to think I've hit an age of looking back not forward?

[Setsquares]

I'll be 50 years old next week.
Youngest DC will be leaving for university in September.
I'm in a full-time, stressful job, which will see me through to retirement in 14/15 years time. Will never be a high earner (teacher).
DH and I bumble along well enough together. Certainly not exciting, but not awful.
Elderly parents.

My looks have faded - frown lines, greying hair, tired eyes, bit of extra weight on the hips.

Becoming more cynical about the world and humanity in general.

AIBU to think that my life now is about looking back on the good times (I had a great time in my 20s, in a big city and did lots of travelling, and then the kids' pre-school years were probably the happiest of my life), rather than expecting the same level of 'adventure' ahead?

I’m a similar age. Kids slightly older. Lots of great times to look back on but, hopefully, plenty to look forward to!

HRT has given me my fire back. I can do whatever I want without having to figure young children into the equation. Still enjoy lots of nights out, weekends away, that sort of thing.

I’m not rich either but earn a comfortable salary. I’m active and I think that can help me avoid turning into a frail old lady. I know people in their 80s who still have a great laugh so they are my inspiration!

I had some counselling around the same age when I had this feeling of things closing in and my reactions to the world being more negative, plus the stresses and grief that come with losing parents/kids leaving home etc around that age. At the risk of sounding like a knobhead, it really helped me to deal with it all in a better way instead of spiralling/getting ground down and to realise it's less about looking back or forward and a shift to being more in the moment. Not in a zen way but just coming to terms with getting older and finding the benefits of that, which are as real and valid as those in your youth or early motherhood (which in reality had a lot of negatives too as well as the happy times, so it's never been peak). It's ongoing but it's been really helpful and I'm glad I didn't just struggle on alone. So it's good that you're noticing this shift but do get help if it's getting you down.

I can’t really relate to this unfortunately. I genuinely look forward to the future and I'm constantly planning and plotting. I’m 49 this year, my career is on the rise and it takes me all over the world, it gives me purpose and I absolutely love it, so maybe this is why I’m the way I am. I love my past but there’s so much to look forward to and really believe my best years are now and ahead of me.

Talk about doom and gloom jesus !
I'm nearly 50 and I feel happy and look forward to seeing my adult children's lives develope and what their future holds !
And we are a couple again doing fun things without the responsibility of having children at home !! Best lives are when u think positively and your cup is full not half filled looking back into the past !
Each to there own but some people don't get to the milestone of being 50 I think myself lucky and enjoy everyday day !

Similar here, but I think instead of thinking in terms or better or worse, it’s just different. I can appreciate simple pleasures more and I’m enjoying watching my kids grow as young adults. DH and I are trying to get away more- just a night here and there but enjoying each other’s company. Have you thought about dropping a day at work OP?

I’m 58, DC are both at uni and so both away from home for the first time this academic year. I’ve found it quite freeing and feel quite excited by it. I love them visiting and I love having extra time for exercise and to myself when they are away. And I got an excellent annual appraisal grade at work for the first time since I had the kids last month, which will mean a bigger bonus, and I’m convinced this is because I’ve been able to concentrate better on work without the DC needing my attention. Looking forward to better holidays, lots of socialising and yet still getting to see the kids lots. OP, when I was 50 I was coping with meno and not feeling my best much of the time, and I was much less positive about life in general. For me, I’ve felt so much better since I was 54 ish, I know meno gets the blame for everything these days and it may be irrelevant here, but perhaps the future will look brighter in a couple of years time…and I loved tiny kids time of life too, but things are definitely looking up in my late 50s.

No, you’ve definitely a lot to look forward too. Your life may not be perfect or financial bliss, but is anyone’s really perfect. You have a lot going for you compared to a lot of people, it is time for you to start enjoying yourself.

Ah, I turned 50 last week. I still have one of my children in primary school and I work with kids so that keeps me feeling young but it is in a highly pressured role. I share some of your sentiments. I lost my dad suddenly and unexpectedly 6 months ago, other members of my family/ in-laws are terminally ill or seriously ill. Friends/colleagues are going through it, some horrible stuff, but every day I am thankful for my wellness and I regularly feel like I’ve dodged a bullet or two. Physically, I look ‘ok’, I like my fine lines. I’m just starting to get grey hair. HRT is great. I am truly thankful I’m still here. To be honest, I found turning 30 harder than 50. Mentally, I still feel in my 20s and totally not grown up!!!

I'll admit that I felt that way when I was married. We also seemed "fine". We were together for 23 years, but we split up when we were 46. My life and mindset changed overnight. I'm not recommending that "everyone" split up, but its amazing how many people who do, suddenly "wake up" and think "hey, I'm only here once, make every day count". If you can take your partner into that new mindset with you, it'll change everything.

Well my 72 year old mother has just spent the last three weeks travelling around Australia having the time of her life. So really it’s up to you the direction you take your life in.

It makes perfect sense and resonates with me at 53. You have more behind you than in front of you and that includes your best years. Doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the years ahead, but those years will include getting old and losing loved ones. My friend says we may only have 10 or 15 really good years left.

