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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be the most shocked about the women possibly involved in it all

265 replies

Whereareallthegoodpeople · 20/02/2026 22:49

With Epstein.

Men, i’m pretty much sick of at this point in my late 40’s, adore my Ddad and Dh is one of the good ones, but thinking back to being young and leering men and uncomfortable and scary situations.
But, rumours of women possibly being involved-obviously vile GM, but a supposed supermodel, JE’s personal assistants and women that seemed to work for him, reports of possibly owning adoption agencies etc. If all true, how on earth could women see children and young girls being abused and hurt and actively make that happen?? Where were all the safe people, why did no one notice and say or do anything?

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Carla786 · 21/02/2026 19:36

5128gap · 21/02/2026 08:22

I think you're making the mistake of confusing reasons with excuses.
People wanting to discuss the specific motivation of women involved in these crimes, rather than throwing the lazy and statistically unsupported "see! They're just the same as men! Just as evil!" soundbites, are not giving women 'a free pass'.
As PP said most studies on these behaviours have been conducted on men, for obvious reasons. Women who contribute to these crimes generally have different motivators and different histories leading up to them, and so should be examined separately if we are to understand with a view to prevention.
Patriarchal context and male power over them is one theory people have brought to the table. People don't have to agree with it of course. But at least it's a theory to start a conversation and more helpful than 'they're just evil'.
I means, what is 'evil', are some people born evil? They are evil new babies and their destiny is set? Can't be cured, can't be prevented? Or is 'evil' something that develops as a result of life experiences, mental and psychological health, abuse, societal context and their position within it?
If people are going to accuse anyone wanting to ask these questions as making excuses then how are we to ever understand?

They are evil new babies and their destiny is set? Can't be cured, can't be prevented?

  • I read it National Geographic that some kids can be arguably born with psychopath predisposition : lack of empathy & other things. But that if you intervene early enough then they can be helped.
Carla786 · 21/02/2026 19:37

HoskinsChoice · 21/02/2026 09:11

No, she had her own flat and lived with her boyfriend. She lived a pretty normal life - cooking, cleaning, shopping, going to the pub, friends, family etc. At one point she stopped working for Epstein and got a job in a restaurant but a few months later he asked her to go back so she did. Epstein paid for her to go to Thailand, on her own, to do a beauty/massage course and she met a man there, fell in love and never went back, (that man became her husband). She called Epstein to tell him she wasn't going back and he just said ok and she never heard from him again.

All of this doesn't make her less of a victim but it does make it much more difficult to convict anyone. How do you prove 'beyond reasonable doubt' that she was forced when she was actually free to say no. She voluntarily went back every time. She had been groomed to think it was ok and possibly even normal.

With the Andrew situation related to Guiffre, if there is an offence, it would be almost impossible to convict her because she, on the face of it, did it voluntarily. She was excited by the fact she was meeting a prince and asked for the famous photo as she knew her mum was a big fan of the royal family. She has never claimed there was any physical force with Andrew.

This is not the kind of grooming that involved force, violence and captivity. For Virginia at least, it was entirely mental. She was physically but not mentally free.

This is all in her book. It is difficult reading put helps to explain the situation and wipes out the vast majority of the assumptions and made up stories that appear on here and other social media forums.

Did her boyfriend know she was being abused?

Carla786 · 21/02/2026 19:38

Daygloboo · 21/02/2026 10:36

Im inclined to think that is an oversimplification. It seems to go against the idea of evolution to me. If, historically, we were never anything but brutish, we would have died out long ago. The capacity for cooperation, love, fairness etc is imo built in just as much as violence and self preservation..You dont go from hunter gatherer to farmer just by being constantly violent. Those people were.more sophisticated than you think. Read your history and prehistory.

I agree

UnhappyHobbit · 21/02/2026 19:47

Pepperedpickles · 20/02/2026 23:00

I was abused by my mother. It’s much less common than men doing horrible things, of course but I think it’s more common than people realise. People like to think it’s just men doing these things but it really isn’t. I think abusive women are often just better at hiding it. My Mum was very upper middle class, organised high profile literary events and was well known in certain circles. She was also an alcoholic and schizophrenic. People don’t ever want to admit multiple things can be true about the same person.

I agree with you. I’m sorry you were abused by your mother.

I'm quite surprised the OP is that shocked with the likes of Myra Hindley and Rose West. It’s not unheard of for a woman to be evil.

NeelyOHara · 21/02/2026 19:53

Let’s be honest, it’s shocking because it’s the exception not the rule.

