I’m a teacher; does this mean school holidays are solely my responsibility?

[teacakeandsandwiches]

Or is it reasonable to ask DH to take some annual leave then so I can actually have a life of my own a bit?

You can probably tell which way I’m leaning. This holiday I’ve arranged to see friends tomorrow and Thursday. DH quite put out he has to take time off but honestly is this really so unfair?

I’ve read through most of OPs posts and skimmed the rest. I feel a bit confused but I agree that husband should cover some of the holidays. But then it seemed OP was defending his time off in term time and wasn’t sure of what he did in October. That’s where I got muddled.

some people will get jealous I think OP that you have lots of time “off” because you’re part time and get all the hols. BUT I wouldn’t want that myself - I love my kids dearly - but no way could I work with kids AND be the sole cover for my own. I’d go bananas. Looking after kids is a job too!!! I’m surprised at this thread as often Sahm are supported that it’s a job. Essentially OP is a sahm in the holidays as well as then returning to work with no break.

im also in this position but don’t work with kids. All my AL is either family holiday or holiday cover. Sometimes get 1-2 AL days per year to myself.

however, OP doesn’t have to do this as she has a husband with leave too. As a family they have more leave than most and therefore I think it should be split between family, husband solo time and wife solo time and then keep some emergency days from husbands.

i’m surprised that he doesn’t want to have them himself to go on some nice trips or even just to the park? Perhaps he’s not confident on his own?

so apologies @teacakeandsandwichesif I have got anything wrong. I am in support of what you’re saying as it seem mad that he’s taken random built up days for the sake of it whilst you essentially have zero from your two jobs (teaching and holiday mum!)

eta: I realise some single parent families have even less options and I salute you!

Well I don’t share that view at all. I think he should be trying to take his holiday at the same time where he can. I know that wouldn’t always be possible as many working parents are trying to get the same time off. But I think a fair solution would be to allow him a few days for himself & a few days to be available to look after the kids when they’re sick from school and the rest should be spent together where you have a mixed week of doing things together and separately. However, if he’s unwilling to do this then at least you know your time will come. When these kids are older you won’t just have to meet your friends for lunch you could be lunching with them somewhere hot and lovely whilst he’s slogging away at work. By god would I be playing that karma card to its full advantage.

Because a Saturday is not a working day for either of you - it is very different from using up precious, limited leave! You are in a career that is part time (over the course of the year, with your unpaid leave). He is full time and therefore has much less leave.

But his ‘precious, limited leave’ just accumulates otherwise, doesn’t it? It might be limited but it does still need using up. Otherwise, we’ll just end up with a situation like we had last year, with over two weeks still to use in November.

So if the distinction is that DH would be off on Saturdays anyway ergo Saturdays are not precious, but his annual leave is actually extremely precious, then we are saying mine isn’t. Which is not very fair.

I'm married to a teacher. I take most of my time off in the school holidays. I choose the days and sometimes take one or both kids out and sometimes we send them to holiday club a bit whether I'm at work or not. DH does planning/marking, home improvements or plays video games.

These responses are ridiculous. Your husband has had two weeks off in the last few months with no childcare to do, yet you’re expected to spend every day of your annual leave looking after children? Make it make sense! Of course you’re not unreasonable to ask him to cover some of the school holidays, as long as you both get some “annual leave” to yourself over the year.

I still don’t understand how it got to the point that he didn’t spend a single day when they were off over the October holidays, or apparently the entire of Christmas even though he had 2 weeks of annual leave going spare!

So either your DH is literally just a total arsehole in all forms or you’re just being dramatic.

Yes you did with me, the ‘nerve’ being ‘it’s really irritating when people weigh in without reading the OP’s posts, giving opinions that are largely irrelevant to the actual situation being discussed’.

She said he took annual leave over Christmas.

But also said several times she had the children herself the entire Christmas holidays.

well, for the grand majority of people, it would seem bonkers to ask their partner to book annual leave on a tuesday so that they can have lunch with a friend, or to go to the hairdressers. these are things that can be done in the evenings/weekend. and if not, get a babysitter - thats what everybody else does. equally, your husband should do the same.

