Page 8 | To ask that my nephews don’t come

Littlebitofthis1 · 2026-02-16T18:58:10+00:00

My niece is going through the usual hardships that many teenagers go through at high school. So for her birthday I decided to organise a girls only afternoon tea, and I invited my mum, sister, and niece to come along with my own two daughters and my son (because I’m on mat leave with him). However, it’s caused a major argument with my sister (whose daughter I planned the event to celebrate). She is annoyed that I didn’t include my two nephews in the invite. I said for my niece, I thought it would be nice to make it girls only and not have her brothers there now she’s older. Now my sister is saying that she’s not going to come and therefore won’t bring my niece either, unless I include my nephews. She also used as an argument that my 6 month old will be there and he’s a boy. Not sure this is of relevance but I’m paying for the event. should I include my nephews or stand my groundy daughters are still young but I always intentionally do some special things for just them and me and plan to continue that so I didn’t think I would offend anyone by planning this.

Jamesblonde2 · 16/02/2026 22:04

SkyPanel · 16/02/2026 21:11

My teenage boys love an afternoon tea. Why wouldn’t they?

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Because if they’re normal teenage boys they wouldn’t want to sit drinking cups of tea and fairy cakes with their sister and aunty FFS!

Original poster

Littlebitofthis1 · 16/02/2026 22:04

@PhaedraWas I’m 27.

OP posts:

Rottedtheanemones · 16/02/2026 22:06

Vivi0 · 16/02/2026 21:44

I was with you until I read that your three children under 5 will be there.

So, you are selling this as a special 18th birthday treat for your niece without her annoying younger brothers there, but her 3 very young cousins will be attending? Sure.

No wonder your sister isn’t buying it.

I agree with a pp that this sounds like a sibling argument between you and your sister. You’ve essentially put your sister in a situation whereby if she doesn’t attend, it will prove to your niece that she prefers her brothers over her.

Well done you.

I hope your sister doesn’t single out your eldest child out in this way, creating conflict within your family.

Edited

This was my thinking. Maybe in the same way niece complains about her brothers privately to OP, she may complain at being lumbered with her younger cousins whilst stating she 'loves looking after them' to OP and the Mum may be trying to do her a favour. I think there are two sides to this story.

Tangit · 16/02/2026 22:08

Littlebitofthis1 · 16/02/2026 20:27

@Moonnstarz i don’t feel I should need to justify my current situation, but it’s a week day, my other avenues of childcare are attending and my husband works full time. plus my niece was fine with them coming.

Probably only said yes to the little cousins coming as it'd be rude to say no - especially as you're paying.

I don't think this was intended as a girlie day out at all - you're stumped for childcare and HAVE to bring your sprogs along. The lass is turning 18, an adult day out would've been more appropriate. You're really excluding the brothers and I hope they're not resentful for it. You could at least have asked and given them the chance to say no thanks if they didn't want to come.

fashionqueen0123 · 16/02/2026 22:08

I think your sister is being ridiculous. Anyways if your niece is 18 surely she can just come along

Tangit · 16/02/2026 22:10

Probably only said yes to the little cousins coming as it'd be rude to day no - especially as you're paying.

I don't think this was intended as a girlie day out at all - you're stumped for childcare and HAVE to bring your sprogs along. The lass is turning 18, an adult day out would've been more appropriate. You're really excluding the brothers and I hope they're not resentful for it. You could at least have asked and given them the chance to say no thanks if they didn't want to come.

ProfessionalPirate · 16/02/2026 22:12

Littlebitofthis1 · 16/02/2026 19:13

Thanks for all the responses! It’s given me some
things to think about.

i can clarify now that my nephews are both teenagers. They 100% do not want to be seen dead with me for a treat day when it’s their birthdays haha, they always ask specifically for money or an Xbox game.

i probably should have consulted my sister beforehand though, that’s my fault. My sister is 14 years older than me and at this stage of life my niece is closer to me than her mum. She confides in me that she feels her mum prefers her brothers over her so my postpartum brain just went ahead and planned a girls only event thinking my sister would be on board as she knows my niece feels they have a strained relationship

Wow. You think your niece is closer to you than her mum, so decided to wade in and organise her birthday treat for her… no wonder your sister’s nose is out of joint.

