I’m a teacher; does this mean school holidays are solely my responsibility?

[teacakeandsandwiches]

Or is it reasonable to ask DH to take some annual leave then so I can actually have a life of my own a bit?

You can probably tell which way I’m leaning. This holiday I’ve arranged to see friends tomorrow and Thursday. DH quite put out he has to take time off but honestly is this really so unfair?

Why do you think the OP’s DH should have multiple days ‘off’ and she shouldn’t?

I’m not trying to say what you’re doing is wrong, but we don’t, so then that leaves the question what is annual leave / holiday for?

Family holidays ✔️
Time as a family (eg Christmas) ✔️
Time to do things you either can’t do with young children in tow or not enjoyable with them in tow - ❌?

I can’t see why the first two are the only acceptable uses of holiday time. To be clear, I’m not saying those who do are wrong, just that I don’t think the last one is wrong either.

A day off??? The horror 😅

Gosh mumsnetters really hate a mum getting a break! It makes me so angry that we have this idea that women are never entitled to a moment to themselves when they have kids, teacher or not. I’m convinced this stems from some outdated idea of gender roles. Maybe some will disagree.

OP you are absolutely entitled to a day or two in the school holidays to see your friend who is visiting. DH had clearly agreed to this but then (conveniently?) forgot and now you are getting guilt tripped into taking your DS with you.

I think you’d really benefit from sitting with with DH ASAP and talking all of this through and come to a really firm agreement about what holiday he is able to/ willing to take in the school holidays to allow for you to have a small breather. If he cannot accommodate this then you need to look at the finances of putting DC’s in holiday clubs for a couple of days to allow for this.

I think they’re all valid ways to spend your annual leave, and he should definitely take time to cover you having a break in the circumstances, but I’m surprised that he only wants to spend basically 2 weeks of his annual leave with his family.

Just that for me, I do those third things at other times (evenings/ weekends) to allow as much time for holidays (at home or away) together. I can't create more extended time together any other way.

You do whatever works for you though.

And yet her DH gets nearly 3 weeks to himself to piss about as he pleases… (I’m not having a go, DH and I do the same as you, although we sometimes manage a day here or there for a one-off).

I think begrudging you a couple of days a year when he gets so many days off to himself is not on, teacher or not.

Agree and they particularly hate teachers with long holidays, who in their eyes only work 9-3pm etc.

As he has 10 personal days a year I'm not sure he can begrudge you a couple! But I think I'd want him to spend a bit more of his holiday as a family. Even if you're not going away it's nice to have days off to do things locally in the holidays - the nearest beach or woods or just getting the paddling pool and bbq out in the summer and having a long weekend all chilling out.

It is more nuanced than that. We have very healthy children (I don’t mean that flippantly, we are lucky and they are never / rarely ill) and of course my work isn’t flexible at all whereas DH’s is.

Last year, both children were still nursery age and so I was able to arrange my hair appointments / friend appointments for school holidays on days when they’d be in nursery (they did three days a week.) We went to Center Parcs over the Easter weekend which didn’t eat into DHs leave and then had a weeks holiday in August but this fell on the bank holiday so four days. There was then one INSET day in September on one of my working days and that was it - so DH did end up with a big chunk of annual leave he needed to take.

I don’t mind and I’m surprised anyone would (maybe that’s unfair of me) but very young children are a lot of work and I definitely appreciate the times when I can do my own thing without them - not that it happens often! 😅

I work TTO and I wouldn't ask my DH to take AL to do childcare in the holidays. BUT my DH takes all his annual leave in the school holidays so we can spend time together as a family and he also takes the DC away for a long weekend every summer so I can have a break. I also have my DP's locally and they take the DC for the odd day out or sleepover in the holidays too. If your DH is taking his AL in term time and just doing whatever he pleases then YANBU.

You should end up with equal amounts of free time and disposable income.

