Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I’m a teacher; does this mean school holidays are solely my responsibility?

673 replies

teacakeandsandwiches · 16/02/2026 17:07

Or is it reasonable to ask DH to take some annual leave then so I can actually have a life of my own a bit?

You can probably tell which way I’m leaning. This holiday I’ve arranged to see friends tomorrow and Thursday. DH quite put out he has to take time off but honestly is this really so unfair?

OP posts:
BlueWellieSocks · 16/02/2026 18:24

I've always covered all the holidays, because I'm off anyway. DH is self-employed, so if I want the day to myself we paid for childcare, or sports clubs now they're older. Paying for childcare is cheaper than DH taking time off.

He takes time off for family holidays or days out together. He's never had time off just by himself, unless he was going away with friends or something. Sometimes he'll take a day so we can put the kids in a club and just hang out together.

It's not unreasonable that you want him to though, everyone has a different set up.

ThiagoJones · 16/02/2026 18:24

I’m surprised he doesn’t want to use more of his annual leave to spend time with his kids/you to be honest. A weeks holiday in the summer and 5 days over Christmas isn't a huge amount of quality family time!

Mt563 · 16/02/2026 18:25

What is he doing with his other 3 weeks?!

Bluesofadown · 16/02/2026 18:26

teacakeandsandwiches · 16/02/2026 17:45

I absolutely agree most of the childcare should be mine. It’s that distinction between ‘most of’ and ‘all’ which I am making, I suppose. It’s also expensive when you have children to feed / entertain!

I would take off annual leave so we could also all spend time together. But apart from that it was mostly on him and I appreciate it was hard work and an unfair load but him being a teacher saved us a lot of money on childcare. We both tried to get some time to ourselves when we could but it was rare! Kids are older now and it’s easier 😀

Coconutter24 · 16/02/2026 18:28

Would you book a day off work if your DH asked you to?

Bluesofadown · 16/02/2026 18:28

When you say it’s expensive are you sharing costs? Because if not that’s not fair.

Tableforjoan · 16/02/2026 18:28

Brewtiful · 16/02/2026 18:23

Yep DH does almost all of it. That's pretty normal in my teaching circle.

And I guess in some cases parents evenings if your school is also doing theirs when your child has theirs.

ThiagoJones · 16/02/2026 18:29

Coconutter24 · 16/02/2026 18:28

Would you book a day off work if your DH asked you to?

Teachers generally can’t book days off work.

andthat · 16/02/2026 18:29

teacakeandsandwiches · 16/02/2026 17:11

Five weeks. So obviously this would not cover school holidays in their entirety. However … I don’t think two days is much to ask!

I’m divided on this.

You get waaaay more holiday than your husband.

If you want some time child free time to yourself, can’t you send your kids to a day camp or out with friends?

Mt563 · 16/02/2026 18:30

teacakeandsandwiches · 16/02/2026 17:45

I absolutely agree most of the childcare should be mine. It’s that distinction between ‘most of’ and ‘all’ which I am making, I suppose. It’s also expensive when you have children to feed / entertain!

Surely feeding/ entertainment comes out of a joint budget so it doesn't matter if its you or dh with them?

ThiagoJones · 16/02/2026 18:31

andthat · 16/02/2026 18:29

I’m divided on this.

You get waaaay more holiday than your husband.

If you want some time child free time to yourself, can’t you send your kids to a day camp or out with friends?

Technically yes she does. But her DH uses 3 weeks of his annual leave entirely to have time to himself, without children, and the OP doesn’t get any time to herself. So he gets less annual leave but far more ‘free’ time.

fuuuuckthis · 16/02/2026 18:31

modgepodge · 16/02/2026 18:21

I’m a teacher and have always expected to have the kids all holiday. In all my years of socialising with teachers during the holidays, I’ve never known anyone’s OH take time off to look after the kids to facilitate meeting with friends. We either meet at kid friendly places or meet in the evening or weekend. A few had year round nursery for younger kids so we might have met kid free if they were at nursery but they wouldn’t have paid extra to arrange this.

