I’m a teacher; does this mean school holidays are solely my responsibility?

[teacakeandsandwiches]

Or is it reasonable to ask DH to take some annual leave then so I can actually have a life of my own a bit?

You can probably tell which way I’m leaning. This holiday I’ve arranged to see friends tomorrow and Thursday. DH quite put out he has to take time off but honestly is this really so unfair?

Wouldn’t work; they live an hour away and he doesn’t get home until around half seven.

It is literally one day; some replies on here are acting as if it’s weeks of his leave!

I agree with this, particularly as you also say you're a part time teacher, not full time, so presumably you have at least a couple of days off during the week aswell.

My husband gets 5 weeks leave including bank hols. I teach. I don't expect him to take days off so I can go out. His annual leave is used for family holidays or for looking after son if he has a training day when I don't.

I think the balance is that he is the one taking term time short notice leave to cover sickness / appointments with DC?

If he is then I agree with PP that you book kids into holiday club for a day and enjoy the you time.

I think in my case anyway I'm looking at it like annual leave is previous and in reality it doesn't really take that much to wipe out in a year once you remove time at Easter/Christmas/ summer for family holiday time, kids being off sick or having appointments, exceptional closure days or bad weather days when they'll be off school and maybe throw in a wedding or similar. Plus on top of that some workplaces are more accommodating than others and some jobs are easier to book leave when you want by the nature of it than others.

Surely there is a level of choice in this as well as you have the choice to use a summer scheme/ holiday club/ nursery which would give you time to yourself but you're choosing to provide the childcare on those days instead?

This post doesn't make any sense....some people agree with you and some don't. You asked for opinions and you got them. You have then spent the rest of your replies incredulous that anybody disagrees with you. If you've already decided you are right then why ask for opinions?

I would say your responsibility as his much fewer holidays are probably best spent with you all together. Summer holidays, Xmas etc. That's the joy of being a parent with that amount of holidays outwith term time. I'd love to have these off to spend with my kids but my career is such it's the bog standard annual leave.

Also a teacher. If my dh take takes holiday days then they’re in the school holidays to spend time together as a family. If I need to plan something for myself then it’s either a weekend or family has dc if it has to be during the school holidays. He doesn’t book days off when I’m working to have the day to himself so why would I.

The OP has also said at times that her DH is reluctant to take the time off for her but also said that he will. It’s very confusing. My suspicion is that the DH is being a dick about it all, that’s the real problem. Not whether it’s ok to use leave for herself.

I work in a 5 weeks AL a year job and do all these things around work. So on Saturdays where I can (hair, eyes). Smear test we can book as a medical appointment. They aren't very regular. Car service I use the one nearest work, drop off just before 8am and get an uber to the office and retrace steps on the way home. I'd never waste an AL day on an eye test or car service.

OP. You need to be as robust with your DH as you are being with people posting on this platform with whom you disagree, and who in the main don’t have the luxury you have of school holidays automatically being covered. Remind him when he’s agreed to take leave. Any reasonable employer will allow a number of days to be carried over into the early part of the next leave year, so he shouldn’t be wasting his leave.

But surely your friends in the next town would visit you at home? I frequently took my kids with me to visit others.

You are both being unreasonable and it’s obviously nuanced. If you’ve asked him to take a day so that you can meet a friend who is only in town for a specified time, that is different from just fancying meeting a local friend for lunch or having a day to yourself. He shouldn’t have to book off a random Tuesday to cover the latter. It’s not a fun use of AL.
My husband is a HT and the default is he does holidays. I do work pt so different to your situation, but I do book all my leave in the school hols. If we’re not going away as a family and we’re both off work, we’ll each take some time to ourselves, meet friends etc. But I’d be annoyed if he asked me to take a random weekday off so he could go out for lunch, unless it really was the only day it could be done. I’d be much happier taking a Friday off eg.
I wouldn’t want to do things your way - Where you only have 1-2 weeks a year together as a family and then have separate weeks off (that benefits him more than you anyway). That’s not to say we spend every day together. But the time to ourselves fits into the AL we’ve agreed upon, not the other way round. But if you’re both happy with it, ensure you have equal (near enough) days to yourself. So if he gets 1 week a year to himself then he has to take 1 week’s AL to cover you and solo parent. I can see from your posts that you’d get push back from him on this though. So it’s clearly not working. Just sit down and agree how you’re going to split your leave. But I wouldn’t expect him to take random midweek days off to cover you, no.

Indeed I am, where on my days off I care for our two year old.

@Momager12345 honestly i am surprised at the number of people who see DHs holiday time as far too precious to be asked to do something as lowly as look after his own children, yes. I can quite see that if I was insisting he used all or the majority of it for this reason that would be unreasonable but the odd day here or there being seen as so massively unreasonable has surprised me.