I’m genuinely surprised with this thread. I used to be a teacher (aht) and I attribute never asking my husband to use a/l in the holidays so I could be ‘me’ as one of the reasons I essentially burned out and left teaching when my children were 2.5 and 4. It was a relentless time - they are fab but at that age they were non-stop and needed constant supervision. We took most of his time off together but that just meant we were both frazzled I think!

I am astounded I never thought to ask at the time (and for him to have a few days to himself too) but on autopilot I guess.

I should have taken a little bit of me time in the holidays and so should you :)

It’s more like you booking annual leave to have your hair done or sees friend, except the only way OP can do it is if her DH covers it.
If he can take weeks to mooch shout at home by himself why can’t she have 2 days?

Some of you would be horrified to know my DH “gives” me a couple of his annual leave days as I’m a sahm and it’s the only way for me to have an annual leave days! How awful for him having to mind his own children on his days off. Poor dote.

I didn’t like to admit that back when I was a SAHM my DH used to take annual leave so I could have time to myself. He genuinely enjoyed having the kids on his own for a few days though.

Just reflecting on this. Now I am no longer a teacher, I think I’ve spent around 10% of my annual leave on ‘me’ this last year and the rest on kids/family.

If you need him to take a/l to give you a few days break in a year, the only issue is that he’d have to take that from his handsome ‘me time’ annual leave budget…. Which seems more than fair to me if you’re working as a team.

If you only work part time I think it’s unfair to expect dp to take time off work for you to go out to lunch! Pay for a nursery day or take the child with you. Surly a perk of being a teacher is so your at home with the dc in the holidays? Lessen the weekend activities so you have more free time to lunch.

We both would have had the odd day to ourselves when we both worked, maybe I had a recharge day, got my hair done, napped etc, DH might have done some Christmas shopping etc. We had less available for that because we were juggling both our schedules.
When I stopped working DH would only have more time to himself as I would be off for all the holidays so why would it make any sense for him to have even more and me not a single day off?

Some people on this thread are such martyrs!

When does he spend time with his kids? That’s the benefit this week, they can have some fun together x

It’s unfair for a father to take one day off work in a year to look after his children so his wife can do something, but not unfair for him to take two entire weeks off while they’re in school or childcare to spend it just scratching his arse?

I had them for the whole two weeks. DH had annual leave for one of those weeks.

To be fair I do think this year was a bit exceptional insofar as accumulating annual leave was concerned but that’s kind of the point. Unless we’re unlucky enough for a child to be struck down with the lurgy only on my working days, he doesn’t need to take time off for any childcare at all. So while family holidays and time are nice it’s totally fine for him to take time to scratch his arse if that is indeed what he wants to do (and in fact would be preferable to paining the dining room a horrible shade of green which is what he did in November!) But it has to work both ways.

guess if they are sick, or any emergencies ,in term time he has to use holidays , as you can’t take time off

For me, it’s the random weekdays.

He should be taking some decent time off in school hols so that you can be off together as a family, and within those blocks of time, you should have time to yourself.

But I wouldn’t be impressed if my husband was like “can you take this random Wednesday off so I can go and have lunch win my pal?”

Right but they are so rarely sick, and even more rarely on my working days, that that’s unlikely to amount to much if any time at all. If they were prone to bugs etc that would be different.

But I wouldn’t be impressed if my husband was like “can you take this random Wednesday off so I can go and have lunch win my pal?” And I’m lost as to why - why ‘take the whole week off so we can all be together’ is acceptable but ‘take this day off so I can do something for me’ is not but it did seem to be something we’re just not going to see eye to eye on. Friendships are Saturdays only it would seem; any other day, absolutely not!

I think this thread has overcomplicated something quite simple: the DH is mega disorganised if he is getting to November each year with two weeks of leave to use (and forgets it's half term). I'm quite envious of him, in fact. It would be great to be able to choose when to have time off and an incredible luxury not to have to care if it's school holidays or not! Like hell would I have two weeks left as the end of the year approaches!

Although only if he actually can take the time without colleagues or management placing difficulties I suppose. I do remember when I used to do a 9-5 that the holiday entitlement was hard to take as no-one could or would cover my work.