DH and I don’t live the kind of life where either one of us would expect the other to take time off work to cover a non-necessary trip. Travel separate from the family just isn’t where we place our priorities. If it is a priority for you as a couple, then you should equal opportunities

Right but not all of them are possible to do evenings or weekends and in any case, for us that would involve leaving the other parent at the hardest part of the day / week!

If he uses his annual leave to have days just to himself then yes you should get the same I think. Whether that's due to him taking a day or two off to have them or you put them in childcare for that time, you are entitled to a break.

If he only uses annual leave for family time and you spend that time together with the kids, then I think you are being unreasonable to expect time off automatically - but certainly not unreasonable to ask! He's been a grumpy sod if he really would begrudge you a couple of days.

Completely agree! How dare a teacher want to spend two days of the year away from either your own children or other people's? Whereas the DH is allowed multiple days off to do what he wants.

Honestly terrible double standards! Disappointed with some of the responses here.

Travel separate from the family just isn’t where we place our priorities I’m going to the next town. Not the next continent.

Mmm I can see where you’re coming although does he use AL to cover events in term time that you can’t? Sickness? Sports day? Assemblies etc?

I reckon a day in a two week period isn’t a lot to ask. However if you also pick up the above and he uses AL purely on him the no that’s not fair. I would expect an equal ish number of ‘me days’ but if you want say 10 days and he has 10 days it’s leaves little cover for term time Events

I absolutely appreciate time to myself. It’s just that 3 weeks to yourself it more than the vast majority of parents to young children get/want. I’d wager that most families arrange most of their annual leave to spend time as family, by choice. Of course that’s largely irrelevant, and if what you’re doing works for you then that’s great, but this post suggests that the current set up actually isn’t working for you. That’s not intended to be critical in any way, it’s just an observation. As you say, young children are hard work and it’s much easier when you have 2 parents around to amuse them in the school holidays (take them on day trips etc), even if you’re not actually away on holiday.

My eldest is 11 and only last week did I take a day off during term time to spend with my friends. Every other holiday has been spent with our kids! Neither me or DH are teachers and our annual leave is so precious to cover the 13 week school holidays. So although you are definitely reasonable to have the odd day off if your husband is also taking child-free leave, so it is equal, your are unreasonable to expect it very often. I don't think it's usual for parents of young kids to have any free time unless you have family nearby to help (which we don't).

I think when you have only 5 weeks off per year then you are precious about them.
I have 5 weeks and so does DH. It doesnt cover the whole holidays.
So we take one week off togrther and the rest are completely split looking after the kids. We don't get any 'me' days.
In your situation, I would think you both should agree on how many days are 'me' days and come up with a fair arrangement.
I would be pissed off to have to take days off on daya I don't want or need to be off, if my partner was already off so he could go out with friends.
But thinking about it, if you never have to split the holidays as youbare always off, what does he do with all his days? He ahould be taking them when you are all off together.

Nah you’re not being unreasonable, you do the bulk of it. I’m dreading when my youngest can’t go to nursery twice a week in the holidays when she starts school and I have to look after all of them for weeks on end 🤣

Of course he can take time off so you can have some time to yourself.
Surely that’s what you do when you love someone?

If he never has to accommodate school holidays, it doesn’t seem like much to ask for you to have some time to yourself.

My DP is a teacher and I WFH so I always feel sorry for him that he never gets time to properly relax alone in the house during the holidays. Because of that, I make sure I take our DD to visit my parents overnight. So you are definitely not BU to want some time to yourself, OP.

I'm a teacher too. It's a busman's holiday. Being a teacher and a parent means you're never off the clock.
I do think you should get to have a few days to yourself on your hols as you don't get two mins to yourself in the teaching profession. I guarantee your Dh has moments in his working day where he gets to chat to adults, have an uninterrupted coffee and generally just get to be himself. I bet he even finds the time to msg people etc.
Teaching is an entirely different gig to most jobs. It's so full on that you really earn your breaks and need them when they show up!

I'd love a job - that wasn't teaching - that gave me 12 weeks holiday per year.