Exactly the same experience.
I never once had a day off work when my kids weren't off too (teacher). I squeezed in seeing friends either with kids in tow, or as they got older, while they were out with friends etc.
Slightly different as DH was shift working with no ability to book annual leave, his leave either fell in school hols or it didn't, he couldn't choose.

OP it sucks but you just have to go with it and be creative. Remember as they go through school you can NEVER get to their appointments, assemblies etc and DH will have to use/keep his annual leave for this

RawBloomers · 16/02/2026 18:33

If he uses his holidays when the kids are in school or you're looking after them to do as he pleases, then yes, he should take time off so you can do as you please.

thedramaQueen · 16/02/2026 18:35

teacakeandsandwiches · 16/02/2026 17:16

I’m surprised how many think I’m unreasonable actually! I guess if we used ALL his leave for family holidays maybe but we’re not that rich 😂

Ignore them - you are not being unreasonable. You need time to yourself. I bet you carry out the lions share of all the childcare responsibilities - this is usually the case regardless of how many days holiday people have, the mother has the cognitive and emotional load.

Scout2016 · 16/02/2026 18:35

I'm with you OP. Not all your time outside work should be childcare, some of it needs to be time off. Otherwise your husband has annual leave, some of which he uses exactly as he choses, and you do not. You just have days at work and days with either one or more children. So you have no actual days off from work or childcare ever. No variation, no time to yourself. Meanwhile your DH has had two separate child free weeks to do as he pleases but begrudges you two days.

Edited - is it actually three weeks he has to himself? Why isn't he using his leave when the kids are off, as a family or to spend some time with them?

Tillow4ever · 16/02/2026 18:35

I’d say it’s not clear cut. Both my husband and I have always worked full time. Neither of us teachers. Apart from 1 week together each year for a family break, we never took annual leave at the same time because otherwise holiday cover was too expensive (and in our area, once school age there was virtually nothing with wrap around care so all holiday clubs were 9-3:30 which were useless to us).

If one of us were a teacher, assuming our kids school holidays matched the school that the parent was a teacher at, I’d expect that the teacher would be covering all of the school holidays and the other parent booking time off in those holidays to spend time with the kids too.

You said your DH takes some annual leave in term time, so in that case I think it’s only fair you get an equal number of “you” days that he provides cover for you to do what you want. If he were to only take time off in school holidays to spend time as a full family I’d say it’s not fair of you to then swan off to see friends.

Ultimately, when our kids are young, all annual leave needs to be reserved for school holidays really. I find it selfish to want to use that limited time you could have with the kids when they’re at school, so I could never do that. I would look down on a DH that didn’t want to spend his annual leave with his kids. 20-25 days a year is nothing, and when they’re at school. Time for us parents to see friends etc comes back when they’re get older.

That said, as a teacher you’re getting a lot more one on one time than your husband, so maybe he would/should like a couple of days alone with the kids.

Like I said, not clear cut!

ForPlumReader · 16/02/2026 18:37

You do realise that most of us take all our annual leave to cover school holidays. Most parents I know don't get "days off for ourselves" during any annual leave we take. I'm afraid that's what weekend are for, when you are both off. Unless your DH is any different YABU.

PleeeeaseMakeitstop · 16/02/2026 18:37

I can't believe that almost everyone thinks you are being unreasonable, op! Saying you get 12 weeks holiday a year already is like saying a sahm mum gets 52 weeks holiday! We all know having the children with you all the time - especially if they are quite young - is NOT a holiday... In fact there's a strong school of thought on here that thinks going to work is actually easier than being a sahm so why is this any different?!?

Not to mention, did EVERYBODY miss that the op DH booked a week's holiday for himself straight after half term??! Even if he only does this for one week of his 5 it's an Absolute pisstake but sounds like it's more like at least 2?!?