I am 52 and hoping for my second wind in later life. I don’t see why I can’t have great things still to come. I had a blast in my 20s too but there are still loads of bucket list things I can achieve and experience. Maybe get some therapy to help change your mindset?

I’m the same age as you. At the moment a lot of my joy comes from basking in the reflected glory of my DCs, who are in their teens. I know this isn’t very healthy, so I am making an effort to try new things. I love my job, and my colleagues, and I can see my role developing over the next few years.
I do get waves of nostalgia for the 90s when my best friend and I ruled the world, and nothing fazed me. She often messages me ‘when we are young again let’s….’ And comes up with suggestions of following our favourite band around Europe or something. I’m not sure if she means retirement or reincarnation, but it always makes me smile.
We plan to live together again if we outlive our husbands, and maybe we will rule the world again!

I’m 45 and very much looking forward. my 30s was all about the drudge of small children, didn’t really enjoy that. Now I have interesting teens who don’t need me as much, and I have time for myself.

Granted, I escaped teaching 10 years ago and have a job I love. I travel way more now. Got divorced in late 30s and now have DP and we travel together. Went on a trek last year with a small group, most were in 70s and still travelling and having fun! I now follow them on social media as they travel round the world.

I can wait for the next 10, 20 years!

Am not sure what to advise except to try to be content, and to find joy in small things. Have you read this series? The narrator is in a curious position and you might find it interesting.
Back off on the stress if you can...maybe dont take it too seriously. Get more time for non work stuff...might restore some joie de vivre?

I feel like this from time to time. Then I book a solo city break, or solo trip.
My mum is 80, and still travelling, meeting friends, playing music.
I try to be like her, and schedule some joy everyday. Not always expensive stuff, sometimes just a trip to a museum or gallery ( lucky to be in London) or cheap theatre tickets. I have just bought £20 tickets to Don Quixote at Sadlers's Wells. My goal is to look at beauty every day. But never look in the mirror! That way madness- and sadness-lies.

Today I am feeling a bit blue, as so many of my friends have moved out of London, or indeed the UK. I am trying to make more friends. Bit hard at this age.Also one of my DC having a hard time trying to find the right job. Cant't do much about that, but her stress wears off on me. Also struggling to lose about a stone, but not overweight enough to qualify for Mounjaro. And jawline sagging, but I don't want to go for fillers or any injectables. Sigh.

Gosh! That was a lot of moaning. What I really need is a nice boozy evening with my two best friends, but both have moved away!

I just live in the moment now, don't look back much, don't look forward much. It's really nice. I don't dwell on past mistakes or borrow trouble from the future.

I get where you're coming from, but really, you could potentially have decades of okay or good health ahead of you. You sound like you have no agency in your life, which is a bit silly imo (sorry!). Maybe you have "empty nest" syndrome? There are lots of things you could do to change your life still, or your perception. If it were me, I'd consider a fitness related hobby; it will change your looks / body, give you something to engage with / look forward to, and the endorphins will positively change your outlook on other areas of your life. I have a great-aunt in her 80s(!) who started dance fitness about your age, and lives for it! She made loads of female friends who she sees a lot outside of class, has kept fit, and periodically does shows (just small, community ones) with all fun costumes, that she really enjoys! Conversely, I think if you do just give up in your middle age, it becomes a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy. Life is less likely to come grab you and shake you out of it, than when you are young.

I’m 70, retired at 67 - I was exhausted like you - particularly from my fifties. I’ve been where you’re at but things do get better if you get things in your diary to look forward to. I still plan and book holidays ahead (saves money as well as all the lovely planinng). I book for exhibitions and go to a lot of concerts with my husband and friends. I’m an ex teacher too, so I do get it, but I think it’s a mindset to choose to look at things differently. It really does help.

Btw, are you on HRT? It gave me a lot of my energy and positivity back. But now have had to go off it for certain reasons. I think that's why I am struggling.

I feel the same. I look back on my 20s and fun times, going out, being glamorous and miss it. Pre-school and infant school days were a slog but joyous. Now in early 50s, the joy is hard to find. Still working FT. Working on strength and fitness because I do understand there’s a good chunk ahead and I want to be fit and well, so I haven’t given up, but I do think that the best times are behind me too.

I don't think that your best years are behind you, it's just that for someone of your age the best years are behind you, if that makes sense. I think it's the world we live in. The 80/90s were the best years of our lives because society was better. I despair at the present day, Trump, Reform, social media, the lack of tolerance etc.

This is so much not the case. The door is shutting on your old life and the new one has not properly begun.
Just give it a bit of time.
What are you doing in the summer holidays?

Given your update I agree with PP, it seems you might be grieving and depressed.

Maybe a trip to GP or counselling would help?

Sorry for the loss of your friends too btw, that's tough, especially in such a small window of time. Maybe you are a bit depressed? Sertraline is brilliant imo.

Also, if your looks are bothering you, there are options. I see lots of women in their 50s looking gorgeous and stylish. Not to sound trite or shallow, but would a good pamper lift you, while you consider longer term plans? A trip to a salon to deal with greying hair, surely wouldn't break the bank? And even a bit of botox? And a few fresh pieces in your wardrobe? I sadly can't afford any of this atm (have other nice things in my life), but if I could afford to, definitely would!