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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not invite my son?

130 replies

Sophie198643 · 17/02/2026 06:40

Hi I’m in a relationship with a guy who has a 8 year old son and I have a 9 year old son. We’ve been together for two years and all get along well. We still stay separately due to my partners son staying far away so he has kept his house and stays there with his son 3 nights a week and with me the rest of the week. He told me last night that he’s booked football tickets for him and his son and his son will be coming to my house to stay over as my house is much closer to the football stadium. My son isn’t as into football but still enjoys it and loves spending time with my partner and his son. I immediately asked why he didn’t even ask if my son would have liked to join them but he said he guessed my son wouldn’t like it and he wanted to do something just him and his son. I questioned that straight away as I said my son still likes football so there’s a high chance he would have wanted to go especially since my partner and his son will be staying with us on the night of the match and my son might feel left out. Later on that night my partners dad phoned him (my partner barely talks to his dad) and it turns out that my partner called his dad and asked if he wanted to go to the football and so he’s also going. Its really got to me because I feel like it’s unfair that he hasn’t even asked my son if he’d like to go (I said I’d have paid for my sons ticket) especially when my partner and son are staying at my house that night and after saying he wanted some time just him and his son he then invites his dad who has only ever met his grandson a handful of times. My partner says I’m being crazy and anyone else that heard that I’m upset at this would think im crazy too. Advice welcome please

OP posts:
Original poster
Sophie198643 · 17/02/2026 06:48

Just to add that my partners dad hasn’t seen his grandson more than a few times because he doesn’t have a close relationship with my partner so it’s through choice not because he’s been unable to see him

OP posts:
Mulledjuice · 17/02/2026 06:49

Do you spend any time the four of you?
Is your partner spending 4 nights/ week with you and your son?

theresbeautyinwindysun · 17/02/2026 06:50

There’s nothing wrong with him doing something with his son and his dad. Completely normal. He doesn’t need to stay at your house beforehand if if doesn’t suit you.

Wolfpa · 17/02/2026 06:51

You are being a little unreasonable it is totally fine for him to want to go with his son and father.

I am sure you do things with your son and not invite his all the time.

WildLeader · 17/02/2026 06:52

Right, this is a small reddish flag. May not be a game changer, but this could be the beginning of the mask slipping. Watch and observe.

that said, the inclusion of the boys GF does change what would have been a simple dynamic into something potentially a lot trickier and maybe it’s not appropriate that your son go.

what about the DP son? Would he prefer to have similar aged company?

WOULD your son genuinely want to go? M

susey · 17/02/2026 06:56

YABU! This is a dad and son day out. Why should he invite his girlfriend's child? (You haven't suggested it's a long term relationship, no hint of the word stepdad or stepson.)

It's commendable that he is having quality time with HIS child and not diluting it by inviting non family.

Original poster
Sophie198643 · 17/02/2026 06:57

Mulledjuice · 17/02/2026 06:49

Do you spend any time the four of you?
Is your partner spending 4 nights/ week with you and your son?

At school holidays we spend time all together. No he sees my son 2 nights a week as my son goes to his dads on the other nights

OP posts:
Summerbay23 · 17/02/2026 06:59

As a one off it doesn’t sound like a big deal. It’s completely normal and right that he spends time with his son. If it is a bigger game/premier league it might be very difficult to get more than 2/3 tickets anyway.

If it was a regular issue/thing I’d say he should have invited your son.

MyballsareSandy2015 · 17/02/2026 06:59

How long have you been together?
why is he telling you he’s staying at yours with his son rather than discussing/asking if it suits you and your son?

Ophy83 · 17/02/2026 07:00

theresbeautyinwindysun · 17/02/2026 06:50

There’s nothing wrong with him doing something with his son and his dad. Completely normal. He doesn’t need to stay at your house beforehand if if doesn’t suit you.

This.

His son might actually be quite upset if your son came along if football is their thing. But if it will upset your son to know about it/have them stay over beforehand then tell bf that won't be possible.

GreyCarpet · 17/02/2026 07:01

I voted YANBU.

Not because I think that he should necessarily invite your son along too but because I think that, given the fact he isn't also taking your son, he shouldn't be assuming he and his son can stay at yours just because it's convenient for him.