100% team Op - have a word before the resentment takes over, he is absolutely in the wrong on this!

budgiegirl · 16/02/2026 18:38

If your DH gets free time to himself while on his annual leave, then you should get roughly the same amount of free time when you are on annual leave. Whether this is by him taking leave, or sending the kids to family/friends/holiday camp, it doesn't really matter.

It does sound odd though that he is taking his annual leave without discussing it with you, and that he is clearly quite deliberately taking leave at times when the kids are in school. Going forward, I think you need to both sit down at talk about your expectations of each other, and what would be fair from now on.

RawBloomers · 16/02/2026 18:38

fuuuuckthis · 16/02/2026 18:31

Exactly the same experience.
I never once had a day off work when my kids weren't off too (teacher). I squeezed in seeing friends either with kids in tow, or as they got older, while they were out with friends etc.
Slightly different as DH was shift working with no ability to book annual leave, his leave either fell in school hols or it didn't, he couldn't choose.

OP it sucks but you just have to go with it and be creative. Remember as they go through school you can NEVER get to their appointments, assemblies etc and DH will have to use/keep his annual leave for this

I've known a few male teachers who's wives have taken time off so the man can pursue a hobby or go off with his with mates for a few days in the holidays. You just mention DH's so I'm wondering if this is, at least partly, gendered expectations that you and your teaching friends have internalised?

Sashimiandhisthunderpaws · 16/02/2026 18:39

YANBU. Isn't much to ask when you have no option when you take AL.

Her husband gets enough AL, 5 days above statutory minimum. OP has implied he has the bank holidays on top of that allowance. I get the statutory 28 days, including bank holidays. It's a killer if two Easters fall into the same financial year, leaving me 18 days that aren't allocated to bank holidays.

Agree with a previous poster that you need to sit down with him at the beginning of the year and plan when he's going to take the bulk of his leave when the children are off/family holiday. Then he keeps say 5 up his sleave to cover emergencies like illness/medical appointments/day to himself.

Zanatdy · 16/02/2026 18:39

teacakeandsandwiches · 16/02/2026 17:37

Think this is what I’m conscious can easily happen: a sort of ‘oh well mum is about anyway so I don’t need to book any leave.’ It was a bit notable he booked his weeks leave the week AFTER half term in October!

I genuinely don’t begrudge him time to himself, it’s just the children aren’t my sole responsibility.

Well there you go. He booked a week’s AL the week after the school hols, so he can certainly take 2 days off so you can also use some of your AL for yourself. Unless he books all his AL in school hols to help out, which he doesn’t, then he can use some of his AL to care for his kids. He is very lucky he can use AL just to relax himself, as my youngest of 3 is 18 next month and i’ve used all my holidays over the last 25yrs for benefit of my DC.

EatMoreChocolate44 · 16/02/2026 18:39

I'm a teacher OP and my husband books his time off when myself and the kids are off. He rarely uses holidays for himself but then neither do I. When we are both off for example at Christmas or Easter and one of us wanted to do something for a few hours child free then that's generally fine. You should get equal child free time.

ThiagoJones · 16/02/2026 18:39

ForPlumReader · 16/02/2026 18:37

You do realise that most of us take all our annual leave to cover school holidays. Most parents I know don't get "days off for ourselves" during any annual leave we take. I'm afraid that's what weekend are for, when you are both off. Unless your DH is any different YABU.

Well yes, she’s already said that her DH uses 3 weeks of his annual leave to have time to himself, without children in tow.

Cyclingmummy1 · 16/02/2026 18:41

I covered pretty much every holiday for 15 years and every drop off and pick up until year 8. I'd rather DH took AL to paint the house then to relieve me in the school holidays. He would take a day to cover CPD days, though sometimes I took DS with me.

He would do medical appointments - we had a phase when there were a fair few - but AL so i could have a day 'off'???