To take child out of nursery?

[AleaEim]

Hi,

Looking for advice, enlightenment, help!!

My dd, 14 months has been sick back to back for the last 5 weeks since starting nursery. She goes there two days a week and is supposed to be going to a childminder 3 days a week but hasn’t managed to complete her settling in sessions with the CM as she’s been sick every single week. On mat leave, I took her to baby groups/ soft play/ playgrounds every day and she only had a couple of coughs and colds the whole year, I’m not a germaphobe, I frequently forgot to wash her hands and often met up with other parents who’s babies had runny noses etc so I know she is quite resilient when it comes to illnesses (until now). I’m very close to just taking her out of nursery and switching to childminder full time (she’s told me she has a full time place), I realise it’s not guaranteed that she won’t pick up things there but surely it won’t be as bad as the CM only has 2-3 other children (all over the age of 2.5) whereas the nursery has 10-15 babies under 16 months all in one room.

DH thinks we should wait until the end of the month to see if things improve (that means she’d go in this Thurs/fri and next) as we have paid them until then, I think sending her in to a cesspool of germs is just going to lead to another two weeks of illnesses when she could start with the CM straight away and let this hell end.

We are both in two minds about taking her out of nursery and switching to CM, the nursery is outstanding rated in Ofsted whereas the CM is rated good. The nursery give the children two hours outdoor time a day in all weather (they really do), it’s family run, they host nice things that have dazzled us such as Mother’s Day parties/ stay and plays etc, they have forest school, baby ballet, toddler football. It feels wrong to just pull her out because they offer so much and dh thinks they have better facilities/ space/ resources than the CM. I think he’s right but also from a developmental POV, the CM will be better for attachment, consistency and her physical well-being if she gets less ill. But why can’t I just throw the towel in and tell the nursery she’s not going back? It’s almost like we have a FOMO.

Its been extremely stressful these past few weeks and I don’t know how we can go on, on top of that we’re both catching things from dd as well and I started back to work feeling dreadful last week and dh has been battling with flu symptoms for two weeks now, it’s put such a strain on us. I’ve also missed two days of work already including my first day, I have to be off today as well as dd is unwell again, another virus! It’s harder for DH to take days off as I’m on a doctorate course so won’t get penalised as much for taking days off but still I have a lot of work to do and need to start getting into a routine now or things will never be done. DH also has an awful boss and the company he works for is not family friendly at all. I’m with the NHS so they’re more understanding.

Part of me thinks we’re mad to just send her back info nursery this week as we could just have the CM if we wanted and it might be much better for us.

Not sure what I’m asking but just wish we could make a bloody decision.

I’m not a massive fan of mixing providers so I’d go for one consistent one.

This situation is so common especially when starting a setting in winter. Personally I would persevere although regardless of his boss your DH should also be taking time off to look after her, it shouldn't fall all on you.

This is typical for the first winter at nursery (even the second tbh) - she started during cold/flu season. I was told several times that if they don't go through it at nursery they will just go through it when they start school instead, which is worse 😔

Personally I would persevere (and I will be in one month when my DS starts nursery). When my first DS joined we had a few weeks of hell but the overall learning and his experience at the nursery was worth it for his growth.

It's just something you have to suffer through, it's well known that when they start mixing like this they get ill constantly. Some of those other children will have older siblings at school etc so all sorts is being shared. It's rough, but it's not forever this first winter. Both of mine went through it but now have fabulous immune systems, fighting things off when they are young and healthy and resilient is great for their future selves. My eldest is in year 4 and has only missed 2 days of school since she started in year R.

School track attendance, nursery don't.

It's rough but the weather is starting to warm so it'll be over soon.

Your DH should be doing some days though regardless. Mine is self employed so harder for him to miss work than me so I do the majority but he still does some so I can make a point at work of saying he has them at home today etc... it shouldn't be necessary but it's important for your job to know you value the work and are trying your best to limit impact on it rather than shouldering it all yourself.

