I’m a teacher; does this mean school holidays are solely my responsibility?

[teacakeandsandwiches]

Or is it reasonable to ask DH to take some annual leave then so I can actually have a life of my own a bit?

You can probably tell which way I’m leaning. This holiday I’ve arranged to see friends tomorrow and Thursday. DH quite put out he has to take time off but honestly is this really so unfair?

That’s a tenth of his annual leave.
Don’t be ridiculous- use his much more limited (than yours) annual leave to be together as a family.

This! I’m stunned that people think the mother should use ALL her holiday looking after the father’s children while he gets the privilege of free childcare and being able to use his holiday whenever he likes!

It sounds like 2 weeks of your DH AL is for family time, he probably needs to keep a week aside for DC sick days/medical appointments and that gives you 5 days each do weekday child free time.

Sounds like you need a proper discussion on it.

You should both get equal child free time if you both will like it.

As I’ve tried to explain, last year it accumulated and as a result he had to take chunks of it. As to what he’ll do this year, I don’t know - we haven’t yet booked a holiday. But he can spare a couple of days.

I’m not ‘travelling without my children’ - just meeting a couple of friends in a town less than an hour away for lunch and a catch up.

I would be pissed off to have to take days off on days I don't want or need to be off, if my partner was already off so he could go out with friends - why?

I am a teacher and have been for the last 20 years. Oh has always had time off during the school on days (or covers inset days) and we have shared parenting during that time. Ie we parent together or have time off separately - this does not include time when I need to work during the holidays. To be fair in oh half he has always picked up more of the slack with drop offs, pick ups and dinners during school term so i try and do more during the holidays. I think it helps that he tried teaching and decided he couldn’t do it. That has really saved our marriage. He completely gets how hard it is.

Sorry I’m confused, you’ve quoted my post but attributed things to me that I haven’t said?
Ive said all along that I think he should cover the days that you want to spend with your friends.

Why don't you communicate with him to ensure he books the time off?
Keep a week back but surely he could be putting in a request for the Christmas hols as per last year, the week in the summer and then you could opt for a week at Easter and Oct half term.
That would then spread out his holiday too as it would be April, August and Oct. If you don't think you will need many days in reserve then how about may half term?
If it's not possible to book full weeks can he book one or two days?
I think you both need to discuss it so it isn't left to accumulate.

Why didn't he take those days off with his family?

He definitely needs to give you time if he's taking so much time to himself.

I would expect two adults to be able to have a conversation and mutually agree in advance on childcare arrangements, whatever that may end up looking like.

In your situation, I would anticipate you do the lion's share. And if you want time off from it during the school holiday, it is discussed and agreed together far enough in advance for days that fit with his job rather than him being told he has to take time off after the fact.

Plus if you teach full time and have kids you have no time for a haircut/ dentist/ basic life admin. It's not a job you can schedule a few hours out of.

If they were really stretched for AL I'd understand but it sounds like its just a very unfair division of free time.

I also don't think you have to spend every moment as a family. You can save your sanity/ marriage by both getting a bit of time to yourself and still be good parents.

Initially my thought was yabu but with the extra detail that he doesn’t use his leave in the school holidays apart from maybe two weeks, I actually think now you aren’t.

surely he should use his leave (maybe with the exception of a couple of days) to be off when you and the kids are off, even if you aren’t going away?

we aren’t teachers, but me and my dh are both off this week for family time - we aren’t going anywhere. I find that bizarre!

To be honest most of my evenings and a chunk of weekend are spent running the kids to clubs and trying to stay on top of work, I find it quite difficult to find time to meet friends etc in term time. Holidays are definitely my catch up time. My husband takes his holiday in the holidays so we get family time but we do try to give each other time when we can.

I can't be bothered reading the full thread but it's not ok if ALL your leave goes on childcare and only some of his does. You should both be able to have time which isn't for childcare. It's not ok for him to be the only one using leave purely for his own benefit.

I get he might have work commitments however it shouldn't always be the women asking permission to have time to herself.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. It sounds like you’ve all gone through a change, nursery to school age children. You need to communicate with him how the holidays will work. Other than a few days, DH and I used our A/L to cover holidays once our eldest started school. We either both took the week or took a week each. If we were both off we’d try and give each a day off. I had more holiday allowance but I’d be annoyed if he started booking in weeks when children were at school and I was at work. At the start of the holiday allowance we sat with the calendar and worked out who was going to be off when to cover school holidays and what it left us with.

If their father is working, then yes.

We do the same, this is a small period of your life I would definitely prefer my husband use his leave for family time with me there

Is that so odd?
I do swap days with my family and friends during holidays. The kids love spending their days with cousins/friends and husbands A/L is saved for days where there is no alternative childcare or we want a day out together.

Sorry, I was responding to two people at the same time

I just honestly am a bit lost as to why doing something for yourself in a school holiday is not OK but doing it at a weekend (arguably when you have less time with your child(ren); two days as opposed to five) is not only acceptable but encouraged.

But the OP’s husband isn’t doing that, he’s using more than 50% of his annual leave having time to himself, with no children. You’re right, it is such a small period of time and he’s using very little of his annual leave to spend time with his young children.

i don’t think he should take annual leave in the holidays but I think there’s more to it than that.

It isn’t what I’d personally do. If I need someone else to look after the children the first person I ask is their dad.

I agree, it’s fine for you to have time to yourself in the school holidays.

Generally by the evening I am drained and defeated and in no fit state to socialise anyway … I am hoping this will change

Sorry, I did it again, quoted you and halfway down responded to someone else!