Lots of teenagers have difficult relationships with their parents. It’s par for the course, as you will discover when your little ones get to that age. But her mum will always be her mum. I wonder what you say to her when she ‘confides’ in you about her mum - do you agree with her that she prefers the nephews?

I felt like you were overstepping a bit when I read the OP, but this update really confirms it.

Original poster

Littlebitofthis1 · 16/02/2026 22:15

a lot of people are very opinionated about my children 😆 good job I’m their mum and know them best. My girls are very well versed in eating out places and will be just fine - thanks for all the concern that they are ruining the vibe.

OP posts:

beAsensible1 · 16/02/2026 22:16

ElizabethsTailor · 16/02/2026 20:26

I think you are trying to be the cool young aunt who is so much more in tune with your 18 year old niece than her old fogie mum who is “14 years older than you” (given how many times you have mentioned it, even though it has no relevance).

“Cool young aunt” and it’s afternoon tea with her nan, mums and small girls. Sure.

thepariscrimefiles · 16/02/2026 22:17

Growlybear83 · 16/02/2026 20:38

if It was a girls only event then I would think your sister was being unreasonable, but you can’t argue that it’s girls only when you’re taking your son! I don’t think it matters how old any of the boys are - if one is going then you should include the other two.

Her son is a baby and she doesn't have anyone to leave him with. Her mum is attending the tea and her husband is at work.

Tangit · 16/02/2026 22:18

thepariscrimefiles · 16/02/2026 22:17

Her son is a baby and she doesn't have anyone to leave him with. Her mum is attending the tea and her husband is at work.

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She should/could have arranged it at the weekend when husband was off work to look after their three kids.

ProfessionalPirate · 16/02/2026 22:19

And FWIW, I’m sure your niece loves her cousins, but I really doubt that afternoon tea with 3 under 5s is going to be much fun for an 18 year old. Or any adult. Couldn’t you get childcare for a couple of hours? As well as being more enjoyable for everyone, I imagine then that your sister would have much less of an objection to her other children not attending then too.

Original poster

Littlebitofthis1 · 16/02/2026 22:19

@ProfessionalPirate you dont know me personally. I’d never say anything against my sister to her own daughter. Just because she confides in me about things does not mean I break the boundaries of auntie and niece. At the end of the day, she partly tells me about parts of her life because my vocation is a counsellor.

Ive never once said that I’m a cool young aunt. I’ve stated our ages as a matter of fact. Because it’s common knowledge that ages and relatability have some correlation.

OP posts:

redjeans28 · 16/02/2026 22:19

Tangit · 16/02/2026 22:08

Probably only said yes to the little cousins coming as it'd be rude to say no - especially as you're paying.

I don't think this was intended as a girlie day out at all - you're stumped for childcare and HAVE to bring your sprogs along. The lass is turning 18, an adult day out would've been more appropriate. You're really excluding the brothers and I hope they're not resentful for it. You could at least have asked and given them the chance to say no thanks if they didn't want to come.

Edited

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Excluding the brothers? It's not their birthdays is it? I can't stand these parents who insist their children have to do everything together. I can't believe OP's niece can't get her own birthday treats without it becoming about her brothers.

Vivi0 · 16/02/2026 22:21

redjeans28 · 16/02/2026 22:19

Excluding the brothers? It's not their birthdays is it? I can't stand these parents who insist their children have to do everything together. I can't believe OP's niece can't get her own birthday treats without it becoming about her brothers.

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It’s not her counsin’s birthdays either, is it, but they’re all invited along to enjoy the nieces “birthday treats”.

