To take child out of nursery?

[AleaEim]

Hi,

Looking for advice, enlightenment, help!!

My dd, 14 months has been sick back to back for the last 5 weeks since starting nursery. She goes there two days a week and is supposed to be going to a childminder 3 days a week but hasn’t managed to complete her settling in sessions with the CM as she’s been sick every single week. On mat leave, I took her to baby groups/ soft play/ playgrounds every day and she only had a couple of coughs and colds the whole year, I’m not a germaphobe, I frequently forgot to wash her hands and often met up with other parents who’s babies had runny noses etc so I know she is quite resilient when it comes to illnesses (until now). I’m very close to just taking her out of nursery and switching to childminder full time (she’s told me she has a full time place), I realise it’s not guaranteed that she won’t pick up things there but surely it won’t be as bad as the CM only has 2-3 other children (all over the age of 2.5) whereas the nursery has 10-15 babies under 16 months all in one room.

DH thinks we should wait until the end of the month to see if things improve (that means she’d go in this Thurs/fri and next) as we have paid them until then, I think sending her in to a cesspool of germs is just going to lead to another two weeks of illnesses when she could start with the CM straight away and let this hell end.

We are both in two minds about taking her out of nursery and switching to CM, the nursery is outstanding rated in Ofsted whereas the CM is rated good. The nursery give the children two hours outdoor time a day in all weather (they really do), it’s family run, they host nice things that have dazzled us such as Mother’s Day parties/ stay and plays etc, they have forest school, baby ballet, toddler football. It feels wrong to just pull her out because they offer so much and dh thinks they have better facilities/ space/ resources than the CM. I think he’s right but also from a developmental POV, the CM will be better for attachment, consistency and her physical well-being if she gets less ill. But why can’t I just throw the towel in and tell the nursery she’s not going back? It’s almost like we have a FOMO.

Its been extremely stressful these past few weeks and I don’t know how we can go on, on top of that we’re both catching things from dd as well and I started back to work feeling dreadful last week and dh has been battling with flu symptoms for two weeks now, it’s put such a strain on us. I’ve also missed two days of work already including my first day, I have to be off today as well as dd is unwell again, another virus! It’s harder for DH to take days off as I’m on a doctorate course so won’t get penalised as much for taking days off but still I have a lot of work to do and need to start getting into a routine now or things will never be done. DH also has an awful boss and the company he works for is not family friendly at all. I’m with the NHS so they’re more understanding.

Part of me thinks we’re mad to just send her back info nursery this week as we could just have the CM if we wanted and it might be much better for us.

Not sure what I’m asking but just wish we could make a bloody decision.

They are really only a desirable choice if the parents are abusing the child or they live in extreme poverty, the threshold of which is high to be deemed problematic. 98% of under 3s are best off in every way with mum, I’ll never change my opinion on that.

Get a grip.

At 14 months old, I would go childminder full time. Personally I don't think nursery is much benefit at that age.
I do think the 1st winter at nursery, whatever their age is pretty miserable though!

You are the one who can’t tolerate difference of opinion.

I tolerate plenty of well-reasoned, sensible opinions that differ from mine.

It's absolutely normal for that time of the year and first year at nursery.
Young kids will never mix as much at a play group than they'll at nursery. Also parents are unlikely to take their sick child to a play group, but they'll happily drop them off to their childcare provider with a dose of Calpol and hope for the best.

Both our kids went to nursery very young, but we took our youngest out and to CM only between 12-30 months, and honestly I don't think there was a huge benefits to nursery at that age anyway. The CM took her to play groups too, but she also had much more 1-1 time and older children to play with.
She started again at nursery school this year as they only take children from 2yo, and now we can see the benefits as she socialising a lot more.

So for me, you've nothing to lose moving to full time CM if that more convenient right now.

Well, he got chicken pox and then it was just some colds (cough/runny nose) that didn't make him sick but made his baby brother very sick.

As a former nursery worker I agree with you.

I would stick with a childminder until preschool. Too many germs. My kid got sick all the time in the first year and so did we.

Expect 12 weeks of constant bugs when they start nursery, then it settles down. Frequent exposure to viruses reduces their risk of childhood leukaemia. It will settle.