@WasThatACorner this situation just doesn’t arise often at all. It’s sensible to keep a handful of days for this reason but not weeks on end.

@Hillarious erm, having a nice lunch out vs coming to someone’s house with kids interrupting every two minutes, I wouldn’t blame them for passing!

But it's not only down to DH to sort his annual leave based on the argument I think you are trying to make. You have said that he should take leave during holidays and not expect you to do it, freeing you up to have some childfree days. If this is what your argument is, then you both need to discuss when he takes his leave.

I haven’t actually said that @Moonnstarz

What I have said is that occasionally during school holidays I will need to do an essential task that’s difficult / impossible to do with young children, or something that isn’t enjoyable with them in tow. Lengthy discussions aren’t necessary; a quick ‘could you have DS Friday 17th April in the afternoon if I book a hair appointment?’

I do the majority of the school hols solo, DH takes all of his annual leave during the school holidays for us to all spend time together as a family. If I need a day or 2 off in the holidays I will ask my mum or MIL to help. DH never has time off solo, so if I need time, I get it covered by someone else. I suppose it depends if your DH has time off by himself? If he doesn’t then I can see his point!

But your very question at the start was i'm a teacher does this mean school holidays are always my responsibility. Or is it reasonable to ask DH to take some annual leave then so I can actually have a life of my own a bit?

If this is the actual question, then he would need to know when you want to have this time. You now seem to be changing it to so you can attend appointments rather than meeting with friends and having time childfree. A lot of your posts have been about him having 3 weeks to himself and how you should have annual leave.
A lengthy discussion isn't needed, but a conversation over when you want this time is.

I am confused what you wanted to achieve from this thread.

A lengthy discussion isn't needed, but a conversation over when you want this time is.

You mean like ‘would you be able to book the afternoon off to have DS on Friday 17th April?’ Yes?

I think in the summer holidays, not at all, in the week long Feb holidays 2 days is a big proportion of that. Surely the perk of being a teacher is that you have someone around in the school holidays, isnt that why people put up with the rubbish wages?

Im self employed for flexibility and we have a similar agreement where I do the lions share of childcare during the holidays cos I can. If he takes days off to support its so I can work not so I can swan off with friends. I wouldn't ask him to take time off work so I can go out with my friends child free, I arrange it for when we're free.

I do arrange days with friends and my kid during the holidays. This includes my childfree friends, they both love a day out with me and my girl.

Don't most parents take all their annual leave with their kids? I don't think this has anything to do with you being a teacher....

DH and i are both office workers. We get 6 weeks holiday each a year. The school holidays are 13 weeks.

Neither of us gets days of random annual leave where we just take a day off outside holidays to just see friends or whatever kid free. We need that annual leave for the kids. Pretty much everyone we know is in the same boat, the exception might be to attend a wedding or funeral where the kids aren't attending.

I am a teacher. I wouldn't ask my OH to take a day's leave during my holidays, especially not during a short holiday like this one. I organise things for when he is home or when family or friends are free to mind my kids, or we pay for childcare, or else bring them with me. I might not get much of a break during the holidays but I'm so happy to not have the rat race in the morning trying to get out the door that I feel so much more relaxed anyway. If he asked me to take a day's leave so that he could go meet friends, I wouldn't.

Sorry but no sympathy from me, come back when you work 52 weeks of the year minus four weeks annual leave and not have 12 weeks holidays. My kiddo is here every week I'm off I dont get time without hum unless I'm on annual leave and he is in holiday club which never happens. Jeez you have some neck complaining 🙄

But OP is with her kids every day of the holidays! It’s her DH who isn’t. He is the one getting the easy ride IMO

To clarify op:

I don't think your DH annual leave is any more "precious" than yours - I find it very odd that he has these surplus days built up not taken. Is he a bit of a workaholic/in one of these competitive industries where people routinely don't take holiday.

My point was more that for many working people with primary school aged kids, annual leave is only really ever taken to facilitate the other parent working, or to go on holiday as a family.

Most working parents of young kids fit hair appointments and DIY and seeing friends and what have you into evenings and weekends. Ive not taken a day of annual leave for this sort of thing since my eldest was born 9 years ago.

Perhaps because many people only get 25 days off? I miss my kids a lot, i love my days off with them. Perhaps if i was with them 13 weeks a year I'd feel differently!

Also a teacher. When my children were very small and parents was at its most intense, I would often feel pretty close to breaking point at the expectations on me at home and school. People constantly needed things for me, my commute in was literally the only time in my day there was no demands on me. Not saying it’s not the same for other people, but when it is surely you can see carving out a little bit of time to very occasionally for yourself is actually very important . So no OP you are not being unreasonable at all. We all need a little bit of time every now and then.