Pallisers · 16/02/2026 22:21

What does your sister's daughter's age have to do with anything?
It's still odd that you planned all this without consultation.

You've answered your own question there. If the niece was 4 then the OP should have consulted the mother. Given that her niece is 18 - 18! why the hell is it odd that her aunt invites her somewhere without asking her mummy first. And how long more is that thing about not doing non-family things at the weekend going to last for the OP's sister. I don't know any teen who would go along with that - still less an 18 year old.

The whole thing is weird from the OP's sister. And the posters claiming the OP is trying to steal her niece or that her "job" is to mend her sister's relationship with her child rather than build her own relationship with her own niece are just weird too.

Shinyandnew1 · 16/02/2026 22:22

Littlebitofthis1 · 16/02/2026 19:02

@ToKittyornottoKitty last I spoke to my niece she liked that it was girls only!

@2026Y they younger than my niece but both teenagers at high school. It’s during school holidays but their dad works from home.

I can’t even tell if my nephews would want to come! But my sister has always had an odd attitude to events and will never do anything unless all her kids are with her

If you know your sister wouldn’t like it, then it probably was overstepping the mark.

redjeans28 · 16/02/2026 22:22

Tangit · 16/02/2026 22:18

She should/could have arranged it at the weekend when husband was off work to look after their three kids.

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Oh FFS, RTFT.

Pallisers · 16/02/2026 22:23

It’s not her counsin’s birthdays either, is it, but they’re all invited along to enjoy the nieces “birthday treats”.

They are all under the age of 5 and OP can't exactly leave them on their own at home can she? It has to be a weekday because sister says weekends are for family so, no, OP's husband can't mind them - he is working.

Pallisers · 16/02/2026 22:24

If you know your sister wouldn’t like it, then it probably was overstepping the mark.

What mark is that? The niece is 18. Can no one interact with her without her mum's permission??

Vivi0 · 16/02/2026 22:24

Pallisers · 16/02/2026 22:23

It’s not her counsin’s birthdays either, is it, but they’re all invited along to enjoy the nieces “birthday treats”.

They are all under the age of 5 and OP can't exactly leave them on their own at home can she? It has to be a weekday because sister says weekends are for family so, no, OP's husband can't mind them - he is working.

The niece is 18, and as you’ve said, she doesn’t need her mum’s permission. She can very much spend an afternoon with her aunt sans cousins at the weekend.

But it’s not about that.

Pallisers · 16/02/2026 22:25

Read the thread. The sister insists on family only at the weekends. IF OP had booked it for the weekend the sister would be complaining about that and posters on here would be telling her she overstepped THAT mark.

Vivi0 · 16/02/2026 22:26

Pallisers · 16/02/2026 22:25

Read the thread. The sister insists on family only at the weekends. IF OP had booked it for the weekend the sister would be complaining about that and posters on here would be telling her she overstepped THAT mark.

Make your mind up.

Either the niece is 18 and can make her own decisions without her mum’s permission or she can’t.

ProfessionalPirate · 16/02/2026 22:27

Littlebitofthis1 · 16/02/2026 22:19

@ProfessionalPirate you dont know me personally. I’d never say anything against my sister to her own daughter. Just because she confides in me about things does not mean I break the boundaries of auntie and niece. At the end of the day, she partly tells me about parts of her life because my vocation is a counsellor.

Ive never once said that I’m a cool young aunt. I’ve stated our ages as a matter of fact. Because it’s common knowledge that ages and relatability have some correlation.

Edited

As a counsellor, I’m sure you know that it would be very inappropriate for you to provide counselling to a family member. It’s great that you have a close relationship with your niece, but it sounds like you need to take a step back especially when it comes to her relationship with you sister. Perhaps you could help her to find a good independent therapist who can take over.

beAsensible1 · 16/02/2026 22:30

Some of you are being bonkers