Have a good read up on attachment theory and the negative effects of cortisol on a developing baby/toddler brain, and how the immune system of babies and toddlers develops and responds, and then get back to me on what a well-reasoned argument looks like.

Only anecdotal of course but my ds was home with me till 3, just the way it worked out and I do think it protected his immune system - tho we were out each day at playgroups, park etc. He was very robust by the time he went to preschool at 3 and at 10.5 hasn't been to the doctor since his MMR! I've jinxed myself now I know! But just to offer an alternative to the idea that the constant illness is unavoidable whenever they join a group setting.

We started with a childminder for DTs and she was great but every time her or her children were ill she rightly closed completely but it was loads. I think I had more carers leave for their family's illnesses than I did my own family's. Also very very unfortunately her dad died after quite a short illness and she had two weeks off. Which wasn't really enough for her but a nightmare for us. It was a big relief to go nursery and not have them close once. We did still get a massive amount of illness that first month though from nursery.

I loved the home from home set up wih childminders but that was a massive disadvantage

Here we go 🙄

I would 100% choose a decent CM.

We had zero issies with reliability woth either CM we have used and find it very flexible.
(Ours our older women with grown children)

Mine are in with CM rarely sick and when thry are unless it TRUE sickness shes happy to give them some Walpole and have a slow day with them watching bluey and doing a few puzzles and games indoors.
They still goes to regular playgroups / forest school etc.

I would snap the CM hand off if she's offering a ft place. It a much nicer baby friendly atmosphere than a Nursery. And I used to be an EY/SureStart SENCO, so I've seen the whole range of settings. When DD is a bit older, you can either put her in Nursery or ask CM to take her to playgroup.

Out of interest, and not criticising those who use childminders in the slightest, I can happily accept that I’m completely wrong with my worries: how can you be sure that a childminder is good? Obviously I know that theres Ofsted and that they get checked, but I still feel uneasy about leaving my child in someone else’s home. In my mind, everyone can put up a facade to get through the checks, but I’d never know if they take the easy route on some days and put the children in front of the TV all day, or worse, if they have a boyfriend visiting who isn’t DBS checked and might date the childminder for the very reason to get access to children.

Yes constant coughs and colds initially. Then HFM, more coughs and colds, a really bad sickness and diarrhoea bug immediately followed by tonsillitis, 3 days after finished the antibiotics was still really really unwell and we went to a and e where he was diagnosed with diabetes. The endocrinology consultant said there’s nearly always a viral trigger and he suspected the sickness bug or the tonsillitis. I felt dreadful
and guilty for a long time but I was told by the same dr that ds had the ‘switch’ for diabetes there in his genetics and it was inevitable some point it would have got triggered no matter what I did or didn’t do but I felt so awful it happened to him so young

A highly percentage of children with Type 1 have the antibodies for Type 1 diabetes already, and because it’s an autoimmune disease something like a virus triggers the body to start attacking the cells in the pancreas that produce insulin. In my DS’s case it was covid. There’s been a surge since covid. Obviously we don’t know they have the antibodies unless they’re tested. So don't panic OP, just incase you were.

Interesting, I used to nanny and don’t recall the kids being very sick and also they weren’t constantly off school either

I worry about this too but I have to trust someone I also still worry about nurseries to some extent but I have to hope my anxieties wrong otherwise I’d never work.

The latest scandals have been about male nursery workers. I would check with cm first to see if husband works or is at home drinking beer on the sofa. And if the cm has teenage sons I would hesitate..

The childminder is great and her husband is definitely not at home drinking beer 🤔

Then go for cm. It will be a more secure environment for your child who will have a secure adult to attach to in your absence.

Moving to the childminder doesn’t guarantee less illness either. My 4 year old has been with a childminder for 3 years and for around 5/6 months Oct-March, is consistently ill. Despite being in a much smaller setting, they still seem to fall ill with the usual preschool bugs. There are also 2 children who are part time nursery and part time childminder so there is an introduction of other germs with that anyway. Unfortunately, small children pick up bugs no matter what. Hopefully it will mean they have a great immune system when they get to school!