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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not invite my son?

130 replies

Sophie198643 · 17/02/2026 06:40

Hi I’m in a relationship with a guy who has a 8 year old son and I have a 9 year old son. We’ve been together for two years and all get along well. We still stay separately due to my partners son staying far away so he has kept his house and stays there with his son 3 nights a week and with me the rest of the week. He told me last night that he’s booked football tickets for him and his son and his son will be coming to my house to stay over as my house is much closer to the football stadium. My son isn’t as into football but still enjoys it and loves spending time with my partner and his son. I immediately asked why he didn’t even ask if my son would have liked to join them but he said he guessed my son wouldn’t like it and he wanted to do something just him and his son. I questioned that straight away as I said my son still likes football so there’s a high chance he would have wanted to go especially since my partner and his son will be staying with us on the night of the match and my son might feel left out. Later on that night my partners dad phoned him (my partner barely talks to his dad) and it turns out that my partner called his dad and asked if he wanted to go to the football and so he’s also going. Its really got to me because I feel like it’s unfair that he hasn’t even asked my son if he’d like to go (I said I’d have paid for my sons ticket) especially when my partner and son are staying at my house that night and after saying he wanted some time just him and his son he then invites his dad who has only ever met his grandson a handful of times. My partner says I’m being crazy and anyone else that heard that I’m upset at this would think im crazy too. Advice welcome please

OP posts:
ladyofthemanor24 · 17/02/2026 09:57

If he wasn’t taking my son, I wouldn’t let them stay at his house. That way your son doesn’t get upset, and you have protected him from feeling excluded. You must do this for your son.

If he called me crazy for asking a normal question, this would be a huge red flag. No one else thinks you’re crazy on the thread, just the entitled man you are seeing.

anterenea · 17/02/2026 09:58

Just for the fact he called you crazy and self-validated his own belief that you are indeed crazy, I want him to fall on his face and lose all of his teeth. Sorry not much of an advice OP but as some people up thread have said, it is a red flag

amber763 · 17/02/2026 09:58

Its fine for him to do something with his son and dad. If you dont want him to stay at yours then tell him that, but your son isn't even that into football. Youre being weird.

anterenea · 17/02/2026 10:00

Oh and I forgot, he is using you, your home and totally disregarding your sons mental wellbeing!

LifeisLemons · 17/02/2026 10:05

C’mon OP, open your eyes.

Your so-called partner is just using you as you’re simply a convenient shag to him. He doesn’t care about your feelings or view you as a priority at all.

Tell him he can’t stay over the night before the match as it’s not fair on your son and see how he responds to that.

It will be all about him and what’s convenient for him and his lad and you and your son’s feelings won’t get a look in. I can guarantee that!

Ditch him.

beAsensible1 · 17/02/2026 10:07

of course he can just do things with him and his son. your son isn't being left out. that would only be if you are going. however much his dad set his grandsons irrelevant.

him coming to stay at yours because its closer is out of order, if you're not invited. say no to the stop over

PrettyPickle · 17/02/2026 10:08

Ok so my take on this is that had your partner invited his son and Dad to football and they weren't staying at your house, that would be fine as your own son would know no different. Although it would have been genuinely nice had he thought to include your son in this boys outing.

I think the problems arises as he has invited them to stay at yours and so your son will know and as its a boys outing (particularly as your partners son is of a similar age) he will quite reasonably wonder why he has been left out and to be honest it is sort of indicative of your partners default setting on the relationship between him and your son in my opinion. And that would concern me. If he lives in your home for part of the week then your joint priorities should be the welfare of any kids concerned and if he saw himself in the right position for this long term commitment to your son, he would have automatically included your son in the boys outing.

Ask him again to offer to take your son too as a gesture of goodwill and family bonding towards your son and as an indication of the type of relationship he sees with your son.

If he refuses to do it or does it with bad grace, then I would have some serious concerns about the relationship as you are two years in. If he refuses, then do not allow them to stay over to protect your son from feeling left out.

Who knows, your son may not want to go but he will feel included and the opportunity and invitation tells you a lot about your partners mindset in relation to your son. Your priority is your son.

Uptightmumma · 17/02/2026 10:11

As someone who took a kid who wasn’t really interested to a football match I will say you are being unreasonable. 1. Tickets aren’t cheap, 2. If he’s not interested he’ll be bored. Most games are boring if you’re not fully invested & 3. He’s allowed to do things with one kid, even if they were both his we often take ours boys out separately because they like different things.

watchingthishtread · 17/02/2026 10:13

If they weren't staying in your house I'd think nothing of it. However, they are staying in your house so I think it was rude of him not to ask. YANBU.

Iceyday · 17/02/2026 10:18

He needs to stay elsewhere on that evening and not use your home as his base.
Yanbu.
He is staying at your house far too much.
Yes he can do things with his child on his own but he doesn't have to rub it in your sons face.

Calling you crazy?
Huge red flag.

Does he pay his way?
Or are you and your house a free/cheap convenience to him?

