AIBU to want my ex to have DS stay every weekend?

[Minimelanie]

I’ve allowed my DS to start staying over at my partner’s for the first time late last year since we split up when he was 1.
my son was young and attached to me and also wetted himself at night so I didn’t think it appropriate for him to sleep over before then.

DS is now at school so I’m having to look for work and want to do bar work which I’ve done in the past. For this reason, they need me Saturday nights. I’ve asked my ex to have our DS stay every Saturday night but he’s refused as he wants to do a certain hobby some weekends he says he’s taken up since I wouldn’t let him have our DS stay over until last year . He currently has him every Saturday daytime and overnights are sporadic, but a couple of times a month at least.

I live 40 mins away and he works full time.

he has a partner who I feel he wants to see more than having our DS over as why would he refuse otherwise?

Find different work. You’re taking the piss. Your child has two parents, you’re not the boss, and he’s allowed to have a partner and want time to see her as you wanted DS every single night for years and got it.

YABU - as it seems everything has to be on your terms. He should see his son more but why should he have to do it his just to suit you?

So you want to be off all week when your DS is at school, and then your ex have him during the weekends when he’s not at school?

I don’t think this is fair, sorry. Every other weekend and a night in the week is more usual.

I think you should aim to work during the day in the week - whether or not using wrap around care - and have every other weekend with your son.

You are totally selfish and unreasonable.

There are other jobs that have more favourable hours than bar work. Retail would mean weekends too. Could you work in a school so have the same hours and holidays?

I’d probably suggest a more child friendly job to be honest? Also wouldn’t you want some weekend time with your son? I think asking your ex to have him every weekend is unfair.

This

Hmmmm sounds like OP has had all the childcare up to now, ex only does Sat daytime and occasional overnight. Plus, in many locations theres hardly any work, you'd be very lucky to find school friendly hours. But agree weekend work not good. My grandsons mother is in a similar position. Can you retrain as part of your UC, OP? If you're just looking for bar work why not be a bit more smbitious? A mother's education level has a direct impact on a childs life outcomes. Is there a local college offering anything?

@Properjob Hmmmm sounds like OP has had all the childcare up to now, ex only does Sat daytime and occasional overnight

That’s because OP wouldn’t let the ex do any more childcare

Shhhh! Don’t upset the apple cart for some with facts!

Why can't you work when your child is at school/nursery? Like most single parents have to do?
What are finances like if you are currently not working?

Evangeline we don't really know the 'facts' behind why he didn't do more, but given most of the stories we read on Mumsnet I think we can guess. However, its likely that OP has got used to being at home FT which of course for most of us was not an option. I think we all agree that working/studying while the child is at school is the best plan, but I reiterate my point about very little choice of jobs in many places. I still encourage you OP to improve your life chances by doing some training.

And when does the OP get a saturday night off then?

Because of course there are loads of these jobs going NOT

Only trying to help.

What time is his hobby? He could drop son to you early on that Sunday surely?

On the weekends the kid is at her dad’s? Obviously. But OP can’t have every weekend off from parenting, that’s not fair and no court is ordering that.

She needs to get a job during the day when she had childcare.

Could you also suggest you have your son Saturday Daytime (he can do the hobby then) and then you drop him Saturday night and he has Sunday as his dad day?
dad still gets every Sunday - Friday night off to have a social life .
i think he’s being really unfair and unkind

She is a single parent. So for one, she needs to work more than one night a week which is all the job is offering. And for two, she needs to work when she has childcare which means she can’t work evening bar shifts.

She needs to get a job during childcare hours and on her every second weekend free.

And that still doesnt make school time jobs available does it? How many weekday only school houes jobs are there actually available ?

But if shes working shes not getting a day off is she?

Seems dad gets plenty of days off from parenting

She doesn’t need a “school house job.” She can pay for wraparound care like every other working family has to do. Then she wouldn’t be working on the Saturday and could have some time off.

Or if she is working at the weekend then she’ll have weekdays off and her kid in school.

She needs to work. What exactly is your idea? One night a week is not enough so she needs to get a proper job during the day when childcare is available.

I’m a single parent. My kids go to their dad’s every second weekend. I work. It’s really not that big a deal nor is it that hard. But this is what comes from having kids when you’re no idea how to support them I guess.

She has created her own issues here by refusing to allow dad to do overnights before. They could have had a 50/50 arrangement or at least more days at dad’s. But they don’t because she refused it.

Get a daytime job - plenty of them out there. Cafes, garden centres, shops.

The reply was to someone who said about getting a job in a school. Of course she can pay for childcare but then again unless she NEVER has to work a weekend then childcare generally won't cover it all. Not much childcare available at weekends.

Ant non office job also is very likely to have some weekend working

Fortunately I had family members who could cover some of this for me even if it did mean me driving a 60 miles round trip twice on a working weekend. DdS dad didn't see them at all not pay for them I worked 5 days a week

That don't require weekends?