I’m a teacher; does this mean school holidays are solely my responsibility?

[teacakeandsandwiches]

Or is it reasonable to ask DH to take some annual leave then so I can actually have a life of my own a bit?

You can probably tell which way I’m leaning. This holiday I’ve arranged to see friends tomorrow and Thursday. DH quite put out he has to take time off but honestly is this really so unfair?

I think it’s the fact that he doesn’t use up his leave that just blows my mind. I’d expect him to use it all during the holidays so you can all go away or at least spend time together. I have never once taken annual leave for an eye test, haircut, dentist appointment, smear test, car service or shopping trip. Why on earth would you waste annual leave on such things, they just get fitted in around other stuff.

The concept of using annual leave so that my part time term time only partner could get their hair done or go out to lunch would absolutely not be something I’d be willing to do, I’d expect you to do it on the weekend or arrange a childcare play date swap with a friend / school mum. Yes, you should both have equal personal time but I’m really struggling to understand why you can’t arrange your own time to give you that. But if he doesn’t actually value his leave and its use it for you or waste it I guess he may as well use it for that, it just seems like a symptom of something far more fundamental wrong in his relationships with his family.

I think you misunderstood. It would be a waste of his AL to cover a day I was already off. He used most of it on family holidays, compulsory time off at Christmas and a couple of days house maintenance.

I always felt it was part of the deal. But then, I started teaching in a school with a lot of teachers, male and female, who also felt it was part of the deal.

Yes, it must surely be a ‘problem’ unique to people who have either a SAHP or a parent who works TTO at home! In fact I remember one year when I was a SAHP my DH had annual leave left to take/carry over at the end of the year and I was pissed off because he could have used it to spend time with us/take some of the childcare pressure off me. It never happened again, we now allocate it all at the beginning of the year!

Well for starters, it’s harder to get time off in the school hols because everyone wants it and random days can be a pain from a planning perspective. Also, most people need to give notice of annual leave. For example I can’t tell my boss on a Monday morning I need Wednesday off unless it’s an emergency. I need to give notice and have it approved.

I usually have a rough idea of how my work week is going to pan out. Stuff I don’t get done on Wednesday adds additional pressure to the remainder of my week. I might have meetings to rearrange etc. There might be others off in my team, especially during the school hols.

i would probably do it with loads of notice, although I’d feel a bit irked because it’s a waste of a day of AL that I’d rather use for a long weekend.

Why do you think the OP’s DH is entitled to 10+ days off to himself and the OP isn’t entitled to any?

Yeah. I agree with all of this. He absolutely should be taking blocks of time in the school holidays and I’d be questioning his reasons for not doing this.

I’m a teacher and you’ve made me realise I should ask DH for some days to myself in the holidays. He has enough annual leave to do so and they’re his kids too!

As a teacher I completely disagree. My husband can decide to take a week off during term time and do whatever he wants, I can’t. Of course he should take a day or two so I can see friends during the school holidays after all why the fuck should I ask family to friends to have my daughter when her dad can? Just because you don’t trust your DH to have your kids on his own doesn’t mean others don’t. Maybe have some fucking standards love and actually trust the bloke you decided to have kids with.

I think people are missing the point.

OP, I assume because you don't get to take AL whenever you want due to being a term time only worker, you'd like to have a few days off from parenting to just do you, as your OH does with some of his AL.

Seems fair to me.

No. But I've spent most of my adult life working in jobs that are no better paid than teaching, with very little time off and working most evenings and weekends.

I have many teacher friends. I'm the one turning down invitations from them to do stuff in the evenings because I'm working. I don't begrudge teachers their holidays, but I will roll my eyes at the attitude some have that the only hard job is teaching, and no one else understands.

It's not race to the bottom and many of us deserve a better work-life balance. That's why I suggested that the they ensure they have equal child free time off. It doesn't negate though that the OP is in a privileged position that many aren't, where that's even possible.

This is where I confused. You had them 2 weeks and he had 1 week off. What was he doing??

I don’t see it this way. My husband and I both have 5 weeks of annual leave. We use it to cover the school holidays between us. We don’t take much time off together at all, maybe a week in the summer and a week at Christmas. No one here is using annual leave “for ourselves”. It’s all accounted for. This is the approach the OPs husband should be taking. His leave should be for school holidays for family time and to help OP out/give her some time off.

I don't think he's entitled to them any more than I think she is.

But that wasn't the initial question. In response to that, I do believe school holidays generally fall on the teacher parent. But we always have at least 3 weeks family holiday and DH has to take 3 compulsory days at Christmas and used to cover a couple of CPD days so it only leaves one available week. If you save a couple of days for emergencies and have a couple of family days out, it's gone.

I don't understand how the OP' DH has so much AL left. That's the real issue.

Teacher here I would expect to do most of the holidays. I can’t do INSET days so DH does them all. He does though do drop off and pick ups for parents evenings and when I have a hobby once a fortnight. He also has to help me find time at the weekend to work. If one is ill he will pick them up and does his share of looking after them if they are unwell.

we try and use his leave for time off in the holidays but he has had some for his own time. If I have a rare lieu day he’ll book it off so we can have a day together without the kids.

He works FT and I have a day off with youngest. I use this to do a lot of life admin where possible e.g cars service, ordering stuff.

He will have to step up when holidays don’t align which aren’t always a given BTW.

A swap day, so it’s reciprocal benefiting you, friend and DH.

Because they don’t have 3 weeks family holiday, no compulsory days at Christmas and they didn’t have any illness/emergencies.

OP, yanbu, particularly if he had two weeks to himself off several months ago.
How selfish of him to begrudge you a few hours with friends.
Just because you are a teacher doesn't mean you are default for all holidays.
Well it doesn't unless you are married toba selfish arsehole.
Meet your friends, insist upon it.
Shame on him.

I can’t see where this poster said they didn’t trust their DH to have the children. They merely suggested using a holiday camp, a swap day with a school friend or family member to help rather than ask DH to use AL for childcare which is usually reserved for most DHs to take for a family time or when DM can’t do the childcare due to work commitments.

I’m surprised you’re a teacher, you write so nastily and not as we’re to believe that teachers are kind and caring.

Don’t you want him to save his annual leave for time together - all of you?

Yes if their Father is working and only has 5 weeks AL .

What if the only reason the friend is even available is because they’ve used one of their own limited annual leave days to look after their own kids?

Presumably he takes all his annual leave when his kids are off school so you are both responsible when he's off and if you or he want to do something solo or with friends you do it then. I can't think anybody with kids would take annual leave when their kids are at school.

If the OP wasn’t a teacher then her DH wouldn’t be able to take a random day of annual leave just because he fancied a day off. He’d be using it all to try and cover the school holidays like most people have to. He really needs to learn to appreciate how good he has it and not moan about being asked to use a couple of days of leave so OP can have a break too!

It seems crazy to me that people think it’s ok that the DH can take a day off while the
OP is at work and the DC is at school to spend how they wish, but the OP must work or look after the DC (or both) every single day.

Presumably he doesn’t, which you’d know if you’d read the OP’s posts.

I'm on your side here. You need a break too and it's not fair that DH gets to have two weeks to himself and you can't have a couple of days.
Regarding the October break, I think it's dreadful what he pulled tbh. He should have taken the same week as you and even if you didn't actually go on holiday, you could've done some things as a family together.