To ask that my nephews don’t come

[Littlebitofthis1]

My niece is going through the usual hardships that many teenagers go through at high school. So for her birthday I decided to organise a girls only afternoon tea, and I invited my mum, sister, and niece to come along with my own two daughters and my son (because I’m on mat leave with him).

However, it’s caused a major argument with my sister (whose daughter I planned the event to celebrate). She is annoyed that I didn’t include my two nephews in the invite. I said for my niece, I thought it would be nice to make it girls only and not have her brothers there now she’s older. Now my sister is saying that she’s not going to come and therefore won’t bring my niece either, unless I include my nephews. She also used as an argument that my 6 month old will be there and he’s a boy. Not sure this is of relevance but I’m paying for the event.

should I include my nephews or stand my groundy daughters are still young but I always intentionally do some special things for just them and me and plan to continue that so I didn’t think I would offend anyone by planning this.

Your niece is an adult, why are you even consulting your sister about it? Just say what you've planned and ask if she wants to attend.

Seriously though, if you knew she doesn't like doing things separately and likes all the kids together, you're interfering and that'd piss me off.
If you knew this you're bang out of order putting her in an uncomfortable and awkward situation.

So you think your niece is closer to you than her mum? You sound smug and irritating.

Some people like to stick together as a family. It’s a different way of doing things, but not necessarily wrong. If your sister’s main failing as a parent is that she likes to do things all together then I don’t think that’s the worst thing in the world. It’s not your place to disagree with the way your sister parents her children.

I was on the other side of this when I was young - I have two brothers, and my parents would often divide their time with us. I absolutely hated being left behind when my dad took my brothers away on rugby trips etc. I’m still full of resentment about it now! Sometimes there’s no one right answer.

Oh come on now, the niece is 18yrs old now - an adult, hardly a "kid" anymore.

I thought the Niece was in high school?

@Youremylobster86 this is actually how it kind of went. When I called her on the phone to explain what I was booking, I asked if she wanted to come because my niece has said she’d like my mum (her granny there) so I then agreed with my niece if we’re widening it out to all the girls in the family then it would be nice for her mum and other 2 aunties too.

She was on board with that! But yeah the moment my sister is invited to things it’s conditional to including my nephews. Sadly my sister has lost friendships because of it.

Thanks for taking the time to reply. I appreciate it! Family relationships can be tough for sure, hope it works out.

Yeah the ‘closer’ comment struck me too. It reads as though OP is revelling in being the favourite.

I feel as if you may have missed that the niece is 18 and not a young child. What would the sister do if next year her DD organises a girls day for herself?

It's not the little cousins' birthdays either though.

@Crunchy7 she is - her final year!

You are definitely not being unreasonable, that is crazy behaviour.

Yes this totally agree with this ! @Applecup

Maybe you missed it in OP's posts but she can't get childcare for her children on that day.

Maybe she can arrange it for another day when she can get childcare?

Perhaps, if she wasn’t inviting the rest of the family (not just her nephews), then she would be able to get childcare?

I didn’t miss anything and I don’t understand your comment either.

This!

What a wonderful aunt you are. Your sister is being ridiculous. If you know your nephews won’t be interested, ask them if they want to join you or if they would prefer not to. Take their responses back to your sister.

Yep. Like it reinforces her belief that she is a better parent than her sister.

I think this was aimed at me as I echoed what you'd said.

So there are other aunties invited too?!

You must be pretty tone deaf if you really can’t see how this could be seen as stepping on your sister’s toes. How would you feel if your sister or MIL organised your daughter’s birthday party without consulting you? Or any other important milestone that would usually be the responsibility of the mother?

If you want a girls get-together then organise one. But let your sister organise her own daughter’s 18th birthday party.

@Applecup im genuinely not saying it out of any smugness. She’s just going through normal teenage life, and right now she’s at a stage where she will contact me and ask to see me. Of course her mum is her mum. She mostly confides in her Dad and they do loads together and drop by our house on the way home from things.

Sounds like your niece enjoys your company more than her mum’s at the moment (typical teen) but that doesn’t automatically make you ‘closer’.

@ProfessionalPirate i mean this as politely as possible, but I am part of my family and you are being given a small insight.

I am not planning a birthday party for my niece. It is not taking place on her birthday or even the same month as her birthday. I want to celebrate her, I had an idea which I went to her with and she was very excited about. She will be having her own birthday celebration with her friends separately. And besides, her other aunties couldn’t make it because they are working.