Don't allow yourself and your home to be used.

Collaborate · 17/02/2026 10:19

It's a football match - either an away game or the bf hasn't got a season ticket so he has to hope he can get a ticket.

Your son doesn't support this team. His son and his father do. The suggestion your son should be taken is unreasonable. It's not his team.

Mamarama2u2 · 17/02/2026 10:21

I don’t think he is being unreasonable taking his son and not yours but he is being unreasonable thinking they can stay at your house when your son is not included

Lightingfail · 17/02/2026 10:28

I could understand this if you were annoyed that your DP had excluded you and your son, but you don't seem bothered about going at all. I've taken my son to sports games even though it's not my thing, because I want to spend time with him. Given that your son spends at least two nights a week at his dads house, I don't really understand why you would send him out with someone else on the days you do get to spend with him. If he really wants to go to a football match, why not take him yourself?

InMyOodie · 17/02/2026 10:39

watchingthishtread · 17/02/2026 10:13

If they weren't staying in your house I'd think nothing of it. However, they are staying in your house so I think it was rude of him not to ask. YANBU.

That's how I'd see it.

Falling back on the 'crazy' implication is a whole other nasty issue.

livingthenotebook · 17/02/2026 10:42

Tricky one, do you spend time doing something just you and your son?

When mine were younger I used to enjoy every now and again doing things with them on my own which became a bone of contention with my partner. So i ended up dragging DSC along with me. It used to cost me twice as much, I had to regularly compromise and I wish I had dug my heels in further. But then DSC used to go off and do stuff with there mum and brag about it to my DC, but I couldn't afford to do both with and without DSC.

And yes, he should have paid for his when I took them out but I was young and naive.

latetothefisting · 17/02/2026 10:46

MyballsareSandy2015 · 17/02/2026 06:59

How long have you been together?
why is he telling you he’s staying at yours with his son rather than discussing/asking if it suits you and your son?

Yeah this is the weird bit for me!

Fine for him to have a day out with his son and dad, although of course it would be nice to invite your son along as well. Rude and weird to TELL you his son is staying over and I think you'd be well within your rights to say no, it's not fair for you to stay over and then all go out together on a fun outing my son isn't invited to - either stay at yours and drive a bit longer to get to the game or take my son as well. He doesn't get to have his cake and eat it!

MrTiddlesTheCat · 17/02/2026 10:46

He's using you. Tell him they can't stay at yours as you want some time just you and your son.

Nanny0gg · 17/02/2026 10:46

susey · 17/02/2026 06:56

YABU! This is a dad and son day out. Why should he invite his girlfriend's child? (You haven't suggested it's a long term relationship, no hint of the word stepdad or stepson.)

It's commendable that he is having quality time with HIS child and not diluting it by inviting non family.

Yes, I agree

But staying with the OP and it being really obvious to her son isn't on.

Let them go happily, but they don't stay at yours, especially after My partner says I’m being crazy and anyone else that heard that I’m upset at this would think im crazy too. Advice welcome please - Point out you're not a hotel

Secretseverywhere · 17/02/2026 10:52

I’m with pp’s whilst it’s fine for him to take son / dad to football it’s not fine for him to stay at yours whilst excluding your son. I would ask him to stay elsewhere as your son might not like it.

Hankunamatata · 17/02/2026 11:11

Totally fine for your partner to go to football with his son. He only sees him half the week. They don't need to include your son

A discussion should have been had with you about them staying over.

If you want you son to go to football get yourself and your son tickets and go with partner

DashItAll · 17/02/2026 11:14

Him going to the football with just his son is fine and important for them to spend time together. Them staying at your house afterwards is thoughtless on his part and not nice for your son.

Daytimetellyqueen · 17/02/2026 11:17

GreyCarpet · 17/02/2026 07:01

I voted YANBU.

Not because I think that he should necessarily invite your son along too but because I think that, given the fact he isn't also taking your son, he shouldn't be assuming he and his son can stay at yours just because it's convenient for him.

This!

Sounds like he’s taking the pee by staying at yours when your son might be upset. Also massive red flag for me that he’s calling you crazy for disagreeing, without trying to see where you’re coming from.

Catwalking · 17/02/2026 11:20

you’re being a teensy bit unreasonable to expect a man to respect you & your property 🙄😆
But really you are not being unreasonable in the actuality of this whole scenario.
Im worried for you Sophie198643, he cannot tell you you’re crazy, please watch out.

AnAppleAWeek · 17/02/2026 11:30

My partner says I’m being crazy and anyone else that heard that I’m upset at this would think im crazy too.

Biggest red flag ever. I’d end any relationship with a so called man that called me crazy.

ScribblingPixie · 17/02/2026 11:36

I think you're right, OP. It's poor form for your partner to think he can use your home as a base for an outing for his son (and now his dad) without asking you if that's ok. He should absolutely have factored consideration for your son (and you) into his proposed plans. And they should only have been proposed plans - this is your home. I'd say no to this.