fitter than you've ever been, in your 70's, your life must have been a train wreck for your 20/30/early 40s body to be in a worse state.
The same sense of adventure isn't going to be there, because we've matured and if we really had wanted to do something, we'd have done it. Realistically you never run out of new things you could do. However having the health and energy, is a matter of luck. I've still got a list of places I'd like to go, all achievable. Small pleasures start to matter more. There's still lots to look forward to, if you think about what's next.

Not realistically. I got married to a twat, too young (mid 20s). He was abusive and boring as fuck. I didn’t get to do anything I wanted until I got divorced.

Now mid 40s I’m living the life I wanted. Tbh I’d still go out dancing, but can’t find any friends who still want to!

But I also agree that I find joy in small things now. We spend a lot of weekends away I our campervan, just sitting outside looking at the scenery.

But some of us in our 50s were doing the mortgage and kids thing in our 20s. So it's time for the freedom surely.

Although physically I was much better in my 20s Emergency operation and a cancer diagnosis dint help.

I do go travelling etc. and I'm looking forward to the next 15 years hopefully as long as I physically don't get any worse

I've always wanted to do the travelling etc. but from the time was eldest was born to my youngest turned 18 was 30 years.

Most of it as a single parent. I didn't have the money to take them on long haul trips

So my sense of adventure hasn't gone anywhere