I’m a teacher; does this mean school holidays are solely my responsibility?

[teacakeandsandwiches]

Or is it reasonable to ask DH to take some annual leave then so I can actually have a life of my own a bit?

You can probably tell which way I’m leaning. This holiday I’ve arranged to see friends tomorrow and Thursday. DH quite put out he has to take time off but honestly is this really so unfair?

So is the problem that he won’t take leave so you can have some days off to yourself? Please clarify!

Glad it's sorted OP.
Take time again.
A few hours away regularly are often the linchpin in getting through the early years.
You absolutely need them.
You teach for a career, you need a break from children dvery so often.
Enjoy meeting your friend.

You deserve some you time! Its hard being a teacher being with kids 24/7 even though we LOVE our children me NEED some me time or we will go crazy! Sorry if this has already been said but are there any family members that can help out?

The problem is that the view from him is that his annual leave is his to do as he pleases and mine is for childcare.

The argument seems to be stemming from the view of some posters that neither of us should use annual leave / holiday to do as we please; we should be joined at the hips as a unit of four at this time and the fact we’re not is evidence we don’t actually like one another much!

Others might not be but I am. It doesn’t mean we don’t like one another, it’s more a reflection we don’t all have to be joined at the hip.
A more healthy relationship IMO❤

Well he’s an unreasonable pig then! You have a DH problem here.

I think YABU really yes.I know how hard Teachers work, have Cousins who teach.And friends as well.I know the holidays arent all giggles and shits! 12 weeks though is so much more than even a generous normal job

If that is genuinely his expressed view (rather than him obliviously benefitting from social norms) then it is worth a) a serious conversation and b) some push back. Personally, I'd book a few days away for Easter or the May half term. Go see one of those friends...

Do not be my friend! Her kids are teens and her social life is almost entirely dictated by her husband's business trips, and regular solo leisure trips, always assuming she has everything handled.

If you're going to repeatedly say that you don't really see much point of him being around family time in the holidays, but it doesn't bother you don't spend much time together, that he's annoying, and then complain about the painting he did, without saying anything nice about him, then yes, it's going to sound like you don't like him very much!

I mean you're literally saying no, you can't even remember whether you spent much time together before you had kids!

This isn't about being joined at the hip, and having some time to yourselves is useful, and having sometimes solo with the children is usually necessary, but I've never known a family where spending time as a four is something that isn't seen as nice. We aren't talking about spending all of your leaves together here, but him booking a day or two every holiday so you can go out to the zoo together or something is very very normal. Most couples who who don't do that? It's because they can't, rather them because it's seen as pointless.

If you're happy and he's happy then I don't see the problem, or really why you're making this thread.

@Babyboomtastic you are just looking through and desperately trying to find evidence that we don’t like one another, which is odd but you’re free to do it.

You and others can spend as much annual leave with your partners as you wish. I really don’t have a view. But it is unreasonable to dictate that holidays from work can only be spent with one other individual. It’s that I am pushing back against.

If you're happy and he's happy then I don't see the problem, or really why you're making this thread. I honestly can’t see how it’s possible to be this dogged about missing the point.

I am happy for DH to take some annual leave for him, as long as this is awarded to me. But you keep arguing we’re both wrong to want any time at all.

Focusing on what a bunch of strangers think is pointless. Your problem is that your DH won’t let you take annual leave to have time to yourself! Who cares what we think. If you and your DH are both happy to take time off for yourselves then that’s fantastic. Your problem is that he won’t do that. You are not BU but he is.

He will but I suppose that tendency; that ‘why when you’re here anyway’ is easy to sneak in.

@teacakeandsandwiches the comments on here are madness . He is a parent too . He should I parent half the time jeeze .

If he has free time you do too.
If you are doing all the child care why shouldn’t he use annual leave to give you a break . He is lucky to have his child cared for so he can work and not be juggling.

100%

It’s some sort of bizzare mix of misery loves company misogyny and a jealousy of teachers I can only assume?
Why else would anyone get worked up over a woman asking for 2 days to do as she pleases without taking her children along while her husband has 2-3 weeks for the same purpose.

Well if he will then you really don’t have a problem. Have fun on your child free days off 😀

If my husband was a teacher, I would expect him to do most of the childcare over the school holidays. However, if he asked me to cover specific days because he had plans, it wasn’t our busy time and I had the AL, I would cover them no problem. If I couldn’t do it, we would get family to do it.

I don’t think OP is unreasonable for asking for a couple of days a year to meet friends or to go to appointments. Husband benefits by getting days to himself during the rest of the year so it’s only fair OP gets the same.

I'm afraid I'd say it's your job. I do childcare over hols/ half term. Otherwise book them into camp or other holiday activities.

I wouldnt ask DH to do this as he uses his leave to spend with us as a family.

I'm a teacher too.

I think your DH ought to plan out his annual leave better.
Who wants to 'have' to take a week in dreary November to use it up?

Perhaps he can have 4 weeks (20 days off) during school holidays. Some of which you can spend together - either going on holiday or him having 'sole' charge of the children.
The other 5 days can be used during term time for other things/emergencies.
I am assuming he also gets standard Bank Holidays off in addition to the 5 weeks.
As a teacher though it would be expected that the bulk of thd holidays are covered by you (but I would expect any dad to want to spend the bulk of his annual leave with his children too!)

I don’t know, I think he should have some one on one time with them throughout the year.

I’d probably just arrange to meet friends once he got home from work rather than during the day? Seems a bit of a waste of a day off, unless he really wants to spend a day with them and do something fun as a treat during their hols?

I think after family holidays and INSETS etc are sorted the only one who needs to sort DHs annual leave is DH, it’s his call and if he wants to paint the house for a week in November, he can. Only please. Not that horrible colour …

This period of time doesn’t last too long in the grand scheme of things luckily. Once they can be left for a few hours it’s a game changer!