I would probably do one or the other.

And yep.... First few months are awful with sickness.....

YANBU.

Children this age do not need Nursery. Their immune systems are not as developed and it is bad for their immune system to be under constant stress from continual illness. It’s entirely unnecessary for babies/toddlers to be subjected to this.

I agree you need to choose childminder or nursery, sounds confusing going between the two. Anyway it depends when you say 'sick' how sick the child is. I think nursery and even starting school for some children can be rough as there are so many things to catch. If they are just struggling with a cold though that's a bit different.

I’d always go for one consistent carer. Why have you mixed it up?

Entirely unnecessary, apart from that little thing... what is it called, that thing that adults have to do to you know, buy food, and pay the bills, and survive? 🙄

This. It’s not good for them despite people saying it’s good to build an immune system. We already have an immune system and if it’s overloaded it can cause more issues. My ds was like this ill constantly and then I was told a virus was the trigger for his type 1 diabetes at age 2.

Big, busy nurseries are not the answer- try to find a much smaller one, or even better, a childminder/family member. Nothing beats mum though!

I think I would go with one consistent childcare provider so if it’s the childminder for now and when your child is 3 go to nursery fully or pre school. My child caught everything at nursery the first few months, it’s his second winter but better now with all the multi vitamin supplements I’ve been giving him

This happens to everyone. The kids that don't go to nursery end up sick every week in reception.

Sorry to hear about your DS. I blame the government for misinforming parents- it’s not necessary or normal for under 3s to be ill so often and so severely, often hospitalised, but they must push this agenda of increasingly younger children going at all costs. It’s morally wrong, but they ultimately only see parents as tax payers, not valuable carers in their own right to their own children. Very sad.

Cool so the OP will quit her job which she presumably needs to pay for her home and bills and you will pay her wage then. After all noting beats mum. I'm sure she would much rather not have to work. Such a nonsensical passive aggressive comment.

Yeah you're conflating opinion with fact, you're assuming everyone has all those options, and you're imposing all this on a thread/OP that didn't actually ask about whether it's wrong to use nursery at all.

I don't know of any unders 3s that have been hospitalised because they went to nursery.

Worth noting that this is not the 1950s - the divorce and deadbeat dad rate is higher for a start. Women are entitled to, and need, economic independence and that means having a job.

I think it’s inevitable with starting a childcare setting in winter. You are probably over worse of it. My dc was absolutely bombproof by time she went to school thanks to being at a nursery.

It’s only the same when they start school.

I’d switch as better to have one provision only and it was probably 6-12 months before my DC picked up some resilience at nursery.

It didn’t happen to us, either time. Both children started nursery at 12 months. I’ve no idea why neither got sick, other than that they never really seem to, but they haven’t been sick every week in reception either…

I’d go with the childminder at this age - both mine went to childminder rather than nursery, and we didn’t get the massive onslaught of bugs when they started - I also think it’s a bit more of a natural setting for babies and must be easier to facilitate naps, attachment etc. I’m not sure all-singing all-dancing activities are that important to a baby, they’re more to impress the parents in my opinion.

When my oldest started reception, he did get a run of illnesses - but it wasn’t a massive deal because they were mostly mild - I find it’s so much less dramatic when a four year old is unwell than a baby. Babies can’t sleep or eat properly if they’re bunged up, they get scary fevers, they projectile vomit all the time… 😱 so I do think that delaying them being in a bigger setting helps from that point of view, they probably are going to go through it to some degree but it is considerably less severe if they’re older.

I would send her to the childminder for now, can always join nursery later! She's still so young, give her immune system a chance to recover. Do you absolutely have to work 5 days or can you drop a day at all?

Are you unaware of the constant threads on here from people crying out for help responding to constant illness and hospital trips? Evidently nurseries are not the optimum environment for the health of under 3s. I know plenty in real life who’ve struggled with it too. Common sense.