To be unsure of how much I actually believe on here

[Youllneverseemeagainn]

Anybody can write whatever they want and can fabricate everything.
I'm amazed by the number of posters who claim to earn circa 200k (and no not just women). They claim they've 'worked damn hard' to get here and now only need to work about 3 hours a week in some mysterious role. The number of people earning this sort of salary in reality is very low, what are the odds that they're all on Mumsnet?

The number of posters with perfect marriages, still having amazing sex 3 times a day after 65 years of marriage, slept together within 3 seconds of meeting and moved in together the same day, husband covers the bed in rose petals still every day and so on. Again it's not the norm.

Everyone's child is a strapping 6'4 with 'model looks', thin as a rake despite eating 4000 calories a day.

It's just not representative of most people, I'm not saying the above doesn't exist but it's the number of posts on here that stipulate things like this, it feels very exaggerated, does anyone else find this?

Oh yes my children share a bedroom too, they are 4 and 5 and quite happy in there together!

I do think they are beautiful and cute, and we do get told they are when we are out and about - but no-one is going to stop you and tell you your child looks like a troll are they!

You've reminded me of that SEN teacher that got in trouble for describing some children as annoying in her book. I can't remember her name or the exact details, but it struck me as such a disservice to the parents of SEN children to pretend that everything's perfect and no parents could possibly have any regrets or unmanageable stress/depression from the situation.

Everybody is expected to enjoy every second of being a parent and never lose your temper. If you do, you're possibly 'abusive' (but definitely ABUSIVE!, if you're a man).

”oh I achieve far more in my wfh job than I ever did in the office” I assume they slouch around all day only getting off the settee to take in the Amazon deliveries & chat on the phone to their mates who also ‘wfh’.

Mumsnet ‘gorgeous daughters’ are a bit different to the kind of teenage girl the lads find attractive - I get the impression the daughters on here are tall, thin, Lily Cole types - striking but not attractive as such.

you sound bitter, why is that?

A lot of us do achieve a lot more at home, being able to work without interruption. Just because you can't, or you are not able to stay away from your tv doesn't mean everyone is the same for everyone.

"We all live in bubbles and mix with people very like us so a strangers real life experience can seem unlikely but that doesn't mean it's a lie."

My dad grew up in post war poverty in a northern mining town. He said that 'if his younger self could see his life now' (new car on the drive of a five bedroom house in a nice rural Southern village) he simply wouldn't have believed it. It is just so far removed from his experience as a child.

My car (second hand average kia basic model) is on a credit card. Yep, you read that right. Credit card.

When my 2004 focus clapped out I didnt have £25k cash lying about to buy a new car with a warranty intact.

I got credit cards, took money advances, then bounced them to a long term 0% balance transfer.

ergo - my car is on a credit card!

Right .. I need to know more!! 😅 What did you do with it?? 👀

Don’t forget the posters who work full time, keep a pristine home, usually 5 bedrooms , three bathrooms ,mdeclutter regularly, cook from scratch, have a freezer full of homemade meals, think nothing of spending £500 a night in a hotel, have make friends that they go on holiday with and DH doesn’t mind at all, have 5 kids all with some disability, are size 10 and slim, have £1000 disposable income after bills, do all the cleaning and shopping for elderly parents, don’t expect any contributions from working children towards their keep…

You can find all the data online, it's not that hard. Here's a quick summary

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cn5xw2g6g3qo

Lots of VERY superior people on here, it's endlessly entertaining, mostly for all the wrong reasons 🤔🤷🏻‍♀️😂

You forgot:

start every day with a brisk 5 mile walk and 20 minutes of meditation. Followed by a peopermint tea because they never drink caffeine.

See also: youtubers who are also full of sh!t

And I worry to mention my exH cos I think no one would believe me. In my case, that's because I married a complete dick who I now think must have been a 'rolled into one' version of every bad DH/DP ever mentioned on here.
I am sure people will think I'm making it up and that no one is that bad...
Yet there are so many people who seem to have the perfect life, relationship and career, that post on here.

I think you’d be surprised at how it’s not the minority. All of the women I know had their children after 35 and most of them were in fact 39-45 so are reaping the consequences as their kids sit GCSEs/A Levels as they turn 60 and collect their bus passes… and deal with elderly/dying parents. And yes, they are high earners, because they were unmarried and unencumbered by kids/partners until late 30’s so had careers and their own businesses. And their partners were similarly successful by that stage too.

Most of us in my group didn’t chose men who swear and fart with abandon whoever is around - my DH no doubt does when he’s with his mates/at the rugby/on the annual golf trip, but he’s never sworn or yelled at me or my kids. Now, my parents were violent mutual abusers, so I may have selected my spouse to avoid it happening to me or my kids. Who knows, but ‘saint’ my DH is not. However, yes, he is a good man. And so are 99% of the men we know who are still happily married to their partners of 30 odd years just like we are.

