I’m a teacher; does this mean school holidays are solely my responsibility?

[teacakeandsandwiches]

Or is it reasonable to ask DH to take some annual leave then so I can actually have a life of my own a bit?

You can probably tell which way I’m leaning. This holiday I’ve arranged to see friends tomorrow and Thursday. DH quite put out he has to take time off but honestly is this really so unfair?

He should be using AL to spend time with all of you as a family!

My point was more that for many working people with primary school aged kids, annual leave is only really ever taken to facilitate the other parent working, or to go on holiday as a family Absolutely and this would be relevant if I wasn’t a teacher. But I am.

No one is complaining about the amount of holiday time.

Most working parents of young kids fit hair appointments and DIY and seeing friends and what have you into evenings and weekends I think this is what is oddest about this thread. Thursday afternoon in half term hair appointment - completely unacceptable, even though I’m spending the other four and a half days with the children. Saturday afternoon - approved, even though this eats into a far bigger percentage of the overall time with them that week. But we are all different.

This is honestly getting so tedious. Yes, he does thanks, but I don’t need five full weeks of it.

As usual this has become a teacher bashing thread.

Yes we get 13 weeks off a year. So do children. Therefore yes if the teacher parent is off with the children, it's only sensible that they do the majority of the childcare.

The privilege that both parents in this case have is that if the partner has say, 5 weeks AL, then it's only fair that the teacher has the same time 'off' from work/kids as the partner. So say, they both allow themselves two weeks 'off' completely to themselves.

It wouldn't be fair for the teacher parent to not have any time off to themselves and the other to have the majority of AL off for themselves in term time. With small children you may as well swap one job for another in the holidays, so the teacher parent would never get a break.

This is why it's completely irrelevant how many weeks off the teacher gets. As usual those who are non teachers moan that their AL never allows them a break at all as they have to use it between them to cover child care.

So does that mean if a teacher and their partner does have the privilege of allowing each other time to themselves, they aren't allowed because you can't?

But again...why did you ask?? I didn't even say whether or not I find you unreasonable...what I actually find unreasonable is that you asked for an opinion but are not prepared to listen to anybody who disagrees with you.
Fwiw I am also a part time teacher and my husband is not...however, we work through my hols, kids and annual leave together.

why did you ask I didn’t really expect the thread to fixate so much on the fact DH and I are both unreasonable to be anything other than Siamese twins during annual leave!

That is facetious I know, but there have been a lot of replies along those lines; how could you possibly ask him to give up some of his previous annual leave to look after his children … well yes, that should only be Family Time.

It does mystify me a bit that weekends do not apparently fall into this precious family time but that is for another day I expect, I shall read the next thread where a mother is exhausted and overwhelmed with interest - will it fixate on DH Needs To Step Up or not?

Good god this post is a Mumsnet dream of misogyny-in-action meets the anti-teacher-brigade.

Doubt you’ll see this OP in the barrage of ridiculousness, but of course you’re not being bloody unreasonable to expect your PARTNER to offer a bit of give and take.

Unfortunately, as you seem to be both a woman and a teacher, you knew what you were signing up for when you chose to be a teacher. And when you chose to have kids. And when you chose X chromosomes… 🙄

Having had your children in nursery three days a week during your holiday from work is a massive luxury. Do you not see that? We could never have afforded that (and I suppose, were lucky to have had term time only nursery). Most people just wait until their children are older/more independent to get some time to themselves. It will come. My older children are teens now, and as it should be, they are out with friends a lot in the holidays.

Fellow teacher here, YANBU at all.

Ignore the haters. You need a break too.

My point was more that for many working people with primary school aged kids, annual leave is only really ever taken to facilitate the other parent working, or to go on holiday as a family Absolutely and this would be relevant if I wasn’t a teacher. But I am

I don't see how the fact that you are a teacher makes it any less relevant. You are a working parent with primary aged children.

Having had your children in nursery three days a week during your holiday from work is a massive luxury. Do you not see that?

This. I've got lots of teacher friends including my cousin & my sister & BiL, none had this.

I agree with you that if your DH regularly takes annual leave in term time, as opposed to with the DC, then it is not reasonable for him to judge you having days for yourself. But do you see that the difference is, him doing that doesn't require you to take the day off work or use up annual leave. The children have other childcare.