HoskinsChoice · 21/02/2026 20:02

Carla786 · 21/02/2026 19:37

Did her boyfriend know she was being abused?

That's an interesting question that a court would need to battle with. Her boyfriend knew that she was having sex with men for money, yes. Did he regard that as abuse though? If I recall correctly, he later testified on her behalf to prove that she was being trafficked but I suspect at the time he just saw it as escorts work which funded their lifestyle. They were both taking a lot of drugs at the time and she was outwardly getting on with life and entirely free to make her own decisions so I presume he didn't recognise it as abuse.

Carla786 · 21/02/2026 20:08

HoskinsChoice · 21/02/2026 20:02

That's an interesting question that a court would need to battle with. Her boyfriend knew that she was having sex with men for money, yes. Did he regard that as abuse though? If I recall correctly, he later testified on her behalf to prove that she was being trafficked but I suspect at the time he just saw it as escorts work which funded their lifestyle. They were both taking a lot of drugs at the time and she was outwardly getting on with life and entirely free to make her own decisions so I presume he didn't recognise it as abuse.

Right, it was a very complex situation.

Otoh I asked ChatGPT about this- I Nedd to fact check theirs of course.

They said :She did have periods where she wasn’t physically with him. Her access to money, housing and work was still tied to his network when she was a teenager She says she was brought back through pressure, financial dependence, and grooming.

If this is true re her jobs & money being tied to Epstein I think that's important. Moreover, she was 19 when she left and a lot of the accusations relate to when she was legally a minor.

Carla786 · 21/02/2026 20:15

I also asked about the boyfriend and it said : In plain-English summaries of his declaration: He saw her being picked up by much older men in cars, she told him she had to go give “massages”, she would return with cash, and he felt something was wrong.

Maybe he saw it as escort work, but otoh massages wouldn't necessarily have been interpreted as sex work back then. And it should be remembered they were both teenagers at this point, adults in that situation would more likely realise more possibly.

Whereareallthegoodpeople · 21/02/2026 21:23

MissHollyGolightly · 21/02/2026 14:22

I think everyone in his circle was groomed or conditioned into believing it was an acceptable setup for a wealthy man to hire beautiful young woman to be assistants and eye candy. I mean - why not? Companies hire young women into that role all the time—think saleswoman in luxury goods or private banking, for example.
Many of the women were aspiring models and it was on paper a great opportunity to get jobs and make connections with powerful people. The pay and perks added glamour.
Epstein didn’t want to hire sex workers, he very specifically wanted young healthy women with natural bodies and faces, no silicon or fillers. He wanted to replicate a trope as old as the ages- the young innocent beauty in thrall and submitting to older and powerful men.
The women helping find new victims were all part of the toxicity but in the moment it probably seemed more eccentric than illegal. Don’t forget he was extremely careful not to deal with under 18s after doing time, So these are adult women willingly working for him —- so to the outside eye, who might not stop to consider there was a trafficking angle, could probably be quite comfortable with it all.

Who keep saying women…these were children

OP posts:
HoskinsChoice · 21/02/2026 21:25

Carla786 · 21/02/2026 20:15

I also asked about the boyfriend and it said : In plain-English summaries of his declaration: He saw her being picked up by much older men in cars, she told him she had to go give “massages”, she would return with cash, and he felt something was wrong.

Maybe he saw it as escort work, but otoh massages wouldn't necessarily have been interpreted as sex work back then. And it should be remembered they were both teenagers at this point, adults in that situation would more likely realise more possibly.

I'd read her book if you are interested. She tells you what happened in there.

HoskinsChoice · 21/02/2026 21:27

Whereareallthegoodpeople · 21/02/2026 21:23

Who keep saying women…these were children

Some were younger but a lot of them were above the legal age of consent.

redwinekeepsyousane · 21/02/2026 22:23

Pepperedpickles · 20/02/2026 23:00

I was abused by my mother. It’s much less common than men doing horrible things, of course but I think it’s more common than people realise. People like to think it’s just men doing these things but it really isn’t. I think abusive women are often just better at hiding it. My Mum was very upper middle class, organised high profile literary events and was well known in certain circles. She was also an alcoholic and schizophrenic. People don’t ever want to admit multiple things can be true about the same person.

I’m really sorry to hear this - didn’t want to not stop and say something.

MissHollyGolightly · 21/02/2026 22:33

There were two phases - when he and GM were recruiting underaged girls and after he went to prison when he was careful to go for 18 year olds or what was legal. Also GM faded away and had her own life so he had another assistant arranging women and he continually tried to get others to find him more. But when they brought charges in 2019 it was only ever for the same earlier period of the underage girls he’d served for. Not for any recent crime.
He was able for years to successfully downplay the conviction because it was such a slap in the wrist and it was portrayed by him as like he’d been misled about one girl’s age and it was a misdemeanour basically.