Femalemachinest · 17/02/2026 07:01

I dont think the football is the issue for me. Its the deciding hes staying at your house because its easier for him which in turn will mean your son knows they're going. Maybe ask him to book a hotel if he wants to be closer

Sesquipedahlia · 17/02/2026 07:03

So he told you he and his son would be staying overnight at your house - rather than asking if they could?

🧐

And excludes your son from the trip even though he presumably lives with you and will be there on the day in question?

🧐

And you’re just going to roll over and let this happen? I suggest you tell him that doesn’t work for you and they should arrange other accommodation for the night.

And I don’t think your current arrangement of having this man staying with you four nights a week is in your best interests. Or your son’s.

Jellybunny56 · 17/02/2026 07:08

Yes you are being unreasonable. You’ve only been together 2 years! He’s totally within his rights to want to do something with just his own son sometimes, in fact I think he sounds like a brilliant dad for prioritising that.

thepariscrimefiles · 17/02/2026 07:13

It would be fine for your partner just to take his son to the footbal match if he and his son weren't staying at your house.

The fact that he has announced that they are staying at your house rather than asking you first and your son will be now aware that they are going but he hasn't been invited is a bit of a red flag.

As he is still refusing to invite him, tell him that they can't stay at your house.

AutumnFroglets · 17/02/2026 07:22

Agree with pp. This man TOLD you instead of asking? 😮

My partner says I’m being crazy and anyone else that heard that I’m upset at this would think im crazy too
Once a man not only says you are crazy but that others will think you are too is the time to look very, very closely at the whole relationship. Only abusers and manipulators stay with "crazy" women, the normal men run away. The mask is slipping OP, it might be time to call it quits.

Snoken · 17/02/2026 07:26

The issue is definitely that they are using your home as a base, not that he hasn't asked your son to come to the game. It is aboslutely fine for him to just take his own son and his dad, especially since you are not a blended family, but it does feel like he's just using you for convenience by deciding he's going to be staying at your house. That is the only thing here that I would have an issue with.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 17/02/2026 07:28

It’s fine he just wants to go with his son, but he shouldn’t have expected to stay over.

Strawberrryfields · 17/02/2026 07:29

It would’ve been nice to invite your son too but I don’t think it’s unreasonable not to. It’s important he spends quality time with his own son, Maybe he wants to repair the relationship with his dad and this is a good bonding opportunity. Your son being there would change the dynamic of that.

Is it an afternoon match? Can you take your own son out for a fun day while they’re at the football? Then maybe you could get pizza and have a movie night together or something?

Maray1967 · 17/02/2026 07:32

Snoken · 17/02/2026 07:26

The issue is definitely that they are using your home as a base, not that he hasn't asked your son to come to the game. It is aboslutely fine for him to just take his own son and his dad, especially since you are not a blended family, but it does feel like he's just using you for convenience by deciding he's going to be staying at your house. That is the only thing here that I would have an issue with.

Yes, that’s the issue. He does not get to say he’s staying at yours. I’d make it clear that’s not on. If your son would like to go this will be rubbing his nose in it.

Tell him he’s not staying at yours afterwards.

Wishingplenty · 17/02/2026 07:34

Again this is another example how everyone on MN will call you selfish and grabby for wanting your son to go too. But in real life and in the real world, yes you are absolutely 100% in the right to be annoyed. Don't listen to anyone on here that says otherwise. You ask anyone in real life they would say the same thing. No way is that reasonable. That would be a red flag for me and relationship ending for sure!

Harrietsaunt · 17/02/2026 07:35

YABU about taking your DS.

YANBU about them unilaterally deciding they will stay in your home. Say no.

TheMorgenmuffel · 17/02/2026 07:37

Did he ask if you minded if they stay at your place or did he just tell you they were going to?

MyBrightPeer · 17/02/2026 07:38

You’re being quite ridiculous. Your son doesn’t even like football.

Moonnstarz · 17/02/2026 07:40

I think it's cheeky asking to stay over at yours with his son because it's closer knowing your son will be there.
I would say it's fine him going to the football with his son and dad, but not to stay the night at yours.

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