I’m a teacher; does this mean school holidays are solely my responsibility?

[teacakeandsandwiches]

Or is it reasonable to ask DH to take some annual leave then so I can actually have a life of my own a bit?

You can probably tell which way I’m leaning. This holiday I’ve arranged to see friends tomorrow and Thursday. DH quite put out he has to take time off but honestly is this really so unfair?

I mean op doesn’t actually know what his doing with his AL this year. Just that last year he ended up not using it till he had to take chunks.

Dh can be the same only last month was a notification that he had 20 days left. So suddenly his booking random Fridays and Mondays off. He stores it incase we need it with the children but luckily his work is very give and take and don’t charge him
for leaving an hour early or starting an hour late otherwise he would of likely
used it all and be owing hours.

If he is genuinely got at the end of the year again weeks left then yes he should let the op have a couple of free days while his home but if they end up as use em or lose em at the end of the year because they have been saved for emergencies that’s a bit harder if ops not off.

I have five weeks holiday a year - I have to take those days holidays to look after the children when they are on school holiday or they go to holiday camps. Taking childfree holiday isn’t an option. Use camps like all the non teaching parents

Fair enough. It's a win-win for us - kids have a blast and A/L doesn't get used up so quickly.
Even the teens still ask to be included despite not needing looking after.

How often does your DH have sold charge of his DC? I get that school hold are mostly covered by you but would not be content if he is never in sole charge

I get it OP. Ex and I are both teachers and actually we had a great arrangement with the cm that during g the holidays, instead of 5 days of wraparound we used her for 1 day a week so her earnings remained stable and we got a day 'off' from.both work and kids. I don't think it's fair if you never get a whole day to just be alone, or mooch with total autonomy. It cant really be equal amounts realistically but a day or two should be feasible.

Mine are five and two; I don’t want to abuse friends’ kindness!

I can see it you have one and they’re a bit older it’s not such a biggie.

DH has used the greater chunk of his leave to be with us in holidays (summer holiday/ Christmas/ long weekends at half term/ travelling to his family) he sometimes has a random day for himself, or uses term dates on DIY projects. He's also had the DCs when I've had events.
If he's in the office rather than on site, he's first port of call for illness/ sick days

Generally my "me" time was from spreading sports/ holiday clubs through the holidays. Teaching is socially intense and while your own children are different from teaching classes, there is still an element of busman's holiday if you're left to being fully responsible for parenting through each holiday.

Mine are teenagers now. It tends to be easier lugging them out as a family rather than solo as it's all a bit old hat to them, but I can also pop in and out in my own time and they don't have to come out on every errand which makes life far easier than when they were young.

Not often; the answer used to be ‘pretty much never’ but now the youngest is two and a half it is getting a bit more manageable.

I'm very confused as to why so many posters seems to think it's ok for OP's husband to have most of his ALs to do whatever he likes, child free. But OP should use up all her holiday for childcare...

As everything, I don't see why it wouldn't be shared equally. In this case, equal days of ALs for personal stuff for both parents.

Or yes the kids can go into clubs etc, but if OP's husband has ALs available, why wouldn't they be used to spend time with his kids?

Whilst not solely your responsibility as a teacher, 2 days out of a 5 day break is quite a bit of the working week and that can make the week more stressful trying to squeeze work in etc.
1 day would be reasonable with discussion or put your children to a camp/childcare which is what many parents need for holiday cover.

It makes zero sense to use 2 days leave if your off already for such a short holiday. I would agree with you if 2 days over 2 weeks (so 1 day a week of the holidays) as that's more manageable from workload as well.

It can also be very difficult to get leave in holiday periods my work it's done on a request rota to make it fair (especially the summer holidays)

It’s the reverse in our house - DH is the teacher. He does all holidays, and if he wants time to do his own thing he organises childcare from his parents or something. Or asks me to book holiday club (cos I have the account details). I do try and book a few days in holidays but often only manage 1 day per half term as others in the team will be trying to have time off too - i get the standard 5wks per year but I have to use one week to cover the 4-5 days of school training days for the kids and/or extra for attending school plays, sports days etc as DH can’t attend those as he’s teaching his own class. I also do a lot of school runs and pick ups in term time as DH can’t help there.