NeelyOHara · 22/02/2026 08:13

HoskinsChoice · 21/02/2026 21:27

Some were younger but a lot of them were above the legal age of consent.

This is rather downplaying things isn’t it? Plenty of very young children are mentioned in the files, which no one on here seems to want to read or fact check against at all, preferring to theorise which is…..odd.

Whereareallthegoodpeople · 22/02/2026 16:52

NeelyOHara · 22/02/2026 08:13

This is rather downplaying things isn’t it? Plenty of very young children are mentioned in the files, which no one on here seems to want to read or fact check against at all, preferring to theorise which is…..odd.

Exactly what I thought!

OP posts:
aileme · 22/02/2026 16:56

You aren't being unreasonable women are implicated in all of this. I he frequently would manipulate the young women he had groomed and used to find him more girls as a way of implicating them and to keep them on the payroll to both by their silence and have something to hold over them if the money stopped working. There also seem to have been women who just liked the money, the contacts he provided and so on. They should all face justice.

Whereareallthegoodpeople · 22/02/2026 16:57

And now i’m reading about O.W, so hard to know how much is conspiracy..,always assumed so in the past, but who knows now!

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Daygloboo · 22/02/2026 17:08

Whereareallthegoodpeople · 22/02/2026 16:57

And now i’m reading about O.W, so hard to know how much is conspiracy..,always assumed so in the past, but who knows now!

O W ??? Who is that

PrismRain · 22/02/2026 17:08

There are circles that surround things like this. At the centre are the ones the actually hurt children. Surrounding them are those who are actively complicit in providing the environment and wherewithal for abuse to continue to occur. Surrounding those are the people who witness abuse but turn a blind eye. Surrounding those are the people that don’t witness it directly, but indirectly……they see bruises or changes in behaviour or hear rumours…but also turn a blind eye because they are afraid for themselves, what consequences for speaking up they might suffer, and because it’s difficult and an uncomfortable subject…some of them might make a half hearted effort to ask a child if they’re ok and most children will lie and say yes they’re fine because that’s what they’re programmed, threatened and scared into doing, and the adult then breathes a sign of relief because….look they asked the kid and the kid said no…their conscience is clear, they can use some mental gymnastics to absolve themselves, they’re one of the good guys etc etc. Every single one of those people in every single one of those circles is complicit in the abuse. If you suspect and you don’t speak up you are part of it. You are choosing to look away and let a child suffer.

deeahgwitch · 22/02/2026 17:17

Whereareallthegoodpeople · 22/02/2026 16:57

And now i’m reading about O.W, so hard to know how much is conspiracy..,always assumed so in the past, but who knows now!

What ???? 😮

Whereareallthegoodpeople · 22/02/2026 18:05

deeahgwitch · 22/02/2026 17:17

What ???? 😮

Can’t be true, there’s such a swirl of things being said, some is just too much to take. This was in relation to all the missing girls from the children’s home in Africa I think.
If all these things are true, I literally have no faith in humankind anymore, all very bizarre.

OP posts:
InterIgnis · 22/02/2026 18:09

Whereareallthegoodpeople · 22/02/2026 18:05

Can’t be true, there’s such a swirl of things being said, some is just too much to take. This was in relation to all the missing girls from the children’s home in Africa I think.
If all these things are true, I literally have no faith in humankind anymore, all very bizarre.

A lot of what is published is from callers to an anonymous tip line, and those (especially high profile ones) can and do attract trolls, bad actors, and the mentally ill.

Carla786 · 22/02/2026 18:17

NeelyOHara · 22/02/2026 08:13

This is rather downplaying things isn’t it? Plenty of very young children are mentioned in the files, which no one on here seems to want to read or fact check against at all, preferring to theorise which is…..odd.

It is odd.

I thought the youngest age mentioned was 9. Or was it younger?

Muffsies · 22/02/2026 18:22

PeonyPatch · 20/02/2026 22:54

Internalised misogyny?

What? No! Money and a comfy life obviously, some people only care about themselves.

Both men and women are capable of selling drugs to kids, even prostituting their own kids, it's nothing new.

PeonyPatch · 22/02/2026 18:26

Muffsies · 22/02/2026 18:22

What? No! Money and a comfy life obviously, some people only care about themselves.

Both men and women are capable of selling drugs to kids, even prostituting their own kids, it's nothing new.

Or both