We’ve all had issues - recurrent miscarriage, ND or SEN children, lost a few friends due to cancer or a DUI. It’s not a utopian existence. But I think it’s sad that people think that people like us and our peer group are - or should be - the minority.

We just have normal mundane lives where we respect each other and prioritise our kids and each other.

It's not the people who might or might not exaggerate I find amusing, it's the outrage of the ones who are desperate to convince themselves that no one can have a more fortunate life than they have 😂

The bitterness against people who just get on with their life, and make better - and less lazy -choices than they do is funny.

Definitely agree with you OP.

The ones who talk about their tall, sporty sons amuse me, like it’s some kind of achievement?

The many who have ‘high earning’ husbands/partners? AS IF!

Also, the competitive under eaters. The ones who claim a small pizza/chicken breast will be enough for three meals 🙄

I'm not so much worried about the 'boasts' on MN.
I worry more about
(1) completely fictional posts, for example, where the grammar and vocab. starts off picture perfect, then suddenly switches to semi-illiterate stuff, while the ideas lurch between extremities, often involving semi-pornographic material.
It actually pains me that people seem to take them seriously and offer advice.
(2) The amount of smugness and judgement, especially when OPs reveal some kind of vulnerability.
Those pain me again, because they remind me of human cruelty.

This is like a bingo…
Don’t forget the posters who
work full time,- Yes
keep a pristine home, -yes
usually 5 bedrooms , three bathrooms - yes
,mdeclutter regularly, - it doesn’t get cluttered but yes I suppose
cook from scratch, - mostly
have a freezer full of homemade meals,- alas no
think nothing of spending £500 a night in a hotel, - yes
have make friends that they go on holiday with and DH doesn’t mind at all, - no
have 5 kids all with some disability, - no
are size 10 and slim, - yes
have £1000 disposable income after bills- yes
do all the cleaning and shopping for elderly parents,- no
don’t expect any contributions from working children towards their keep- yes

Those parents you know who appear besotted probably hate parenting, and regret having children, but no way would they admit that!

I'd believe you!

My friends found a massive bag of heroin under a bush. This sort of stuff does happen in real life.

The fall out from it read like something irvine welsh could have written, but it was all true.

Name changed, obviously.

From the outside you’d never know what is going on on other people’s lives so you probably make a lot of false assumptions about people from their outward presentation in person when you meet them. It’s quite likely that what you read here is more honest because it’s anonymous and people disclose things they would not tell anybody but their very closest friends and family.

Outward appearances can be deceiving. I lived alone from when I was in my mid-teens, supporting myself. I had an extremely abusive childhood with social services and the police involved. I lived in poverty for many years.

I’ve also been to one of the best universities in the country and have a professional qualification, earn a six figure salary, own an expensive house, go on holidays that cost 5 figure sums of money, and I am considering moving my children to private school because state school is failing them.

I also am chronically ill, have been a lone parent throughout almost all of my children’s childhood and have never had any family help. My children also have disabilities and have needed extensive medical care that the NHS has often failed to provide so I’ve had to pay for. Day to day life is therefore very difficult with my own health issues and no support and caring for high-needs children and a full time job. At the same time, both of my children are gifted and talented (objectively tested by an educational psychologist) and both are tall and slim and - in my opinion - very attractive (although of course I am biased about that!) and I’m incredibly proud of them for the kind, empathetic, imaginative, curious and intelligent young people they are becoming, despite their challenges.

All of these things are true. My life may be outside the average in both positive and negative ways, but that is the nature of averages and most people will have a combination of circumstances that you would judge to be better or worse than your own in different respects but you’re unlikely to be aware of the full picture unless you know the person extremely well.

You seem to be trying to cateogorise people into different “groups” when in reality even individual people’s life experiences are often far more varied and complex than you seem to imagine, I think perhaps because you are making assumptions about the lives of those you meet in person which may be wildly inaccurate because you will only be seeing one or two facets of their reality unless they are one of the small handful of people you know extremely well who would trust you with or feel it appropriate to disclose their life story to you.

I raise my eyebrows at all the people who think anyone who has more than a glass of wine a week has a drink problem. So many of them! So different to what real life feels like.

If each of those high earning MNetters all send me £10, I might have enough to take my children on one of their fancy 3x a year abroad holidays..

any takers?!

There's a lot of bullshit on mumsnet.

However I generally believe the wealthy people as I'm on a good salary with no debt. Mumsnet is quite middle class. Lots of less well off but they don't all pile on to shout as much.

@Nanda66 I only drink at events, weddings, Christmas, hendos etc, I don't know anyone in my close circle who drinks at home casually, most of us just cba!
Not that a few glasses a week is a problem, just a different perspective!