If actually the recent situation was more of a blip & your DH doesn't routinely take time off in term time to go meet friends/have "me time", yabu.

The OP can't dictate when she takes her AL and her husband can. It's not a fair comparison to say that he's allowed a day off in term time because it doesn't need childcare. He could take 5 weeks off in term tune which would be staggeringly unfair.

Having 3 days nursery was a luxury. Have you got any holiday camps locally?

She’s said at points on this thread that her DH will take time off for her. This thread is a whole lot of nothing! The OP is just enjoying getting annoyed with posters who say she shouldn’t take time off.

I don’t need to have weeks and weeks of us all on top of one another annoying one another! Maybe I am an anomaly but a couple of weeks a year is enough

Five weeks together is too much, really?

I don’t understand your perspective OP but then DH and I had 5 weeks holiday each - it was precious.

I also don’t understand how you don’t choose the dining room paint colour together.

Someone earlier in the thread said you seem like colleagues not partners. They were right.

No he is probly working with prople who have to pay for childcare you are off 6 weeks plus all the other holidays he can take time off to go away but its limited how much time off you can have at once

No he is probly working with prople who have to pay for childcare you are off 6 weeks plus all the other holidays he can take time off to go away but its limited how much time off you can have at oncew757

This 100%... so many people think the mother should do it all and add into this the op dares to be a part time teacher!! How lazy is she for wanting the father to occasionally look after his own children.

You would think people would be lining up to be teachers given how easy it is and the amount of holidays..

So much holiday of course you should look after the children.

Exactly. I wouldn’t be taking a day off so my hubby meet a mate for lunch. Unless it was a planned special occasion and only then depending how much of a do this is. A mild one we’d try and sort childcare and he can pick up child after. Certainly not 2 days for a weeks annual leave in feb. When the other partner has double your leave.

Why is the hubby then allowed 2 days off in term time to do what he wants then? The logic doesn't work.

The only time the OP can be off is during school holidays. That doesn't mean she's tied to her kids for those 13 weeks with no break.

Why couldn’t you just be booking a day off to give your partner a break though?
Why the need to dismiss it because it’s just lunch? The reality is it’s a very small ask for a very small amount of time to be off parenting duty.
Would you really begrudge your partner as the default parent having one day not looking after a toddler and young primary child?

honestly i am surprised at the number of people who see DHs holiday time as far too precious to be asked to do something as lowly as look after his own children, yes. I can quite see that if I was insisting he used all or the majority of it for this reason that would be unreasonable but the odd day here or there being seen as so massively unreasonable has surprised me.

Me, too!! So his time is HIS time, but your time is for childcare?! Every single day of it?

The bar is so low for men.

Never lower than on MN.
In the real world among decent men, this most definitely is not the case, because women simply wouldn't tolerate it for a minute.

Here’s some perspective. His 2 days holiday = 8%!of his holiday entitlement. For her 2 days = 3%.
to use this amount of holiday up in feb is unfair. For 2 separate social events. most people would pick the most important and try wrangle child care for the other.
Also assuming she wasn’t always a mom and teacher, it’s highly likely she never had this complaint before kids. Possibly lay in bed as he got up for work and didn’t think anything of it (nor should she) she has a job with a pretty great perk that she’s worked hard to get & maintain. Her children will also not be little forever. She again will have all this free time to do whatever she wants. Life is trade offs. So if she’s really struggling with the mental load (which she doesn’t appear as she said she’s happy with amount of holiday he takes together) then that’s another issue. I try and think of this from the perspective of the person being pissed off. If my hubby who had 13 wks holiday told me I needed to book 2 days off for these reasons I’d be happy to book off the meeting with the overseas friend. But not lunch with the other. Not in Feb, when your holiday kitty is refilled in Jan. Possibly only just having time at Christmas. I can see why he was unhappy

Here’s some perspective, 40-60% of his annual leave in a typical year is spent without his children and having the freedom to do what he wants.
0% of OP’s is taken when she is on her own and free to do anything for herself and without her children.

Women on mumsnet seem to want to moan about the split of domestic labour in a home and then absolutely drag a woman over the coals if she dares to ask her husband for a single day off between work and caring do their shared children. Make it make sense.