Thanks @BogRollBOGOF

I am lucky in that I am part time and while I have my toddler she’s fairly easy so it isn’t as exhausting as it was when both were at home on my days ‘off.’

I do try to meet with friends of mine from way back most school holidays; it involves going back ‘home’ so it is important to me. DH has actually taken two half days so only one day of leave for the half term, which isn’t bad going really.

I don't think it's that people don't want it, more that standard annual leave allowance doesn't stretch that far and people prioritise family time and covering childcare responsibilities. Anything else with young children and working parents feels like a pipe dream, unless they have a 'village.'

As a wider thing I would consider booking your toddler into slightly more childcare than you work or continue being part time when she's at school. That will balance out having a DH who won't look after them much!

Yeah it's down to you. I work in a school, the perk of working in a school is not having to find childcare for the school holidays. See your friends on the weekends /evening.

My husband hardly ever took time off not in school holidays (maybe 1 or 2 days a year). We spent time off as a family. If your husband takes most of his holiday when you're at work/kids are at school, that's a)weird and b)means he owes you some free days.

But her DH doesn’t see his friends in the evenings and at weekends, he sees them in the 15 days annual leave he keeps for himself, without having children in tow. So why can’t he use 2 of those days looking after his children, while his wife sees friends?

Well indeed, if neither of you are teachers. But where one is, it’s a bit different because the school holidays are covered by default so the juggling act isn’t needed.

He takes days off during term time with his leave.
Not unreasonable for you to take a few days off during your leave time.

Ask him how you'd BOTH manage if you only had 5 weeks leave, on top of his 5 weeks leave, and you BOTH had to scrabble to cover/pay for childcare for all 13 weeks of the DCs not being in school. Because that's what most couples with children deal with.

Otherwise, your job means you NEVER have time to yourself based on his interpretation...

Wowsers, I can't believe how hard a time people are giving you. I'm a HT so I feel your pain. This was also my DH's position when our kids were young. It wasn't deliberately...it's just that his life didn't really change that much when the kids went to school cause I was always around. Like you, it started to piss me off so ahead of half term I'd say that I've got appointments/spa day etc booked on day x and day y so he'd need to make himself available. Now he tends to book 2/3 days each week of the holidays to give me 'my time'. People who are not teachers don't understand how much life admin we have to save up for school holidays, we can't just book a blood test/dentist appointment/massage when we fancy it. You are not being unreasonable, I think you need to have a conversation so he understands how life will be moving forwards.

I work TTO but dc is a teen now so holiday cover not really an issue. But when she was younger I did 95% of holiday cover but I loved it and we had great times. There has been a few occasions when I’ve booked a long weekend break with friends and he’s taken the Friday/ Monday off.
your dh should be willing to use at least 2 or 3 days of his AL per year to cover you and then he gets the same to do what he wants.

I don’t think it’s weird; there is no law I am aware of that says annual leave must only be used for one specific purpose.

After all, I plan on staying part time when both mine are at school and I will use that time for myself; is that ‘weird’?

As long as your DH isn't taking all his leave on term time days then YABU.

Just wait until they're older and you will have 13 weeks to yourself each year!!

I'm also a teacher and love the long holidays with the kids. DH takes a couple of weeks at xmas, a couple in the summer then one at Easter. I arrange to do stuff when he is off.

Mine are now 9 and 15. The teenager wants the odd lift. The 9 year olds - thry both had friends round today then on Thursday theyre both at friends house so I get a day to 'do stuff' (work).

That describes my situation very accurately actually except I am not a HT (god forbid and respect to you!)

Dp is a teacher and does all the holiday childcare if he wanted to meet friends he would take DC or book a weekend day or evening so I could do childcare.
I do all the sick leave and assemblies and school stuff as he can't get leave for that.
I'd say overall it works out but we have discussed it at length so neither of us feels hard done by and we appreciate the difficulties of the others 'role'.