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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want my ex to have DS stay every weekend?

106 replies

Minimelanie · 17/02/2026 14:56

I’ve allowed my DS to start staying over at my partner’s for the first time late last year since we split up when he was 1.
my son was young and attached to me and also wetted himself at night so I didn’t think it appropriate for him to sleep over before then.

DS is now at school so I’m having to look for work and want to do bar work which I’ve done in the past. For this reason, they need me Saturday nights. I’ve asked my ex to have our DS stay every Saturday night but he’s refused as he wants to do a certain hobby some weekends he says he’s taken up since I wouldn’t let him have our DS stay over until last year . He currently has him every Saturday daytime and overnights are sporadic, but a couple of times a month at least.

I live 40 mins away and he works full time.

he has a partner who I feel he wants to see more than having our DS over as why would he refuse otherwise?

OP posts:
Thechaseison71 · 19/02/2026 21:17

FlipFlopVibe · 19/02/2026 21:14

Yes there are those jobs but there’s so many more out there too. OP needs to look in all avenues outside of retail and bar work, it’s just narrowing her prospects. There has to be more out there otherwise no parent could ever get any work

Show quote history

My daughter had managed to work in hospitality with 2 kids for 8 years now. Many of the staff she manages are single parents.

OP doesn't say what she did for work before the child so that makes a difference

QuietLifeNoDrama · 19/02/2026 21:28

Sorry OP but YABU here. You seem to be controlling a lot of the decision making here but you really need to be parenting as a team. You’ve ‘allowed’ your son to spend the night with his dad, now you expect his dad to have him every Sat. You working a job every Sat night is far from ideal when raising a young child. What are you doing whilst your child is at school for 30 hours a week? Weekends should be alternate or split in way that suits all of you.

dadtoateen · 19/02/2026 21:33

Minimelanie · 17/02/2026 14:56

I’ve allowed my DS to start staying over at my partner’s for the first time late last year since we split up when he was 1.
my son was young and attached to me and also wetted himself at night so I didn’t think it appropriate for him to sleep over before then.

DS is now at school so I’m having to look for work and want to do bar work which I’ve done in the past. For this reason, they need me Saturday nights. I’ve asked my ex to have our DS stay every Saturday night but he’s refused as he wants to do a certain hobby some weekends he says he’s taken up since I wouldn’t let him have our DS stay over until last year . He currently has him every Saturday daytime and overnights are sporadic, but a couple of times a month at least.

I live 40 mins away and he works full time.

he has a partner who I feel he wants to see more than having our DS over as why would he refuse otherwise?

You haven’t let him have his son stay over previous but now you want him to you expect him to because it now suits you?

what did you agree when you split?

to be honest though, if I had the opportunity to have my child more I would jump at the chance.. to put a hobby above having your child is terrible

FlipFlopVibe · 19/02/2026 21:34

Thechaseison71 · 19/02/2026 21:17

My daughter had managed to work in hospitality with 2 kids for 8 years now. Many of the staff she manages are single parents.

OP doesn't say what she did for work before the child so that makes a difference

Show quote history

So what we agree is, there is no need to think all that is available is Saturday evening bar work. OP needs to be looking across all sectors any day of the week so that both parents are able to spend Saturdays with their child and still have opportunities for hobbies, partners and hobbies

Thechaseison71 · 19/02/2026 21:36

FlipFlopVibe · 19/02/2026 21:34

So what we agree is, there is no need to think all that is available is Saturday evening bar work. OP needs to be looking across all sectors any day of the week so that both parents are able to spend Saturdays with their child and still have opportunities for hobbies, partners and hobbies

Edited
Show quote history

Oh I never disagreed with it. It will be harder for OP if she's only ever done bar work though .

One day a week does seem a bit pointless though

FlipFlopVibe · 19/02/2026 21:47

Thechaseison71 · 19/02/2026 21:36

Oh I never disagreed with it. It will be harder for OP if she's only ever done bar work though .

One day a week does seem a bit pointless though

Show quote history

It is so she needs to look at anything whilst DS is in school, even if it means doing PT hours of 3 x 8am-5pm and use breakfast and after school clubs. That’s still 25.5 hours. Or two midweek days and a Saturday as her ex has their DS during the day already. Everyone has to start at the beginning, we all have no experience to begin with.

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