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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want my ex to have DS stay every weekend?

106 replies

Minimelanie · 17/02/2026 14:56

I’ve allowed my DS to start staying over at my partner’s for the first time late last year since we split up when he was 1.
my son was young and attached to me and also wetted himself at night so I didn’t think it appropriate for him to sleep over before then.

DS is now at school so I’m having to look for work and want to do bar work which I’ve done in the past. For this reason, they need me Saturday nights. I’ve asked my ex to have our DS stay every Saturday night but he’s refused as he wants to do a certain hobby some weekends he says he’s taken up since I wouldn’t let him have our DS stay over until last year . He currently has him every Saturday daytime and overnights are sporadic, but a couple of times a month at least.

I live 40 mins away and he works full time.

he has a partner who I feel he wants to see more than having our DS over as why would he refuse otherwise?

OP posts:
Jellybunny56 · 17/02/2026 14:58

You’re not unreasonable but neither is he really, could he do a midweek night some weeks and then weekend the others to alternate?

CharlotteSometimeslikesanafternoonnap · 17/02/2026 14:58

Because he wants a Saturday night off now and again. He's not being unreasonable.

rubyslippers · 17/02/2026 14:58

Go to court and get this sorted officially

WeepingAngelInTheTardis · 17/02/2026 14:59

Yanbu however you cannot force him. Maybe best to find a babysitter or a better job that works around your child so you do not need to rely on your deadbeat ex.

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/02/2026 14:59

You did refuse for years. And now want him to have him every weekend. It's all your decisions.

TomatoSandwiches · 17/02/2026 15:00

YABU, it's reasonable to share weekends imo.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 17/02/2026 15:01

He’s not unreasonable. Maybe try for a cafe job or retail work instead.

HoppingPavlova · 17/02/2026 15:05

he has a partner who I feel he wants to see more than having our DS over as why would he refuse otherwise?

I’d guess the reason he is refusing is because you wouldn’t let DS stay over for several years (given he is now school age) so he took up a hobby which has commitments. Now, you want him to drop this because you now want DS to sleep over. That’s not how life and parenting work.

Blondeshavemorefun · 17/02/2026 15:07

Every other weekend is fair an ex deserves some time to go out etc

you need to cover the other one. Babysitter - friends house - family etc

GreyCarpet · 17/02/2026 15:15

he has a partner who I feel he wants to see more than having our DS over as why would he refuse otherwise?

Because the purpose of him having a relationship with his child is not to faciliate your life. You can take advantage of the time your child is with him to do your own thing but you don't get to say no overnight visits for however many years and then demand every weekend. As much as anything, that wouldn't be in the best interests of your child.

AlwaysTheRenegade · 17/02/2026 15:25

I'm not saying he shouldn't do more overnights if your sons happy with that, but could you start working again during school hours first?

PeopleLikeColdplayYouCantTrustPeopleJez · 17/02/2026 15:27

I completely get your frustration but you can’t make him legally so you’re going to have to make your peace with that and try to find a different solution. I say that someone with a useless ex btw- you’re not gonna change them so it’s best for your own headspace to get on with things without his input if he’s not willing to do much. And make sure he’s paying at least the minimal amount of child support to take care of the child.

Original poster
Minimelanie · 17/02/2026 15:30

PeopleLikeColdplayYouCantTrustPeopleJez · 17/02/2026 15:27

I completely get your frustration but you can’t make him legally so you’re going to have to make your peace with that and try to find a different solution. I say that someone with a useless ex btw- you’re not gonna change them so it’s best for your own headspace to get on with things without his input if he’s not willing to do much. And make sure he’s paying at least the minimal amount of child support to take care of the child.

Thanks yes he’s always paid childcare

OP posts:
EvangelineTheNightStar · 17/02/2026 15:32

So you only want to work a Saturday night? Or do you mean you’re also going to work in the bar during school hours?

EvangelineTheNightStar · 17/02/2026 15:33

Minimelanie · 17/02/2026 15:30

Thanks yes he’s always paid childcare

Show quote history

childcare as in you, or nursery fees,

middleagedandinarage · 17/02/2026 15:33

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/02/2026 14:59

You did refuse for years. And now want him to have him every weekend. It's all your decisions.

This is what I was about to say, you didn't allow him to stay for years and now when it suits you he has to stay every saturday night. I vote you are being a bit unreasonable!

stargirl27 · 17/02/2026 15:34

Yanbu but you cannot force him and it's unlikely this would be ordered by the court. Can you not do alternate Saturdays at work?

FuzzyWolf · 17/02/2026 15:34

It all seems very much on your terms and not what is best for your child.

Every other weekend is usually what is considered best but no reason why he can’t have him during the week and school holidays as well.

Boomer55 · 17/02/2026 15:35

It’s usually every other weekend. Perhaps try to work around that.

SargeMarge · 17/02/2026 15:37

You’re a single mum without even not childcare so you can’t do bar work. Working one night a week isn’t enough anyway.

You need to get a job that suits your circumstances as much as possible. What did you do before leaving to have a child? Other than bar work.

You can’t expect him to have the child every weekend. He should be doing every second weekend, Friday night till Sunday night. And he should ideally be doing a night every week but school can make that difficult. I’m a single parent and unfortunately, this is the life. You need a job that fits. What are you qualified for?

wanderingstarz · 17/02/2026 15:37

It's a good job the OP has her DS every day so her ex can work. Or what would he do?

foreversunshine · 17/02/2026 15:38

Suddenly thrusting this new, unusual routine on to your child doesn't sound like you're making plans with his best interests in mind.

Bar work is an unskilled (technically, I'm not saying it doesn't take skill), generally minimum wage job. There are certainly other jobs within those parameters you could do that wouldn't require your ex having him every weekend overnight. YABU.

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 17/02/2026 15:39

I’ve allowed. Eek.

Anyway, yes you are being unreasonable. Arrange proper time for the child to be at his dad’s including overnights.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 17/02/2026 15:40

wanderingstarz · 17/02/2026 15:37

It's a good job the OP has her DS every day so her ex can work. Or what would he do?

Pay for childcare.

FuzzyWolf · 17/02/2026 15:41

wanderingstarz · 17/02/2026 15:37

It's a good job the OP has her DS every day so her ex can work. Or what would he do?

Regular childcare like most parents? Although the OP does say the child is at school so that will take up part of the day (not that school is childcare).